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THE WORKS OF THOMAS MIDDLETON.
VOL. V.
CONTAINING
NO WIT HELP LIKE A WOMAN’S.
THE INNER-TEMPLE MASQUE.
THE WORLD TOST AT TENNIS.
PART OF THE ENTERTAINMENT TO KING JAMES.
THE TRIUMPHS OF TRUTH.
CIVITATIS AMOR.
THE TRIUMPHS OF LOVE AND ANTIQUITY.
THE SUN IN ARIES.
THE TRIUMPHS OF INTEGRITY.
THE TRIUMPHS OF HEALTH AND PROSPERITY.
THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON PARAPHRASED.
MICRO-CYNICON.
ON THE DEATH OF BURBAGE.
TO WEBSTER, ON THE DUCHESS OF MALFI.
THE BLACK BOOK.
FATHER HUBBURD’S TALES.
APPENDIX. THE TRIUMPHS OF HONOUR AND INDUSTRY.
INDEX TO THE NOTES.
LONDON:
PRINTED BY ROBSON, LEVEY, AND FRANKLYN,
46 St. Martin’s Lane.
THE WORKS
OF
THOMAS MIDDLETON,
Now first collected,
WITH
SOME ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR,
AND
NOTES,
BY
THE REVEREND ALEXANDER DYCE.
IN FIVE VOLUMES.
VOL. V.
LONDON:
EDWARD LUMLEY, CHANCERY LANE.
1840.
1
NO WIT HELP LIKE A WOMAN’S.
3
NO WIT HELP LIKE
A Woman’s. A Comedy, By Tho. Middleton, Gent. London:
Printed for Humphrey Moseley, at the Prince’s Arms in St. Pauls
Churchyard. 1657. 8vo.—is generally found appended to the
Two New Playes, &c. of the same date: see vol. iii. p. 553,
and vol. iv. p. 513.
Among Shirley’s Poems (Works, vol. vi. p. 492) is A Prologue
to a play there [at Dublin], called, No Wit to A Woman’s—most
probably to the present play.
Luck, I beseech thee! [Reads] Good days,—evil
days,—June,—July;—speak a good word for me
now, and I have her: let me see, The fifth day,
’twixt hawk and buzzard; The sixth day, backward
and forward,—that was beastly to me, I remember;
The seventh day, on a slippery pin; The eighth day,
fire and tow; The ninth day, the market is marred,—that’s
’long of the hucksters, I warrant you; but
now the tenth day—luck, I beseech thee now, before
I look into’t!—The tenth[20] day, against the hair,—a
pox on’t, would that hair had been left out!
against the hair? that hair will go nigh to choke
me; had it been against any thing but that, ’twould
not have troubled me, because it lies cross i’ the
way. Well, I’ll try the fortune of a good face yet,
though my almanac leave me i’ the sands. [Aside.
Sir O. Twi. Such a match too, I could not wish a better! [Aside.
Wea. Mass, here he walks. [Aside.]—Save you,
sweet sir Oliver—sir Oliver Twilight.
19Sir O. Twi. O, pray come to me a quarter of a year hence;
I have a little business now.
Wea. How, a quarter of a year hence? what,
shall I come to you in September?
Sir O. Twi. Nor in November neither, good my friend.
Wea. You’re not a mad knight! you will not let
your daughter hang past August, will you? she’ll
drop down under tree then: she’s no winter-fruit,
I assure you, if you think to put her in crust after
Christmas.
Sir O. Twi. Sir, in a word, depart; my girl’s not for you;
I gave you a drowsy promise in a dream,
But broad awake now, I call’t in again:
Have me commended to your wit,—farewell, sir. [Exit.
Wea. Now the devil run away with you, and
some lousy fiddler with your daughter! may Clerkenwell
have the first cut of her, and Houndsditch
pick the bones! I’ll never leave the love of an
open-hearted widow for a narrow-eyed maid again;
go out of the roadway, like an ass, to leap over
hedge and ditch; I’ll fall into the beaten path again,
and invite the widow home to a banquet: let who
list seek out new ways, I’ll be at my journey’s end
before him:
Jane. Sure, coz, I think you have untied the knot;
My thoughts lie at more ease: as in all other things,
In this I thank your help; and may you live
To conquer your own troubles and cross ends,
As you are ready to supply your friends!
Mis. Low. I thank you for the kind truth of your heart,
In which I flourish when all means depart.—
Sure in that oath of hers there sleeps some wrong
Done to my kinswoman. [Aside.
Enter Footman.
Jane. Who’d you speak withal?
Foot. The gentlewoman of this house, forsooth.
Jane. Whose footman are you?
Foot. One sir Gilbert Lambstone’s.
Jane. Sir Gilbert Lambstone’s? there my cousin walks.
Foot. Thank your good worship. [ExitJane.
Mis. Low. How now? whence are you?
23Foot. This letter will make known.
[Giving letter toMis. Low-water.
Mis. Low. Whence comes it, sir?
Foot. From the knight my master, sir Gilbert
Lambstone.
Mis. Low. Return’t; I’ll receive none on’t.
[Throwing down letter.
Foot. There it must lie then; I were as good
run to Tyburn a-foot, and hang myself at mine own
charges, as carry it back again. [Exit.
Mis. Low. ’Life, had he not his answer? what strange impudence
Governs in man when lust is lord of him!
Thinks he me mad? ’cause I’ve no monies on earth,
That I’ll go forfeit my estate in heaven,
And live eternal beggar? he shall pardon me,
That’s my soul’s jointure—I’ll starve ere I sell that.
O, is he gone, and left the letter here?
Yet I will read it, more to hate the writer. [Reads.
Mistress Low-water,—If you desire to understand
your own comfort, hear me out ere you refuse me.
I’m in the way now to double the yearly means that
first I offered you; and to stir you more to me, I’ll
empty your enemy’s bags to maintain you; for the
rich widow, the lady Goldenfleece, to whom I have been
a longer suitor than you an adversary,[27] hath given
me so much encouragement lately, insomuch that I am
perfectly assured the next meeting strikes the bargain.
The happiness that follows this ’twere idle to inform
you of; only consent to my desires, and the widow’s notch
shall lie open to you. This much to your heart;
I know you’re wise. Farewell. Thy friend to his
and another’s, Gilbert Lambstone.
Sav. He says his father is troubled with an imperfection
at one time of the moon, and talks like a
madman.
Sir O. Twi. What, does the boy say so?
Sav. I knew there was somewhat in’t:
Your wife alive! will you believe all tales, sir?
Sir O. Twi. Nay, more, sir; he told me he saw this wench,
Which you brought home, at Antwerp in an inn;
Tell[s] me, I’m plainly cozen’d of all hands,
’Tis not my daughter neither.
Sav. All’s broke out!— [Aside.
How! not your daughter, sir? I must to’t again.—Quisquinikin
sadlamare, alla pisse kickin sows clows,
hoff tofte le cumber shaw, bouns bus boxsceeno.
D. Boy.Ick an sawth no int hein clappon de heeke,
I dinke ute zein zennon.
Sav. O, zein zennon! Ah ha! I thought how
’twould prove i’ th’ end:—the boy says they never
came near Antwerp, a quite contrary way, round
about by Parma.
Sir O. Twi. What’s the same zein zennon?
Sav. That is, he saw no such wench in an inn:
’tis well I came in such happy time, to get it out of
the boy before his father returned again: pray, be
wary, sir, the world’s subtle; come and pretend a
charitable business in policy, and work out a piece
of money on you.
Sir O. Twi. Mass, art advised of that?
Sav. The age is cunning, sir; beside, a Dutchman
will live upon any ground, and work butter
out of a thistle.
Sir O. Twi. Troth, thou say’st true in that; they’re the best thrivers
Sir O. Twi. Ask him from whence they came when they came hither.
Sav. That I will, sir.—Culluaron lagooso, lageen,
lagan, rufft, punkatee?
D. Boy.Nimd aweigh de cack.
Sav. What, what? I cannot blame him then.
Sir O. Twi. What says he to thee?
Sav. The poor boy blushes for him: he tells me
his father came from making merry with certain of
his countrymen, and he’s a little steeped in English
beer; there’s no heed to be taken of his tongue now.
Sir O. Twi. Hoyday! how com’st thou by all this? I heard him
Speak but three words to thee.
Sav. O sir, the Dutch is a very wide language;
you shall have ten English words even for one; as,
for example, gullder-goose—there’s a word for you,
master!
Sir O. Twi. Why, what’s that same gullder-goose?
Sav. How do you and all your generation?
Sir O. Twi. Why, ’tis impossible! how prove you that, sir?
Sav. ’Tis thus distinguished, sir: gull, how do
you; der, and; goose, your generation.
Sir O. Twi. ’Tis a most saucy language; how cam’st thou by’t?
Sav. I was brought up to London in an eel-ship,
There was the place I caught it first by the tail.—
I shall be tript anon; pox, would I were gone!— [Aside.
D. Mer. I make bold once again, sir, for a boy here.
Sir O. Twi. O sir, you’re welcome! pray, resolve[53] me one thing, sir;
37Did you within this month, with your own eyes,
See my wife living?
D. Mer. I ne’er borrow’d any:
Why should you move that question, sir? dissembling
Is no part of my living.
Sir O. Twi. I have reason
To urge it so far, sir—pray, be not angry though—
Because my man, was here since your departure,
Withstands all stiffly; and to make it clearer,
Question’d your boy in Dutch, who, as he told me,
Return’d this answer first to him,—that you
Had imperfection at one time o’ the moon,
Which made you talk so strangely.
D. Mer. How! how’s this?—Zeicke yongon, ick
ben ick quelt medien dullek heght, ee untoit van the
mon, an koot uram’d.
D. Boy.Wee ek heigh lieght in ze bokkas, dee’t site.
D. Mer. Why, la, you, sir, here’s no such thing! he says
He lies in’s throat that says it.
Sir O. Twi. Then the rogue lies in’s throat, for he told me so;
And that the boy should answer at next question,
That you ne’er saw this wench, nor came near Antwerp.
D. Mer. Ten thousand devils!—Zeicke hee ewe
ek kneeght, yongon, dat wee neeky by Antwarpon ne
don cammen no seene de doughter dor.
D. Boy.Ick hub ham hean sulka dongon he zaut,
hei es an skallom an rubbout.
D. Mer. He says he told him no such matter;
he’s a knave and a rascal.
Sir O. Twi. Why, how am I abus’d! Pray, tell me one thing,
What’s gullder-goose in Dutch?
38D. Mer. How! gullder-goose? there’s no
Such thing in Dutch; it may be an ass in English.
Sir O. Twi. Hoyday! then am I that ass in plain English;
I’m grossly cozen’d, most inconsiderately!
Pray, let my house receive you for one night,
That I may quit[54] these rascals, I beseech you, sir.
D. Mer. If that may stead you, sir, I’ll not refuse you.
Sir O. Twi. A thousand thanks, and welcome.—
On whom can fortune more spit out her foam,
Work’d on abroad, and play’d upon at home!
[Exeunt.
ACT II. SCENE I.
A large room inWeatherwise’shouse.
EnterWeatherwisewhile Servants are setting out a table, andPickadilllooking on.
Wea. So, set the table ready; the widow’s i’ the
next room, looking upon my clock with the days
and the months and the change of the moon; I’ll
fetch her in presently.
[Exit.
Pick. She’s not so mad to be fetched in with the
moon, I warrant you: a man must go roundlier to
work with a widow, than to woo her with the hand
of a dial, or stir up her blood with the striking part
of a clock; I should ne’er stand to shew her such
things in chamber.
[Exeunt Servants.
Re-enterWeatherwisehanding inLady Goldenfleece, Sir Gilbert Lambstone, Pepperton, andOverdone.
Wea. Welcome, sweet widow, to a bachelor’s
39house here! a single man I, but for two or three
maids that I keep.
L. Gold. Why, are you double with them,
then?
Wea. An exceeding good mourning-wit! women
are wiser than ever they were, since they wore
doublets. You must think, sweet widow, if a man
keep maids, they’re under his subjection.
L. Gold. That’s most true, sir.
Wea. They have no reason to have a lock but
the master must have a key to’t.
L. Gold. To him, sir Gilbert! he fights with me
at a wrong weapon now.
Wea. Nay, and[55] sir Gilbert strike, my weapon falls,
I fear no thrust but his: here are more shooters,
But they have shot two arrows without heads,
They cannot stick i’ the butt yet: hold out, knight,
And I’ll cleave the black pin in the midst o’ the white.
[Aside, and exit.
L. Gold. Nay, and he led me into a closet, sir,
where he shewed me diet-drinks for several months;
as scurvy-grass for April, clarified whey for June,
and the like.
Sir G. Lamb. O, madam, he is a most necessary
property,[56] an’t be but to save our credit; ten pound
in a banquet.
L. Gold. Go, you’re a wag, sir Gilbert.
Sir G. Lamb. How many there be in the world
of his fortunes, that prick their own calves with
briars, to make an easy passage for others; or,
like a toiling usurer, sets his son a-horseback in
40cloth-of-gold breeches, while he himself goes to the
devil a-foot in a pair of old strossers![57]
But shall I give a more familiar sign?
His are the sweetmeats, but the kisses mine.
[Kisses her.
Over. Excellent!—A pox a’ your fortune! [Aside.
Pep. Saucy courting has brought all modest
wooing clean out of fashion: you shall have few
maids now-a-days got without rough handling, all
the town’s so used to’t; and most commonly, too,
they’re joined before they’re married, because they’ll
be sure to be fast enough.
Over. Sir, since he strives t’ oppose himself against us,
Let’s so combine our friendships in our straits,
By all means graceful, to assist each other;
For, I protest, it shall as much glad me
To see your happiness, and his disgrace,
As if the wealth were mine, the love, the place.
Pep. And with the like faith I reward your friendship;
I’ll break the bawdy ranks of his discourse,
And scatter his libidinous whispers straight.—
Madam——
L. Gold. How cheer you, gentlemen?
Sir G. Lamb. Pox on ’em,
They wak’d me out of a fine sleep! three minutes
Had fasten’d all the treasure in mine arms. [Aside.
Pep. You took no note of this conceit, it seems, madam?
L. Gold. Twelve trenchers,[58] upon every one a month!
January, February, March, April——
41Pep. Ay, and their posies under ’em.
L. Gold. Pray, what says May? she’s the spring
lady.
Pep. ’Twere much better indeed, and wholesomer
for his liver.
Sir G. Lamb. September’s a good one here,
madam.
L. Gold. O, have you chose your month? let’s hear’t, sir Gilbert.
Sir G. Lamb. [reads]
Now may’st thou physics safely take,
And bleed, and bathe for thy health’s sake;
Eat figs, and grapes, and spicery,
For to refresh thy members dry.
L. Gold. Thus it is still, when a man’s simple
meaning lights among wantons: how many honest
words have suffered corruption since Chaucer’s
days! a virgin would speak those words then that
a very midwife would blush to hear now, if she
have but so much blood left to make up an ounce
of grace. And who is this ’long on, but such wags
as you, that use your words like your wenches?
you cannot let ’em pass honestly by you, but you
must still have a flirt at ’em.
Pep. You have paid some of us home, madam.
42Re-enterWeatherwise.
Wea. If conceit[60] will strike this stroke, have at[61]
the widow’s plum-tree! I’ll put ’em down all for
a banquet. [Aside.]—Widow and gentlemen, my
friends and servants, I make you wait long here for
a bachelor’s pittance.
L. Gold. O, sir, you’re pleased to be modest.
Wea. No, by my troth, widow, you shall find it
otherwise.
[Music. The banquet[62] is brought in, six ofWeatherwise’stenants carrying the Twelve Signs, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces, made of banqueting-stuff.
L. Gold. What, the Twelve Signs!
Wea. These are the signs of my love, widow.
43L. Gold. Worse meat would have serv’d us, sir; by my faith,
I’m sorry you should be at such charges, sir,
To feast us a whole month together here.
Wea. Widow, thou’rt welcome a whole month, and ever!
L. Gold. And what be those, sir, that brought in the banquet?
Wea. Those are my tenants; they stand for fasting-days.
Sir G. Lamb. Or the six weeks in Lent.
Wea. You’re i’ the right, sir Gilbert.—
Sweet widow, take your place at Aries here,
That’s the head sign; a widow is the head
Till she be married. [Lady Gold. sits.
L. Gold. What is she then?
Wea. The middle.
L. Gold. ’Tis happy she’s no worse.
Wea. Taurus—sir Gilbert Lambstone, that’s for you;
They say you’re a good town-bull.
Sir G. Lamb. O, spare your friends, sir! [Sits.
Wea. And Gemini for master Pepperton,
He had two boys at once by his last wife.
Pep. I hear the widow find no fault with that, sir. [Sits.
Wea. Cancer, the crab, for master Overdone;
For when a thing’s past fifty, it grows crooked.
[Overdonesits.
L. Gold. Now for yourself, sir.
Wea. Take no care for me, widow;[63] I can be
44any where: here’s Leo, heart and back; Virgo, guts
and belly; I can go lower yet, and yet fare better,
since Sagittarius fits me the thighs; I care not if
I be about the thighs, I shall find meat enough. [Sits.
L. Gold. But, under pardon, sir,
Though you be lord o’ the feast and the conceit both,
Methinks it had been proper for the banquet
T’ have had the signs all fill’d, and no one idle.
Wea. I know it had; but who’s fault’s that,
widow? you should have got you more suitors to
have stopt the gaps.
L. Gold. Nay, sure, they should get us, and not we them:
There be your tenants, sir; we are not proud,
You may bid them sit down.
Wea. By the mass, it’s true too!—Then sit down,
tenants, once with your hats on; but spare the meat,
I charge you, as you hope for new leases: I must
make my signs draw out a month yet, with a bit
every morning to breakfast, and at full moon with a
whole one; that’s restorative: sit round, sit round,
and do not speak, sweet tenants; you may be bold
enough, so you eat but little. [Tenants sit.]—How
like you this now, widow?
L. Gold. It shews well, sir,
And like the good old hospitable fashion.
Pick. How! like a good old hospital? my mistress
makes an arrant gull on him. [Aside.
L. Gold. But yet, methinks, there wants clothes for the feet.
45Wea. That part’s uncovered yet: push,[64] no
matter for the feet.
L. Gold. Yes,[65] if the feet catch cold, the head will feel it.
Wea. Why, then, you may draw up your legs,
and lie rounder together.
Sir G. Lamb. Has answered you well, madam!
Wea. And[66] you draw up your legs too, widow,
my tenant will feel you there, for he’s one of the
calves.
L. Gold. Better and better, sir; your wit fattens
as he feeds.
Pick. Sh’as took the calf from his tenant, and
put it upon his ground now. [Aside.
Enter Servant.
Wea. How now, my lady’s man? what’s the news, sir?
Ser. Madam, there’s a young gentleman below
Has earnest business to your ladyship.
Wea. Another suitor, I hold my life, widow.
L. Gold. What is he, sir?
Ser. He seems a gentleman,
That’s the least of him, and yet more I know not.
L. Gold. Under the leave o’ the master of the house here,
And the most firmness, nothing can shake me. [Aside.
46Wea. If he be a gentleman, he’s welcome: there’s
a sign does nothing, and that’s fit for a gentleman.
The feet will be kept warm enough now for you,
widow; for if he be a right gentleman, he has his
stockings warmed, and he wears socks beside,
partly for warmth, partly for cleanliness; and if
he observe Fridays too, he comes excellent well,
Pisces will be a fine fish-dinner for him.
L. Gold. Why, then, you mean, sir, he shall sit as he comes?
Wea. Ay; and he were a lord, he shall not sit
above my tenants; I’ll not have two lords to them,
so I may go look my rent in another man’s breeches;
I was not brought up to be so unmannerly.
EnterMistress Low-water, disguised as a gallant gentleman, andLow-wateras a serving-man.
Mis. Low. I have picked out a bold time: much
good do you, gentlemen.
Wea. You’re welcome, as I may say, sir.
Mis. Low. Pardon my rudeness, madam.
L. Gold. No such fault, sir;
You’re too severe to yourself, our judgment quits you:
Please you to do as we do.
Mis. Low. Thanks, good madam.
L. Gold. Make room, gentlemen.
Wea. Sit still, tenants; I’ll call in all your old
leases, and rack you else.
Tenants. O, sweet landlord!
Mis. Low. Take my cloak, sirrah. [Giving cloak toLow-water.]—If any be disturb’d,
I’ll not sit, gentlemen: I see my place.
Wea. A proper woman turned gallant! If the
widow refuse me, I care not if I be a suitor to him;
47I have known those who have been as mad, and
given half their living for a male companion. [Aside.
Mis. Low. How? Pisces! is that mine? ’tis a
conceited banquet. [Sits.
Wea. If you love any fish, pray, fall to, sir; if
you had come sooner, you might have happened
among some of the flesh-signs, but now they’re all
taken up: Virgo had been a good dish for you,
had not one of my tenants been somewhat busy
with her.
Mis. Low. Pray, let him keep her, sir; give me meat fresh;
I’d rather have whole fish than broken flesh.
Sir G. Lamb. What say you to a bit of Taurus?
Mis. Low. No, I thank you, sir;
The bull’s too rank for me.
Sir G. Lamb. How, sir?
Mis. Low. Too rank, sir.
Sir G. Lamb. Fie, I shall strike you dumb, like all your fellows.
Mis. Low. What, with your heels or horns?
Sir G. Lamb. Perhaps with both.
Mis. Low. It must be at dead low water,
When I’m dead then.
Low. ’Tis a brave Kate, and nobly spoke of thee! [Aside.
Wea. This quarrel must be drowned.—Pickadill,
my lady’s fool.
Pick. Your, your own man, sir.
Wea. Prithee, step in to one of the maids.
Pick. That I will, sir, and thank you too.
Wea. Nay, hark you, sir, call for my sun-cup
presently, I’d forgot it.
Pick. How, your sun-cup?—Some cup, I warrant,
that he stole out o’ the Sun-tavern. [Aside, and exit.
48L. Gold. The more I look on him, the more I thirst for’t;
Methinks his beauty does so far transcend,
Turns the signs back, makes that the upper end.
[Aside.
Wea. How cheer you, widow?—Gentlemen, how cheer you?
Fair weather in all quarters!
The sun will peep anon, I’ve sent one for him;
In the mean time I’ll tell you a tale of these.
This Libra here, that keeps the scale so even,
Was i’ th’ old time an honest chandler’s widow,
And had one daughter which was callèd Virgo,
Which now my hungry tenant has deflower’d.
This Virgo, passing for a maid, was sued to
By Sagittarius there, a gallant shooter,
And Aries, his head rival; but her old
Crabb’d uncle, Cancer here, dwelling in Crooked Lane,
Still crost the marriage, minding to bestow her
Upon one Scorpio, a rich usurer;
The girl, loathing that match, fell into folly
With one Taurus, a gentleman, in Townbull[68] Street,
By whom she had two twins, those Gemini there,
Of which two brats she was brought a-bed in Leo,
At the Red Lion, about Tower Hill:
Being in this distress, one Capricorn,
An honest citizen, pitied her case, and married her
To Aquarius, an old water-bearer,
And Pisces was her living ever after;
At Standard[69] she sold fish, where he drew water.
All. It shall be yours, sir.
49L. Gold. Meat and mirth too! you’re lavish;
Your purse and tongue have[70] been at cost to-day, sir.
Sir G. Lamb. You may challenge all comers at
these twelve weapons, I warrant you.
Re-enterPickadillcarrying the sun-cup, without his doublet, and with a veil over his face.
Pick. Your sun-cup, call you it? ’tis a simple
voyage that I have made here; I have left my
doublet within, for fear I should sweat through my
jerkin; and thrown a cypress[71] over my face, for
fear of sun-burning.
Wea. How now? who’s this? why, sirrah!
Pick. Can you endure it, mistress?
L. Gold. Endure what, fool?
Wea. Fill the cup, coxcomb.
Pick. Nay, an’t be no hotter, I’ll go put on my
doublet again. [Exit.
Wea. What a whorson sot is this!—Prithee, fill
the cup, fellow, and give’t the widow.
Mis. Low. Sirrah, how stand you?
Bestow your service there upon her ladyship.
[Low-waterfills the cup and presents it toLady Goldenfleece.
By course he is the last must feel the heat. [Aside.
Here, gentlemen, to you all,
For you know the sun must go through the Twelve Signs.
[Drinks.
50Wea. Most wittily, widow; you jump with my conceit right,
There’s not a hair between us.
L. Gold. Give it sir Gilbert.
Sir G. Lamb. I am the next through whom the golden flame
Shines, when ’tis spent in thy celestial ram;
The poor feet there must wait and cool awhile.
[Drinks.
Mis. Low. We have our time, sir; joy and we shall meet;
I’ve known the proud neck lie between the feet.
Wea. So, round it goes.
[The others drink in order.
Re-enterPickadill.
Pick. I like this drinking world well.
Wea. So, fill’t him again.
Pep. Fill’t me! why, I drunk last, sir.
Wea. I know you did; but Gemini must drink twice,
Unless you mean that one of them shall be chok’d.
L. Gold. Fly from my heart all variable thoughts!
She that’s entic’d by every pleasing object,
Shall find small pleasure and as little rest:
This knave hath lov’d me long, he’s best and worthiest;
I cannot but in honour see him requited. [Aside.
Sir Gilbert Lambstone——
Mis. Low. How? pardon me, sweet lady,
That with a bold tongue I strike by your words;
Sir Gilbert Lambstone!
Sir G. Lamb. Yes, sir, that’s my name.
Mis. Low. There should be a rank villain of that name;
Came you out of that house?
51Sir G. Lamb. How, sir slave!
Mis. Low. Fall to your bull, leave roaring till anon.
Wea. Yet again! and[73] you love me, gentlemen,
let’s have no roaring here. If I had thought that,
I’d have sent my bull to the bear-garden.
Pep. Why, so you should have wanted one of your signs.
Wea. But I may chance want two now, and[73]
they fall together by the ears.
L. Gold. What’s the strange fire that works in these two creatures?
Cold signs both, yet more hot than all their fellows.
Wea. Ho, Sol in Pisces! the sun’s in New Fish
Street; here’s an end of this course.
Pick. Madam, I am bold to remember your worship
for a year’s wages and a livery cloak.
L. Gold. How, will you shame me? had you not
both last week, fool?
Pick. Ay, but there’s another year past since
that.
L. Gold. Would all your wit could make that
good, sir!
Pick. I am sure the sun has run through all the
Twelve Signs since, and that’s a year; these[74] gentlemen
can witness.
Wea. The fool will live, madam.
Pick. Ay, as long as your eyes are open, I warrant
him.
Mis. Low. Sirrah.
Low. Does your worship call?
Mis. Low. Commend my love and service to the widow,
Desire her ladyship to taste that morsel.
[Giving letter toLow-water, who carries it toLady Goldenfleece.
52Low. This is the bit I watch’d for all this while,
But it comes duly. [Aside.
Sir G. Lamb. And wherein has this name of mine offended,
That you’re so liberal of your infamous titles,
I but a stranger to thee? it must be known, sir,
Ere we two part.
Mis. Low. Marry, and reason good, sir.
L. Gold. O, strike me cold!—This should be
your hand, sir Gilbert?
Sir G. Lamb. Why, make you question of that,
madam? ’tis one of the letters I sent you.
L. Gold. Much good do you, gentlemen. [Rising.
Pep. Over. How now? what’s the matter?
[All rise.
Wea. Look to the widow, she paints white.—Some
aqua cœlestis for my lady! run, villain.
Pick.Aqua solister? can nobody help her case
but a lawyer, and so many suitors here?
L. Gold. O treachery unmatch’d, unheard of!
Sir G. Lamb. How do you, madam?
L. Gold. O impudence as foul! does my disease
Ask how I do? can it torment my heart,
And look with a fresh colour in my face?
Sir G. Lamb. What’s this, what’s this?
Wea. I am sorry for this qualm, widow.
L. Gold. He that would know a villain when he meets him,
Let him ne’er go to a conjuror; here’s a glass
Will shew him without money, and far truer.—
Preserver of my state, pray, tell me, sir,
That I may pay you all my thanks together,
What blest hap brought that letter to your hand,
From me so fast lock’d in mine enemy’s power.
Mis. Low. I will resolve[75] you, madam. I’ve a kinsman
53Somewhat infected with that wanton pity
Which men bestow on the distress of women,
Especially if they be fair and poor;
With such hot charity, which indeed is lust,
He sought t’ entice, as his repentance told me,
Her whom you call your enemy, the wife
To a poor gentleman, one Low-water——
L. Gold. Right, right, the same.
Low. Had it been right, ’t had now been. [Aside.
Mis. Low. And, according to the common rate of sinners,
Offer’d large maintenance, which with her seem’d nothing;
For if she would consent, she told him roundly,
There was a knight had bid more at one minute
Than all his wealth could compass; and withal,
Pluck’d out that letter, as it were in scorn,
Which by good fortune he put up in jest,
With promise that the writ should be returnable
The next hour of his meeting. But, sweet madam,
Out of my love and zeal, I did so practise
The part upon him of an urgent wooer,
That neither he nor that return’d more to her.
Sir G. Lamb. Plague a’ that kinsman! Aside.
Wea. Here’s a gallant rascal!
L. Gold. Sir, you’ve appear’d so noble in this action,
So full of worth and goodness, that my thanks
Will rather shame the bounty of my mind
Than do it honour.—O, thou treacherous villain!
Does thy faith bear such fruit?
Are these the blossoms of a hundred oaths
Shot from thy bosom? was thy love so spiteful,
It could not be content to mock my heart,
Which is in love a misery too much,
But must extend so far to the quick ruin
54Of what was painfully got, carefully left me;
And, ’mongst a world of yielding needy women,
Choose no one to make merry with my sorrows,
And spend my wealth on in adulterous surfeits,
But my most mortal enemy! O, despiteful!
Is this thy practice? follow it, ’twill advance thee;
Go, beguile on. Have I so happily found
What many a widow has with sorrow tasted,
Even when my lip touch’d the contracting cup,
Even then to see the spider? ’twas miraculous!
Crawl with thy poisons hence; and for thy sake
I’ll never covet titles and more riches,
To fall into a gulf of hate and laughter:
I’ll marry love hereafter, I’ve enough;
And wanting that, I’ve nothing. There’s thy way.
Over. Do you hear, sir? you must walk.
Pep. Heart, thrust him down stairs!
Wea. Out of my house, you treacherous, lecherous rascal!
Sir G. Lamb. All curses scatter you!
Wea. Life, do you thunder here! [ExitSir G.
Lambstone.] If you had stayed a little longer, I’d
have ript out some of my Bull out of your belly
again.
Pep. ’Twas a most noble discovery; we must
love you for ever for’t.
L. Gold. Sir, for your banquet and your mirth we thank you;—
You, gentlemen, for your kind company;—
But you, for all my merry days to come,
Or this had been the last else.
Mis. Low. Love and fortune
Had more care of your safety, peace, and state, madam.
Wea. Now will I thrust in for’t. [Aside.
Pep. I’m for myself now. [Aside.
55Over. What’s fifty years? ’tis man’s best time and season;
Now the knight’s gone, the widow will hear reason.
[Aside.
Low. Now, now, the suitors flatter, hold on, Kate;
The hen may pick the meat while the cocks prate.
[Exeunt.
SCENE II.
A street.
EnterSandfield, Philip Twilight, andSavourwit.
Phil. If thou talk’st longer, I shall turn to marble,
And death will stop my hearing.
Sand. Horrible fortune!
Sav. Nay, sir, our building is so far defac’d,
There is no stuff left to raise up a hope.
Phil. O, with more patience could my flesh endure
A score of wounds, and all their several searchings,
Than this that thou hast told me!
Sav. Would that Flemish ram
Had ne’er come near our house! there’s no going home
As long as he has a nest there, and his young one,
A little Flanders egg new fledg’d: they gape
For pork, and I shall be made meat for ’em.
Phil. ’Tis not the bare news of my mother’s life—
May she live long and happy!—that afflicts me
With half the violence that the latter draws;
Though in that news I have my share of grief,
As I had share of sin and a foul neglect;
It is my love’s betraying, that’s the sting
That strikes through flesh and spirit; and sense nor wit
From thee, in whom I ne’er saw ebb till now,
56Nor comforts from a faithful friend can ease me;
I’ll try the goodness of a third companion,
What he’ll do for me. [Drawing his sword.
Sand. Hold! why, friend——
Sav. Why, master, is this all your kindness, sir?
offer to steal into another country, and ne’er take
your leave on’s? troth, I take it unkindly at your
hands, sir; but I’ll put it up for once. [SheathingPhilip’ssword.] Faith, there was no conscience in
this, sir; leave me here to endure all weathers,
whilst you make your soul dance like a juggler’s
egg upon the point of a rapier! By my troth, sir,
you’re to blame in’t; you might have given us an
inkling of your journey; perhaps others would as
fain have gone as you.
Phil. Burns this clay-lamp of miserable life,
When joy, the oil that feeds it, is dried up?
EnterLady Twilight, Beveril, and Servants.
L. Twi. He has remov’d his house.
Bev. So it seems, madam.
L. Twi. I’ll ask that gentleman.—Pray, can you tell me, sir,
Which is sir Oliver Twilight’s?
Phil. Few can better, gentlewoman;
It is the next fair house your eye can fix on.
L. Twi. I thank you, sir.—Go on. [Exeunt Servants.]—He had a son
About some ten years since.
Phil. That son still lives.
L. Twi. I pray, how does he, sir?
Phil. Faith, much about my health,—that’s never worse.— [Aside.
If you have any business to him, gentlewoman,
I can cut short your journey to the house;
I’m all that ever was of the same kind.
57L. Twi. [embracing him] O, my sweet son! never fell fresher joy
Upon the heart of mother!—This is he, sir.
Bev. My seven-years’ travel has e’en worn him out
Of my remembrance.
Sav. O, this gear’s worse and worse! [Aside.
Phil. I am so wonder-struck at your blest presence,
That, through amaz’d joy, I neglect my duty.
[Kneels.
L. Twi. [raising him] Rise, and a thousand blessings spring up with thee!
A woman made as a man would wish to have her! [Aside.
Phil. O, I am plac’d higher in happiness
Than whence I fell before!
Sav. We’re brave fellows once again, and[89] we can keep our own:
Now hoffte toffte, our pipes play as loftily! [Aside.
Bev. My sister fled!
Sand. Both fled, that’s the news now: want must obey;
Oppressions came so thick, they could not stay.
Bev. Mean are my fortunes, yet, had I been nigh,
Distress nor wrong should have made virtue fly.
L. Twi. Spoke like a brother, worthy such a sister!
Bev. Grief’s like a new wound, heat beguiles the sense,
For I shall feel this smart more three days hence.
Come, madam, sorrow’s rude, and forgets manners.
[Exeunt all exceptSavourwit.
Sav. Our knavery is for all the world like a
shifting bankrupt; it breaks in one place, and sets
63up in another: he tries all trades, from a goldsmith
to a tobacco-seller; we try all shifts, from an outlaw
to a flatterer: he cozens the husband, and compounds
with the widow; we cozen my master, and
compound with my mistress: only here I turn o’
the right hand from him,—he is known to live like
a rascal, when I am thought to live like a gentleman. [Exit.
SCENE III.
A room inLady Goldenfleece’shouse.
EnterMistress Low-waterandLow-water, both disguised as before.
Mis. Low. I’ve sent in one to the widow.
Low. Well said, Kate!
Thou ply’st thy business close; the coast is clear yet.
Mis. Low. Let me but have warning,
I shall make pretty shift with them.
Low. That thou shalt, wench. [Exit.
Enter Servant.
Ser. My lady, sir, commends her kindly to you,
And for the third part of an hour, sir,
Desires your patience;
Two or three of her tenants out of Kent
Will hold her so long busied.
Mis. Low. Thank you, sir;
’Tis fit I should attend her time and leisure.
[Exit Servant.
Those were my tenants once; but what relief
Is there in what hath been, or what I was?
’Tis now that makes the man: a last-year’s feast
64Yields little comfort for the present humour;
He starves that feeds his hopes with what is past.—
Re-enterLow-water.
How now?
Low. They’re come, newly alighted.
Mis. Low. Peace, peace!
I’ll have a trick for ’em; look you second me well now.
Low. I warrant thee.
Mis. Low. I must seem very imperious, I can
tell you; therefore, if I should chance to use you
roughly, pray, forgive me beforehand.
Low. With all my heart, Kate.
Mis. Low. You must look for no obedience in
these[90] clothes; that lies in the pocket of my gown.
Low. Well, well, I will not then.
Mis. Low. I hear ’em coming, step back a little,
sir. [Low-waterretires.]—Where be those fellows?
EnterWeatherwise, Pepperton, andOverdone.
Who looks out there? is there ne’er a knave i’ th’
house to take those gentlemen’s horses? where wait
you to-day? how stand you, like a dreaming goose
in a corner? the gentlemen’s horses, forsooth!
Wea. A new lord! would I were upon my mare’s
back again then!
Mis. Low. Pray, gentlemen, pardon the rudeness of these grooms,
I hope they will be brought to better fashion;
In the meantime, you’re welcome, gentlemen.
All. We thank you, sir.
Wea. Life, here’s quick work! I’ll hold my life,
65has struck the widow i’ the right planet, Venus in
cauda! I thought ’twas a lecherous planet that goes
to’t with a caudle.
Re-enterLow-water.
Mis. Low. How now, sir?
Low. The gentlemen’s horses are set up, sir.
Pep. No, no, no, we’ll away.
Wea. We’ll away.
Mis. Low. How! by my faith, but you shall not
yet, by your leave.—Where’s Bess?—Call your
mistress, sir, to welcome these kind gentlemen, my
friends.
[ExitLow-water.
Pep. How! Bess?
Over. Peg?
Wea. Plain Bess? I know how the world goes
then; he has been a-bed with Bess: i’faith, there’s
no trust to these widows; a young horsing gentleman
carries ’em away clear.
Re-enterLow-water.
Mis. Low. Now, where’s your mistress, sir? how chance she comes not?
Low. Sir, she requests you to excuse her for a
while; she’s busy with a milliner about gloves.
Mis. Low. Gloves!
Wea. Hoyday! gloves too!
Mis. Low. Could she find no other time to choose
gloves but now, when my friends are here?
Pep. No, sir, ’tis no matter; we thank you for
your good will, sir: to say truth, we have no
business with her at all at this time, i’faith, sir.
Mis. Low. O, that’s another matter; yet stay,
stay, gentlemen, and taste a cup of wine ere you
go.
Over. No, thank you, sir.
66Mis. Low. Master Pepperton—master Weatherwise,
will you, sir?
Wea. I’ll see the wine in a drunkard’s shoes
first, and drink’t after he has brewed it. But let
her go; she’s fitted, i’faith; a proud, surly sir here,
he domineers already; one that will shake her
bones, and go to dice with her money, or I have no
skill in a calendar: life, he that can be so saucy to
call her Bess already, will call her prating quean a
month hence.
[ExeuntWeatherwise, Pepperton, andOverdone.
Low. They’ve given thee all the slip.
Mis. Low. So, a fair riddance!
There’s three rubs gone, I’ve a clear way to the mistress[92].
Low. You’d need have a clear way, because you’re a bad pricker.
Mis. Low. Yet if my bowl take bank, I shall go nigh
To make myself a saver,
Here’s alley-room enough; I’ll try my fortune:
I’m to begin the world like a younger brother;
I know that a bold face and a good spirit
Is all the jointure he can make [a] widow,
And’t shall go hard but I’ll be as rich as he.
Or at least seem so, and that’s wealth enough;
For nothing kills a widow’s heart so much
As a faint, bashful wooer; though he have thousands,
And come with a poor water-gruel spirit
And a fish-market face, he shall ne’er speed;
I would not have himself left a poor widower.
67Low. Faith, I’m glad I’m alive to commend thee,
Kate; I shall be sure now to see my commendations
delivered.
Mis. Low. I’ll put her to’t, i’faith.
Low. But soft ye, Kate;
How and[93] she should accept of your bold kindness?
Mis. Low. A chief point to be thought on, by my faith!
Marry, therefore, sir, be you sure to step in,
For fear I should shame myself and spoil all.
Low. Well, I’ll save your credit then for once;
but look you come there no more.
Mis. Low. Away! I hear her coming.
Low. I am vanish’d. [Exit.
EnterLady Goldenfleece.
Mis. Low. How does my life, my soul, my dear sweet madam?
L. Gold. I’ve wrong’d your patience, made you stand too long here.
Mis. Low. There’s no such thing, i’faith, madam,
you’re pleas’d to say so.
L. Gold. Yes, I confess I was too slow, sir.
Mis. Low. Why, you shall make me amends for
that, then, with a quickness in your bed.
L. Gold. That were a speedy mends, sir.
Mis. Low. Why, then, you are out of my debt;
I’ll cross the book, and turn over a new leaf with
you.
L. Gold. So, with paying a small debt, I may
chance run into a greater.
Mis. Low. My faith, your credit will be the
better then; there’s many a brave gallant would
be glad of such fortune, and pay use for’t.
68L. Gold. Some of them have nothing else to do;
they would be idle and[94] ’twere not for interest.
Mis. Low. I promise you, widow, were I a setter
up, such is my opinion of your payment, I durst
trust you with all the ware in my shop.
L. Gold. I thank you for your good will, I can
have no more.
Mis. Low. Not of me, i’faith; nor that neither,
and[94] you knew[95] all. [Aside.]—Come, make but
short service, widow, a kiss and to bed; I’m very
hungry, i’faith, wench.
L. Gold. What, are you, sir?
Mis. Low. O, a younger brother has an excellent
stomach, madam, worth a hundred of your
sons and heirs, that stay their wedding-stomachs
with a hot bit of a common mistress, and then come
to a widow’s bed like a flash of lightning: you’re
sure of the first of me, not of the five-hundredth of
them: I never took physic yet in my life; you shall
have the doctor continually with them, or some
bottle for his deputy, out flies your moneys for
restoratives and strengthenings; in me ’tis saved
in your purse and found in your children: they’ll
get peevish[96] pothecaries’ stuff, you may weigh ’em
by th’ ounces; I, boys of war, brave commanders,
that shall bear a breadth in their shoulders and a
weight in their hips, and run over a whole country
with a pound a’ beef and a biscuit in their belly.
Ho, widow, my kisses are virgins, my embraces
perfect, my strength solid, my love constant, my
heat comfortable; but, to come to the point, inutterable——
69L. Gold. But soft ye, soft ye; because you stand so strictly
Upon your purity, I’ll put you to’t, sir;
Will you swear here you never yet knew woman?
Mis. Low. Never, as man e’er knew her, by this light, widow!
L. Gold. What, what, sir?—’Shrew my heart, he moves me much.
[Aside.
Mis. Low. Nay, since you love to bring a man on’s knees,
I take into the same oath thus much more,
That you are the first widow, or maid, or wife,
That ever I in suit of love did court,
Or honestly did woo: how say you to that, widow?
L. Gold. Marry, I say, sir, you had a good portion
of chastity left you, though ill fortune run
away with the rest.
Mis. Low. That I kept for thee, widow; she’s
of fortune, and all her strait-bodied daughters;
thou shalt have’t, widow. [Kissing her.
He came in a good time, I thank him for’t. [Aside.
L. Gold. What do you think of me? you’re very forward, sir!
70Mis. Low. Extremity of love.
L. Gold. You say you’re ignorant;
It should not seem so surely by your play,
For aught I see, you may make one yourself,
You need not hold the cards to any gamester.
Mis. Low. That love should teach men ways to wrong itself!
L. Gold. Are these the first-fruits of your boldness, sir?
If all take after these, you may boast on ’em,
There comes few such to market among women;
Time you were taken down, sir.—Within there!
Mis. Low. I’ve lost my way again:
There’s but two paths that lead[99] to widows’ beds,
That’s wealth or forwardness, and I’ve took the wrong one. [Aside.
Re-enterWeatherwise, Pepperton, andOverdone, with Servant.
Ser. He marry my lady! why, there’s no such thought yet. [Exit.
Mis. Low. O, here they are all again too! [Aside.
L. Gold. Are you come, gentlemen?
I wish no better men.
Wea. O, the moon’s chang’d now!
L. Gold. See you that gentleman yonder?
Pep. Yes, sweet madam.
L. Gold. Then, pray, be witness all of you, with this kiss [KissesMistress Low-water.
I choose him for my husband——
Wea. Pep. Over.A pox on’t!
71L. Gold. And with this parted gold, that two hearts join.
[Breaks gold into two pieces, and gives one to
Mistress Low-water.
Mis. Low. Never with chaster love than this of mine!
L. Gold. And those that have the hearts to come to the wedding,
They shall be welcome for their former loves. [Exit.
Pep. No, I thank you; you’ve choked me already.
Wea. I never suspected mine almanac till now;
I believe he plays cogging[100] John with me, I bought
it at his shop; it may learn the more knavery by
that.
Mis. Low. Now indeed, gentlemen, I can bid you welcome;
Before ’twas but a flourish.
Wea. Nay, so my almanac told me there should
be an eclipse, but not visible in our horizon, but
about the western inhabitants of Mexicana and
California.
Mis. Low. Well, we have no business there, sir.
Wea. Nor we have none here, sir; and so fare
you well.
Mis. Low. You save the house a good labour,
gentlemen. [ExeuntWeatherwise, Pepperton, andOverdone.]—The fool carries them away in a
voider.[101] Where be these fellows?
Re-enter Servant, Pickadill, andLow-water.
Ser. Sir?
Pick. Here, sir!
72Ser. What[’s] your worship[’s] pleasure?
Mis. Low. O, this is something like.—Take you your ease, sir;
Here are those now more fit to be commanded.
Low. How few women are of thy mind! she
thinks it too much to keep me in subjection for one
day; whereas some wives would be glad to keep
their husbands in awe all days of their lives, and
think it the best bargain that e’er they made. [Aside, and exit.
Mis. Low. I’ll spare no cost for the wedding; some device too,
To shew our thankfulness to wit and fortune;
It shall be so.—Run straight for one o’ the wits.
Pick. How? one o’ the wits? I care not if I run
on that account: are they in town, think you?
Mis. Low. Whither runnest thou now?
Pick. To an ordinary for one of the wits.
Mis. Low. Why to an ordinary above a tavern?
Pick. No, I hold your best wits to be at ordinary;
nothing so good in a tavern.
Mis. Low. And why, I pray, sir?
Pick. Because those that go to an ordinary[102] dine
better for twelve pence than he that goes to a
tavern for his five shillings; and I think those have
the best wits that can save four shillings, and fare
better too.
Mis. Low. So, sir, all your wit then runs upon
victuals?
Pick. ’Tis a sign ’twill hold out the longer then.
Mis. Low. What were you saying to me?
Ser. Please your worship,
I heard there came a scholar over lately
With old sir Oliver’s lady.
73Mis. Low. Is she come?— [Aside.
What is that lady?
Ser. A good gentlewoman,
Has been long prisoner with the enemy.
Mis. Low. I know’t too well, and joy in her release.—
[Aside.
Go to that house then straight, and in one labour
You may bid them, and entreat home that scholar.
Ser. It shall be done with speed, sir. [Exit.
Pick. I’ll along with you, and see what face that
scholar has brought over; a thin pair of parbreaking[103]
sea-water green chops, I warrant you. [Exit.
Mis. Low. Since wit has pleasur’d me, I’ll pleasure wit;
Scholars shall fare the better. O my blessing!
I feel a hand of mercy lift me up
Out of a world of waters, and now sets me
Upon a mountain, where the sun plays most,
To cheer my heart even as it dries my limbs.
What deeps I see beneath me, in whose falls
Many a nimble mortal toils,
And scarce can feed[104] himself! the streams of fortune,
’Gainst which he tugs in vain, still beat him down,
And will not suffer him—past hand to mouth—
To lift his arm to his posterity’s blessing:
I see a careful sweat run in a ring
About his temples, but all will not do;
For, till some happy means relieve his state,
There he must stick, and bide the wrath of fate.
I see this wrath upon an uphill land;
O blest are they can see their falls and stand!
Re-enter Servant, shewing inBeveril.
How now?
74Ser. With much entreating, sir, he’s come. [Exit.
Mis. Low. Sir, you’re—my brother! joys come thick together.—— [Aside.
Wea. Faith, sir Gilbert, forget and forgive;
there’s all our hands to a new bargain of friendship.
Pep. Ay, and all our hearts to boot, sir Gilbert.
Wea. Why, la, you, there’s but four suitors left
on’s in all the world, and the fifth has the widow;
if we should not be kind to one another, and so
few on’s, i’faith, I would we were all raked up in
some hole or other!
Sir G. Lamb. Pardon me, gentlemen; I cannot but remember
Your late disgraceful words before the widow,
In time of my oppression.
Wea. Pooh, Saturn reigned then, a melancholy,
grumbling planet; he was in the third house of
privy enemies, and would have bewrayed[110] all our
plots; beside, there was a fiery conjunction in the
Dragon’s tail,[111] that spoiled all that e’er we went
about.
Sir G. Lamb. Dragon or devil, somewhat ’twas, I’m sure.
Wea. Why, I tell you, sir Gilbert, we were all
out of our wits in’t; I was so mad at that time myself,
I could have wished an hind quarter of my
Bull out of your belly again, whereas now I care
77not if you had eat tail and all; I am no niggard in
the way of friendship; I was ever yet at full moon
in good fellowship; and so you shall find, if you
look into the almanac of my true nature.
Sir G. Lamb. Well, all’s forgiven for once; hands a-pace, gentlemen.
Wea. Ye shall have two of mine to do you a
kindness; yet, when they’re both abroad, who shall
look to th’ house here?
[Giving his hands toSir G. Lambstone.
Pep. Over. Not only a new friendship, but a friend.
Sir G. Lamb. Let each man look to his part now, and not feed
Upon one dish all four on’s, like plain maltmen;
For at this feast we must have several kickshaws
And delicate-made dishes, that the world
May see it is a banquet finely furnish’d.
Wea. Why, then, let me alone for one of your kickshaws,
I’ve thought on that already.
Sir G. Lamb. Prithee, how, sir?
Wea. Marry, sir, I’ll give it out abroad that I
have lain with the widow myself, as ’tis the fashion
of many a gallant to disgrace his new mistress
when he cannot have his will of her, and lie with
her name in every tavern, though he ne’er came
within a yard of her person; so I, being a gentleman,
may say as much in that kind as a gallant; I
am as free by my father’s copy.
Sir G. Lamb. This will do excellent, sir.
Wea. And, moreover, I’ll give the world thus
much to understand beside, that if I had not lain
with the widow in the wane of the moon, at one of
my Seven Stars’ houses, when Venus was about
business of her own, and could give no attendance,
she had been brought a-bed with two roaring boys
by this time; and the Gemini being infants, I’d
have made away with them like a step-mother, and
put mine own boys in their places.
Sir G. Lam. Why, this is beyond talk; you out-run your master.
79EnterPickadill.
Pick. Whoop! draw home next time; here are
all the old shooters that have lost the game at
pricks! What a fair mark had sir Gilbert on’t, if
he had shot home before the last arrow came in!
methinks these shew to me now, for all the world,
like so many lousy beggars turned out of my lady’s
barn, and have ne’er a hole to put their heads in. [Aside.
Wea. Mass, here’s her ladyship’s ass; he tells us any thing.
Sir G. Lamb. Ho, Pickadill!
Pick. What, sir Gilbert Lambstone!
Gentlemen, outlaws all, how do you do?
Sir G. Lamb. How! what dost call us? how goes the world at home, lad?
What strange news?
Pick. This is the state of prodigals as right as
can be; when they have spent all their means on
brave feasts, they’re glad to scrape to a serving-man
for a meal’s meat:
So you that whilom,[114] like four prodigal rivals,
You’re a gentleman deeply read in Pond’s Almanac,[116]
80Methinks you should not be such a shallow fellow;
You knew this day, the twelfth of June, would come,
When the sun enters into the Crab’s room,
And all your hopes would go aside, aside.
Wea. The fool says true, i’faith, gentlemen; I
knew ’twould come all to this pass; I’ll shew’t you
presently. [Takes out almanac.
Pick. If you had spar’d but four of your Twelve Signs now,
You might have gone to a tavern and made merry with ’em.
Wea. Has the best moral meaning of an ass that
e’er I heard speak with tongue.—Look you here,
gentlemen [reads almanac], Fifth day,[117] neither fish
nor flesh.
Pick. No, nor good red herring, and[118] you look again.
Wea. [reads] Sixth day, privily prevented.
Pick. Marry, faugh!
Wea. [reads] Seventh day, shrunk in the wetting.
Pick. Nay, so will the best ware bought for love or money.
Wea. [reads] The eighth day, over head and ears.
Pick. By my faith, he come[s] home in a sweet pickle then!
Wea. [reads] The ninth day, scarce sound at heart.
Pick. What a pox ailed it?
Wea. [reads] The tenth day, a courtier’s welcome.
Pick. That’s a cup of beer, and[118] you can get it.
81Wea. [reads] The eleventh day, stones against the wind.
Pick. Pox of an ass! he might have thrown ’em better.
Wea. Now the twelfth day, gentlemen, that was our day; [Reads.
Past all redemption.
Pick. Then the devil go with’t!
Wea. Now you see plainly, gentlemen, how we’re us’d;
The calendar will not lie for no man’s pleasure.
Sir G. Lamb. Push,[119] you’re too confident in almanac-posies.
Pep. Faith, so said we.
Sir G. Lamb. They’re mere delusions.
Wea. How!
You see how knavishly they happen, sir.
Sir G. Lamb. Ay, that’s because they’re foolishly believ’d,[120] sir.
Wea. Well, take your courses, gentlemen, without
’em, and see what will come on’t: you may
wander like masterless men, there’s ne’er a planet
will care a halfpenny for you; if they look after
you, I’ll be hanged, when you scorn to bestow twopence
to look after them.
Sir G. Lamb. How! a device at the wedding,
sayest thou?
Pick. Why, have none of you heard of that yet?
Sir G. Lamb. ’Tis the first news, i’faith, lad.
Pick. O, there’s a brave travelling scholar entertained
into the house a’ purpose, one that has
been all the world over, and some part of Jerusalem;
has his chamber, his diet, and three candles[121]
allowed him after supper.
82Wea. By my faith, he need not complain for
victuals then, whate’er he be.
Pick. He lies in one of the best chambers i’ th’
house, bravely matted; and to warm his wits as
much, a cup of sack and an aqua vitæ[122] bottle stand[123]
just at his elbow.
Wea. He’s shrewdly hurt, by my faith; if he
catch an ague of that fashion, I’ll be hanged.
Pick. He’ll come abroad anon.
Sir G. Lamb. Art sure on’t?
Pick. Why, he ne’er stays a quarter of an hour
in the house together.
Sir G. Lamb. No? how can he study then?
Pick. Faugh, best of all; he talks as he goes, and
writes as he runs; besides, you know ’tis death to
a traveller to stand long in one place.
Sir G. Lamb. It may hit right, boys!—Honest Pickadill,
Thou wast wont to love me.
Pick. I’d good cause, sir, then.
Sir G. Lamb. Thou shalt have the same still;
take that. [Giving money.
Pick. Will you believe me now? I ne’er loved
you better in my life than I do at this present.
Sir G. Lamb. Tell me now truly; who are the presenters?
Pick. Parsons? not any, sir; my mistress will
not be at the charge; she keeps none but an old
Welsh vicar.
Sir G. Lamb. Prithee, I mean, who be the
speakers?
Pick. Troth, I know none but those that open
83their mouths. Here he comes now himself, you
may ask him.
EnterBeveril.
Wea. Is this he? by my faith, one may pick a
gentleman out of his calves and a scholar out on’s
cheeks; one may see by his looks what’s in him:
I warrant you there has ne’er a new almanac come
out these dozen years, but he has studied it over
and over. [Aside.
Sir G. Lamb. Do not reveal us now.
Pick. Because you shall be sure on’t, you have
given me a ninepence here, and I’ll give you the
slip[125] for’t.
Sir G. Lamb. Well said. [ExitPickadill.]—Now the fool’s pleas’d, we may be bold.
Bev. Love is as great an enemy to wit
As ignorance to art; I find my powers
So much employ’d in business of my heart,
That all the time’s too little to despatch
Affairs within me. Fortune, too remiss,
I suffer for thy slowness: had I come
Before a vow had chain’d their souls together,
There might have been some hope, though ne’er so little;
Now there’s no spark at all, nor e’er can be,
But dreadful ones struck from adultery;
And if my lust were smother’d with her will,
O, who could wrong a gentleman so kind,
A stranger made up with a brother’s mind! [Aside.
Sir G. Lamb. Peace, peace, enough; let me alone to manage it.—
A quick invention, and a happy one,
Reward your study, sir!
Bev. Gentlemen, I thank you.
84Sir G. Lamb. We understand your wits are in employment, sir,
In honour of this wedding.
Bev. Sir, the gentleman
To whom that worthy lady is betroth’d
Vouchsafes t’accept the power of my good will in’t.
Sir G. Lamb. I pray, resolve[126] us then, sir—for we’re friends
That love and honour her—
Whether your number be yet full, or no,
Of those which you make choice of for presenters?
Bev. First, ’tis so brief, because the time is so,
We shall not trouble many; and for those
We shall employ, the house will yield in servants.
Sir G. Lamb. Nay, then, under your leave and favour, sir,
Since all your pains will be so weakly grac’d,
And, wanting due performance, lose their lustre,
Here are four of us gentlemen, her friends,
Both lovers of her honour and your art,
That would be glad so to express ourselves,
And think our service well and worthily plac’d.
Bev. My thanks do me no grace for this large kindness;
You make my labours proud of such presenters.
Sir G. Lamb. She shall not think, sir, she’s so ill belov’d,
But friends can quickly make that number perfect.
Bev. She’s bound t’acknowledge it.
Sir G. Lamb. Only thus much, sir,
Which will amaze her most; I’d have’t so carried,
As you can do’t, that neither she nor none
Should know what friends we were till all were done.
85Wea. Ay, that would make the sport!
Bev. I like it well, sir:
My hand and faith amongst you, gentlemen,
It shall be so dispos’d of.
Sir G. Lamb. We’re the men then.
Bev. Then look you, gentlemen; the device is single,
Naked, and plain, because the time’s so short,
And gives no freedom to a wealthier sport;
’Tis only, gentlemen, the four elements
In liveliest forms, Earth, Water, Air, and Fire.
Wea. Mass, and here’s four of us too.
Bev. It fits well, sir:
This the effect,—that whereas all those four
Maintain a natural opposition
And untruc’d war the one against the other,
To shame their ancient envies, they should see
How well in two breasts all these do agree.
Wea. That’s in the bride and bridegroom; I am quick, sir.
Sir G. Lamb. In faith, it’s pretty, sir; I approve it well.
Bev. But see how soon my happiness and your kindness
Bev. Air and the Fire should be by me[n] presented,
But the two other in the forms of women.
Wea. Nay, then, we’re gone again; I think these women
Were made to vex and trouble us in all shapes. [Aside.
86Sir G. Lamb. Faith, sir, you stand too nicely.[128]
Wea. So think I, sir.
Bev. Yet, when we tax ourselves, it may the better
Set off our errors, when the fine eyes judge ’em;
But Water certainly should be a woman.
Wea. By my faith, then, he is gelded since I saw
him last; he was thought to be a man once, when
he got his wife with child before he was married.
Bev. Fie, you are fishing in another stream, sir.
Wea. But now I come to yours, and[129] you go to
that, sir; I see no reason then but Fire and Water
should change shapes and genders.
Bev. How prove you that, sir?
Wea. Why, there’s no reason but Water should
be a man, because Fire is commonly known to be a
quean.
Bev. So, sir; you argue well.
Wea. Nay, more, sir; water will break in at a
little crevice, so will a man, if he be not kept out;
water will undermine, so will an informer; water
will ebb and flow, so will a gentleman; water will
search any place, and so will a constable, as lately
he did at my Seven Stars for a young wench that
was stole; water will quench fire, and so will Wat
the barber: ergo, let Water wear a codpiece-point.
Bev. Faith, gentlemen, I like your company well.
Wea. Let’s see who’ll dispute with me at the full o’ the moon!
Bev. No, sir; and[129] you be vain-glorious of your
talent, I’ll put you to’t once more.
Wea. I’m for you, sir, as long as the moon keeps
in this quarter.
Bev. Well, how answer you this then? earth and
87water are both bearers, therefore they should be
women.
Wea. Why, so are porters and pedlars, and yet
they are known to be men.
Bev. I’ll give you over in time, sir; I shall repent
the bestowing on’t else.
Wea. If I, that have proceeded[130] in five-and-twenty
such books of astronomy, should not be able to put
down a scholar now in one thousand six hundred
thirty and eight, the dominical letter being G, I
stood for a goose.
Sir G. Lamb. Then this will satisfy you; though that be a woman,
Oceanus the sea, that’s chief of waters,
He wears the form of a man, and so may you.
Bev. Now I hear reason, and I may consent.
Sir G. Lamb. And so, though earth challenge a feminine face,
The matter of which earth consists, that’s dust,
The general soul of earth is of both kinds.
Bev. Fit yourselves, gentlemen, I’ve enough for me;
Earth, Water, Air, and Fire, part ’em amongst you.
Wea. Let me play Air,[131] I was my father’s eldest
son.
Bev. Ay, but this Air never possess’d the lands.
Wea. I’m but disposed to jest with you, sir; ’tis
the same my almanac speaks on, is’t not?
Bev. That ’tis, sir.
Wea. Then leave it to my discretion, to fit both
the part and the person.
Bev. You shall have your desire, sir.
Sir G. Lamb. We’ll agree
88Without your trouble now, sir; we’re not factious,
Or envy one another for best parts,
Like quarrelling actors that have passionate fits;
We submit always to the writer’s wits.
Bev. He that commends you may do’t liberally,
For you deserve as much as praise can shew.
Sir G. Lamb. We’ll send to you privately.
Bev. I’ll despatch you.
Sir G. Lamb. We’ll poison your device.
[Aside, and exit.
Pep. She must have pleasures,
Shows, and conceits, and we disgraceful doom.
[Aside, and exit.
Wea. We’ll make your Elements come limping home. [Aside, and exit.
Bev. How happy am I in this unlook’d-for grace,
This voluntary kindness, from these gentlemen!
Enter behindMistress Low-waterandLow-water, both disguised as before.
’Twill set off all my labours far more pleasing
Before the widow, whom my heart calls mistress,
But my tongue dares not second it.
Low. How say you now, Kate?
Mis. Low. I like this music well, sir.
Bev. O unfortunate!
Yet though a tree be guarded from my touch,
There’s none can hinder me to love the fruit.
Mis. Low. Nay, now we know your mind, brother,
we’ll provide for you.
[ExeuntMistress Low-waterandLow-water.
Bev. O were it but as free as late times knew it,
I would deserve, if all life’s wealth could do it! [Exit.
89
ACT IV. SCENE I.
A room inSir Oliver Twilight’shouse.
EnterSir Oliver Twilight, Lady Twilight, Sunset, Sandfield, Dutch Merchant, Philip Twilight, Servants, andSavourwitaloof off.[132]
Sir O. Twi. O my reviving joy! thy quickening presence
Makes the sad night of threescore and ten years
Sit like a youthful spring upon my blood:
I cannot make thy welcome rich enough
With all the wealth of words!
L. Twi. It is exprest sir,
With more than can be equall’d; the ill store
Lies only on my side, my thanks are poor.
Sir O. Twi. Blest be the goodness of his mind for ever
Sir O. Twi. Pardon me, boy; I’ve wrong’d thy faith too much.
Sav. Now may I leave my shell, and peep my head forth. [Aside, and advancing.
Sir O. Twi. Where is this Savourwit, that honest whorson,
That I may take my curse from his knave’s shoulders?
Sav. O, sir, I feel you at my very blade here!
Your curse is ten stone weight, and a pound over.
Sir O. Twi. Come, thou’rt a witty varlet and a trusty.
Sav. You shall still find me a poor, faithful fellow, sir,
If you’ve another ransom to send over,
Or daughter to find out.
Sir O. Twi. I’ll do thee right, boy;
94I ne’er yet knew thee but speak honest English;
Marry, in Dutch I found thee a knave lately.
Sav. That was to hold you but in play a little,
Till farther truths came over, and I strong;
You shall ne’er find me a knave in mine own tongue,
I’ve more grace in me; I go out of England still
When I take such courses; that shews modesty, sir.
Sir O. Twi. Any thing full of wit and void of harm,
I give thee pardon for; so was that now.
Sav. Faith, now I’m quit,[135] I find myself the nimbler
To serve you so again, and my will’s good;
Like one that lately shook off his old irons,
And cuts a purse at bench to deserve new ones.
Sir O. Twi. Since it holds all the way so fortunate still,
And strikes so even with my first belief,
This is the gentleman, wife, young master Sandfield here,
A man of worthy parts, beside his lands,
Whom I make choice of for my daughter’s bed.
Sav. But he’ll make choice there of another bedfellow.
[Aside.
L. Twi. I wish ’em both the happiness of love, sir.
Sir O. Twi. ’Twas spoke like a good lady! And[136] your memory
Can reach it, wife—but ’tis so long ago too—
Old master Sunset he had a young daughter
When you unluckily left England so,
95And much about the age of our girl there,
For both were nurs’d together.
L. Twi. ’Tis so fresh
In my remembrance, now you’ve waken’d it,
As if twelve years were but a twelve hours’ dream.
Sir O. Twi. That girl is now a proper[137] gentlewoman,
As fine a body, wife, as e’er was measur’d
With an indenture cut in farthing steaks.
Sun. O say not so, sir Oliver; you shall pardon me, sir;
I’faith, sir, you’re to blame.
Sir O. Twi. Sings, dances, plays,
Touches an instrument with a motherly grace.
Sun. ’Tis your own daughter that you mean that by.
Sav. There’s open Dutch indeed, and[138] he could take it. [Aside.
Sir O. Twi. This wench, under your leave——
Sun. You have my love in’t.
Sir O. Twi. Is my son’s wife that shall be.
Sav. Thus, I’d hold with’t,
Is your son’s wife that should be master Sandfield’s.
[Aside.
L. Twi. I come in happy time to a feast of marriages.
Sir O. Twi. And now you put’s i’ the mind, the hour draws on
At the new-married widow’s, there we’re look’d for;
There will be entertainments, sports, and banquets,
There these young lovers shall clap hands together;
The seed of one feast shall bring forth another.
Sun. Well said, sir Oliver!
96Sir O. Twi. You’re a stranger, sir;
Your welcome will be best.
D. Mer. Good sir, excuse me.
Sir O. Twi. You shall along, faith;[139] you must not refuse me.
[Exeunt all exceptLady Twilight, Grace,
Philip Twilight, andSavourwit.
Phil. O, mother, these new joys, that set[140] my soul up—
Which had no means, nor any hope of any—
Have brought me now so far in debt to you,
I know not which way to begin to thank you;
I am so lost in all, I cannot guess
Which of the two my service most constrains,
Your last kind goodness, or your first dear pains.
L. Twi. Love is a mother’s duty to a son,
As a son’s duty is both love and fear.
Sav. I owe you a poor life, madam, that’s all;
Pray, call for’t when you please, it shall be ready for you.
L. Twi. Make much on’t, sir, till then.
Sav. If butter’d sack will. [Aside.
L. Twi. Methinks the more I look upon her, son,
The more thy sister’s face runs in my mind.
Phil. Belike she’s somewhat like her; it makes the better, madam.
L. Twi. Was Antwerp, say you, the first place you found her in?
Phil. Yes, madam: why do you ask?
L. Twi. Whose daughter were you?
Grace. I know not rightly whose, to speak truth, madam.
Sav. The mother of her was a good twigger the whilst.
[Aside.
97L. Twi. No? with whom were you brought up then?
Grace. With those, madam,
To whom, I’ve often heard, the enemy sold me.
L. Twi. What’s that?
Grace. Too often have I heard this piteous story,
Of a distressèd mother I had once,
Whose comfortable sight I lost at sea;
But then the years of childhood took from me
Both the remembrance of her and the sorrows.
L. Twi. O, I begin to feel her in my blood!
My heart leaps to be at her. [Aside.]—What was that mother?
Grace. Some said, an English lady; but I know not.
L. Twi. What’s thy name?
Grace. Grace.
L. Twi. May it be so in heaven,
For thou art mine on earth! welcome, dear child,
Unto thy father’s house, thy mother’s arms,
After thy foreign sorrows! [EmbracingGrace.
Sav. ’Twill prove gallant! [Aside.
L. Twi. What, son! such earnest-work! I bring thee joy now
Will make the rest shew nothing, ’tis so glorious.
Phil. Why, ’tis not possible, madam, that man’s happiness
Should take a greater height than mine aspires.
L. Twi. No? now you shall confess it: this shall quit thee
From all fears present, or hereafter doubts,
About this business.
Phil. Give me that, sweet mother!
L. Twi. Here, take her then, and set thine arms a-work;
There needs no ’fection,[141] ’tis indeed thy sister.
98Phil. My sister!
Sav. Cuds me, I feel the razor! [Aside.
L. Twi. Why, how now, son? how comes a change so soon?
Phil. O, I beseech you, mother, wound me any where
But where you pointed last! that’s present death;
Devise some other miserable torment,
Though ne’er so pitiless, and I’ll run and meet it;
Some way more merciful let your goodness think on,
May steal away my joys, but save my soul:
I’ll willingly restore back every one,
Upon that mild condition; any thing
But what you spake last will be comfortable.
L. Twi. You’re troubled with strange fits in England here;
Your first suit to me did entreat me hardly
To say ’twas she, to have old[142] wrath appeas’d;
And now ’tis known your sister, you’re not pleas’d:
How should I shew myself?
Phil. Say ’tis not she.
L. Twi. Shall I deny my daughter?
Phil. O, you kill me,
Beyond all tortures!
L. Twi. Why do you deal thus with me?
Phil. She is my wife, I married her at Antwerp;
I’ve known the way unto her bed these three months.
Sav. And that’s too much by twelve weeks for a sister.
[Aside.
L. Twi. I understand you now, too soon, too plain!
Phil. O mother, if you love my peace for ever,
Examine her again, find me not guilty!
99L. Twi. ’Tis now too late, her words make that too true.
Phil. Her words? shall bare words overthrow a soul?
A body is not cast away so lightly.
How can you know ’tis she—let sense decide it—
She then so young, and both so long divided?
L. Twi. She tells me the sad story.
Phil. Does that throw me?
Many a distress may have the face of yours,
That ne’er was kin to you.
L. Twi. But, however, sir,
I trust you are not married.
Phil. Here’s the witness,
And all the wealth I had with her, this ring,
That join’d our hearts together. [Gives ring.
L. Twi. O, too clear now!
Thou’st brought in evidence to o’erthrow thyself;
Had no one word been spoke, only this shewn,
’T’ad been enough to approv’d[143] her for mine own;
See here, two letters that begun my name
Before I knew thy father: this I gave her,
And, as a jewel, fasten’d to her ear.
Grace. Pardon me, mother, that you find it stray;
I kept it till I gave my heart away.
Phil. O, to what mountain shall I take my flight,
To hide the monster of my sin from sight!
Sav. I’ll to Wales presently, there’s the best hills
To hide a poor knave in. [Aside.
L. Twi. O heap not desperation upon guilt!
Repent yet, and all’s say’d; ’twas but hard chance:
Amongst all sins, heaven pities ignorance,
She’s still the first that has her pardon sign’d;
All sins else see their faults, she’s only blind:
100Go to thy chamber, pray, leave off, and win;
One hour’s repentance cures a twelvemonth’s sin.
Grace. O my distressèd husband, my dear brother!
[ExeuntLady TwilightandGrace.
Phil. O Savourwit, never came sorrow yet
To mankind like it! I’m so far distress’d,
I’ve no time left to give my heart attendance,
Too little all to wait upon my soul.
Before this tempest came, how well I stood,
Full in the beams of blessedness and joy!
The memory of man could never say
So black a storm fell in so bright a day.
I am that man that even life surfeits of;
Or, if to live, unworthy to be seen
By the [most] savage eye-sight: give’s thy hand;
Commend me to thy prayers.
Sav. Next time I say ’em. [Aside.
Phil. Farewell, my honest breast, that crav’st no more
Than possible kindness! that I’ve found thee large in,
And I must ask no more; there wit must stay,
It cannot pass where fate stops up the way:
Joy thrive with thee! I’ll never see thee more.
[Going.
Sav. What’s that, sir? pray, come back, and bring those words with you,
You shall not carry ’em so out of my company:
There’s no last refuge when your father knows it;
There’s no such need on’t yet; stay but till then,
And take one with you that will imitate you
In all the desperate on-sets man dare think on:
Were it to challenge all the wolves in France
To meet at one set battle, I’d be your half in’t;
All beasts of venom,—what you had a mind to,
Your part should be took still: for such a day
101Let’s keep ourselves in heart, then am I for you.
In the meantime, to beat off all suspicion,
Let’s to the bride-house too; here’s my petition.
Phil. Thou hast a learning art when all hopes fly;
Let one night waste, there’s time enough left to die.
Sav. A minute’s as good as a thousand year, sir,
To pink a man’s heart like a summer-suit.
[Exeunt.
SCENE II.
A large room inLady Goldenfleece’shouse.
Several Servants discovered placing things in order, andPickadilllooking on.
Pick. Bestir your bones nimbly, you ponderous
beef-buttocked knaves; what a number of lazy
hinds do I keep company withal! where’s the
flesh-colour velvet cushion now for my lady’s
pease-porridge-tawny-satin bum? You attendants
upon revels!
First Ser. You can prate and domineer well,
because you have a privilege[d] place; but I’d fain
see you set your hand to’t.
Pick. O base bone-pickers, I set my hand to’t!
when did you e’er see a gentleman set his hand to
any thing, unless it were to a sheep-skin, and receive
a hundred pound for his pains?
Sec. Ser. And afterward lie in the Counter for
his pleasure.
Pick. Why, true, sir, ’tis for his pleasure indeed;
for, spite of all their teeths, he may lie i’ th’ Hole[144]
when he list.
102First Ser. Marry, and should for me.
Pick. Ay, thou wouldst make as good a bawd as
the best jailor of them all; I know that.
First Ser. How, fool!
Pick. Hark! I must call you knave within; ’tis
but staying somewhat the longer for’t. [Exeunt.
Loud music. Enter, arm in arm, Lady Goldenfleecerichly dressed, andMistress Low-waterrichly attired as a man; after themSir Oliver Twilight, Sunset, and Dutch Merchant; after themLady Twilight, Grace, andJane; after themPhilip Twilight, Sandfield, Savourwit, andLow-water, disguised as before.
Mis. Low. This fair assembly is most freely welcome.
Good, seat yourselves: shall we be found unreadiest?
[They sit.
What is yon gentleman with the funeral-face there?
Methinks that look does ill become a bride-house.
103Sir O. Twi. Who does your worship mean, sir? my son Philip?
I’m sure he had ne’er less reason to be sad.—
Why are you sad, son Philip?
Phil. How, sir, sad?
You shall not find it so, sir.
Sav. Take heed he do not, then. You must beware
how you carry your face in this company; as
far as I can see, that young bridegroom has hawk’s
eyes, he’ll go nigh to spell sister in your face; if
your nose were but crooked enough to serve for
an S, he’d find an eye presently, and then he has
more light for the rest.
Phil. I’ll learn then to dissemble.
Sav. Nay, and[147] you be to learn that now, you’ll
ne’er sit in a branched[148] velvet gown as long as you
live; you should have took that at nurse, before
your mother weaned you; so do all those that
prove great children and batten well. Peace, here
comes a scholar indeed; he has learnt it, I warrant
you.
EnterBeverilwith a pasteboard.
L. Gold. Kind sir, you’re welcome; you take all the pains, sir.
Bev. I wish they were but worthy of the grace
Of your fair presence and this choice assembly:
Here is an abstract, madam, of what’s shewn,
Which I commend to your favour. [Giving pasteboard.
L. Gold. Thank you for’t, sir.
Bev. I would I durst present my love as boldly!
[Aside.
104Mis. Low. My honest brother! [Aside.
L. Gold. Look thee here, sweetheart.
Mis. Low. What’s there, sweet madam?
Bev. Music, and we’re ready.
[After loud music for a while, a thing like a globe opens on one side of the stage, and flashes out fire; thenSir G. Lambstone, in the character of Fire, issues from it, with yellow hair and beard intermingled with streaks like wild flames, a three-pointed fire in his hand; and, at the same time, Weatherwise, as Air, comes down, hanging by a cloud, with a coat made like an almanac, all the twelve moons set in it, and the four quarters, winter, spring, summer, and autumn, with change of weathers, rain, lightning, tempest, &c.; and from under the stage, on different sides at the farther end, riseOverdoneas Water, andPeppertonas Earth; Water with green flags upon his head standing up instead of hair, and a beard of the same, with a chain of pearl; Earth with a number of little things resembling trees, like a thick grove, upon his head, and a wedge of gold in his hand, his garment of a clay colour. Beverilstands behind and givesSir G. Lambstonethe first words of his speech.
Bev.The flame of zeal——
Sir G. Lamb.The wicked fire of lust
Does now spread heat through water, air, and dust.
Bev. How! he’s out in the beginning. [Aside.]—The wheel of time—
Wea. The devil set fire o’ the distaff. [Aside.
Sir G. Lamb.I that was wont in elder times to pass
For a bright angel—so they call’d me then—
Now so corrupted with the upstart fires
Of avarice, luxury, and inconstant heats,
105Struck from the bloods of cunning clap-faln daughters,
Re-enter, at several corners, Beverilwith three other persons, attired like the four Winds, with wings, &c., the South Wind having a great red face, the North Wind a pale, bleak one; the Western Wind one cheek red and another white, and so the Eastern Wind: they dance to the drum and fife, while the four Elements seem to give back and stand in amaze: at the end of the dance the Winds strip the Elements of their disguises, which seem to yield and almost fall off of themselves at the coming of the Winds. Exeunt all the Winds except that represented byBeveril.
L. Gold. How! sir Gilbert Lambstone! master Overdone!
All our old suitors! you’ve took pains, my masters!
Sir G. Lamb. We made a vow we’d speak our minds to you.
Wea. And I think we’re as good as our words,
though it cost some of our purses; I owe money
for the clouds yet, I care not who knows it; the
109planets are sufficient enough to pay the painter,
and[153] I were dead.
L. Gold. Who are you, sir?
Bev. Your most unworthy servant.
[Discovering himself.
L. Gold. Pardon me; is’t you, sir?
Bev. My disgrace urg’d my wit to take some form,
Wherein I might both best and properliest
Discover my abusers and your own,
And shew you some content,—before y’had none.
L. Gold. Sir, I owe much both to your care and love,
And you shall find your full requital worthy.—
Was this the plot now your poor envy works out?
I do revenge myself with pitying on you.—
Take Fire into the buttery, he has most need on’t;
Give Water some small beer, too good for him;—
Air, you may walk abroad like a fortune-teller;—
But take down Earth, and make him drink i’ the cellar.
[ExeuntSir G. Lambstone, Weatherwise,
Overdone, andPepperton, withLow-water.
Mis. Low. The best revenge that could be!
L. Twi. I commend you, madam.
Sir O. Twi. I thought they were some such
sneakers.
Sav. The four suitors! and here was a mess of
mad elements!
Mis. Low. Lights, more lights there! where be
these blue-coats?[154]
Enter Servants with lights.
L. Gold. You know your lodgings, gentlemen, to-night.
110Sir O. Twi. ’Tis bounty makes bold guests, madam.
L. Gold. Good rest, lady.
Sir O. Twi. A most contentful night begin a health, madam,
To your long joys, and may the years go round with’t!
L. Gold. As many thanks as you have wish’d ’em hours, sir,
Take to your lodging with you.
Mis. Low. A general rest to all.
[Exeunt with Servants all the guests except
Philip TwilightandSavourwit.
Phil. I’m excepted.
Sav. Take in another to you then; there’s room enough
Kind sir,—I found your care and love so much in
the performance of a little, wherein your wit and art
had late employment, that I dare now trust your
bosom with business of more weight and eminence.
Little thought the world, that, since the wedding-dinner,
115all my mirth was but dissembled, and seeming
joys but counterfeit. The truth to you, sir, is, I find
so little signs of content in the bargain I made i’
the morning, that I began to repent before evening
prayer; and to shew some fruits of his wilful neglect
and wild disposition, more than the day could bring
forth to me, has now forsook my bed; I know no
cause for’t.
Mis. Low. But I’ll be sworn I do. [Aside.
Bev. [reads] Being thus distressed, sir, I desire
your comfortable presence and counsel, whom I know
to be of worth and judgment, that a lady may safely
impart her griefs to you, and commit ’em to the
virtues of commiseration and secrecy.—Your unfortunate
friend,
The Widow-Wife.
I have took order for your private admittance with
a trusty servant of mine own, whom I have placed at
my chamber-door to attend your coming.
He shall not wait too long, and curse my slowness.
Low. I would you’d come away then! [Aside.
Bev. How much am I beguil’d in that young gentleman!
I would have sworn had been the perfect abstract
Of honesty and mildness; ’tis not so.
Mis. Low. I pardon you, sweet brother; there’s no hold
Of what you speak now, you’re in Cupid’s pound.
[Aside.
Bev. Blest be the secret hand that brought thee hither;
But the dear hand that writ it, ten times blest!
[Exit above.
Low. That’s I still; has blest me now ten times at twice.
Away; I hear him coming.
116Mis. Low. Strike it sure now.
Low. I warrant thee, sweet Kate; choose your best——[161]
[ExitMis. Low-water.
EnterBeveril.
Bev. Who’s there?
Low. O sir, is’t you? you’re welcome then;
My lady still expects you, sir.
Bev. Who’s with her?
Low. Not any creature living, sir.
Bev. Drink that; [Giving money.
I’ve made thee wait too long.
Low. It does not seem so
Now, sir. Sir, if a man tread warily,
As any wise man will, how often may he come
To a lady’s chamber, and be welcome to her!
Bev. Thou giv’st me learnèd counsel for a closet.
Low. Make use on’t, sir, and you shall find no loss in’t.
[Beverilgoes intoLady Goldenfleece’sbed-chamber.
So, you are surely in, and you must under.
Re-enterMis. Low-water, withSir O. Twilight, Lady Twilight, Sunset, Dutch Merchant, Grace, Jane, Philip Twilight, Sandfield, Savourwit, and Servants.
Mis. Low. Pardon my rude disturbance, my wrongs urge it;
I did but try the plainness of her mind,
Suspecting she dealt cunningly with my youth,
And told her the first night I would not know her;
But minding to return, I found the door
Warded suspiciously, and I heard a noise,
117Such as fear makes and guiltiness at th’ approaching
Of an unlook’d-for husband.
All. This is strange, sir.
Mis. Low. Behold, it’s barr’d; I must not be kept out.
Wealth, foolish trash; I thank you. Out of my doors!
Sir O. Twi. Nay, good sir, hear her.
L. Twi. Sun. Sweet sir——
Mis. Low. Pray, to your chambers, gentlemen; I should be here
Master of what is mine.
Sir O. Twi. Hear her but speak, sir.
Mis. Low. What can she speak but woman’s common language?
She’s sorry and asham’d for’t,—that helps nothing.
L. Gold. Sir, since it is the hard hap of my life
To receive injury where I plac’d my love——
Mis. Low. Why, la, I told you what escapes she’d have!
Sir O. Twi. Nay, pray, sir, hear her forward.
L. Gold. Let our parting
Be full as charitable as our meeting was;
That the pale, envious world, glad of the food
Of others’ miseries, civil dissensions,
And nuptial strifes, may not feed fat with ours;
But since you are resolv’d so wilfully
To leave my bed, and ever to refuse me—
As by your rage I find it your desire,
120Though all my actions deserve nothing less—
Here are our friends, men both of worth and wisdom;
Place so much power in them, to make an evenness
Between my peace and yours: all my wealth within doors,
In gold and jewels, lie[s] in those two caskets
I lately led you to, the value of which
Amounts to some five thousand [pounds] a-piece;
Exchange a charitable hand with me,
And take one casket freely,—fare thee well, sir.
Sir O. Twi. How say you to that now?
Mis. Low. Troth, I thank her, sir!
Are not both mine already? you shall wrong me,
And then make satisfaction with mine own!
I cannot blame you,—a good course for you!
L. Gold. I knew[166] ’twas not my luck to be so happy;
My miseries are no starters; when they come,
Stick longer by me.
Sir O. Twi. Nay, but give me leave, sir,
The wealth comes all by her.
Mis. Low. So does the shame,
Yet that’s most mine; why should not that be too?
Sir O. Twi. Sweet sir, let us rule[167] so much with you;
Since you intend an obstinate separation,
Both from her bed and board, give your consent
To some agreement reasonable and honest.
Mis. Low. Must I deal honestly with her lust?
L. Twi. Nay, good sir——
Mis. Low. Why, I tell you, all the wealth her husband left her
Is not of power to purchase the dear peace
121My heart has lost in these adulterous seas;
Yet let her works be base, mine shall be noble.
Sir O. Twi. That’s the best word of comfort I heard yet.
Mis. Low. Friends may do much.—Go, bring those caskets forth.— [Exeunt two Servants.
I hate her sight; I’ll leave her, though I lose by’t.
Sir O. Twi. Spoke like a noble gentleman, i’faith!
I’ll honour thee for this.
Bev. O cursed man!
Must thy rash heat force this division? [Aside.
Mis. Low. You shall have free leave now, without all fear;
You shall not need oil’d hinges, privy passages,
Watchings and whisperings; take him boldly to you.
L. Gold. O that I had that freedom! since my shame
Puts by all other fortunes, and owns him,
A worthy gentleman: if this cloud were past him,
I’d marry him, were’t but to spite thee only,
So much I hate thee now.
Re-enter Servants with two caskets, followed bySir Gilbert Lambstone, Weatherwise, Pepperton, andOverdone.
Sir O. Twi. Here come the caskets, sir; hold your good mind now,
And we shall make a virtuous end between you.
Mis. Low. Though nothing less she merit but a curse,
That might still hang upon her and consume her still,
As’t has been many a better woman’s fortune,
That has deserv’d less vengeance and felt more,
Yet my mind scorns to leave her shame so poor.
122Sir O. Twi. Nobly spoke still!
Sir G. Lamb. This strikes me into music; ha, ha!
Pep. Parting of goods before the bodies join!
Wea. This ’tis to marry beardless, domineering
boys; I knew ’twould come to this pass: well fare
a just almanac yet; for now is Mercury going into
the second house near unto Ursa Major, that great
hunks, the Bear at the Bridge-foot in heaven,[168] which
shews horrible bear-baitings in wedlock; and the
Sun near entering into the Dog, sets ’em all together
by the ears.
Sir O. Twi. You see what’s in’t.
Mis. Low. I think ’tis as I left it.
L. Gold. Then do but gage your faith to this assembly,
That you will ne’er return more to molest me,
But rest in all revenges full appeas’d
And amply satisfied with that half my wealth,
And take’t as freely as life wishes health!
Sir O. Twi. La, you, sir! come, come, faith, you shall swear that.
Mis. Low. Nay, gentlemen,
For your sakes now I will deal fairly with her.
Sir O. Twi. I would we might see that, sir!
Mis. Low. I could set her free;
But now I think on’t, she deserves it not.
123Sun. Nay, do not check your goodness; pray, sir, on with’t.
Mis. Low. I could release her ere I parted with her—
But ’twere a courtesy ill plac’d—and set her
At as free liberty to marry again
As you all know she was before I knew her.
Sir O. Twi. What, couldst thou, sir?
Mis. Low. But ’tis too good a blessing for her;—
Up with the casket, sirrah.
L. Gold. O sir, stay!
Mis. Low. I’ve nothing to say to you.
Sir O. Twi. Do you hear, sir?
Pray, let’s have one word more with you for our money.
L. Gold. Since you’ve expos’d me to all shame and sorrow,
And made me fit but for one hope and fortune,
Bearing my former comforts away with you,
Shew me a parting charity but in this,—
For all my losses pay me with that freedom,
And I shall think this treasure as well given
As ever ’twas ill got.
Mis. Low. I might afford it you,
Because I ne’er mean to be more troubled with you;
But how shall I be sure of the honest use on’t,
How you’ll employ that liberty? perhaps sinfully,
In wantonness unlawful, and I answer for’t;
So I may live a bawd to your loose works still,
In giving ’em first vent; not I, shall pardon me;
I’ll see you honestly join’d ere I release you;
I will not trust you, for the last trick you play’d me:
Here’s your old suitors.
Pep. Now we thank you, sir.
124Wea. My almanac warns me from all cuckoldy
conjunctions.
L. Gold. Be but commander of your word now, sir,
And before all these gentlemen, our friends,
I’ll make a worthy choice.
Sun. Fly not ye back now.
Mis. Low. I’ll try thee once: I’m married to another,
There’s thy release.
Sir O. Twi. Hoyday! there’s a release with a witness!
Thou that wrong’st woman’s love, her hate can fit thee.
Sir O. Twi. Brave wench, i’faith! now thou’st an honest gentleman,
Rid of a swaggering knave, and there’s an end on’t;
A man of good parts, this t’other had nothing.
Life, married to another!
Sir G. Lamb. O, brave rascal, with two wives!
125Wea. Nay, and[171] our women be such subtle animals,
I’ll lay wait at the carrier’s for a country
chamber-maid, and live still a bachelor. When
wives are like almanacs, we may have every year a
new one, then I’ll bestow my money on ’em; in the
meantime I’ll give ’em over, and ne’er trouble my
almanac about ’em.
Sir G. Lamb. I come in a good time to see you hang’d, sir,
And that’s my comfort; now I’ll tickle you, sir.
Mis. Low. You make me laugh indeed.
Sir G. Lamb. Sir, you remember
How cunningly you chok’d me at the banquet
With a fine bawdy letter?
Mis. Low. Your own fist, sir.
Sir G. Lamb. I’ll read the statute-book to you now for’t;
127Which, to your praise, shall to all times be known,
Advanc’d my brother, and restor’d mine own,
Nay, somewhat for my wrongs, like a good sister—
For well you know the tedious suit did cost
Much pains and fees; I thank you, ’tis not lost—
You wish’d for love, and, faith, I have bestow’d you
Upon a gentleman that does dearly love you;
That recompence I’ve made you; and you must think, madam,
I lov’d you well—though I could never ease you—
When I fetch’d in my brother thus to please you.
Sir O. Twi. Here’s unity for ever strangely wrought!
L. Gold. I see, too late, there is a heavy judgment
Keeps company with extortion and foul deeds,
And, like a wind which vengeance has in chase,
Drives back the wrongs into the injurer’s face:
My punishment is gentle; and to shew
My thankful mind for’t, thus I’ll revenge this,
With an embracement here, and here a kiss.
[EmbracesMistress Low-waterand kisses
Beveril.
Sir O. Twi. Why, now the bells they go trim, they go trim.—
I wish’d thee, sir, some unexpected blessing,
For my wife’s ransom, and ’tis faln upon thee.
Wea. A pox of this! my almanac ne’er gulled
me till this hour: the thirteenth day, work for the
hangman, and there’s nothing toward it. I’d been
a fine ass if I’d given twelvepence for a horse to
have rid to Tyburn to-morrow. But now I see
the error, ’tis false-figured; it should be, thirteen
days and a half, work for the hangman, for he
ne’er works under thirteenpence halfpenny; beside,
128Venus being a spot in the sun’s garment, shews
there should be a woman found in hose[175] and
doublet.
Sir O. Twi. Nay, faith, sweet wife, we’ll make
no more hours on’t now, ’tis as fine a contracting
time as ever came amongst gentlefolks.—Son Philip,
master Sandfield, come to the book here.
Phil. Now I’m wak’d
Into a thousand miseries and their torments.
Sav. And I come after you, sir, drawn with wild
horses; there will be a brave show on’s anon, if
this weather continue.
Sir O. Twi. Come, wenches, where be these young gen[tle]men’s hands now?
L. Twi. Poor gentleman, my son! [Aside.]—Some other time, sir.
Sir O. Twi. I’ll have’t now, i’faith, wife.
L. Gold. What are you making here?
Sir O. Twi. I’ve sworn, sweet madam,
My son shall marry master Sunset’s daughter,
And master Sandfield mine.
L. Gold. So you go well, sir;
But what make you this way then?
Sir O. Twi. This? for my son.
L. Gold. O back, sir, back! this is no way for him.
Sunset. Sir O. Twi. How!
L. Gold. O, let me break an oath, to save two souls,
Lest I should wake another judgment greater!
You come not here for him, sir.
Sir O. Twi. What’s the matter?
129L. Gold. Either give me free leave to make this match,
There should be noise i’ th’ air, if all things hap,
Though I love thunder when you make the clap.
Some faults perhaps have slipt, I am to answer:[180]
And if in any thing your revenge appears,
Send me in with all your fists about mine ears.
133
THE INNER-TEMPLE MASQUE.
135
The Inner-Temple Masque. Or Masque of Heroes. Presented
(as an Entertainement for many worthy Ladies:) By Gentlemen
of the same Ancient and Noble House. Tho. Middleton. London
Printed for John Browne, and are to be sold at his Shop in S.
Dunstanes Church-yard in Fleetstreete. 1619. 4to.
It was licensed—“1619 10 July The Temple Maske.—An
1618:” see Chalmers’s Suppl. Apol. p. 202.
Langbaine (Acc. of Engl. Dram. Poets, p. 372) having said,
in his notice of this Masque, that Mrs. Behn “has taken part
of it into the City Heiress,” we are told in the Biographia
Dramatica, that “Mrs. Behn has introduced into the City
Heiress aGREATpart of The Inner-Temple Masque;” and
Warton “believes” that the Masque “is the foundation” of
Mrs. Behn’s play, Hist. of English Poetry, vol. ii. p. 399 (note).
Now the fact is, that Mrs. Behn has not borrowed a single
line of the City Heiress from The Inner-Temple Masque! Langbaine,
who in his list of Middleton’s dramas omits A Mad
World, my Masters, applies, by mistake, to The Inner-Temple
Masque a remark which he had prepared for his notice of that
play, and which he repeats when he mentions the comedy in
his Appendix. He also states that the Masque was first
printed in 1640—which is the date of the second edition (the
earliest he had seen) of A Mad World, my Masters—and hence
the Biogr. Dram. gives a second edition of the Masque in
1640!
137
THE MASQUE.
This nothing owes to any tale or story
With which some writer pieces up a glory;
I only made the time, they sat to see,
Serve for the mirth itself, which was found free;
And herein fortunate, that’s counted good,
Being made for ladies, ladies understood.
T. M.
138
THE PARTS.
THE SPEAKERS.
Doctor Almanac
Jos. Taylor.
Plumporridge
W. Rowley.
A Fasting-Day
J. Newton.
New Year
H. Atwell.
Time
W. Carpenter.
Harmony
A Boy.
TWO ANTEMASQUES.
In the first, six dancers.
Candlemas-Day.
Ill May-Day.
Shrove-Tuesday.
Midsummer-Eve.
Lent.
The First Dog-Day.
The second presented by eight Boys.
Three Good Days.Three Bad Days.
Two Indifferent Days.
The Masque itself receiving its illustration from nine of the Gentlemen of the House.
139THE
INNER-TEMPLE MASQUE.
EnterDoctor Almanac, coming from the funeral of December, or the Old Year.
D. Al. I have seen the Old Year fairly buried;
Good gentleman he was, but toward his end
Full of diseases: he kept no good diet;
He lov’d a wench in June, which we count vild,[181]
And got the latter end of May with child;
That was his fault, and many an old year smells on’t.
EnterFasting-Day.
How now? who’s this?[182] O, one a’ the Fasting-Days
That follow’d him to his grave;
I know him by his gauntness, his thin chitterlings;
The very poulters’[184] girls throw rotten eggs at me,
Nay, Fish-street loves me e’en but from teeth outward;
The nearest kin I have looks shy upon me,
As if ’t had forgot me. I met Plumporridge now,
My big-swoln enemy; he’s plump and lusty,
The only man in place. Sweet master doctor,
Prefer me to the New Year; you can do’t.
D. Al. When can I do’t, sir? you must stay till Lent.
F.-Day. Till Lent! you kill my heart, sweet master doctor;
Thrust me into Candlemas-Eve, I do beseech you.
D. Al. Away! Candlemas-Eve will never bear thee
I’ these days, ’tis so frampole;[185] the Puritans
Will never yield to’t.
F.-Day. Why, they’re fat enough.
D. Al. Here comes Plumporridge.
EnterPlumporridge.
F.-Day. Ay, he’s sure of welcome:
Methinks he moves like one of the great porridge-tubs
Going to the Counter.
Plum. O, killing, cruel sight! yonder’s a Fasting-Day,
a lean, spiny[186] rascal, with a dog in’s belly; his
very bowels bark with hunger. Avaunt! thy breath
stinks; I do not love to meet thee fasting; thou
art nothing but wind, thy stomach’s full of farts, as
if they had lost their way, and thou made with the
141wrong end upward, like a Dutch maw, that discharges
still into the mouth.
F.-Day. Why, thou whorson breakfast, dinner,
nunchions, supper, and bever,[187] cellar, hall, kitchen
and wet-larder!
Plum. Sweet master doctor, look quickly upon his water,
That I may break the urinal ’bout his pate.
[Offering urinal toD. Almanac.
D. Al. Nay, friendship, friendship!
Plum. Never, master doctor,
With any Fasting-Day, persuade me not,
Nor any thing belongs to Ember-week;
And if I take against a thing, I’m stomachful;[188]
I was born an Anabaptist, a fell foe
To fish and Fridays; pig’s my absolute sweetheart;
And shall I wrong my love, and cleave to salt-fish?
Commit adultery with an egg and butter?
D. Al. Well, setting this apart, whose water’s this, sir?
Plum. O, thereby hangs a tale; my master Kersmas’s,
It is his water, sir; he’s drawing on.
D. Al. Kersmas[’s]? why, let me see;
I saw him very lusty a’ Twelfth Night.
Plum. Ay, that’s true, sir; but then he took his bane
142D. Al. And what has he given away? let me see, Plumbroth.
[Taking will fromPlumporridge.
Plum. He could not give away much, sir; his
children have so consumed him beforehand.
D. Al. [reads] The last will and testament of
Kersmas, irrevocable. In primis, I give and bequeath
to my second son In-and-In[190] his perpetual lodging
i’ the King’s Bench, and his ordinary out of the
basket.[191]
Plum. A sweet allowance for a second brother!
D. Al. [reads] Item, I give to my youngest sons
Gleek and Primavista[192] the full consuming of nights
and days, and wives and children, together with one
secret gift, that is, never to give over while they have
a penny.
Plum. And if e’er they do, I’ll be hanged!
D. Al. [reads] For the possession of all my lands,
manors, manor-houses, I leave them full and wholly to
my eldest son Noddy,[193]whom, during his minority, I
commit to the custody of a pair of Knaves and One-and-thirty.
Plum. There’s knaves enow, a’ conscience, to
cozen one fool!
D. Al. [reads] Item, I give to my eldest daughter
143Tickle-me-quickly, and to her sister My-lady’s-hole,
free leave to shift for themselves, either in court, city,
or country.
Plum. We thank him heartily.
D. Al. [reads] Item, I leave to their old aunt My-sow-has-pigged[194]
a litter of courtesans to breed up for
Shrovetide.
Plum. They will be good ware in Lent, when
flesh is forbid by proclamation.
D. Al. [reads] Item, I give to my nephew Gambols,[195]
commonly called by the name of Kersmas Gambols, all
my cattle, horse and mare, but let him shoe ’em himself.
Plum. I ha’ seen him shoe the mare[196] forty times over.
D. Al. [reads] Also, I bequeath to my cousin-german
Wassail-bowl,[197] born of Dutch parents, the privilege of
a free denizen, that is, to be drunk with Scotch ale or
English beer; and, lastly, I have given, by word of
mouth, to poor Blind-man-buff a flap with a fox-tail.
Plum. Ay, so has given ’em all, for aught I see.
But now what think you of his water, sir?
144D. Al. Well, he may linger out till Candlemas,
But ne’er recover it.
F.-Day. Would he were gone once!
I should be more respected. [Aside.
EnterNew Year.
D. Al. Here’s New Year.
Plum. I’ve ne’er a gift to give him; I’ll begone.
[Exit.
D. Al. Mirth and a healthful time fill all your days!
Look freshly, sir.
N. Year. I cannot, master doctor,
My father’s death sets the spring backward i’ me
For joy and comfort yet; I’m now between
Sorrow and joy, the winter and the spring;
And as time gathers freshness in its season,
No doubt affects[198] will be subdu’d with reason.
D. Al. You’ve a brave mind to work on; use my rules,
And you shall cut a caper in November,
When other years, your grandfathers, lay bed-rid.
N. Year. What’s he that looks so piteously and shakes so?
Black knaves and white knaves, and you, parcel-rascals,[216]
Two hypocritical, party-colour’d varlets,
That play o’ both hands.
[Here the second dance and last Antimasque by
eight boys habited according to their former
characters: theThree Good Daysattired
all in white garments sitting close to their
bodies, their inscriptions on their breasts—on
the first Cock-a-hoop, on the second The
gear cottens, on the third Faint heart never:
TheThree Bad Daysall in black garments,
their faces black, and their inscriptions—on
the first Rods in piss, on the second Post
for puddings, on the third Put up thy pipes:
151TheTwo Indifferent Daysin garments half
white, half black, their faces seamed with that
party-colour, and their inscriptions—on the
first Neither full nor fasting, on the second
In dock out nettle. These having purchased
a smile from the cheeks of many a beauty by
their ridiculous figures, vanish, proud of that
treasure.
D. Al. I see these pleasures of low births and natures
Add little freshness to your cheeks; I pity you,
And can no longer now conceal from you
Your happy omen. Sir, blessings draw near you;
I will disclose a secret in astrology,
By the sweet industry of Harmony,
Your white and glorious friend;
Even very deities have conspir’d to grace
Your fair inauguration; here I find it,
’Tis clear in art,
The minute, nay, the point of time’s arriv’d,
Methinks the blessings touch you; now they’re felt, sir.
[At which loud music heard, the first cloud vanishing, Harmonyis discovered, with her sacred quire.
The First Song.
Har. [sings]
New Year, New Year, hark, harken to me!
I am sent down
To crown
Thy wishes with me:
Thy fair desires in virtue’s court are fil’d;
The goodness of thy thought
This blessed work hath wrought,
Time shall be reconcil’d.
152Thy spring shall in all sweets abound,
Thy summer shall be clear and sound,
Thy autumn swell the barn and loft
With corn and fruits, ripe, sweet, and soft;
And in thy winter, when all go,
Thou shalt depart as white as snow.
[Then a second cloud vanishing, the Masquers themselves are discovered, sitting in arches of clouds, being nine in number, heroes deified for their virtues: the song goes on.
Behold, behold, hark, harken to me!
Glory’s come down
To crown
Thy wishes with me:
Bright heroes in lasting honour spher’d,
Virtue’s eternal spring,
By making Time their king,
See, they’re beyond time rear’d;
Yet, in their love to human good,
In which estate themselves once stood,
They all descend to have their worth
Shine to imitation forth;
And by their motion, light, and love,
To shew how after-times should move.
[Then the Masquers descending set to their first dance.
The Second Song.
Har. [sings]
Move on, move on, be still the same,
You beauteous sons of brightness;
You add to honour spirit and flame,
To virtue grace and whiteness;
You whose every little motion
May learn strictness more devotion,
153Every pace of that high worth
It treads a fair example forth,
Quickens a virtue, makes a story
To your own heroic glory;
May your three-times-thrice blest number,
Raise merit from his ancient slumber!
Move on, move on, &c.
[Then they order themselves for their second dance, after which
The Third Song.
Har. [sings]
See, whither fate hath led you, lamps of honour,
For goodness brings her own reward upon her;
Look, turn your eyes, and then conclude commending,
And say you’ve lost no worth by your descending;
Behold, a heaven about you, spheres more plenty,
There for one Luna here shines ten, and for one Venus twenty.
Then, heroes, double both your fame and light,
Each choose his star, and full adorn this night.
[At which the Masquers make choice of their ladies and dance.Timere-entering, thus closes all.
Time. The morning gray
Bids come away;
Every lady should begin
To take her chamber, for the stars are in.
[Then making his honour to the ladies.
Live long the miracles of times and years,
Till with those heroes you sit fix’d in spheres!
155
THE WORLD TOST AT TENNIS.
157A Courtly Masque: The Deuice called, The World tost at
Tennis. As it hath beene diuers times Presented to the Contentment
of many Noble and Worthy Spectators: By the Prince his
Seruants.
Inuented and set downe, ByTho: Middleton & William RowleyGent.
London printed by George Purslowe, and are to be sold at Christ
——. 4to.
In all the copies of this Masque which I have seen, a portion
of the letter-press has been cut off from the bottom of
the title-page by the binder. Langbaine (Acc. of Engl. Dram.
Poets, p. 374) gives to it the date 1620: and so the Biographia
Dramatica, which adds that it was entered on the book of the
Stationers’ Company July 4, in that year.
158
THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY.
TO THE TRULY NOBLE
CHARLES LORD HOWARD, Baron of Effingham,
AND TO HIS VIRTUOUS AND WORTHY LADY
The Right Honourable MARY LADY EFFINGHAM,
Eldest Daughter of the truly generous and judiciousSir William
Cockaine, Knight, Lord Mayor of this City, and Lord General
of the Military Forces.
To whom more properly may art prefer
Works of this nature, which are high and rare,
Fit to delight a prince’s eye and ear,
Than to the hands of such a worthy pair?
Imagine this—mix’d with delight and state,
Being then an entertainment for the best—
Your noble nuptials comes to celebrate;
And though it fall short of the day and feast
Of your most sacred and united loves,
Let none say therefore it untimely moves:
It can, I hope, come out of season never
To find your joys new—as at first, for ever.
Most respectfully devoted
To both your Honours,
Tho. Middleton.
159To the well-wishing, well-reading Understander,
well-understanding Reader,
Simplicity S.P.D.
After most hearty commendations, my kind and
unknown friends, trusting in Phœbus your understandings
are all in as good health as Simplicity’s
was at the writing hereof; this is to certify you
further, that this short and small treatise that follows,
called a Masque, the device further intituled
The World tost at Tennis—how it will be now tossed
in the world, I know not—a toy brought to the
press rather by the printer than the poet, who
requested an epistle for his pass, to satisfy his perusers
how hitherto he hath behaved himself. First,
for his conception, he was begot in Brainford,[217]
born on the bank-side of Helicon, brought up
amongst noble gentle commons and good scholars
of all sorts, where, for his time, he did good and
honest service beyond the small seas: he was fair-spoken,
never accused of scurrilous or obscene
language, a virtue not ever found in scenes of the
like condition; of as honest meaning reputed, as
his words reported; neither too bitterly taxing, nor
too soothingly telling, the world’s broad abuses;
moderately merry, as sententiously serious; never
condemned but for his brevity in speech, ever
wishing his tale longer, to be assured he would
continue to so good a purpose. Having all these
160handsome qualities simply, and no other compounded
with knavery, there is great hope he shall
pass still by the fair way of good report, persevering
in those honest courses which may become the son
of Simplicity, who, though he be now in a masque,
yet is his face apparent enough. And so, loving
cousins, having no news to send you at this time,
but that Deceit is entering upon you, whom I pray
you have a care to avoid; and this notice I can
give you of him,—there are some six or eight
pages before him, the Lawyer and the Devil behind
him. In this care I leave you, not leaving to be
Your kind and loving kinsman,
Simplicity.
161
PROLOGUE.
This our device we do not call a play,
Because we break the stage’s laws to-day
Of acts and scenes: sometimes a comic strain
Hath hit delight home in the master-vein,
Thalia’s prize; Melpomene’s sad style
Hath shook the tragic hand another while;
The Muse of History hath caught your eyes,
And she [that] chaunts the pastoral psalteries:
We now lay claim to none, yet all present,
Seeking out pleasure to find your content.
You shall perceive, by what comes first in sight,
It was intended for a royal night:
There’s one hour’s words, the rest in songs and dances;
Lauds no man’s own, no man himself advances,
No man is lifted but by other hands;
Say he could leap, he lights but where he stands:
Such is our fate; if good, much good may’t do you!
If not, sorry we’ll lose our labours wi’ you.
162
THE FIGURES AND PERSONS
PROPERLY RAISED FOR EMPLOYMENT THROUGH THE
WHOLE MASQUE.
First, three ancient and princely Receptacles, Richmond, St. James’s, andDenmark-House.
A Scholar.
Pallas.
A Soldier.
Jupiter.
The Nine Worthies [the Nine Muses.]
The first Song and first Dance.
Time, a plaintiff, but his grievances delivered courteously.
The five Starches, White, Blue, Yellow, Green, and Red.
The second Dance.
Simplicity.
The Intermeddler.
Deceit.
The Disguiser.
The second Song.
A King.
A Sea-Captain.
A Land-Captain.
Mariners.
The third Song and third Dance.
The Flamen.
The Lawyer.
The fourth and last Dance, the Devil an intermixer.
163THE
WORLD TOST AT TENNIS.
AnInductionto the Masque prepared for his Majesty’s
Entertainment at Denmark-House.
EnterRichmondandSt. James’s.
St. Jam. Why, Richmond, Richmond, why art so
heavy?
Rich. I have reason enough for that, good,
sainted sister; am I not built with stone—fair,
large, and free stone—some part covered with lead
too?
St. Jam. All this is but a light-headed understanding
now; I mean, why so melancholy? thou
lookest mustily, methinks.
Rich. Do I so? and yet I dwell in sweeter air
than you, sweet St. James: how three days warming
has spirited you! you have sometimes your vacations
as other of your friends have, if you call
yourself to mind.
St. Jam. Thou never sawest my new gallery and
my tennis-court, Richmond.
Rich. No, but I heard of it, and from whence it
came too.
St. Jam. Why, from whence came it?
Rich. Nay, lawfully derived, from the brick-kilns,
as thou didst thyself.
164St. Jam. Thou breedest crickets, I think, and that
will serve for the anagram to a critic. Come, I know thy grief;
Thou fear’st that our late rival, Denmark-House,
Will take from our regard, and we shall want
The noble presence of our princely master
In his so frequent visitation,
Which we were wont so fully to enjoy.
Rich. And is not that a cause of sorrow then?
St. Jam. Rather a cause of joy, that we enjoy
So fair a fellowship. Denmark! why, she’s
A stately palace and majestical,
Ever of courtly breeding, but of late
Built up unto a royal height of state,
Rounded with noble prospects; by her side
The silver-footed Thamesis doth slide,
As, though more faintly, Richmond, does by thee,
Which I, denied to touch, can only see.
EnterDenmark-House.
Rich. Who’s this?
St. Jam. ’Tis she herself, i’faith; comes with
A courteous brow.
Den.-H. Ye’re welcome, most nobly welcome!
St. Jam. Hark you now, Richmond; did not I tell thee ’twas
A royal house?
Den.-H. Why, was there any doubt
Of our kind gratulation? I am proud
Only to be in fellowship with you,
Co-mate and servant to so great a master.
St. Jam. That’s Richmond’s fear thou’lt rob us
both, thou hast such an enticing face of thine own.
Den.-H. O let not that be any difference!
When we do serve, let us be ready for’t,
And call’d at his great pleasure; the round year
165In her circumferent arms will fold us all,
And give us all employment seasonable.
I am for colder hours, when the bleak air
Bites with an icy tooth: when summer has sear’d,
And autumn all discolour’d, laid all fallow,
Pleasure taken house and dwells within doors,
Then shall my towers smoke and comely shew:
But when again the fresher morn appears,
And the soft spring renews her velvet head,
St. James’s take my blest inhabitants,
For she can better entertain them then,
In larger grounds,[218] in park, sports, and delights:
Scho. Soldier, ta-ra-ra-ra-ra! how is’t? thou
lookest as if thou hadst lost a field to-day.
Sol. No, but I have lost a day i’ the field: if
you take me a maunding[223] but where I am commanding,
let ’em shew me the House of Correction.
Scho. Why, thou wert not maunding, wert thou?
there’s martial danger in that, believe it.
Sol. No, sir; but I was bold to shew myself to
some of my old and familiar acquaintance, but
being disguised with my wants, there’s nobody
knew me.
Scho. Faith, and that’s the worst disguise a man
can walk in; thou wert better have appeared drunk
in good clothes, much better: there’s no superfluities
shame a man,—as to be over-brave,[224] over-bold,
over-swearing, over-lying, over-whoring;
these add still to his repute: ’tis the poor indigence,
the want, the lank deficiency,—as when a
168man cannot be brave, dares not be bold, is afraid
to swear, wants maintenance for a lie, and money
to give a whore a supper; this is pauper cujus modicum
non satis est: nay, he shall never be rich with
begging neither, which is another wonder, because
many beggars are rich.
Sol. O canina facundia! this dog-eloquence of
thine will make thee somewhat one day, scholar:
couldst thou turn but this prose into rhyme, there
were a pitiful living to be picked out of it.
Scho. I could make ballads for a need.
Sol. Very well, sir, and I’ll warrant thee thou
shalt never want subject to write of: one hangs
himself to-day, another drowns himself to-morrow,
a sergeant stabbed next day; here a pettifogger a’
the pillory, a bawd in the cart’s nose, and a pander
in the tail; hic mulier, hæc vir, fashions, fictions,
felonies, fooleries;—a hundred havens has the
balladmonger to traffic at, and new ones still daily
discovered.
Scho. Prithee, soldier, no further this way; I
participate more of Heraclitus than Democritus;
I could rather weep the sins of the people than
sing ’em.
Sol. Shall I set thee down a course to live?
Scho. Faith, a coarse living, I think, must serve
my turn; but why hast thou not found out thine
own yet?
Sol. Tush, that’s resolv’d on, beg; when there’s use for me
I shall be brave again, hugg’d and belov’d:
We are like winter-garments, in the height
And [the] hot blood of summer, put off, thrown by
For moths’ meat, never so much as thought on;
Till the drum strikes up storms again, and then,
Come, my well-linèd soldier, (with valour,
169Not valure,)[225] keep me warm; O, I love thee!
We shall be trimm’d and very well brush’d then;
If we be fac’d with fur ’tis tolerable,
For we may pillage then and steal our prey,
And not be hang’d for’t; when the least fingering
In peaceful summer chokes us. A soldier,
At the best, is even but the forlorn hope
Unto his country, sent desperately out,
And never more expected; if he come,
Peace’s war, perhaps, the law, providently
Has provided for him some house or lands,
May be suspens’d in wrangling controversy,
And he be hir’d to keep possession,
For there may be swords drawn; he may become
The abject second to some stinking baily:
O, let him serve the pox first, and die a gentleman!
Come, I know my ends, but would fain provide for thee;
Canst thou make——
Scho. What? I have no handicraft, man.
Sol. Cuckolds, make cuckolds; ’tis a pretty trade
In a peaceful city; ’tis women’s work, man,
And they’re good paymasters.
Scho. I dare not; ’tis a work
Of supererogation, and the church
Forbids it.
Sol. Prithee, what is Latin for
A cuckold, scholar? I could never learn yet.
Scho. Faith, the Latins have no proper word for it
That ever I read; homo, I take it, is the best,
Because it is a common name to all men.
170Sol. You’re mad fellows you scholars; I’m persuaded,
Were I a scholar now, I could not want.
Scho. Every man’s most capable of his own grief:
A scholar said you? why, there are none now-a-days;
Were you a scholar, you’d be a singular fellow.
Sol. How, no scholars? what’s become of ’em all?
Scho. I’ll make it proof from your experience:
A commander’s a commander, captain captain;
But having no soldiers, where’s the command?
Such are we, all doctors, no disciples now;
Every man’s his own teacher, none learns of others.
You have not heard of our mechanic rabbies,
That shall dispute in their own tongues backward and forward
With all the learnèd fathers of the Jews?
Sol. Mechanic rabbies? what might those be?
Scho. I’ll shew you, sir—
And they are men are daily to be seen—
There’s rabbi Job a venerable silk-weaver,
Jehu a throwster[226] dwelling i’ the Spitalfields,
By whose large sceptre all their fates are sway’d,
Adverse or auspicious.
Jup. ’Tis more than Jupiter
Can do to please ’em: unsatisfied man
Has in his ends no end; not hell’s abyss
Is deeper-gulf’d than greedy avarice;
Ambition finds no mountain high enough
For his aspiring foot to stand upon:
176One drinks out all his blessings into surfeits,
Another throws ’em out as all were his,
And the gods bound for prodigal supply:
What is he lives content in any kind?
That long-incensèd nature is now ready
To turn all back into the fruitless chaos.
Pal. These are two noble virtues, my dread sire,
Both arts and arms, well-wishers unto Pallas.
Jup. How can it be but they have both abus’d,
And would, for their ills, make our justice guilty?
Shew them their shames, Minerva; what the young world,
In her unstable youth, did then produce;
She should grow graver now, more sage, more wise,
Know concord and the harmony of goodness;
But if her old age strike with harsher notes,
We may then think she is too old, and dotes.
Strike, by white art, a theomantic power,
Magic divine—not the devil’s horror,
But the delicious music of the spheres—
The thrice-three Worthies summon back to life;
There let ’em see what arts and arms commixt—
For they had both—did in the world’s broad face;
Those that did propagate and beget their fames,
And for posterity left lasting names.
Pal. I shall, great Jupiter.
[Music, and this Song as an invocation to the Nine Muses, who, in the time, are discovered, with the Nine Worthies, on the upper-stage:[237] toward the conclusion they descend, each Worthy led by a Muse, the most proper and pertinent to the person of the Worthy, asTerpsichorewithDavid, UraniawithJoshua, &c.
Jup. Were not these precedents for all future ages?
Scho. But none attains their glories, king of stars;
These are the fames are follow’d and pursu’d,
But never overtaken.
Jup. The fate’s below,
The god’s arms are not shorten’d, nor do we shine
With fainter influence: who conquers now
Makes it his tyrant’s prize, and not his honour’s,
Abusing all the blessings of the gods;
Learnings and arts are theories, no practiques,
To understand is all they study to;
Men strive to know too much, too little do.
Sol. Plaints are not ours alone, great Jupiter;
179EnterTime.
See, Time himself comes weeping.
Time. Who has more cause?
Who more wrong’d than Time? Time passes all men
With a regardless eye at best; the worst
Expect him with a greedy appetite;
The landed lord looks for his quarter-day,
The big-bellied usurer for his teeming gold,
That brings him forth the child of interest,
He that, beyond the bounds of heaven’s large blessing,
Hath made a fruitless creature to increase,
Dull earthen minerals to propagate;
These only do expect and entertain me,
But being come, they bend their plodding heads,
And while they count their bags they let me pass,
Yet instant wish me come about again:
Would Time deserve their thanks, or Jove their praise,
He must turn time only to quarter-days.
O, but my wrongs they are innumerable!
The lawyer drives me off from term to term,
Bids me—and I do’t—bring forth my Alethe,
My poor child Truth, he sees and will not see her;
What I could manifest in one clear day,
He still delays a cloudy jubilee:
The prodigal wastes and makes me sick with surfeits;
The drunkard, strong in wine, trips up my heels,
And sets me topsy-turvy on my head,
Waking my silent passage in the night
With revels, noise, and thunder-clapping oaths,
And snorting on my bright meridian;
And when they think I pass too slowly by,
180They have a new-found vapour to expel me,
They smoke me out: ask ’em but why they do’t,
And he that worst can speak yet this can say,
I take this whiff to drive the time away.
O, but the worst of all, women do hate me!
I cannot set impression on their cheeks
With all my circular hours, days, months, and years,
But ’tis wip’d off with gloss and pencilry;
Nothing so hateful as gray hairs and time,
Rather no hair at all. ’Tis sin’s autumn now
For those fair trees that were more fairer cropt,
Or they fall of themselves, or will be lopt:
Even Time itself, to number all his griefs,
Would waste himself unto his ending date.
How many would eternity wish here,
And that the sun, and time, and age, might stand,
And leave their annual distinction,—
That nature were bed-rid, all motion sleep!
Time having then such foes, has cause to weep.—
Redress it, Jupiter. [Exit.
Jup. I tell thee, glorious daughter, and you, things
Shut up in wretchedness, the world knew once
His age of happiness, blessèd times own’d him,
Till those two ugly ills, Deceit and Pride,
Made it a perish’d substance. Pride brought in
Forgetfulness of goodness, merit, virtue,
And plac’d ridiculous officers in life,
Vain-glory, fashion, humour, and such toys,
That shame to be produc’d;
The frenzy of apparel, that’s run mad,
And knows not where to settle: masculine painting,
And the five Starches, mocking the five senses,
All in their different and ridiculous colours;
Which, for their apish and fantastic follies,
181I summon to make odious, and will fit ’em
With flames of their own colours.
[Music striking up a light fantastic air, the Five Starches, White, Blue, Yellow, Green, and Red, all properly habited to express their affected colours,[249] come dancing in; and after a ridiculous strain, White Starch challenging precedency, standing upon her right by antiquity, out of her just anger presents their pride to them.
White S. What, no respect amongst you? must I wake you
You, blue-ey’d frokin,[251] looks like fire and brimstone;—
You, caudle-colour, much of the complexion
Of high Shrove-Tuesday batter,[252] yellow-hammer;—
And you, my tanzy-face, that shews like pride
Serv’d up in sorrel-sops, green-sickness baggage;—
And last, thou Red Starch, that wear’st all thy blushes
Under thy cheeks, looks like a strangled moon-calf,
With all thy blood settled about thy neck,
The ensign of thy shame, if thou hadst any,—
Know I’m Starch Protestant, thou Starch Puritan
With the blue nostril, whose tongue lies i’ thy nose.
Blue S. Wicked interpretation!
Yel. S. I ha’ known
182A white-fac’d hypocrite, lady sanctity—
A yellow ne’er came near her—and sh’as been
A citizen’s wife too, starch’d like innocence,
But the devil’s pranks not uglier; in her mind
Wears yellow, hugs it, if her husband’s trade
Could bear it, there’s the spite; but since she cannot
Wear her own linen yellow, yet she shews
Her love to’t, and makes him wear yellow hose.[253]
I am as stiff i’ my opinion
As any Starch amongst you.
Green S. I as you.
Red S. And I as any.
Blue S. I scorn to come behind.
Yel. S. Then conclude thus:
When all men’s several censures, all the arguments
The world can bring upon us, are applied,
The sin’s not i’ the colour, but the pride.
The other Starches. Oracle Yellow!
[The Starches dance, and exeunt.
Jup. These are the youngest daughters of Deceit,
With which the precious time of life’s beguil’d,
Fool’d, and abus’d; I’ll shew you straight their father,
His shapes, his labours, that has vex’d the world
From age to age,
And tost it from his first and simple state
To the foul centre where it now abides:
Look back but into times, here shall be shewn
How many strange removes the world has known.
183[Loud music sounding, Jupiterleaves his state;[254] and to shew the strange removes of the world, places the orb whose figure it bears in the midst of the stage; to whichSimplicity, by order of time having first access, enters.
Pal. Who’s this, great Jupiter?
Jup. Simplicity,
He that had first possession; one that stumbled
Upon the world and never minded it.
Sim. Hah, hah! I’ll go see how the world looks
since I stept aside from’t; there’s such heaving and
shoving about it, such toiling and moiling;—now I
stumbled upon’t when I least thought on’t. [Takes
up the orb.] Uds me! ’tis altered of one side since
I left it: hah, there’s a milkmaid got with child
since, methinks; what, and a shepherd forsworn
himself? here’s a foul corner: by this light, Subtlety
has laid an egg too, and will go nigh to hatch a
lawyer; this was well foreseen, I’ll mar the fashion
on’t; so, the egg’s broke, and ’t has a yolk as black
as buckram. What’s here a’ this side? O, a dainty
world! here’s one a-sealing with his tooth, and,
poor man, he has but one in all; I was afraid he
would have left it upon the paper, he was so
honestly earnest. Here are the reapers singing,
I’ll lay mine ear to ’em.
EnterDeceit, like a ranger.
Deceit. Yonder’s Simplicity, whom I hate deadly,
Has held the world too long; he’s but a fool,
A toy will cozen him: if I once fasten on’t,
I’ll make it such a nursery for hell,
Planting black souls in’t, it shall ne’er be fit
For Honesty to set her simples in. [Aside.
184Sim. Whoop, here’s the cozening’st rascal in a kingdom!
The master-villain; has the thunder’s property,
For if he come but near the harvest-folks,
His breath’s so strong that he sours all their bottles.
If he should but blow upon the world now, the
stain would never get out again; I warrant, if he
were ript, one might find a swarm of usurers in his
liver, a cluster of scriveners in his kidneys, and his
how abominably he smells of controversies, schisms,
and factions! methinks I smell forty religions together
in him, and ne’er a good one; his eyes look
like false lights, cozening trap-windows. [Aside.
Dec. The world, sweetheart, is full of cares and troubles,
No match for thee; thou art a tender thing,
A harmless, quiet thing, a gentle fool,
Fit for the fellowship of ewes and rams;
Go, take thine ease and pipe; give me the burden,
The clog, the torment, the heart-break, the world:
Here’s for thee, lamb, a dainty oaten pipe.
[Offers a pipe.
Sim. Pox a’ your pipe! if I should dance after
your pipe, I should soon dance to the devil.
Dec. I think some serpent, sure, has lick’d him over,
And given him only craft enough to keep,
185And go no farther with him; all the rest
Is innocence about him, truth and bluntness.
I must seek other course; for I have learn’d
Of my infernal sire not to be lazy,
Faint, or discourag’d, at the tenth repulse:
Methinks that world Simplicity now hugs fast,
Does look as if’t should be Deceit’s at last.
[Aside, and exit.
Sim. So, so, I’m glad he’s vanished: methought
I had much ado to keep myself from a smatch of
knavery, as long as he stood by me; for certainly
villany is infectious, and in the greater person the
greater poison; as, for example, he that takes but
the tick of a citizen may take the scab of a courtier.
Hark, the reapers begin to sing! they’re come
nearer, methinks, too.
The Second Song.
Happy times we live to see,
Whose master is Simplicity;
This is the age where blessings flow,
In joy we reap, in peace we sow;
We do good deeds without delay,
We promise and we keep our day;
We love for virtue, not for wealth,
We drink no healths, but all for health;
We sing, we dance, we pipe, we play,
Our work’s continual holyday;
We live in poor contented sort,
Yet neither beg nor come at court.
Sim. These reapers have the merriest lives! they
have music to all they do; they’ll sow with a tabor,
and get children with a pipe.
Enter aKingwithDeceit.
Dec. Sir, he’s a fool, the world belongs to you;
186You’re mighty in your worth and your command,
You know to govern, form, make laws, and take
Their sweet and precious penalty; it befits
A mightiness like yours: the world was made
For such a lord as you, so absolute
A majesty in all princely nobleness,
As yourself is: but to lie useless now,
Rusty or lazy, in a fool’s pre-eminence,
It is not for a glorious worth to suffer.
King. Thou’st said enough.
Dec. Now my hope ripens fairly. [Aside.
Sim. Here’s a brave glistering thing looks me i’ the face,
I know not what to say to’t. [Aside.
King. What’s thy name?
Sim. You may read it in my looks, Simplicity.
King. What mak’st thou with so great a charge about thee?
Resign it up to me, and be my fool.
Sim. Troth, that’s the way to be your fool indeed;
But shall I have the privilege to fool freely?
King. As ever folly had.
[Simplicitygives the orb to King.
Sim. I’m glad I’m rid on’t.
Dec. Pray, let me ease your majesty.
King. Thou? hence,
Base sycophant, insinuating hell-hound!
Lay not a finger on it, as thou lov’st
The state of thy whole body: all thy filthy
And rotten flatteries stink i’ my remembrance,
And nothing is so loathsome as thy presence.
Sim. Sure this will prove a good prince! [Aside.
Dec. Still repuls’d?
I must find ground to thrive on. [Aside, and exit.
Sim. Pray, remember now
187You had the world from me clean as a pick,
Only a little smutted a’ one side
With a bastard got against it, or such a toy;
No great corruption nor oppression in’t,
No knavery, tricks, nor cozenage.
King. Thou say’st true, fool; the world has a clear water.
Sim. Make as few laws as you can then to trouble it,
The fewer the better; for always the more laws you make,
The more knaves thrive by’t, mark it when you will.
King. Thou’st counsel i’ thee too!
Sim. A little, ’gainst knavery; I’m such an enemy to’t,
That it comes naturally from me to confound it.
King. Look, what are those?
Sim. Tents, tents; that part o’ the world
Shews like a fair; but, pray, take notice on’t,
There’s not a bawdy booth amongst ’em all;
You have ’em white and honest as I had ’em,
Look that your laundresses pollute ’em not.
King. How pleasantly the countries lie about,
Of which we are sole lord! What’s that i’ the middle?
Simp. Looks like a point, you mean, a very prick?
King. Ay, that, that.
Sim. ’Tis the beginning of Amsterdam: they say
the first brick there was laid with fresh cheese and
cream, because mortar made of lime and hair was
wicked and committed fornication.
King. Peace; who are these approaching?
Sim. Blustering fellows:
The first’s a soldier, he looks just like March.
188Enter a Land-Captain, withDeceitas a soldier.
Dec. Captain, ’tis you that have the bloody sweats,
You venture life and limbs; ’tis you that taste
The stings of thirst and hunger.
L.-Cap. There thou hast nam’d
Afflictions sharper than the enemy’s swords.
Dec. Yet lets another carry away the world,
Of which by right you are the only master;
Stand curtsying for your pay at your return—
Perhaps with wooden legs—to every groom,
That dares not look full right upon a sword,
Nor upon any wound or slit of honour.
L.-Cap. No more; I’ll be myself: I that uphold
Countries and kingdoms, must I halt downright,
And be propt up with part of mine own strength,
The least part too? why, have not I the power
To make myself stand absolute of myself,
That keep up others?
King. How cheers our noble captain?
L.-Cap. Our own captain,
No more a hireling: your great foe’s at hand,
Seek your defence elsewhere, for mine shall fail you;
I’ll not be fellow-yok’d with death and danger
All my life-time, and have the world kept from me;
March in the heat of summer in a bath,
A furnace girt about me, and in that agony,
With so much fire within me, forc’d to wade
Through a cool river, practising in life
The very pains of hell, now scorch’d, now shivering,
To call diseases early into my bones,
Before I’ve age enough to entertain ’em:
No, he that has desire to keep the world,
Let him e’en take the sour pains to defend it.
189King. Stay, man of merit, it belongs to thee,
[Gives the orb to Land-Captain.
I cheerfully resign it; all my ambition
Is but the quiet calm of peaceful days,
And that fair good I know thy arm will raise.
L.-Cap. Though now an absolute master, yet to thee
Ever a faithful servant. [Exit King.
Dec. Give’t me, sir, to lay up; I am your treasurer
Have[257] been put up against thee? they have wearied me
More than a battle sixteen hours a-fighting;
I’ve heard the ragged regiment so curse thee,
I look’d next day for leprosy upon thee,
Or puffs of pestilence as big as wens,
When thou wouldst drop asunder like a thing
Inwardly eaten, thy skin only whole:
Avaunt, defrauder of poor soldiers’ rights,
Camp-caterpillar, hence! or I will send thee
To make their rage a breakfast.
Dec. Is it possible?
Can I yet set no footing in the world?
I’m angry, but not weary: I’ll hunt out still;
For, being Deceit, I bear the devil’s name,
And he’s known seldom to give o’er his game.
[Aside, and exit.
Sim. Troth, now the world begins to be in hucksters’
handling: by this light, the booths are full of
cutlers! and yonder’s two or three queans going
190to victual the camp: hah! would I were whipt, if
yonder be not a parson’s daughter with a soldier
between her legs, bag and baggage!
Sol. Now ’tis the soldier’s time; great Jupiter,
Now give me leave to enter on my fortunes,
The world’s our own.
Jup. Stay, beguil’d thing: this time
Is many ages discrepant from thine;
This was the season when desert was stoopt to,
By greatness stoopt to, and acknowledg’d greatest;
S.-Cap. He may be what he will for me, fellow-captain,
For I’ve seen no church these five-and-twenty years,—
I mean, as people ought to see it, inwardly.
Flam. I have a virtuous sorrow for you, sir,
And ’tis my special duty to weep for you;
For to enjoy one world as you do there,
And be forgetful of another, sir—
O, of a better millions of degrees!—
It is a frailty and infirmity
That many tears must go for,—all too little.
What is’t to be the lord of many battles,
And suffer to be overrun within you?
Abroad to conquer, and be slaves at home?
Remember there’s a battle to be fought,
Which will undo you if it be not thought;
And you must leave that world, leave it betimes,
That reformation may weep off the crimes:
There’s no indulgent hand the world should hold,
But a strict grasp, for making sin so bold;
We should be careless of it, and not fond;
Of things so held there is the best command.
S.-Cap. Grave sir, I give thy words their deserv’d honour,
And to thy sacred charge freely resign
All that my fortune and the age made mine.
[Gives the orb to Flamen.
194Sim. If the world be not good now, ’twill ne’er be good,
There’s no hope on’t.
Dec. I have my wishes here. [Aside.]—My sanctified patron,
I’ll first fill all the chests i’ the vestry; then
There is a secret vault for great men’s legacies.
Flam. Art not confounded yet, struck blind or crippled,
For thy abusive thought, thou horrid hypocrite?
Are these the fruits of thy long orisons,
Three hours together; of thy nine lectures weekly,
Thy swooning at the hearing of an oath,
Scarce to be fetch’d again? Away, depart,
Thou white-fac’d devil, author of heresy,
Schisms, factions, controversies! now I know thee
To be Deceit itself, wrought in by simony,
To blow corruption upon sacred virtue.
Dec. I made myself sure here: church fail me too!
I thought it mere impossible, by all reason,
Since there’s so large a bridge to walk upon
’Twixt negligence and superstition:
Where could one better piece up a full vice?
One service lazy, t’other over-nice;
There had been ’twixt [’em] room enough for me;
I will take root, or run through each degree.
[Aside, and exit.
Sim. Whoop, here’s an alteration! by this hand,
the ships are all turned to steeples, and the bells ring
for joy, as if they would shake down the pinnacles.
How? the masons are at work yonder, the freemasons;
I swear it’s a free time for them: hah!
there’s one building of a chapel of ease; O, he’s
loath to take the pains to go to church: why, will
he have it in’s house, when the proverb says, The
195devil’s at home? These great rich men must take
their ease i’ their inn:[263] they’ll walk you a long
mile or two to get a stomach for their victuals, but
not a piece of a furlong to get an appetite to their
prayers. [Flourish.
Re-enter King with a Lawyer, andDeceitas a pettifogger.
Law. No more, the case is clear.
Sim. ’Slid, who have we here?
Law. He that pleads for the world must fall to his business
Roundly.—Most gracious and illustrious prince,
Thus stands the case,—the world in Greek is cosmos,
In Latin mundus, in law-French la monde;
We leave the Greek, and come to the law-French,
Or glide upon the Latin; all’s one business:
Then unde mundus? shall we come to that?
Nonne derivatur a munditia?
The word cleanness, mundus quasi mundus, clean;
And what can cleanse or mundify the world
Better than law, the clearer of all cases,
The sovereign pill, or potion, that expels
All poisonous, rotten, and infectious wrongs
From the vex’d bosom of the commonwealth?
There’s a familiar phrase implies thus much—
I’ll put you to your purgation,—that is,
The law shall cleanse you. Can the sick world then,
Tost up and down from time to time, repose itself
In a physician’s hand better improv’d?
Upon my life and reputation,
In all the courts I come at, be assur’d
I’ll make it clean.
196Sim. Yes, clean away, I warrant you;
We shall ne’er see’t again.
Law. I grant my pills are bitter, ay, and costly,
But their effects are rare, divine, and wholesome;
Flam. I part with’t gladly, take’t into thy trust,
[Gives the orb to Lawyer.
So will it thrive as thy intent is just.
Dec. Pity your trampler,[265] sir, your poor solicitor.
Law. Thee? infamy to our profession,
Which, without wrong to truth, next the divine one,
Is the most grave and honourable function
That gives a kingdom blest: but thou, the poison,
Disease that grows close to the heart of law,
And mak’st rash censurers think the sound part perish’d;
Thou foul eclipse, that, interposing equity,
As the dark earth the moon, mak’st the world judge
That blackness and corruption have possess’d
The silver shine of justice, when ’tis only
The smoke ascending from thy poisonous ways,
Cozenage, demurs, and fifteen-term delays:
Yet hold thee, take the muck on’t, that’s thine own,
197The devil and all; but the fair fame and honour
Of righteous actions, good men’s prayers and wishes,
Which is that glorious portion of the world
The noble lawyer strives for,—that thy bribery,
Thy double-handed gripe, shall never reach to:
With fat and filthy gain thy lust may feast,
But poor men’s curses beat thee from the rest.
Dec. I’ll feed upon the muck on’t, that awhile
Shall satisfy my longings; wealth is known
The absolute step to all promotion.
King. Let this be call’d the sphere of harmony,
In which, being met, let’s all move mutually.
Law. Flam., &c. Fair love is i’ the motion, kingly love!
[In this last dance, as an ease to memory, all the
former removes come close together; theDevilentering, aims withDeceitat the world; but
the world remaining now in the Lawyer’s
possession, he, expressing his reverend and
noble acknowledgment to the absolute power of
majesty, resigns it loyally to its royal government;
Majesty to Valour, Valour to Law again,
Law to Religion, Religion to Sovereignty,
where it firmly and fairly settles, the Law confoundingDeceit, and the Church theDevil.
Flam. Times suffer changes, and the world has been
Vex’d with removes; but when his glorious peace
Firmly and fairly settles, here’s his place,
Truth his defence, and majesty his grace.—
We all acknowledge it belongs to you.
Law. S.-Cap., &c. Only to you, sir.
[They all deliver the orb up to the King.
Flam.Regis ad exemplum totus componitur orbis,
Which shews,
198That if the world form itself by the king,
’Tis fit the former should command the thing.
Dec. This is no place for us.
Devil. Depart, away!
I thought all these had been corrupted evils,
No court of virtues, but a guard of devils.
[ExeuntDeceitand theDevil.
King. How blest am I in subjects! here are those
That make all kingdoms happy,—worthy Soldier,
Fair Churchman, and thou, uncorrupted Lawyer,
Virtue’s great miracle, that hast redeem’d
All justice from her ignominious name.
Sim. You forget me, sir.
King. What, Simplicity!
Who thinks of virtue cannot forget thee.
Sim. Ay, marry, my masters, now it looks like a
brave world indeed: how civilly[266] those fair ladies
go yonder! by this hand, they are neither trimmed,
nor trussed, nor poniarded;[267] wonderment! O, yonder’s
a knot of fine, sharp-needle-bearded gallants,[268]
but that they wear stammel[269] cloaks, methinks, instead
of scarlet: ’slid, what’s he that carries out
two custards now under the porter’s long nose?
O, he leaves a bottle of wine i’ the lodge, and all’s
pacified; cry mercy.
King. Continue but thus watchful o’er yourselves,
199That the great cunning enemies, Deceit,
And his too-mighty lord, beguile you not,
And ye’re the precious ornaments of state,
The glories of the world, fellows to virtues,
Masters of honest and well-purchas’d fortunes,
And I am fortunate in your partnership;
But if you ever make your hearts the houses
Of falsehood and corruption, ugliness itself
Will be a beauty to you, and less pointed at:
Spots in deformèd faces are scarce noted,
Fair cheeks are stain’d if ne’er so little blotted.
Law. Flam., &c. Ever the constant servants to great virtue!
King. Her love inhabit you!
[Exeunt all exceptJupiter, Pallas, Soldier,
and Scholar.
Jup. Now, sons of vexation,
Envy, and discontent, what blame lay you
Upon these times now? which does merit most
To be condemn’d, your dulness or the age?
If now you thrive not, Mercury shall proclaim
You’re undeservers, and cry down your fame.
Be poor still, scholar, and thou, wretch despis’d,
205The Magnificent Entertainment: Giuen to King James, Queene
Anne his wife, and Henry Frederick the Prince, vpon the day of
his Maiesties Tryumphant Passage (from the Tower) through his
Honourable Citie (and Chamber) of London, being the 15. of
March. 1603. As well by the English as by the Strangers: With
the speeches and Songes, deliuered in the seuerall Pageants.
Mart. Templa Deis, mores populis dedit, otia ferro,
Astra suis, Cælo sydera, serta Joui.
Tho. Dekker.
Imprinted at London by T. C. for Tho. Man the yonger. 1604.
4to.
Of this pageant (which is reprinted in Nichols’s Prog. of
King James, vol. i. p. 337,) Middleton wrote only the speech
of Zeal (see p. 210); but in order to make that speech intelligible,
I have given a portion of the prose description
which precedes it.
207PART OF THE
ENTERTAINMENT TO KING JAMES,
&c.
Our next arch of triumph was erected above the
Conduit in Fleet Street, into which, as into the
long and beauteous gallery of the city, his Majesty
being entered, afar off—as if it had been some
swelling promontory, or rather, some enchanted
castle guarded by ten thousand harmless spirits—did
his eye encounter another tower of pleasure
Presenting itself,
Fourscore and ten foot in height, and fifty in
breadth; the gate twenty foot in the perpendicular
line, and fourteen in the ground line: the two posterns
were answerable to these that are set down
before: over the posterns, viz. up in proportionable
measures, two turrets with battlements on the tops.
The middest of the building was laid open to the
world, and great reason it should be so, for the
Globe of the world was there seen to move, being
filled with all the degrees and states that are in the
land; and these were the mechanical and dead
limbs of this carved body. As touching those that
had the use of motion in it, and for a mind durst
have spoken, but that there was no stuff fit for
their mouths.mouths.
The principal and worthiest was Astræa (Justice),
sitting aloft, as being newly descended from
208heaven, gloriously attired, all her garments being
thickly strewed with stars; a crown of stars on
her head, a silver veil covering her eyes. Having
told you that her name was Justice, I hope you
will not put me to describe what properties[273] she
held in her hands, sithence[274] every painted cloth[275]
can inform you.
Directly under her, in a cant[276] by herself, was
Arete (Virtue), enthroned, her garments white,
her head crowned; and under her, Fortuna, her
foot treading on the Globe that moved beneath her,
intimating that his Majesty’s fortune was above the
world, but his virtues above his fortune.
Invidia,
Envy, unhandsomely attired all in black, her hair
of the same colour, filleted about with snakes,
stood in a dark and obscure place by herself, near
unto Virtue, but making shew of a fearfulness
to approach her and the light, yet still and anon
casting her eyes sometimes to the one side beneath,
where, on several greeces,[277] sat the Four Cardinal
Virtues,
Viz. Justitia, Fortitudo, Temperantia, Prudentia,In habiliments fitting to their natures;
and sometimes throwing a distorted and repining
countenance to the other opposite seat, on which
his Majesty’s Four Kingdoms were advanced,
209
Viz.
England, Scotland, France, Ireland,
all of them in rich robes and mantles; crowns on
their heads, and sceptres with penciled[278] scutcheons
in their hands, lined with the coats of the particular
kingdoms. For very madness that she beheld these
glorious objects, she stood feeding on the heads of
adders.
The Four Elements, in proper shapes,[279] artificially
and aptly expressing their qualities, upon
the approach of his Majesty went round in a proportionable
and even circle, touching that cantle[280]
of the Globe (which was open) to the full view of
his Majesty: which being done, they bestowed
themselves in such comely order, and stood so as
if the eronie[281] had been held up on the tops of their
fingers.
Upon distinct ascensions, neatly raised within
the hollow womb of the Globe, were placed all the
states of the land, from the nobleman to the ploughman,
among whom there was not one word to be
heard, for you must imagine, as Virgil saith,
Egl. iv. Astrræa.}Magnus ab integro seclorum nascitur ordo, Jam redit et virgo, redeunt Saturnia regna,
that it was now the golden world, in which there
were few parts.
210All the tongues that went in this place was the
tongue of Zeal, whose personage was put on by
W. Bourne, one of the servants to the young
Prince;
Her snakes, not daring to shoot forth their stings
’Gainst such a glorious object, down she flings
211Their forks of venom into her own maw,
Whilst her rank teeth the glittering poisons chaw;
For ’tis the property of Envy’s blood
To dry away at every kingdom’s good,
Especially when she had eyes to view
These four main virtues figur’d all in you,—
Justice in causes, Fortitude ’gainst foes,
Temperance in spleen, and Prudence in all those:
And then so rich an empire, whose fair breast
Contains four kingdoms, by your entrance blest;
By Brute divided, but by you alone
All are again united and made one;
Whose fruitful glories shine so far and even,
They touch not only earth, but they kiss heaven,
From whence Astræa is descended hither,
Who with our last queen’s spirit fled up thither,
Foreknowing on the earth she could not rest,
Till you had lock’d her in your rightful breast:
And therefore all estates, whose proper arts
Live by the breath of majesty, had hearts
Burning in holy zeal’s immaculate fires,
With quenchless ardours and unstain’d desires,
To see what they now see, your powerful grace
Reflecting joys on every subject’s face;
These painted flames and yellow burning stripes
Upon this robe, being but as shows and types
Of that great zeal: and therefore, in the name
Of this glad city, whither no prince e’er came
More lov’d, more long’d for, lowly I entreat,
You’d be to her as gracious as you’re great:
So with reverberate shouts our Globe shall ring,
The music’s close being thus—God save our King!
If there be any glory to be won by writing
212these lines, I do freely bestow it, as his due, on
Tho. Middleton, in whose brain they were begotten,
though they were delivered here: quæ nos non fecimus
ipsi, vix ea nostra voco.
213
THE TRIUMPHS OF TRUTH,
AND
THE ENTERTAINMENT AT THE OPENING OF THE NEW RIVER.
215The Triumphs of Truth. A Solemnity unparalleld for Cost, Art,
and Magnificence, at the Confirmation and Establishment of that
Worthy and true Nobly-minded Gentleman, Sir Thomas Middleton,
Knight; in the Honorable Office of his Maiesties Lieuetenant,
the Lord Maior of the thrice Famous Citty of London. Taking
Beginning at his Lord-ships going, and proceeding after his Returne
from receiuing the Oath of Maioralty at Westminster, on
the Morrow next after Simon and Iudes day, October 29. 1613.
All the Showes, Pageants, Chariots; Morning, Noone, and Night-Triumphes.
Directed, Written, and redeem’d into Forme, from
the Ignorance of some former times, and their Common Writer,
By Thomas Middleton. Shewing also his Lordships Entertainement
upon Michaelmas day last, being the day of his Election, at
that most Famous and Admired Worke of the Running Streame,
from Amwell-Head into the Cesterne at Islington, being the sole
Cost, Industry and Inuention of the Worthy Mr. Hugh Middleton
of London, Goldsmith. London, Printed by Nicholas Okes. 1613.
4to.
Of this pageant there is an earlier edition by the same
printer and with the same date, but wanting the Entertainment
at the New River Head.
The Triumphs of Truth, &c., is reprinted in Nichols’s Progresses
of K. James, vol. ii. p. 679.
217To the great expectation of virtue and goodness, and
most worthy of all those costs and honours which the
noble Fellowship and Society of Grocers, and general
love of the whole City, in full-heaped bounties bestow
upon him, the truly generous and judiciousSir
Thomas Middleton, Knight, Lord Mayor of the
honourable City of London.
As often as we shall fix our thoughts upon the
Almighty Providence, so often they return to our
capacities laden with admiration, either from the
divine works of his mercy or those incomprehensible
of his justice: but here to instance only his omnipotent
mercy, it being the health and preservation
of all his works; and first, not only in raising, but
also in preserving your lordship from many great
and incident dangers, especially in foreign countries,
in the time of your youth and travels; and
now, with safety, love, and triumph, to establish
you in this year’s honour, crowning the perfection
of your days, and the gravity of your life, with
power, respect, and reverence: next, in that myself,
though unworthy, being of one name with
your lordship, notwithstanding all oppositions of
malice, ignorance, and envy, should thus happily
live, protected by part of that mercy—as if one
fate did prosperously cleave to one name—now to
do service to your fame and worthiness, and my
218pen only to be employed in these bounteous and
honourable triumphs, being but shadows to those
eternal glories that stand ready for deservers; to
which I commend the deserts of your justice, remaining
ever,
To your Lordship,
In the best of my observance,
Thomas Middleton.
219THE TRIUMPHS OF TRUTH.
Search all chronicles, histories, records, in what
language or letter soever; let the inquisitive man
waste the dear treasures of his time and eyesight,
he shall conclude his life only in this certainty,
that there is no subject upon earth received into
the place of his government with the like state and
magnificence as is the Lord Mayor of the city of
London. This being, then, infallible—like the mistress
of our triumphs—and not to be denied of any,
how careful ought those gentlemen to be, to whose
discretion and judgment the weight and charge of
such a business is entirely referred and committed
by the whole Society, to have all things correspondent
to that generous and noble freeness of
cost and liberality; the streams of art to equal
those of bounty; a knowledge that may take the
true height of such an honourable solemnity,—the
miserable want of both which, in the impudent
common writer, hath often forced from me much
pity and sorrow; and it would heartily grieve any
understanding spirit to behold, many times, so glorious
a fire in bounty and goodness offering to
match itself with freezing Art, sitting in darkness,
with the candle out, looking like the picture of
Black Monday.[284]
220But, to speak truth, which many beside myself
can affirm upon knowledge, a care that hath been
seldom equalled, and not easily imitated, hath been
faithfully shewn in the whole course of this business,
both by the wardens and committees, men of
much understanding, industry, and carefulness, little
weighing the greatness of expense, so the cost
221might purchase perfection, so fervent hath been
their desire to excel in that, which is a learned and
virtuous ambition, and so unfeignedly pure the
loves and affections of the whole Company to his
lordship. If any shall imagine that I set fairer
colours upon their deserts than they upon themselves,
let them but read and conceive, and their
own understandings will light them to the acknowledgment
of their errors. First, they may here
behold love and bounty opening with the morning,
earlier than some of former years, ready, at the
first appearing of his lordship, to give his ear a
taste of the day’s succeeding glory; and thus the
form of it presents itself:—
At Soper-Lane end a senate-house erected, upon
which musicians sit playing; and more to quicken
time, a sweet voice married to these words:
After this sweet air hath liberally spent itself, at
the first appearing of the Lord Mayor from Guildhall
in the morning, a trumpet placed upon that
scaffold sounds forth his welcome; then, after a
strain or two of music, a grave feminine shape presents
itself from behind a silk curtain, representing
London, attired like a reverend mother, a long
white hair naturally flowing on either side of her;
on her head a model of steeples and turrets; her
habit crimson silk, near to the honourable garment
of the city; her left hand holding a key of gold:
who, after a comely grace, equally mixed with
comfort and reverence, sends from her lips this
motherly salutation:
Fair cheeks are stain’d if ne’er so little blotted.
See’st thou this key of gold? it shews thy charge:
This place is the king’s chamber; all pollution,
Sin, and uncleanness, must be lock’d out here,
And be kept sweet with sanctity, faith, and fear:
I see grace take effect,—heaven’s joy upon her!
’Tis rare when virtue opes the gate to honour.
225My blessing be upon thee, son and lord,
And on my sons all, that obey my word!
Then making her honour, as before, the Waits
of the city there in service, his Lordship, and the
worthy Company, are led forward toward the waterside,
where you shall find the river[290] decked in the
richest glory to receive him; upon whose crystal
bosom stand[291] five islands, artfully garnished with
all manner of Indian fruit-trees, drugs, spiceries,
and the like; the middle island with a fair castle
especially beautified.
But making haste to return to the city again,
where triumph waits in more splendour and magnificence,
the first then that attends to receive his
Lordship off the water at Baynard’s-Castle, is Truth’s
Angel on horseback, his raiment of white silk powdered
with stars of gold; on his head a crown of
gold, a trumpeter before him on horseback, and
Zeal, the champion of Truth, in a garment of flame-coloured
silk, with a bright hair on his head, from
226which shoot fire-beams, following close after him,
mounted alike, his right hand holding a flaming
scourge, intimating thereby that as he is the manifester
of Truth, he is likewise the chastiser of
Ignorance and Error.
The salutation of theAngel.
I have within mine eye my blessèd charge:
Hail, friend of Truth! safety and joy attend[292] thee;
I am Truth’s Angel, by my mistress sent
To guard and guide thee. When thou took’st thy oath
I stood on thy right hand, though to thy eye
In visible form I did not then appear;
Ask but thy soul, ’twill tell thee I stood near;
And ’twas a time to take care of thee then,
At such a marriage, before heaven and men,
Thy faith being wed to honour; close behind thee
Stood Error’s minister, that still sought to blind thee,
And wrap his subtle mists about thy oath,
To hide it from the nakedness of Troth,
Which is Truth’s purest glory; but my light,
Still as it shone, expell’d her blackest spite;
His mists fled by, yet all I could devise
Could hardly keep them from some people’s eyes,
But thine they flew from: thy care’s but begun,
Wake on, the victory is not half yet won;
Thou wilt be still assaulted, thou shalt meet
With many dangers that in voice seem sweet,
And ways most pleasant to a worldling’s eye;
My mistress has but one, but that leads high.
To yon triumphant city follow me,
Keep thou to Truth, eternity keeps to thee.
227Zeal.
On boldly, man of honour! thou shalt win;
I am Truth’s champion, Zeal, the scourge of sin.
The trumpet then sounding, the Angel and Zeal
rank themselves just before his Lordship, and conduct
him to Paul’s-Chain, where, in the south yard,
Error in a chariot with his infernal ministers attends
to assault him, his garment of ash-colour
silk, his head rolled in a cloud, over which stands
an owl, a mole on one shoulder, a bat on the other,
all symbols of blind ignorance and darkness, mists
hanging at his eyes. Close before him rides Envy,
his champion, eating of a human heart, mounted
on a rhinoceros, attired in red silk, suitable to the
bloodiness of her manners; her left pap bare, where
a snake fastens; her arms half naked; holding in
her right hand a dart tincted in blood.
The greeting ofError.
Art come? O welcome, my triumphant lord,
My glory’s sweetheart! how many millions
Of happy wishes hath my love told out
For this desirèd minute! I was dead
Till I enjoy’d thy presence, I saw nothing,
A blindness thicker than idolatry
Clove to my eyeballs; now I’m all of light,
Of fire, of joy, pleasure runs nimbly through me;
Let’s join together both in state and triumph,
And down with beggarly and friendless Virtue,
That hath so long impoverish’d this fair city;
My beasts shall trample on her naked breast,
Under my chariot-wheels her bones lie prest,
She ne’er shall rise again. Great power this day
228Is given into thy hand; make use on’t, lord,
And let thy will and appetite sway the sword;
Down with them all now whom thy heart envìes,
Let not thy conscience come into thine eyes
This twelvemonth, if thou lov’st revenge or gain;
I’ll teach thee to cast mists to blind the plain
And simple eye of man; he shall not know’t,
Nor see thy wrath when ’tis upon his throat;
All shall be carried with such art and wit,
That what thy lust acts shall be counted fit:
Then for attendants that may best observe thee,
I’ll pick out sergeants of my band to serve thee;
Here’s Gluttony and Sloth, two precious slaves,
Will tell thee more than a whole herd of knaves;
The worth of every office to a hair,
And who bids most, and how the markets are,
Let them alone to smell; and, for a need,
They’ll bring thee in bribes for measure and light bread;
Keep thy eye winking and thy hand wide ope,
Then thou shalt know what wealth is, and the scope
And what’s he locks his ear from those sweet charms,
Or runs not to meet gain with wide-stretch’d arms?
There is a poor, thin, threadbare thing call’d Truth,
I give thee warning of her; if she speak,
Stop both thine ears close; most professions break
That ever dealt with her; an unlucky thing,
She’s almost sworn to nothing: I can bring
229A thousand of our parish, besides queans,
That ne’er knew what Truth meant, nor ever means;
Some I could cull out here, e’en in this throng,
If I would shew my children, and how strong
I were in faction. ’Las, poor simple stray!
She’s all her lifetime finding out one way;
Sh’as but one foolish way, straight on, right forward,
And yet she makes a toil on’t, and goes on
With care and fear, forsooth, when I can run
Over a hundred with delight and pleasure,
Back-ways and by-ways, and fetch in my treasure
After the wishes of my heart, by shifts,
Deceits, and slights:[294] and I’ll give thee those gifts;
I’ll shew thee all my corners yet untold,
The very nooks where beldams hide their gold,
In hollow walls and chimneys, where the sun
Never yet shone, nor Truth came ever near:
This of thy life I’ll make the golden year;
Follow me then.
Envy.
Learn now to scorn thy inferiors, those[295] most love thee,
And wish to eat their hearts that sit above thee.
Zeal, stirred up with divine indignation at the
impudence of these hell-hounds, both forces their
retirement, and makes way for the chariot wherein
Truth his mistress sits, in a close garment of white
satin, which makes her appear thin and naked,
figuring thereby her simplicity and nearness of
heart to those that embrace her; a robe of white
silk cast over it, filled with the eyes of eagles,
shewing her deep insight and height of wisdom;
over her thrice-sanctified head a milk-white dove,
230and on each shoulder one, the sacred emblems of
purity, meekness, and innocency; under her feet
serpents, in that she treads down all subtlety and
fraud; her forehead empaled with a diadem of stars,
the witness of her eternal descent; on her breast a
pure round crystal, shewing the brightness of her
thoughts and actions; a sun in her right hand, than
which nothing is truer; a fan, filled all with stars,
in her left, with which she parts darkness, and
strikes away the vapours of ignorance. If you
hearken to Zeal, her champion, after his holy anger
is past against Error and his crew, he will give it
you in better terms, or at least more smoothly and
pleasingly.
The speech ofZeal.
Bold furies, back! or with this scourge of fire,
Whence sparkles out religious chaste desire,
I’ll whip you down to darkness: this a place
Worthy my mistress; her eternal grace
Be the full object to feast all these eyes,
But thine the first—he that feeds here is wise:
Nor by the naked plainness of her weeds
Judge thou her worth, no burnish’d gloss Truth needs;
That crown of stars shews her descent from heaven;
That robe of white, fill’d all with eagles’ eyes,
Her piercing sight through hidden mysteries;
Those milk-white doves her spotless innocence;
Those serpents at her feet her victory shews
Over deceit and guile, her rankest foes;
And by that crystal mirror at her breast
The clearness of her conscience is exprest;
And shewing that her deeds all darkness shun,
Her right hand holds Truth’s symbol, the bright sun;
231A fan of stars she in her other twists,
With which she chaseth away Error’s mists:
And now she makes to thee her so even grace,
For to her rich and poor look with one face.
The words ofTruth.
Man, rais’d by faith and love, upon whose head
Honour sits fresh, let not thy heart be led,
In ignorant ways of insolence and pride,
From her that to this day hath been thy guide;
I never shew’d thee yet more paths than one,
And thou hast found sufficient that alone
To bring thee hither; then go forward still,
And having most power, first subject thy will;
Give the first fruits of justice to thyself,—
Then dost thou wisely govern, though that elf
Of sin and darkness, still opposing me,
Counsels thy appetite to master thee.
But call to mind what brought thee to this day,—
Was falsehood, cruelty, or revenge the way?
Thy lust or pleasures? people’s curse or hate?
These were no ways could raise thee to this state,
The ignorant must acknowledge; if, then, from me,
Which no ill dare deny or sin control,
Forsake me not, that can advance thy soul:
I see a blessed yielding in thy eye;
Thou’rt mine; lead on, thy name shall never die.
These words ended, they all set forward, this
chariot of Truth and her celestial handmaids, the
Graces and Virtues, taking place next before his
lordship; Zeal and the Angel before that, the
chariot of Error following as near as it can get; all
passing on till they come into Paul’s-Churchyard,
where stand ready the five islands, those dumb
232glories that I spake of before upon the water: upon
the heighth of these five islands sit five persons,
representing the Five Senses,[296]—Visus, Auditus, Tactus,
Gustus, Olfactus, or, Seeing, Hearing, Touching,
Tasting, Smelling; at their feet their proper emblems,—aquila,
cervus, araneus, simia, canis, an
eagle, a hart, a spider, an ape, a dog.
No sooner can your eyes take leave of these, but
they may suddenly espy a strange ship making toward,
and that which may raise greater astonishment,
it having neither sailor nor pilot, only upon
a white silk streamer these two words set in letters
of gold, Veritate gubernor,—I am steered by Truth.
The persons that are contained within this little
vessel are only four; a king of the Moors, his
queen, and two attendants, of their own colour;
the rest of their followers people of the castle that
stands in the middle island, of which company two
or three on the top appear[297] to sight. This king
seeming much astonied at the many eyes of such a
multitude, utters his thoughts in these words:
The speech of thatKing.
I see amazement set upon the faces
Of these white people, wonderings and strange gazes;
Is it at me? does my complexion draw
So many Christian eyes, that never saw
233A king so black before? no, now I see
Their entire object, they’re all meant to thee,
Grave city-governor, my queen and I
Well honour’d with the glances that [pass] by.
I must confess, many wild thoughts may rise,
Opinions, common murmurs, and fix’d eyes,
At my so strange arrival in a land
Where true religion and her temple stand;
I being a Moor, then, in opinion’s lightness,
As far from sanctity as my face from whiteness.
But I forgive the judgings of th’ unwise,
Whose censures ever quicken in their eyes,
Only begot of outward form and show;
And I think meet to let such censurers know,
However darkness dwells upon my face,
Truth in my soul sets up the light of grace;
And though, in days of error, I did run
To give all adoration to the sun,
The moon, and stars, nay, creatures base and poor,
Now only their Creator I adore.
My queen and people all, at one time won
By the religious conversation
Of English merchants, factors, travellers,
Whose Truth did with our spirits hold commèrce,
As their affairs with us; following their path,
We all were brought to the true Christian faith:
Such benefit in good example dwells,
It oft hath power to convert infidels;
Nor could our desires rest till we were led
Unto this place, where those good spirits were bred;
And see how we arriv’d in blessed time
To do that mistress service, in the prime
Of these her spotless triumphs, and t’ attend
That honourable man, her late-sworn friend.
If any wonder at the safe arrive
Of this small vessel, which all weathers drive
234According to their rages, where appears
Nor mariner nor pilot, arm’d ’gainst fears,
Know this came hither from man’s guidance free,
Only by Truth steer’d, as our souls must be:
And see where one of her fair temples stands!
Do reverence, Moors, bow low, and kiss your hands:
Behold, our queen.
Queen.
Her goodnesses are such,
We cannot honour her and her house too much.
All in the ship and those in the castle bowing
their bodies to the temple of Saint Paul; but Error
smiling, betwixt scorn and anger, to see such a
devout humility take hold of that complexion,
breaks into these:
Error.
What, have my sweet-fac’d devils forsook me too?
Nay, then, my charms will have enough to do.
But Time, sitting by the frame of Truth his
daughter’s chariot, attired agreeable to his condition,
with his hour-glass, wings, and scythe,
knowing best himself when it is fittest to speak,
goes forward in this manner:
This Time hath brought t’effect, for on thy day
Nothing but Truth and Virtue shall display
Their virgin ensigns; Infidelity,
Barbarism, and Guile, shall in deep darkness lie.
O, I could ever stand still thus and gaze!
Never turn glass again; wish no more days,
So this might ever last; pity the light
Of this rich glory must be cas’d in night!
235But Time must on; I go,’tis so decreed,
To bless my daughter Truth and all her seed
With joys immortal, triumphs never ending;
And as her hand lifts me, to thy ascending
May it be always ready, worthy son!
To hasten which my hours shall quickly run.
See’st thou yon place?[298] thither I’ll weekly bring thee,
Where Truth’s celestial harmony thou shalt hear;
To which, I charge thee, bend a serious ear.—
Lead on, Time’s swift attendants!
Then the five islands pass along into Cheapside,
the ship next after them; the chariot of Truth still
before his lordship, and that of Error still chased
before it; where their eyes meet with another more
subtle object, planting itself close by the Little Conduit,
which may bear this character,—the true form
and fashion of a mount triumphant, but the beauty
and glory thereof overspread with a thick, sulphurous
darkness, it being a fog or mist, raised
from Error, enviously to blemish that place which
bears the title of London’s Triumphant Mount, the
chief grace and lustre of the whole triumph. At
the four corners sit four monsters, Error’s disciples,
on whom hangs part of the mist for their clothing,
holding in their hands little thick clubs, coloured
like their garments; the names of these four monsters,
Barbarism, Ignorance, Impudence, Falsehood;
who, at the near approaching of Truth’s chariot,
are seen a little to tremble, whilst her deity gives
life to these words:
236Truth.
What’s here? the mist of Error? dare his spite
Stain this Triumphant Mount, where our delight
Hath been divinely fix’d so many ages?
Dare darkness now breathe forth her insolent rages,
And hang in poisonous vapours o’er the place
From whence we receiv’d love, and return’d grace?
I see if Truth a while but turn her eyes,
Thick are the mists that o’er fair cities rise:
We did expect to receive welcome here
From no deform’d shapes, but divine and clear;
Instead of monsters that this place attends,
To meet with goodness and her glorious friends;
Nor can they so forget me to be far.
I know there stands no other envious bar
But that foul cloud to darken this bright day,
Which with this fan of stars I’ll chase away.—
Vanish, infectious fog, that I may see
This city’s grace, that takes her light from me!
At this her powerful command the [mists][299] vanish
[and] give way; [the] cloud suddenly rises and
changes into a bright-spreading canopy, stuck thick
with stars, and beams of gold shooting forth round
about it, the mount appearing then most rich in beauty
and glory, the four monsters falling flat at the foot
of the hill: that grave, feminine shape, figuring
London, sitting in greatest honour: next above
her, in the most eminent place, sits Religion, the
model of a fair temple on her head and a burning
lamp in her hand, the proper emblems of her sanctity,
watchfulness, and zeal; on her right hand sits
Liberality, her head circled with a wreath of gold,
237in her hand a cornucopia, or horn of abundance,
out of which rusheth a seeming flood of gold, but
no way flowing to prodigality; for, as the sea is
governed by the moon, so is that wealthy river by
her eye, for bounty must be led by judgment; and
hence is artfully derived the only difference between
prodigality and bounty,—the one deals her
gifts with open eyes, the other blindfold: on her
left side sits Perfect Love, his proper seat being
nearest the heart, wearing upon his head a wreath
of white and red roses mingled together, the ancient
witness of peace, love, and union, wherein
consists the happiness of this land, his right hand
holding a sphere, where, in a circle of gold, is contained
all the Twelve Companies’ arms, and therefore
called The Sphere of true Brotherhood, or
Annulus Amoris, the Ring of Love: upon his left
hand stand two billing turtles, expressing thereby
the happy condition of mutual love and society:
on either side of this mount are displayed the charitable
and religious works of London—especially
the worthy Company of Grocers—in giving maintenance
to scholars, soldiers, widows, orphans, and
the like, where are placed one of each number:
and on the two heights sit Knowledge and Modesty,
Knowledge wearing a crown of stars, in her hand
a perspective glass, betokening both her high judgment
and deep insight: the brow of Modesty circled
with a wreath all of red roses, expressing her bashfulness
and blushings, in her hand a crimson banner
filled with silver stars, figuring the white purity of
her shamefastness; her cheeks not red with shame
or guilt, but with virgin fear and honour. At the
back of this Triumphant Mount, Chastity, Fame,
Simplicity, Meekness, have their seats; Chastity
wearing on her head a garland of white roses, in
238her hand a white silk banner filled with stars of
gold, expressing the eternity of her unspotted pureness:
Fame next under her, on her head a crown
of silver, and a silver trumpet in her hand, shewing
both her brightness and shrillness: Simplicity with
a milk-white dove upon her head; and Meekness
with a garland of mingled flowers, in her hand a
white silk banner with a red cross, a lamb at her
feet, by which both their conditions are sufficiently
expressed. The mount thus made glorious by the
power of Truth, and the mist expelled, London
thus speaks:
London.
Thick scales of darkness, in a moment’s space,
Are fell from both mine eyes; I see the face
Of all my friends about me now most clearly,
Religion’s sisters, whom I honour dearly.
O, I behold the work! it comes from thee,
Illustrious patroness, thou that mad’st me see
In days of blindest ignorance; when this light
Was e’en extinguish’d, thou redeem’st my sight.
Then to thy charge, with reverence, I commend
That worthy son of mine, thy virtuous friend,
Whom, on my love and blessing, I require
To observe thee faithfully, and his desire
To imitate thy will, and there lie bounded;
For power’s a dangerous sea, which must be sounded
With truth and justice, or man soon runs on
’Gainst rocks and shelves of dissolution.
Then, that thou may’st the difference ever know
’Twixt Truth and Error, a few words shall shew:
The many ways that to blind Error slide
Are in the entrance broad, hell-mouth is wide;
But when man enters far, he finds it then
Close, dark, and strait, for hell returns no men:
239But the one sacred way which Truth directs,
Only at entrance man’s affection checks,
And is there strict alone; to which place throngs
All world’s afflictions, calumnies, and wrongs;
But having past those, then thou find’st a way
In breadth whole heaven, in length eternal day;
Then, following Truth, she brings thee to that way:
But first observe what works she here requires,
Religion, knowledge, sanctity, chaste desires;
Then charity, which bounty must express
To scholars, soldiers, widows, fatherless:
These have been still my works, they must be thine;
Honour and action must together shine,
Or the best part’s eclips’d: behold but this,
Thy very crest shews bounty, here ’tis put;
Thou giv’st the open hand, keep it not shut,
But to the needy or deserving spirit
Let it spread wide, and heaven enrols that merit.
Do these, and prove my hopeful, worthy son;
Yet nothing’s spoke but needfully must be done:
And so lead forward.
At which words the whole Triumph moves, in
his richest glory, toward the cross in Cheap; at
which place Error, full of wrath and malice to see
his mist so chased away, falls into this fury:
Error.
Heart of all the fiends in hell!
Could her beggarly power expel
Such a thick and poisonous mist
Which I set Envy’s snakes to twist?
Up, monsters! was her feeble frown
Of force to strike my officers down?
Barbarism, Impudence, Lies, Ignorance,
All your hell-bred heads advance,
240And once again with rotten darkness shroud
This Mount Triumphant: drop down, sulphurous cloud!
At which the mist falls again and hangs over all
the beauty of the mount, not a person of glory
seen, only the four monsters gather courage again
and take their seats, advancing their clubs above
their heads; which no sooner perceived, but Truth
in her chariot, making near to the place, willing
still to rescue her friends and servants from the
powers of Ignorance and Darkness, makes use of
these words:
Truth.
Dare yet the works of ugliness appear
’Gainst this day’s brightness, and see us so near?
How bold is sin and hell, that yet it dare
Rise against us! but know, perdition’s heir,
’Tis idle to contend against our power:
Vanish again, foul mist, from honour’s bower!
Then the cloud dispersing itself again, and all
the mount appearing glorious, it passeth so on to
the Standard,[300] about which place, by elaborate action
from Error, it falls again, and goes so darkened till
it comes to St. Laurence-Lane end, where, by the
former words by Truth uttered being again chased
away, London thus gratefully requites her goodness:
London.
Eternity’s bright sister, by whose light
Error’s infectious works still fly my sight,
Receive thy servant’s thanks.—Now, Perfect Love,
Whose right hand holds a sphere wherein do move
241Twelve blest Societies, whose belov’d increase
Styles it the Ring of Brotherhood, Faith, and Peace,
From thy harmonious lips let them all taste
The golden counsel that makes health long last.
Perfect Love then standing up, holding in his
right hand a sphere, on the other two billing turtles,
gives these words:
Perfect Love.
First, then, I banish from this feast of joy
All excess, epicurism, both which destroy
The healths of soul and body; no such guest
Ought to be welcome to this reverend feast,
Where Truth is mistress; who’s admitted here
Must come for virtue’s love more than for cheer.
These two white turtles may example give
How perfect joy and brotherhood should live;
And they from whom grave order is expected,
Of rude excess must never be detected:
This is the counsel which that lady calls
Golden advice, for by it no man falls:
He that desires days healthful, sound, and blest,
Let moderate judgment serve him at his feast:
And so lead on; may perfect brotherhood shine
Still in [this] sphere, and honour still in thine!
This speech so ended, his lordship and the Companies
pass on to Guildhall; and at their returning
back, these triumphs attend to bring his lordship
toward Saint Paul’s church, there to perform those
yearly ceremonial rites which ancient and grave
order hath determined; Error by the way still busy
and in action to draw darkness often upon that
Mount of Triumph, which by Truth is as often
242dispersed: then all returning homewards, full of
beauty and brightness, this mount and the chariot
of Truth both placed near to the entrance of his
lordship’s gate near Leadenhall, London, the lady
of that mount, first gives utterance to these words:
London.
Before the day sprang from the morning’s womb
I rose, my care was earlier than the light,
Nor would it rest till I now brought thee home,
Marrying to one joy both thy day and night;
Nor can we call this night, if our eyes count
The glorious beams that dance about this mount;
Sure, did not custom guide ’em, men would say
Two noons were seen together in one day,
The splendour is so piercing: Triumph seems
As if it sparkled, and to men’s esteems
Threw forth his thanks, wrapt up in golden flames,
As if he would give light to read their names,
That were at cost this day to make him shine,
And be as free in thanks as they in coin.
But see, Time checks me, and his scythe stands ready
To cut all off; no state on earth is steady;
Therefore, grave son, the time that is to come
Bestow on Truth; and so thou’rt welcome home.
Time, standing up in Truth’s chariot, seeming to
make an offer with his scythe to cut off the glories
of the day, growing near now to the season of rest
and sleep, his daughter Truth thus meekly stays
his hand:
Truth.
Father, desist a while, till I send forth
A few words to our friend, that man of worth.—
243The power that heaven, love, and the city’s choice,
Have all conferr’d on thee, with mutual voice,
As it is great, reverend, and honourable,
Meet it with equal goodness, strive t’ excel
Thy former self; as thy command exceeds
Thy last year’s state, so let new acts old deeds;
And as great men in riches and in birth—
Heightening their bloods and joining earth to earth—
Bestow their best hours and most serious cares
In choosing out fit matches for their heirs,
So never give thou over day or hour,
Till with a virtue thou hast match’d this power;
For what is greatness if not join’d with grace?
Like one of high blood that hath married base.
Who seeks authority with an ignorant eye,
Is like a man seeks out his enemy;
For where[301] before his follies were not spread,
Or his corruptions, then they’re clearly read
E’en by the eyes of all men; ’tis so pure
A crystal of itself, it will endure
No poison of oppression, bribes, hir’d law,
But ’twill appear soon in some crack or flaw:
Howe’er men soothe their hopes with popular breath,
If not in life, they’ll find that crack in death.
I was not made to fawn or stroke sin smooth;
Be wise and hear me, then, that cannot soothe:
I’ve set thee high now, be so in example,
Made thee a pinnacle in honour’s temple,
Fixing ten thousand eyes upon thy brow;
There is no hiding of thy actions now,
They must abide the light, and imitate me,
Or be thrown down to fire where errors be.
Nor only with these words thy ear I feed,
But give those part that shall in time succeed,
244To thee in present, and to them to come,
That Truth may bring you all with honour home
To these your gates, and to those, after these,
Of which your own good actions keep the keys.
Then, as the loves of thy Society
Have[302] flow’d in bounties on this day and thee,
Counting all cost too little for true art,
Doubling rewards there where they found desert,
In thankfulness, justice, and virtuous care,
Perfect their hopes,—those thy requitals are;
With fatherly respect embrace ’em all,
Faith in thy heart and Plenty in thy hall,
Love in thy walks, but Justice in thy state,
Zeal in thy chamber, Bounty at thy gate:
And so to thee and these a blessèd night;—
To thee, fair City, peace, my grace and light!
Trumpets sounding triumphantly, Zeal, the
champion of Truth, on horseback, his head circled
with strange fires, appears to his mistress, and
thus speaks:
See yonder, lady, Error’s chariot stands,
Braving the power of your incens’d commands,
Embolden’d by the privilege of Night
And her black faction; yet, to crown his spite,
Which I’ll confound, I burn in divine wrath.
Truth.
Strike, then; I give thee leave to shoot it forth.
Zeal.
Then here’s to the destruction of that seat;
There’s nothing seen of thee but fire shall eat.
245At which a flame shoots from the head of Zeal,
which, fastening upon that chariot of Error, sets it
on fire, and all the beasts that are joined to it.
The firework being made by master Humphrey
Nichols, a man excellent in his art; and the whole
work and body of the Triumph, with all the proper
beauties of the workmanship, most artfully and
faithfully performed by John Grinkin; and those
furnished with apparel and porters[303] by Anthony
Munday, gentleman.
This proud seat of Error lying now only glowing
in embers—being a figure or type of his lordship’s
justice on all wicked offenders in the time of his
government—I now conclude, holding it a more
learned discretion to cease of myself than to have
Time cut me off rudely: and now let him strike at
his pleasure.
246The manner of his Lordship’s Entertainment on Michaelmas
day last, being the day of his honourable
Election, together with the worthySir John Swinnerton,
Knight, then Lord Mayor, the learned
and judiciousSir Henry Montague, Knight,
master Recorder, and many of the Right Worshipful
the Aldermen of the City of London, at that
most famous and admired work of the Running
Stream, from Amwell Head into the Cistern near
Islington; being the sole invention, cost, and industry
of that worthy masterHugh Middleton,
of London, Goldsmith, for the general good of the
City.
Perfection, which is the crown of all invention,
swelling now high with happy welcome to all the
glad well-wishers of her admired maturity, the
father and master of this famous work, expressing
thereby both his thankfulness to heaven and his
zeal to the city of London, in true joy of heart to
see his time, travails, and expenses so successively
greeted, this gives entertainment to that honourable
assembly:—
At their first appearing, the warlike music of
drums and trumpets liberally beats the air, sounds
as proper as in battle, for there is no labour that
man undertakes but hath a war within itself, and
perfection makes the conquest; and no few or
mean onsets of malice, calumnies, and slanders,
hath this resolved gentleman borne off, before his
labours were invested with victory, as in this following
speech to those honourable auditors then
placed upon the mount is more at large related.
A troop of labourers, to the number of threescore
or upwards, all in green caps alike, bearing in their
hands the symbols of their several employments
247in so great a business, with drums before them,
marching twice or thrice about the cistern, orderly
present themselves before the mount, and after
their obeisance,
Now for the fruits then: flow forth, precious spring,
So long and dearly sought for, and now bring
Comfort to all that love thee; loudly sing,
And with thy crystal murmur struck together,
Bid all thy true well-wishers welcome hither!
At which words the flood-gate opens, the stream
let into the cistern, drums and trumpets giving it
triumphant welcomes; and, for the close of this their
honourable entertainment, a peal of chambers.[308]
249
CIVITATIS AMOR,
&c.
251Civitatis Amor. The Citie’s Loue. An entertainement by water,
at Chelsey and White-hall. At the ioyfull receiuing of that Illustrious
Hope of Great Britaine, the High and Mighty Charles, To
bee created Prince of Wales, Duke of Cornewall, Earle of Chester,
&c. Together with the Ample Order and Solemnity of his Highnesse
creation, as it was celebrated in his Maiesties Palace of
Whitehall, on Monday, the fourth of Nouember. 1616. As also
the Ceremonies of that Ancient and Honourable Order of the
Knights of the Bath; And all the Triumphs showne in honour of
his Royall Creation. London, Printed by Nicholas Okes for
Thomas Archer, and are to be sold at his shop in Popes-head-Pallace.
1616. 4to.
Reprinted in Nichols’s Progresses of King James, vol. iii.
p. 208.
253CIVITATIS AMOR.
The ample Order and Solemnity of Prince Charles his Creation.
His Majesty, as well to shew the bounty of his
affection towards his royal son, as to settle in the
hearts of his loving subjects a lively impression of
his kingly care for continuance of the happy and
peaceable government of this land in his issue and
posterity, having determined to invest his princely
Highness with those titles and solemnities [with]
which the former princes of this realm have usually
been adorned; it seemed fittest—both in regard of
his Highness’ years, shewing the rare proofs of promising
heroical virtues, and also that it would be a
gladness most grateful and acceptable to the commonwealth—to
have the solemnities thereof royally
performed: to the effecting of which, the Lord
Mayor and Aldermen of the city of London, with
the several Companies, honourably furnished and
appointed, and marshalled in fair and comely order—both
by the care and industry of master Nicholas
Leate, citizen and merchant of London, and one of
the chief captains for the city; as also by the well-observed
and deserving pains of master Thomas
Sparro, water-baily, made, for that day, marshal
for the water-triumphs—were ready attending,
with a great train and costly entertainment, to receive
his Highness at Chelsea, their barges richly
deckt with banners, streamers, and ensigns, and
sundry sorts of loud-sounding instruments aptly
254placed amongst them. And for his Grace’s first
entertainment, which was near Chelsea, a personage
figuring London, sitting upon a sea-unicorn, with
six Tritons sounding before her, accompanied both
with Neptune and the two rivers Thamesis and
Dee, at his first appearing speaks as followeth.
The Entertainment by Water at Chelsea and Whitehall.
AT CHELSEA.
A personage figuring London, sitting upon a sea-unicorn,
with six Tritons sounding before her, accompanied
thither with Neptune, and the two rivers
Thamesis and Dee, at the first appearing of the
Prince speaks as followeth:]
Since heaven is pleas’d in thy blest life to raise
The hope of these, and joy of after ages.—
Sound, Tritons; lift our loves up with his fame,
Proclaim’d as far as honour has a name!
Neptune.
Sound on!
THE ENTERTAINMENT AT WHITEHALL.
This personage, figuring London, with the six
Tritons sounding before, Neptune, and the two
rivers, being arrived at Whitehall, where attend the
Prince’s landing the figures of two sacred deities,
Hope and Peace, thus speaks:
London.
Hope, now behold the fulness of thy good,
Which thy sick comforts have expected long;—
And thou, sweet Peace, the harmony of this flood,
Look up, and see the glory of thy song.
Hope, leaning her breast upon a silver anchor,
attended with four virgins all in white, having
silver oars in their hands, thus answers:
257Hope.
Fair and most famous city, thou hast wak’d me
From the sad slumber of disconsolate fear,
Which at the music of thy voice forsak’d me,
And now begin to see my comforts clear;
Now has my anchor her firm hold agen,
And in my blest and calm security
The expectations of all faithful men
Have their full fruits, being satisfied in me.
This is the place that I’ll cast anchor in,
This, honour’s haven, the king’s royal court;
Here will I fasten all my joys agen,
Where all deservers and deserts resort:
And may I never change this happy shore
Till all be chang’d, never to alter more!
Then Peace, sitting on a dolphin, with her sacred
quire, sings this song following:
258[The Prince[312] landed at the common stairs at
Whitehall, the nobility and his officers preceding.
In the Hall he was received by the Duke of Lennox,
lord steward of the household, the controller
and officers of the household; in the Great Chamber
by the Lord Chamberlain, and Viscount Fenton,
captain of the guard. He proceeded no further
than to the door of the Presence.]
PRINCE CHARLES HIS CREATION.
The day’s Triumph ended, to the great honour
of the city and content of his Highness, who, out
of the goodness of his love, gave the Lord Mayor
and Aldermen many thanks, on Monday following,
the lords and peers of the realm being all assembled
at Whitehall, his Highness then proceeded in this
manner to his creation:
First went [the Prince’s Gentlemen, according to
their degrees; his learned Counsel; the drums;]
the trumpets; then the Heralds and Officers of
Arms, in their rich coats; [the Earl Marshal with
his vierge;[313] the Lord Chamberlain with his white
staff]; next followed the Knights of the Bath, being
six-and-twenty in number, apparelled in long robes
of purple satin, lined with white taffeta; then Sir
William Segar, knight, alias garter principal king
of arms, bearing the letters patents; the Earl of
259Sussex the purple robes; the train borne by the
Earl of Huntington, the sword by the Earl of
Rutland, the ring by the Earl of Derby, the rod
by the Earl of Shrewsbury, the cap and coronet
by the Duke of Lennox lord steward. His princely
Highness, supported by the Earls of Suffolk and
Nottingham, came bareheaded, [followed by the
principal Gentlemen of his chamber], and so entered
the great hall, where the King was set in his
royal throne, and the whole state of the realm in
their order.
The Prince made low obeisance to his Majesty
three times; and after the third time, when he was
come near to the King, he kneeled down on a rich
pillow or cushion, whilst Sir Ralph Winwood, principal
secretary, read his letters patents: then his
Majesty, at the reading of the words of investment,
put the robes upon him, and girded on the sword;
invested him with the rod and ring, and set the
cap and coronet on his head. [When the patent
was fully read, it was delivered to the King, who
delivered it to the Prince, kissing him once or
twice. At the putting on of the mantle, and delivering
of the patent, the trumpets and drums
sounded.]
With which ceremony the creation being accomplished,
the King arose, and went up to dinner;
but the Prince, with his lords, dined in the hall,
and was served with great state and magnificence,
accompanied at his table with divers great lords,
as the Earl of Suffolk, lord treasurer; the Earl of
Arundel, lord marshal; the Earl of Nottingham,
lord admiral; the Duke of Lennox, lord steward;
the Earl of Pembroke, lord chamberlain; the Earls
of Shrewsbury, Derby, [Huntington], Rutland, and
Sussex; the Prince sitting in a chair at the upper
260end, and the rest in distance about four yards from
him, one over against another, in their degrees;
all which were those that were employed in several
offices of honour about his royal creation. [The
Earl of Southampton acted as cup-bearer, the Earl
of Dorset as carver, the Lord Compton as sewer,[314]
and doctor Sinhowse, the Prince’s chaplain, said
grace.] At another table, in the same room, on the
left hand of the Prince, sat the Knights of the Bath,
all on one side, and had likewise great service and
attendance. [After some music, the song of forty
parts was sung by the gentlemen of the chapel and
others, sitting upon degrees over the screen at the
north end of the Hall; which was sung again by
the King’s commandment, who stood as a spectator
in the room over the stairs ascending to the Great
Chamber.] About the midst of dinner, Sir William
Segar, knight, alias garter principal king of arms,
with the rest of the King’s Heralds and Pursuivants
of Arms, approached the Prince’s table, and with a
loud and audible voice proclaimed the King’s style
in Latin, French, and English, thrice; and the
Prince’s, in like manner, twice: then the trumpets
sounding, the second course came in; and dinner
done, that day’s solemnity ceased.
At night, to crown it with more heroical honour,
forty worthy gentlemen of the noble societies of
Inns of Court,[315] being ten of each house, every one
261appointed, in way of honourable combat, to break
three staves, three swords, and exchange ten blows
a-piece—whose names, for their worthiness, I commend
to fame—began thus each to encounter other:
and not to wrong the sacred antiquity of any of
the houses, their names are here set down in the
same order as they were presented to his Majesty;
viz. of the
[During the fifth of November, the anniversary
262of the Gunpowder Treason, the festivities were
suspended. On that day Bishop Andrews preached
before the King at Whitehall, on Psalm[319] xxvii. 3;
and his Majesty knighted Sir William Segar, garter
king at arms.]
On Wednesday, the sixth day of November, to
give greater lustre and honour to this triumph and
solemnity, in the presence of the King, Queen,
Prince, and Lords, fourteen right honourable and
noble personages, whose names hereafter follow,
graced this day’s magnificence with running at the
ring[320]; viz.
The Duke of Lennox, lord steward.
Earl of Pembroke, lord chamberlain.
Earl of Rutland.
Earl of Dorset.
Earl of Montgomery.
Viscount Villiers.
Lord Clifford.
Lord Walden.
Lord Mordaunt.
Sir Thomas Howard.
Sir Robert Rich.
Sir Gilbert Gerrard.
Sir William Cavendish.
Sir Henry Rich.
Having thus briefly described the manner of his
Highness’ creation, with the honourable service
shewn to the solemnity both by the lords and gentlemen
of the Inns of Court, I should have set a
period, but that the Knights of the Bath, being a
principal part and ornament of this sacred triumph,
263I cannot pass them over without some remembrance:
therefore thus much out of the Note of
Directions from some of the principal officers of
arms, and some observation of credit concerning
the order and ceremonies of the knighthood:—
The lords and other that were to receive the
honourable order of the Bath repaired on Saturday,
the second of November, to the Parliament
House at Westminster, and there in the afternoon
heard evening prayer, observing no other ceremony
at that time, but only the heralds going before
them, in their ordinary habits, from thence to King
Henry the Seventh’s chapel at Westminster, there
to begin their warfare, as if they would employ
their service for God especially; from whence,
after service ended, they returned into the chamber
they were to sup in. Their supper was prepared
all at one table, and all sate upon one side of the
same, every man having an escutcheon of his arms
placed over his head, and certain of the King’s
officers being appointed to attend them. In this
manner, having taken their repast, several beds
were made ready for their lodging in another room
hard by, after the same manner, all on one side;
their beds were pallets with coverings, testers, or
canopies of red say,[321] but they used no curtains.
The Knights in the meanwhile were withdrawn
into the bathing-chamber, which was the next room
to that which they supped in; where for each of
them was provided a several bathing-tub, which
was lined both within and without with white linen,
264and covered with red say; wherein, after they have
said their prayers and commended themselves to
God, they bathe themselves, that thereby they
might be put in mind to be pure in body and soul
from thenceforth; and after the bath, they betook
themselves to their rest.
Early the next morning they were awakened
with music, and at their uprising invested in their
hermits’ habits, which was a gown of gray cloth,
girded close, and a hood of the same, and a linen
coif underneath, and an handkercher hanging at
his girdle, cloth stockings soled with leather, but
no shoes; and thus apparelled, their esquires governors,
with the heralds wearing the coats of arms,
and sundry sorts of wind instruments before them,
they proceed from their lodging, the meanest in
order foremost, as the night before, until they came
to the chapel, where, after service ended, their oath
was ministered unto them by the Earl of Arundel,
lord marshal, and the Earl of Pembroke, lord chamberlain,
in a solemn and ceremonious manner, all
of them standing forth before their stalls, and at
their coming out making low reverence towards
the altar, by which the commissioners sate: then
were they brought up by the heralds by two at
once, the chiefest first, and so the rest, till all successively
had received their oath,[322] which in effect
265was this: That above all things they should seek
the honour of God, and maintenance of true religion;
love their sovereign; serve their country;
help maidens, widows, and orphans; and, to the
utmost of their power, cause equity and justice to
be observed.
This day, whilst they were yet in the chapel,
wine and sweetmeats were brought them, and they
departed to their chamber to be disrobed of their
hermits’ weeds, and were revested in robes of crimson
taffeta, implying they should be martial men,
the robes lined with white sarcenet, in token of
sincerity, having white hats on their heads with
white feathers, white boots on their legs, and white
gloves tied unto the strings of their mantles; all
which performed, they mount on horseback, the
saddle of black leather, the arson[323] white, stirrup-leathers
black gilt, the pectoral[324] of black leather,
with a cross paty[325] of silver thereon, and without a
crupper, the bridle likewise black, with a cross
paty on the forehead or frontlet; each knight between
his two esquires well apparelled, his footmen
attending, and his page riding before him, carrying
his sword, with the hilts upward, in a white leather
belt without buckles or studs, and his spurs hanging
thereon. In this order ranked, every man according
to his degree—the best or chiefest first—they rode
fair and softly towards the court, the trumpets
sounding, and the heralds all the way riding before
them. Being come to the King’s hall, the Marshal
meets them, who is to have their horses, or else
100s. in money, for his fee: then, conducted by
the heralds and others appointed for that purpose,
266his Majesty sitting under his cloth of estate, gave
to them their knighthood in this manner:
First, the principal lord that is to receive the
order comes, led by his two esquires, and his
page before him bearing his sword and spurs, and
kneeleth down before his Majesty; the Lord Chamberlain
takes the sword of the page and delivers
it to the King, who puts the belt over the neck of
the knight, aslope his breast, placing the sword
under his left arm; the second nobleman of the
chief about the King puts on his spurs, the right
spur first; and so is the ceremony performed. In
this sort Lord Maltravers, son and heir to the Earl
of Arundel, lord marshal, which was the principal
of this number, being first created, the rest were
all consequently knighted alike. And when the
solemnity thereof was fully finished, they all returned
in order as they came, saving some small
difference, in that the youngest or meanest knight
went now foremost, and their pages behind them.
Coming back to the Parliament House, their
dinner was ready prepared, in the same room and
after the fashion as their supper was the night before;
but being set, they were not to taste of any
thing that stood before them, but, with a modest
carriage and graceful abstinence, to refrain; divers
kinds of sweet music sounding the while; and after
a convenient time of sitting, to arise and withdraw
themselves, leaving the table so furnished to their
esquires and pages.
About five of the clock in the afternoon they
rode again to court, to hear service in the King’s
chapel, keeping the same order they did at their
return from thence in the morning, every knight
riding between his two esquires, and his page following
him. At their entrance into the chapel, the
267heralds conducting them, they make a solemn reverence,
the youngest knight beginning, the rest
orderly ensuing; and so one after another take
their standing before their stalls, where all being
placed, the eldest knight maketh a second reverence,
which is followed to the youngest; and
then all ascend into their stalls, and take their
accustomed places. Service then beginneth, and
is very solemnly celebrated with singing of divers
anthems to the organs; and when the time of their
offertory is come, the youngest knights are summoned
forth of their stalls by the heralds, doing
reverence first within their stalls, and again after
they are descended, which is likewise imitated by
all the rest; and being all thus come forth, standing
before their stalls as at first, the two eldest
knights, with their swords in their hands, are
brought up by the heralds to the altar, where they
offer their swords, and the dean receives them, of
whom they presently redeem them with an angel[326]
in gold, and then come down to their former places,
whilst two other are led up in like manner. The
ceremony performed and service ended, they depart
again in such order as they came, with accustomed
reverence. At the chapel-door, as they came
forth, they were encountered by the King’s master
cook, who stood there with his white apron and
sleeves, and a chopping-knife in his hand, and
challenged their spurs, which were likewise redeemed
with a noble[327] in money, threatening them,
nevertheless, that if they proved not true and loyal
to the King, his lord and master, it must be his
office to hew them from their heels.
268On Monday morning they all met together nigh
at the court, where, in a private room appointed
for them, they were clothed in long robes of purple
satin, with hoods of the same, all lined and edged
about with white taffeta; and thus apparelled, they
gave their attendance upon the Prince at his creation,
and dined that day in his presence, at a side-board,
as is already declared.
The Names of such Lords and Gentlemen as were made
Knights of the Bath, in honour of his Highness’
Creation.
James Lord Maltravers, son and heir to the Earl of Arundel.
Algernon Lord Percy, son and heir to the Earl [of] Northumberland.
James Lord Wriothesley, son to the Earl of Southampton.
Edward [Theophilus] Lord Clinton, son to the Earl of Lincoln.
Edward Lord Beauchamp, grandchild to the Earl of Hertford.
[George] Lord Berkeley.
[John] Lord Mordaunt.
Sir Alexander Erskine, son to the Viscount Fenton.
Sir Henry Howard, second son to the Earl of Arundel.
Sir Robert Howard, fourth [fifth] son to the Earl of Suffolk.
Sir Edward Sackville, brother to the Earl of Dorset.
Sir William Howard, fifth [sixth] son to the Earl of Suffolk.
Sir Edward Howard, sixth [seventh] son to the Earl of Suffolk.
269Sir Montague Bertie,[328] eldest son to the Lord Willoughby of Eresby.
[Sir William Stourton, son to the Lord Stourton.]
Sir Henry Parker, son to the Lord Mounteagle.
Sir Dudley North, eldest son to the Lord North.
Sir Spencer Compton, son and heir to Lord Compton.
Sir William Spencer, son to the Lord Spencer.
[Sir William Seymour, brother to the Lord Beauchamp.]
Sir Rowland St. John, third son to the Lord St. John.
Sir John Cavendish, second son to the Lord Cavendish.
Sir Thomas Neville, grandchild to the Lord Abergavenny.
Sir John Roper, grandchild to the Lord Tenham.
Sir John North, brother to the Lord North.
Sir Henry Carey, son to Sir Robert Carey.
And for an honourable conclusion of the King’s
royal grace and bounty shewn to this solemnity,
his Majesty created Thomas Lord Ellesmere, lord
chancellor of England, Viscount Brackley; the
Lord Knolles, Viscount Wallingford; Sir Philip
Stanhope, Lord Stanhope of Shelford in Nottinghamshire:
these being created[329], on Thursday the
270seventh of November, the Lord Chancellor Viscount
Brackley being led out of the council-chamber into
the privy gallery by the Earl of Montgomery and
Viscount Villiers.
271
THE TRIUMPHS
OF
LOVE AND ANTIQUITY.
273The Triumphs of Loue and Antiquity. An Honourable Solemnitie
performed through the Citie, at the confirmation and establishment
of the Right Honourable Sir William Cockayn, Knight,
in the office of his Maiesties Lieutenant, the Lord Maior of the
Famous Citie of London: Taking beginning in the morning at his
Lordships going, and perfecting it selfe after his returne from
receiuing the oath of Maioralty at Westminster, on the morrow
after Symon and Judes Day, October 29. 1619. By Tho: Middleton.
Gent. London, Printed by Nicholas Okes. 1619. 4to.
Reprinted in Nichols’s Progresses of King James, vol. iii.
p. 570.
274To the honour of him to whom the noble Fraternity of
Skinners, his worthy brothers, have dedicated their
loves in costly Triumphs, the Right HonourableSir
William Cockaine, Knight, Lord Mayor of this
renowned City, and Lord General of his Military
Forces.
Love, triumph, honour, all the glorious graces
This day holds in her gift; fix’d eyes and faces
Apply themselves in joy all to your look;
In duty, then, my service and the book,
At your Lordship’s command,
Tho. Middleton.
275THE TRIUMPHS
OF
LOVE AND ANTIQUITY.
If foreign nations have been struck with admiration
at the form, state, and splendour of some yearly
triumphs, wherein Art[330] hath been but weakly imitated
and most beggarly worded, there is fair hope
that things where invention flourishes, clear Art
and her graceful proprieties should receive favour
and encouragement from the content of the spectator,
which, next to the service of his honour and
honourable Society, is the principal reward it looks
for; and not despairing of that common favour—which
is often cast upon the undeserver, through
the distress and misery of judgment—this takes
delight to present itself.
And first, to begin early with the love of the city
to his lordship, let me draw your attentions to his
honour’s entertainment upon the water, where Expectation,
big with the joy of the day, but beholding[331]
to free love for language and expression, thus salutes
the great master of the day and triumph.
276The speech to entertain his lordship upon the water.
Honour and joy double their blessings on thee!
I, the day’s love, the city’s general love,
Salute thee in the sweetness of content;
All that behold me worthily may see
How full mine eye stands of the joy of thee;
The more, because I may with confidence say
Desert and love will be well match’d to-day;
And herein the great’st pity will appear,
This match can last no longer than a year;
Yet let not that discourage thy good ways,
Men’s loves will last to crown thy end of days;
If those should fail, which cannot easily die,
Thy good works wed thee to eternity.
Let not the shortness, then, of time dismay
The largeness of thy worth, gain every day;
So, many years thou gain’st that some have lost;
For they that think their care is at great cost,
If they do any good in time so small,
They make their year but a poor day in all;
For, as a learnèd man will comprehend,
In compass of his hour, doctrine so sound,
Which give another a whole year to mend,
He shall not equal upon any ground;
So the judicious, when he comes to bear
This powerful office, struck with divine fear,
Collects his spirits, redeems his hours with care,
Thinks of his charge and oath, what ties they are;
And with a virtuous resolution then
Works more good in one year than some in ten:
Nor is this spoken any to detract,
But all t’ encourage to put truth in act.
Methinks I see oppression hang the head,
Falsehood and injury with their guilt struck dead,
277At this triumphant hour; ill causes hide
Their leprous faces, daring not t’ abide
The brightness of this day; and in mine ear
Methinks the Graces’ silver chimes I hear.
Good wishes are at work now in each heart,
Throughout this sphere of brotherhood play their part;
Which now earth’s love and heaven’s hereafter wins.
At his lordship’s return from Westminster, those
worthy gentlemen whose loves and worths were
prepared before in the conclusion of the former
speech by water, are now all ready to salute their
lord-general with a noble volley at his lordship’s
landing; and in the best and most commendable
form, answerable to the nobleness of their free love
and service, take their march before his lordship,
who, being so honourably conducted, meets the
first Triumph by land waiting his lordship’s most
278wished arrival in Paul’s-Churchyard, near Paul’s-Chain,
which is a Wilderness, most gracefully and
artfully furnished with divers kind of beasts bearing
fur, proper to the fraternity; the presenter the
musical Orpheus, great master both in poesy and
harmony, who by his excellent music drew after
him wild beasts, woods, and mountains; over his
head an artificial cock, often made to crow and
flutter with his wings. This Orpheus, at the approach
of his lordship, gives life to these words:
The speech delivered byOrpheus.
Great lord, example is the crystal glass
By which wise magistracy sets his face,
Fits all his actions to their comeliest dress,
For there he sees honour and seemliness:
’Tis not like flattering glasses, those false books
Made to set age back in great courtiers’ looks;
Like clocks on revelling nights, that ne’er go right,
Because the sports may yield more full delight,
But when they break off, then they find it late,
The time and truth appear:[333] such is their state
Whose death by flatteries is set back awhile,
But meets ’em in the midst of their safe smile;
Such horrors those forgetful things attend,
That only mind their ends, but not their end.
Leave them to their false trust, list thou to me;
Thy power is great, so let thy virtues be,
Thy care, thy watchfulness, which are but things
Remember’d to thy praise; from thence it springs,
And not from fear of any want in thee,
For in this truth I may be comely free,—
Never was man advanc’d yet waited on
With a more noble expectation:
279That’s a great work to perfect; and as those
That have in art a mastery can oppose
All comers, and come off with learnèd fame,
Yet think not scorn still of a scholar’s name,
A title which they had in ignorant youth,—
So he that deals in such a weight of truth
As th’ execution of a magistrate’s place,
Though never so exact in form and grace,
Both from his own worth and man’s free applause,
Yet may be call’d a labourer in the cause,
And be thought good to be so, in true care
The labour being so glorious, just, and fair.
Behold, then, in a rough example here,
The rude and thorny ways thy care must clear;
Such are the vices in a city sprung,
As are yon thickets that grow close and strong;
Such is oppression, cozenage, bribes, false hires,
As are yon catching and entangling briers;
Such is gout-justice, that’s delay in right,
Demurs in suits that are as clear as light;
Just such a wilderness is a commonwealth
That is undrest, unprun’d, wild in her health;
And the rude multitude the beasts a’ the wood,
That know no laws, but only will and blood;
And yet, by fair example, musical grace,
Harmonious government of the man in place,
Of fair integrity and wisdom fram’d,
They stand as mine do, ravish’d, charm’d, and tam’d:
Every wise magistrate that governs thus,
May well be call’d a powerful Orpheus.
Behold yon bird of state, the vigilant cock,
The morning’s herald and the ploughman’s clock,
At whose shrill crow the very lion trembles,
The sturdiest prey-taker that here assembles;
How fitly does it match your name and power,
Fix’d in that name now by this glorious hour,
280At your just voice to shake the bold’st offence
And sturdiest sin that e’er had residence
In secure man, yet, with an equal eye,
Matching grave justice with fair clemency!
It being the property he chiefly shews,
To give wing-warning still before he crows,
To crow before he strike; by his clapt wing
To stir himself up first, which needful thing
Is every man’s first duty; by his crow,
A gentle call or warning, which should flow
From every magistrate; before he extend
The stroke of justice, he should reprehend
And try the virtue of a powerful word,
If that prevail not, then the spur, the sword.
See, herein honours to his majesty
Are not forgotten, when I turn and see
The several countries, in those faces plain,
All owing fealty to one sovereign;
The noble English, the fair-thriving Scot,
Plain-hearted Welsh, the Frenchman bold and hot,
The civilly instructed Irishman,
And that kind savage the Virginian,
All lovingly assembled, e’en by fate,
This thy day’s honour to congratulate.
On, then; and as your service fills this place,
So through the city do his lordship grace.
At which words this part of Triumph moves onward,
and meets the full body of the show in the
other Paul’s-Churchyard; then dispersing itself
according to the ordering of the speeches following,
one part, which is the Sanctuary of Fame, plants
itself near the Little Conduit in Cheap; another,
which hath the title of the Parliament of Honour,
at St. Laurence-Lane end. Upon the battlements
of that beauteous sanctuary, adorned with six-and-twenty
281bright-burning lamps, having allusion to
the six-and-twenty aldermen—they being, for their
justice, government, and example, the lights of the
city—a grave personage, crowned with the title
and inscription of Example, breathes forth these
sounds:
Example.
From that rough wilderness, which did late present
The perplex’d state and cares of government,
Which every painful magistrate must meet,
Here the reward stands for thee,—a chief seat
In Fame’s fair Sanctuary, where some of old,
Crown’d with their troubles, now are here enroll’d
In memory’s sacred sweetness to all ages;
And so much the world’s voice of thee presages.
And these that sit for many, with their graces
Fresh as the buds of roses, though they sleep,
In thy Society had once high places,
Which in their good works they for ever keep;
Life call’d ’em in their time honour’s fair stars,
Large benefactors, and sweet governors.
If here were not sufficient grace for merit,
Next object, I presume, will raise thy spirit.
In this masterpiece of art, Fame’s illustrious
Sanctuary, the memory of those worthies shine[s]
gloriously that have been both lord mayors of this
city and noble benefactors and brothers of this
worthy fraternity; to wit, Sir Henry Barton, Sir
William Gregory, Sir Stephen Jennings, Sir Thomas
Mirfen, Sir Andrew Judd, Sir Wolstone Dixie, Sir
Stephen Slany, Sir Richard Saltonstall, and now
the right honourable Sir William Cockaine.
That Sir Henry Barton, an honour to memory,
was the first that, for the safety of travellers and
282strangers by night through the city, caused lights
to be hung out from Allhollontide[334] to Candlemas;
therefore, in this Sanctuary of Fame, where the
beauty of good actions shine[s], he is most properly
and worthily recorded.
His lordship by this time gracefully conducted
toward that Parliament of Honour, near St. Laurence-Lane
end, Antiquity, from its eminence, thus
gloriously salutes him:
Antiquity, in the Parliament of Honour.
Grave city-governor, so much honour do me,
Vouchsafe thy presence and thy patience to me,
And I’ll reward that virtue with a story,
That shall to thy fraternity add glory;
Then to thy worth no mean part will arise,
That art ordain’d chief for that glorious prize.
’Tis I that keep all the records of fame,
Mother of truths, Antiquity my name;
No year, month, day, or hour, that brings in place
Good works and noble, for the city’s grace,
But I record, that after-times may see
What former were, and how they ought to be
Fruitful and thankful, in fair actions flowing,
To meet heaven’s blessings, to which much is owing.
For instance, let all grateful eyes be plac’d
Upon this mount of royalty, by kings grac’d,
Queens, prince, dukes, nobles, more by numbering gain’d
Than can be in this narrow sphere contain’d;
Seven kings, five queens, only one prince alone,
Eight dukes, two earls, Plantagenets twenty-one;
All these of this fraternity made free,
Brothers and sisters of this Company:
283And see with what propriety the Fates
Have to this noble brotherhood knit such states;[335]
For what society the whole city brings
Can with such ornaments adorn their kings,—
Their only robes of state, when they consent
To ride most glorious to high parliament?
And mark in this their royal intent still;
For when it pleas’d the goodness of their will
To put the richest robes of their loves on
To the whole city, the most ever came
To this Society, which records here prove,
Adorning their adorners with their love;
Which was a kingly equity.
Be careful then, great lord, to bring forth deeds
To match that honour that from hence proceeds.
At the close of which speech the whole Triumph
takes leave of his lordship for that time; and, till
after the feast at Guildhall, rests from service.
His lordship, accompanied with many noble personages;
the honourable fellowship of ancient magistrates
and aldermen of this city; the two new
sheriffs, the one of his own fraternity (the complete
Brotherhood of Skinners), the right worshipful
master sheriff Dean, a very bountiful and worthy
citizen; not forgetting the noble pains and loves
of the heroic captains of the city, and gentlemen of
the Artillery-garden,[336] making, with two glorious
ranks, a manly and majestic passage for their lord-general,
his lordship, thorough Guildhall-yard; and
afterward their loves to his lordship resounding in
a second noble volley.
Now, that all the honours before mentioned in that
284Parliament, or Mount of Royalty, may arrive at a
clear and perfect manifestation, to prevent[337] the over-curious
and inquisitive spirit, the names and times
of those kings, queens, prince, dukes, and nobles,
free of the honourable Fraternity of Skinners in
London, shall here receive their proper illustrations.
Anno 1329. King Edward the Third, Plantagenet,
by whom, in the first of his reign, this worthy
Society of Skinners was incorporate, he their first
royal founder and brother: queen Philip his wife,
younger daughter of William Earl of Henault, the
first royal sister; so gloriously virtuous that she is
a rich ornament to memory; she both founded and
endowed Queen’s College in Oxford, to the continuing
estate of which I myself wish all happiness;
this queen at her death desired three courtesies,
some of which are rare in these days; first, that
her debts might be paid to the merchants; secondly,
that her gifts to the church might be performed;
thirdly, that the king, when he died, would at Westminster
be interred with her.
Anno 1357. Edward Plantagenet, surnamed the
Black Prince, son to Edward the Third, Prince of
Wales, Duke of Guienne, Aquitaine, and Cornwall,
Earl Palatine of Chester. In the battle of Poictiers
in France, he, with 8000 English against 60,000
French, got the victory; took the king, Philip his
son, seventeen earls, with divers other noble personages,
prisoners.
King Richard the Second, Plantagenet. This
king being the third royal brother of this honourable
Company, and at that time the Society consisting
285of two brotherhoods of Corpus Christi, the
one at St. Mary Spittle, the other at St. Mary Bethlem
without Bishopsgate, in the eighteenth of his
reign granted them to make their two brotherhoods
one, by the name of the Fraternity of Corpus
Christi of Skinners, which worthy title shines at
this day gloriously amongst ’em; and toward the
end of this king’s reign, 1396, a great feast was
celebrated in Westminster Hall, where the lord
mayor of this city sate as guest.
Anno 1381. Queen Anne, his wife, daughter to
the Emperor Charles the Fourth, and sister to
[the] Emperor Wenceslaus, whose modesty then
may make this age blush now, she being the first
that taught women to ride sideling on horseback;
but who it was that taught ’em to ride straddling,
there is no records so immodest that can shew
me, only the impudent time and the open profession.
This fair precedent of womanhood died at
Sheen, now Richmond; for grief whereof King
Richard her lord abandoned and defaced that goodly
house.
Anno 1399. King Henry the Fourth, Plantagenet,
surnamed Bolingbroke, a fourth royal brother. In
his time the famous Guildhall in London was erected,
where the honourable courts of the city are kept,
and this bounteous feast yearly celebrated. In the
twelfth year of his reign the river of Thames flowed
thrice in one day.
Queen Joan, or Jane, Duchess of Bretagne, late
wife to John Duke of Bretagne, and daughter to the
King of Navarre, another princely sister.
Anno 1412. King Henry the Fifth, Plantagenet,
Prince of Wales, proclaimed Mayor and Regent of
France: he won that famous victory on the French
at the battle of Agincourt.
286Queen Catherine, his wife, daughter to Charles
the Sixth, King of France.
King Henry the Sixth, Plantagenet, of the house
of Lancaster.
King Edward the Fourth, Plantagenet, of the
house of York. This king feasted the lord mayor,
Richard Chawry, and the aldermen his brethren,
with certain commoners, in Waltham Forest: after
dinner rode a-hunting with the king, who gave him
plenty of venison, and sent to the lady mayoress
and her sisters the aldermen’s wives, two harts, six
bucks, and a tun of wine, to make merry; and this
noble feast was kept at Drapers’ Hall.
Anno 1463. Queen Elizabeth Grey, his wife,
daughter to Richard Woodville, Earl Rivers, and
to the Duchess of Bedford; she was mother to the
Lord Grey of Ruthin, that in his time was Marquis
Dorset.
King Richard the Third, brother to Edward the
Fourth, Duke of Gloucester, and of the house of
York.
Lionel Plantagenet, third son to the third Edward,
Duke of Clarence and Earl of Ulster: Philip
his daughter and heir married Edward Mortimer,
Earl of March, from whom the house of York
descends.
Henry Plantagenet, grandchild to Edmond Crouchback,
second son to Henry the Third.
Richard Plantagenet, father of Edward the Fourth,
Duke of York and Albemarle, Earl of Cambridge,
Rutland, March, Clare, and Ulster.
Thomas Plantagenet, second son of Henry the
Fourth.
John Plantagenet, third son of Henry the Fourth;
so noble a soldier, and so great a terror to the
French, that when Charles the Eighth was moved
287to deface his monument—being buried in Rouen—the
king thus answered,—“Pray, let him rest in
peace being dead, of whom we were all afraid when
he lived.”
Humfrey Plantagenet, fourth son of Henry the
Fourth.
John Holland, Duke of Exeter.
George Plantagenet, brother to Edward the
Fourth.
Edmond Plantagenet, brother to Edward the
Fourth.
Richard Neville, Earl of Salisbury and Warwick,
called the Great Earl of Warwick.
John Cornwall Knight, Baron Fanhope.
The royal sum.
Seven kings, five queens, one prince, seven dukes,
one earl; twenty-one Plantagenets.
Seven kings, five queens, one prince, eight dukes,
two earls, one lord; twenty-four Skinners.
The feast ended at Guildhall, his lordship, as
yearly custom invites it, goes, accompanied with
the Triumph before him, towards St. Paul’s, to
perform the noble and reverend ceremonies which
divine antiquity religiously ordained, and are[338] no
less than faithfully observed. Holy service and
ceremonies accomplished, his lordship returns by
torchlight to his own house, the whole Triumph
placed in comely and decent order before him; the
Wilderness; the Sanctuary of Fame, adorned with
lights; the Parliament of Honour; and the Triumphant
Chariot of Love, with his graceful concomitants,
288the chariot drawn with two luzerns.[339]
Near to the entrance of his lordship’s gate, Love,
prepared with his welcome, thus salutes him:
Love.
I was the first, grave lord, that welcom’d thee
To this day’s honour, and I spake it free,
Just as in every heart I found it plac’d,
And ’tis my turn again now to speak last;
For love is circular, like the bright sun,
And takes delight to end where it begun,
Though indeed never ending in true will,
But rather may be said beginning still,
As all great works are of celestial birth,
Of which love is the chief in heaven and earth.
To what blest state then are thy fortunes come,
Since that both brought thee forth and brings thee home?
Now, as in common course, which clears things best,
There’s no free gift but looks for thanks at least;
A love so bountiful, so free, so good,
From the whole city, from thy brotherhood—
That name I ought a while to dwell upon—
Expect some fair requital from the man
They’ve all so largely honour’d: what’s desir’d?
That which in conscience ought to be requir’d;
O, thank ’em in thy justice, in thy care,
Zeal to right wrongs, works that are clear and fair,
And will become thy soul, whence virtue springs,
As those rich ornaments thy brother-kings.
289And since we cannot separate love and care—
For where care is, a love must needs be there,
And care where love is, ’tis the man and wife,
Through every estate that’s fix’d in life—
You are by this the city’s bridegroom prov’d,
And she stands wedded to her best belov’d:
Then be, according to your morning vows,
A careful husband to a loving spouse;
And heaven give you great joy,—both it and thee,
And to all those that shall match after ye!
The names of those beasts bearing fur, and now in use
with the bountiful Society of Skinners, the most of
which presented in the Wilderness, whereOrpheuspredominates.
Ermine, foine, sables, martin, badger, bear,
Luzern, budge, otter, hipponesse, and hare,
Lamb, wolf, fox, leopard, minx, stot, miniver,
Racoon, moashy, wolverin, caliber,
Squirrel, mole, cat, musk, civet, wild and tame,
Cony, white, yellow, black, must have a name,
The ounce, rowsgray, ginnet, pampilion;
Of birds the vulture, bitter, estridge,[340] swan:
Some worn for ornament, and some for health,
All to the Skinners’ art bring fame and wealth.
The service being thus faithfully performed, both
to his lordship’s honour and to the credit and content
of his most generously bountiful Society, the
season commends all to silence; yet not without a
little leave taken to reward art with the comely
dues that belong unto it, which hath been so richly
expressed in the body of the Triumph with all the
290proper beauties of workmanship, that the city may,
without injury to judgment, call it the masterpiece
of her triumphs; the credit of which workmanship
I must justly lay upon the deserts of master Garret
Crismas[341] and master Robert Norman, joined-partners
in the performance.
291
THE SUN IN ARIES.
293The Sunne in Aries. A Noble Solemnity Performed through the
Citie, at the sole cost and charges of the Honourable and ancient
Fraternity of Drapers, At the confirmation and establishment of
their most Worthy Brother the Right Honourable, Edward Barkham,
in the high Office of his Maiesties Lieutenant, the lord Maior
of the famous Citie of London. Taking beginning at his Lordships
going, and perfecting it selfe after his returne from receiuing
the Oath of Maioralty at Westminster, on the morrow after Simon
[and] Jvdes day, being the 29. of October. 1621. By Tho. Middleton,
Gent. At London: Printed by Ed. All-de, for H. G.
1621. 4to.
Reprinted in Nichols’s Progresses of King James, vol. iv.
p. 724.
294To the honour of him to whom the noble Fraternity of
Drapers, his worthy brothers, have dedicated their
loves in costly Triumphs, the Right HonourableEdward Barkham, Lord Mayor of this renowned
City.
Your Honour being the centre where the lines
Of this day’s glorious circle meets and joins,
Love, joy, cost, triumph, all by you made blest,
There does my service too desire to rest,
At your Lordship’s command,
Tho. Middleton.
295THE SUN IN ARIES.
Pisces being the last of the signs and the wane of
the Sun’s glory, how fitly and desiredly now the
Sun enters into Aries, for the comfort and refreshing
of the creatures, and may be properly called the
spring-time of right and justice, observed by the
shepherd’s calendar in the mountain, to prove a
happy year for poor men’s causes, widows’ and
orphans’ comforts; so much to make good the
Sun’s entrance into that noble sign; I doubt not
but the beams of his justice will make good themselves.
And first to begin with the worthy love of his
honourable Society to his lordship, after his honour’s
return from Westminster, having received some service
upon the water. The first Triumph by land
attends his lordship’s most wished arrival in Paul’s-Churchyard,
which is a chariot most artfully framed
and adorned, bearing the title of the Chariot of
Honour; in which chariot many worthies are placed
that have got trophies of honour by their labours
and deserts; such as Jason, whose illustration of
honour is the golden fleece; Hercules with his ne
plus ultra upon pilasters of silver; a fair globe for
conquering Alexander; a gilt laurel for triumphant
Cæsar, &c. Jason, at the approach of his lordship,
being the personage most proper, by his manifestation,
for the Society’s honour, lends a voice to
these following words:
296The speech presented byJason.
Be favourable, Fates, and a fair sky
Smile on this expedition! Phœbus’ eye,
Look cheerfully! the bark is under sail
For a year’s voyage, and a blessèd gale
Be ever with it! ’tis for justice bound,
A coast that’s not by every compass found,
And goes for honour, life’s most precious trading;
That does not sometimes meet with skies that frown,
With gusts of envy, billows of despite,
Which makes the purchase, once achiev’d, more bright.
State is a sea; he must be wise indeed
That sounds its depth, or can the quicksands heed;
And honour is so nice and rare a prize,
’Tis watch’d by dragons, venomous enemies;
Then no small care belongs to’t: but as I,
With my assisting Argonauts, did try
The utmost of adventure, and with bold
And constant courage brought the fleece of gold,
Whose illustration decks my memory
Through all posterities, naming but me,—
297So, man of merit, never faint or fear;
Thou hast th’ assistance of grave senators here,
Thy worthy brethren, some of which have past
All dangerous gulfs, and in their bright fames plac’d,
They can instruct and guide thee, and each one
That must adventure, and are coming on
To this great expedition; they will be
Cheerful and forward to encourage thee;
And blessings fall in a most infinite sum
Both on those past, thyself, and those to come!
Passing from this, and more to encourage the
labour of the magistrate, he is now conducted to
the master Triumph, called the Tower of Virtue,
which for the strength, safety, and perpetuity, bears
the name of the Brazen Tower; of which Integrity
keeps the keys, virtue being indeed as a brazen
wall to a city or commonwealth; and to illustrate
the prosperity it brings to a kingdom, the top turrets
or pinnacles of this Brazen Tower shine bright
like gold; and upon the gilded battlements thereof
stand six knights, three in silvered and three in gilt
armour, as Virtue’s standard-bearers or champions,
holding six little streamers or silver bannerets, in
each of which are displayed the arms of a noble
brother and benefactor, Fame sounding forth their
praises to the world, for the encouragement of after-ages,
and Antiquity, the register of Fame, containing
in her golden legend their names and titles;
as that of Sir Henry Fitz-Alwin, draper, lord mayor
four-and-twenty years together; Sir John Norman,
the first that was rowed in barge to Westminster
with silver oars, at his own cost and charges; Sir
Francis Drake, the son of Fame, who in two years
and ten months did cast a girdle about the world;
the unparalleled Sir Simon Eyre, who built Leadenhall
298at his own cost, a store-house for the poor,
both in the upper lofts and lower; the generous
and memorable Sir Richard Champion and Sir John
Milborne, two bountiful benefactors; Sir Richard
Hardell, in the seat of magistracy six years together;
Sir John Poultney, four years, which Sir
John founded a college in the parish of St. Lawrence
Poultney, by Candlewick Street; John Hinde,
a re-edifier of the parish church of St. Swithin by
London Stone; Sir Richard Pipe, who being free
of the Leather-sellers, was also from them translated
to the ancient and honourable Society of Drapers;
and many whose names, for brevity’s cause, I must
omit, and hasten to the honour and service of the
time present. From the tower, Fame, a personage
properly adorned, thus salutes the great master of
the day and triumph:
The salutation ofFame.
Welcome to Virtue’s fortress, strong and clear!
Thou art not only safe but glorious here;
It is a tower of brightness: such is Truth,
Whose strength and grace feel[343] a perpetual youth;
The walls are brass, the pyramids fine gold,
Which shews ’tis Safety’s and Prosperity’s hold;
Clear Conscience is lieutenant; Providence there,
Watchfulness, Wisdom, Constancy, Zeal, Care,
Are the six warders keep the watch-tower sure,
That nothing enters but what’s just and pure;
For which effect, both to affright and shame
All slothful bloods that blush to look on Fame,
An ensign of good actions each displays,
That worthy works may justly own their praise;
299And which is clearliest to be understood,
Thine shines amidst thy glorious brotherhood,
Circled with arms of honour by those past,
As now with love’s arms by the present grac’d;
And how thy word[344] does thy true worth display,
By this Tower of Virtue—his lordship being
gracefully conducted toward the new Standard—one
in a cloudy, ruinous habit, leaning upon the
300turret, at a trumpet’s sounding suddenly starts and
wakes, and, in amazement, throws off his unseemly
garments.
What noise is this wakes me from ruin’s womb?
Hah! bless me, Time, how brave am I become!
Fame fix’d upon my head! beneath me, round,
The figures of illustrious princes, crown’d
As well for goodness as for state by birth,
Which makes ’em true heirs both to heaven and earth!
Our hearts find that, when neighbouring kingdoms groan;
Which in the magistrate’s duty may well move
A zealous care, in all a thankful love.
After this, for the full close of the forenoon’s
Triumph, near St. Laurence-Lane stands a mountain,
artfully raised and replenished with fine woolly
creatures; Phœbus on the top, shining in a full
glory, being circled with the Twelve Celestial
Signs. Aries, placed near the principal rays, the
proper sign for illustration, thus greets his lordship:
Bright thoughts, joy, and alacrity of heart
Bless thy great undertakings! ’tis the part
And property of Phœbus with his rays
To cheer and to illumine good men’s ways;
Eagle-ey’d actions, that dare behold
His sparkling globe depart tried all like gold;
’Tis bribery and injustice, deeds of night,
That fly the sunbeam, which makes good works bright;
Thine look upon’t undazzled; as one beam
Faces another, as we match a gem
With her refulgent fellow, from thy worth
Example sparkles as a star shoots forth.
This Mount, the type of eminence and place,
Resembles magistracy’s seat and grace;
302The Sun the magistrate himself implies;
These woolly creatures, all that part which lies
Under his charge and office; not unfit,
Since kings and rulers are, in holy writ,
With shepherds parallel’d, nay, from shepherds rear’d,
And people and the flock as oft coher’d.
Now, as it is the bounty of the sun
To spread his splendours and make gladness run
Over the drooping creatures, it ought so
To be his proper virtue, that does owe
To justice his life’s flame, shot from above,
To cheer oppressèd right with looks of love;
Which nothing doubted, Truth’s reward light on you,
The beams of all clear comforts shine upon you!
The great feast ended, the whole state of the
Triumph attends upon his lordship, both to Paul’s
and homeward; and near the entrance of his lordship’s
house, two parts of the Triumph stand ready
planted, viz. the Brazen Tower and the triple-crowned
Fountain of Justice, this fountain being
adorned with the lively figures of all those graces
and virtues which belong to the faithful discharging
of so high an office; as Justice, Sincerity, Meekness,
Wisdom, Providence, Equality, Industry,
Truth, Peace, Patience, Hope, Harmony, all illustrated
by proper emblems and expressions; as,
Justice by a sword; Sincerity by a lamb; Meekness
by a dove; Wisdom by a serpent; Providence by
an eagle; Equality by a silvered balance; Industry
by a golden ball, on which stands a Cupid, intimating
that industry brings both wealth and love;
Truth with a fan of stars, with which she chases
away Error; Peace with a branch of laurel; Patience
303a sprig of palm; Hope by a silvered anchor; Harmony
by a swan; each at night holding a bright-burning
taper in her hand, as a manifestation of
purity. His lordship being in sight, and drawing
near to his entrance, Fame, from the Brazen Tower,
closes up the Triumph—his lordship’s honourable
welcome, with the noble demonstration of his
worthy fraternity’s affection—in this concluding
speech:
Fame.
I cannot better the comparison
Of thy fair brotherhood’s love than to the sun
After a great eclipse; for as the sphere
Of that celestial motion shines more clear
After the interposing part is spent,
Than to the eye before the darkness went
Over the bright orb; so their love is shewn
With a content past expectation,
A care that has been comely, and a cost
That has been decent, cheerful, which is most,
Fit for the service of so great a state,
So fam’d a city, and a magistrate
So worthy of it; all has been bestow’d
Upon thy triumph, which has clearly shew’d
The loves of thy fraternity as great
For thy first welcome to thy honour’d seat;
And happily is cost requited then,
When men grace triumphs more than triumphs men:
Diamonds will shine though set in lead; true worth
Stands always in least need of setting forth.
What makes less noise than merit? or less show
Than virtue? ’tis the undeservers owe
All to vain-glory and to rumour still,
Building their praises on the vulgar will;
304All their good is without ’em, not their own;
When wise men to their virtues are best known.
Behold yon Fountain with the tripled crown,
And through a cloud the sunbeam piercing down;
So is the worthy magistrate made up;
The triple crown is Charity, Faith, and Hope,
Those three celestial sisters; the cloud too,
That’s Care, and yet you see the beam strikes through;
A care discharg’d with honour it presages,
And may it so continue to all ages!
It is thy brotherhood’s arms; how well it fits
Both thee and all that for Truth’s honour sits!
The time of rest draws near; triumph must cease;
Joy to thy heart—to all a blessèd peace!
For the frame-work of the whole Triumph, with
all the proper beauties of workmanship, the credit
of that justly appertains to the deserts of master
Garret Crismas,[347] a man excellent in his art, and
faithful in his performances.
305
THE TRIUMPHS OF INTEGRITY.
307The Trivmphs of Integrity. A Noble Solemnity, performed
through the City, at the sole Cost and Charges of the Honorable
Fraternity of Drapers, at the Confirmation and Establishment of
their most worthy Brother, the Right Honorable, Martin Lumley,
in the high Office of his Maiesties Lieutenant, Lord Maior and
Chancellor of the famous City of London. Taking beginning at
his Lordships going, and perfecting it selfe after His Returne
from receiuing the Oath of Maioralty at Westminster, on the Morrow
after Simon and Judes Day, being the 29. of October. 1623.
By Tho. Middleton Gent. London, Printed by Nicholas Okes,
dwelling in Foster-Lane. 1623. 4to.
308To the honour of him to whom the noble Fraternity of
Drapers, his worthy brothers, have consecrated their
loves in costly Triumphs, the Right HonourableMartin Lumley, Lord Mayor of this renowned
City.
Thy descent worthy, fortune’s early grace,
Sprung of an ancient and most generous race,
Match’d with a virtuous lady, justly may
Challenge the honour of so great a day.
Faithfully devoted to the worthiness of you both,
Tho. Middleton.
309THE
TRIUMPHS OF INTEGRITY;
OR,
A NOBLE SOLEMNITY THROUGH THE CITY.
Of all solemnities by which the happy inauguration
of a subject is celebrated, I find none that transcends
the state and magnificence of that pomp
prepared to receive his Majesty’s great substitute
into his honourable charge, the city of London,
dignified by the title of the King’s Chamber Royal;
which, that it may now appear no less heightened
with brotherly affection, cost, art, or invention,
than some other preceding triumphs—by which
of late times the city’s honour hath been more
faithfully illustrated—this takes its fit occasion to
present itself.
And first to specify the love of his noble fraternity,
after his lordship’s return from Westminster,
having received some service upon the water by a
proper and significant masterpiece of triumph called
the Imperial Canopy, being the ancient arms of the
Company, an invention neither old nor enforced,
the same glorious and apt property,[348] accompanied
310with four other triumphal pegmes,[349] are, in their
convenient stages, planted to honour his lordship’s
progress through the city: the first for the land,
attending his most wished arrival in Paul’s-Churchyard,
which bears the inscription of a Mount Royal,
on which mount are placed certain kings and great
commanders, which ancient history produces, that
were originally sprung from shepherds and humble
beginnings: only the number of six presented;
some with crowns, some with gilt laurels, holding
in their hands silver sheep-hooks; viz. Viriat, a
prime commander of the Portugals—renowned
amongst the historians, especially the Romans—who,
in battles of fourteen years’ continuance, purchased
many great and honourable victories; Arsaces,
king of the Parthians, who ordained the first
kingdom that ever was amongst them, and in the
reverence of this king’s name and memory all others
his successors were called Arsacides after his name,
as the Roman emperors took the name of Cæsar
for the love of great Cæsar Augustus; also Marcus
Julius Lucinus; Bohemia’s Primislaus; the emperor
Pertinax; the great victor Tamburlain, conqueror
of Syria, Armenia, Babylon, Mesopotamia, Scythia,
Albania, &c. Many honourable worthies more I
could produce, by their deserts ennobling their
mean originals; but for the better expression of
the purpose in hand, a speaker lends a voice to
these following words:
The speech in the Mount Royal.
They that with glory-inflam’d hearts desire
To see great worth deservingly aspire,
Let ’em draw near and fix a serious eye
On this triumphant Mount of Royalty;
311Here they shall find fair Virtue, and her name,
From low, obscure beginnings, rais’d to fame,
Like light struck out of darkness: the mean wombs
No more eclipse brave merit than rich tombs
Make the soul happy; ’tis the life and dying
Crowns both with honour’s sacred satisfying;
And ’tis the noblest splendour upon earth
For man to add a glory to his birth,
All his life’s race with honour’d acts commix’d,
Than to be nobly born, and there stand fix’d,
As if ’twere competent virtue for whole life
To be begot a lord: ’tis virtuous strife
That makes the complete Christian, not high place,
Shepherds, and rise to kings; took their ascending
From the strong hand of Virtue, never ending
Where she begins to raise, until she place
Her love-sick servants equal with her grace:
And by this day’s great honour it appears
Sh’as much prevail’d amongst the reverend years
Of these grave senators; chief of the rest,
Her favour hath reflected most and best
Upon that son whom we of honour call;
And may’t successively reflect on all!
312From this Mount Royal, beautified with the glory
of deserving aspirers, descend we to the modern
use of this ancient and honourable mystery, and
there we shall find the whole livery of this most
renowned and famous city, as upon this day, at all
solemn meetings furnished by it: it clothes the
honourable senators in their highest and richest
wearings, all courts of justice, magistrates, and
judges of the land.
By this time his lordship and the worthy Company
being gracefully conducted toward the Little
Conduit in Cheap, there another part of the Triumph
waits his honour’s happy approach, being a chariot
artfully framed and properly garnished; and on the
conspicuous part thereof is placed the register of
all heroic acts and worthy men, bearing the title of
Sacred Memory, who, for the greater fame of this
honourable fraternity, presents the never-dying
names of many memorable and remarkable worthies
of this ancient Society, such as were the famous
for state and government: Sir Henry Fitz-Alwin,
Knight, who held the seat of magistracy in this city
twenty-four years together; he sits figured under
the person of Government: Sir John Norman, the
first lord mayor rowed in barge to Westminster
with silver oars at his own cost and charges, under
the person of Honour: the valiant Sir Francis
Drake, that rich ornament to memory, who in two
years and ten months’ space did cast a girdle about
the world, under the person of Victory: Sir Simon
Eyre, who at his own cost built Leadenhall, a granary
for the poor, under the figure of Charity:
Sir Richard Champion and Sir John Milborne, under
the person of Munificence or Bounty: Sir Richard
Hardell and Sir John Poultney, the one in the seat
of magistracy six years, the other four years together,
313under the figures of Justice and Piety, that
Sir John being a college-founder in the parish of
St. Laurence Poultney, by Candlewick Street; et
sic de ceteris: this Chariot drawn by two pelleted
lions, being the proper supporters of the Company’s
arms; those two upon the lions presenting Power
and Honour, the one in a little streamer or banneret
bearing the Lord Mayor’s arms, the other the Company’s.
314Think, and give thanks; to whom this year does come,
The greatest subject’s made in Christendom:
This is the year for whom some long prepar’d,
And others have their glorious fortune shar’d;
But serious in thanksgiving; ’tis a year
To which all virtues, like the people here,
Should throng and cleave together, for the place
Is a fit match for the whole stock of grace;
And as men gather wealth ’gainst the year comes,
So should they gather goodness with their sums;
For ’tis not shows, pomp, nor a house of state
Curiously deck’d, that makes a magistrate;
’Tis his fair, noble soul, his wisdom, care,
His upright justness to the oath he sware,
Gives him complete: when such a man to me
Spreads his arms open, there my palace be!
He’s both an honour to the day so grac’d,
And to his brotherhood’s love, that sees him plac’d;
And in his fair deportment there revives
The ancient fame of all his brothers’ lives.
After this, for the full close of the forenoon’s
triumph, near St. Laurence-Lane his lordship receives
an entertainment from an unparalleled masterpiece
of art, called the Crystal Sanctuary, styled
by the name of the Temple of Integrity, where her
immaculate self, with all her glorious and sanctimonious
concomitants, sit, transparently seen through
the crystal; and more to express the invention and
the art of the engineer, as also for motion, variety,
and the content of the spectators, this Crystal
Temple is made to open in many parts, at fit and
convenient times, and upon occasion of the speech:
the columns or pillars of this Crystal Sanctuary are
gold, the battlements silver, the whole fabric for
315the night-triumph adorned and beautified with
many lights, dispersing their glorious radiances on
all sides thorough the crystal.
At the close of this speech this crystal Temple
of Integrity, with all her celestial concomitants and
the other parts of Triumph, take leave of his lordship
for that time, and rest from service till the
great feast be ended; after which the whole body
of the Triumph attends upon his honour, both towards
Saint Paul’s and homeward, his lordship
accompanied with the grave and honourable senators
of the city, amongst whom the two worthy
consuls, his lordship’s grave assistants for the
year, the worshipful and generous master Ralph
Freeman and master Thomas Moulson, sheriffs and
aldermen, ought not to pass of my respect unremembered,
whose bounty and nobleness will prove
best their own expressors.
Near the entrance of Wood Street, that part of
Triumph being planted to which the concluding
speech hath chiefly reference, and the rest about
the Cross, I thought fit in this place to give this its
full illustration, it being an invention both glorious
and proper to the Company, bearing the name of
the thrice-royal Canopy of State, being the honoured
arms of this fraternity, the three Imperial Crowns
cast into the form and bigness of a triumphal pageant,
with cloud and sunbeams, those beams, by enginous[356]
art, made often to mount and spread like a
golden and glorious canopy over the deified persons
317that are placed under it, which are eight in number,
figuring the eight Beatitudes; to improve which[357]
conceit, Beati pacifici, being the king’s word or
motto, is set in fair great letters near the uppermost
of the three crowns; and as in all great edifices or
buildings the king’s arms is especially remembered,
as a[n] honour to the building and builder, in the
frontispiece, so is it comely and requisite in these
matters of Triumph, framed for the inauguration
of his great substitute, the lord mayor of London,
that some remembrance of honour should reflect
upon his majesty, by whose peaceful government,
under heaven, we enjoy the solemnity.
The speech, having reference to this Imperial Canopy, being the Drapers’ arms.
The blessedness, peace, honour, and renown,
This kingdom does enjoy, under the crown
Worn by that royal peace-maker our king,
So oft preserv’d from dangers menacing,
Makes this arms, glorious in itself, outgo
All that antiquity could ever shew;
And thy fraternity hath striv’d t’ appear
In all their course worthy the arms they bear;
Thrice have they crown’d their goodness this one day,
With love, with care, with cost; by which they may,
By their deserts, most justly these arms claim,
Got once by worth, now trebly held by fame.
Shall I bring honour to a larger field,
And shew what royal business these arms yield?
First, the Three Crowns afford[358] a divine scope,
Set for the graces, Charity, Faith, and Hope,
Which three the only safe combiners be
Of kingdoms, crowns, and every company;
318Likewise, with just propriety they may stand
For those three kingdoms, sway’d by the meek hand
Of blest James, England, Scotland, Ireland:
The Cloud that swells beneath ’em may imply
Some envious mist cast forth by heresy,
Which, through his happy reign and heaven’s blest will,
The sunbeams of the Gospel strike[359] through still;
Good angels guard, and good men’s prayers increase!
May all succeeding honour’d brothers be
With as much love brought home as thine bring[362] thee!
For all the proper adornments of art and workmanship
in so short a time, so gracefully setting
forth the body of so magnificent a Triumph, the
praise comes, as a just due, to the exquisite deservings
of master Garret Crismas,[363] whose faithful
performances still take the upper hand of his promises.
319
THE TRIUMPHS
OF
HEALTH AND PROSPERITY.
321The Trivmphs of Health and Prosperity. A noble Solemnity
performed through the City, at the sole Cost and Charges of the
Honorable Fraternity of Drapers, at the Inauguration of their
most Worthy Brother, the Right Honorable, Cuthbert Hacket,
Lord Major of the Famous City of London. By Tho. Middleton
Gent. Imprinted at London by Nicholas Okes, dwelling in Foster
lane.MDCXXVI. 4to.
322To the honour of him to whom the noble Fraternity of
Drapers, his worthy brothers, have consecrated their
loves in magnificent Triumphs, the Right HonourableCuthbert Hacket, Lord Mayor of the City
of London.
The city’s choice, thy Company’s free love,
This day’s unlook’d-for Triumph, all three prove
The happiness of thy life to be most great;
Add to these justice, and thou art complete.
At your Lordship’s command,
Thomas Middleton.
323THE TRIUMPHS
OF
HEALTH AND PROSPERITY.
If you should search all chronicles, histories, records,
in what language or letter soever; if the
inquisitive man should waste the dear treasure of
his time and eyesight, he shall conclude his life
only with this certainty, that there is no subject
upon earth received into the place of his government
with the like state and magnificence as is
his Majesty’s great substitute into his honourable
charge, the city of London, bearing the inscription
of the Chamber Royal; which, that it may now
appear to the world no less illustrated with brotherly
affection than former triumphal times have
been partakers of, this takes delight to present
itself.
And first to enter the worthy love of his honourable
Society for his lordship’s return from Westminster,
having received some service by water, by
the triumphant Chariot of Honour, the first that
attends his lordship’s most wished arrival bears the
title of the Beautiful Hill or Fragrant Garden, with
flowery banks, near to which lambs and sheep are
a-grazing. This platform, so cast into a hill, is
adorned and garnished with all variety of odoriferous
324flowers; on the top, arched with an artificial
and curious rainbow, which both shews the antiquity
of colours, the diversity and nobleness, and
how much the more glorious and highly to be
esteemed, they being presented in that blessed
covenant of mercy, the bow in the clouds; the
work itself encompassed with all various fruits,
and bears the name of the most pleasant garden of
England, the noble city of London, the flowers intimating
the sweet odours of their virtue and goodnesses,
and the fruits of their works of justice and
charity, which have been both honourable brothers
and bounteous benefactors of this ancient fraternity,
who are presented in a device following under the
types and figures of their virtues in their life-time,
which made them famous then and memorable for
ever. And since we are yet amongst the woolly
creatures, that graze on the beauty of this beautiful
platform, come we to the modern use of this noble
mystery of ancient drapery, and we shall find the
whole livery of this renowned and famous city furnished
by it; it clothes the honourable senators in
their highest and chiefest wearing, all courts of
justice, magistrates, and judges of the land. But
for the better expression of the purpose in hand, a
speaker gives life to these following words:
The speech in the Hill where the rainbow appears.
A cloud of grief hath shower’d upon the face
Of this sad city, and usurp’d the place
Of joy and cheerfulness, wearing the form
Of a long black eclipse in a rough storm;
With showers[364] of tears this garden was o’erflown,
Fruit overlade their trees, barns crack with store;
And yet how much the heavens wept before,
Threatening a second mourning! Who so dull,
But must acknowledge mercy was at full
In these two mighty blessings? what’s requir’d?
That which in conscience ought to be desir’d;
Care and uprightness in the magistrate’s place,
And in all men obedience, truth, and grace.
After this, awaits his lordship’s approach a masterpiece
of triumph, called the Sanctuary of Prosperity;
on the top arch of which hangs the Golden
Fleece; which raises the worthy memory of that
most famous and renowned brother of this Company,
Sir Francis Drake, who in two years and ten
months did encompass the whole world, deserving
an eminent remembrance in this Sanctuary, who
never returned to his country without the golden
fleece of honour and victory: the four fair Corinthian
columns or pillars imply the four principal virtues,
Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude, Temperance, the
especial upholders of kingdoms, cities, and honourable
societies.
The speech in the Sanctuary upon the Fleece.
If Jason, with the noble hopes of Greece,
Who did from Colchis fetch the golden fleece,
326Deserve a story of immortal fame,
That both the Asias celebrate his name;
What honour, celebration, and renown,
In virtue’s right, ought justly to be shewn
To the fair memory of Sir Francis Drake,
England’s true Jason, who did boldly make
So many rare adventures, which were held
For worth unmatch’d, danger unparallel’d;
Never returning to his country’s eye
Without the golden fleece of victory!
The world’s a sea, and every magistrate
Takes a year’s voyage when he takes this state:
Nor on these seas are there less dangers found
Than those on which the bold adventurer’s bound;
For rocks, gulfs, quicksands, here is malice, spite,
Envy, detraction of all noble right;
Vessels of honour those do threaten more
Than any ruin between sea and shore.
Sail, then, by the compass of a virtuous name,
And, spite of spites, thou bring’st the fleece of fame.
Passing from this, and more to encourage the
noble endeavours of the magistrate, his lordship
and the worthy Company are[366] gracefully conducted
towards the Chariot of Honour. On the most eminent
seat thereof is Government illustrated, it being
the proper virtue by which we raise the noble memory
of Sir Henry Fitz-Alwin, who held the seat
of magistracy in this city twenty-four years together,
a most renowned brother of this Company:
in like manner, the worthy Sir John Norman, [that]
first rowed in barge to Westminster with silver
oars, under the person of Munificence: Sir Simon
Eyre, that built Leadenhall, a granary for the poor,
under the type of Piety; et sic de ceteris: this
327Chariot drawn by two golden-pelleted lions, being
the proper supporters of the Company’s arms;
those two that have their seats upon the lions presenting
Power and Honour, the one in a little
streamer or banneret bearing the arms of the present
lord mayor, the other of the late, the truly
generous and worthy Sir Allen Cotton, Knight, a
bounteous and a noble housekeeper, one that hath
spent the year of his magistracy to the great honour
of the city, and by the sweetness of his disposition,
and the uprightness of his justice and government,
hath raised up a fair lasting memory to himself and
his posterity for ever; at whose happy inauguration,
though triumph was not then in season—Death’s
pageants[367] being only advanced upon the
shoulders of men—his noble deservings were not
thereby any way eclipsed:
True brotherhood’s cost and triumph, all which move
In this most grave solemnity; and in this
The city’s general love abstracted is:
And as the heart, in its meridian seat,
Is styl’d the fountain of the body’s heat,
The first thing receives life, the last that dies,
Those properties experience well applies
To this most loyal city, that hath been
In former ages, as in these times, seen
The fountain of affection, duty, zeal,
And taught all cities through the commonweal;
The first that receives quickening life and spirit
From the king’s grace, which still she strives t’ inherit,
And, like the heart, will be the last that dies
In any duty toward good supplies.
What can express affection’s nobler fruit,
Both to the king, and you his substitute?
At the close of this speech, this Chariot of Honour
and Sanctuary of Prosperity, with all her
graceful concomitants, and the two other parts of
Triumph, take leave of his lordship for that time,
and rest from service till the great feast at Guildhall
be ended; after which the whole fabric of the
Triumph attends upon his honour both towards
St. Paul’s and homeward, his lordship accompanied
with the grave and honourable senators of the city,
amongst whom the two worthy shrieves, his lordship’s
grave assistants for the year, the worshipful
and generous master Richard Fen and master Edward
Brumfield, ought not to pass of my respect
unremembered, whose bounty and nobleness for
329the year will no doubt give the best expression to
their own worthiness. Between the Cross and the
entrance of Wood Street, that part of Triumph
being planted—being the Fragrant Garden of England
with the Rainbow—to which the concluding
speech hath chiefly reference, there takes its farewell
of his lordship, accompanied with the Fountain
of Virtue, being the fourth part of the Triumph.
The last speech.
Mercy’s fair object, the celestial bow,
As in the morning it began to shew,
It closes up this great triumphal day,
And by example shews the year the way,
Which if power worthily and rightly spend,
It must with mercy both begin and end.
It is a year that crowns the life of man,
Brings him to peace with honour, and what can
Be more desir’d? ’tis virtue’s harvest-time,
When gravity and judgment’s in their prime:
To speak more happily, ’tis a time given
To treasure up good actions fit for heaven.
To a brotherhood of honour thou art fixt,
That has stood long fair in just virtue’s eye;
For within twelve years’ space thou art the sixt
That has been lord mayor of this Company.
This is no usual grace: being now the last,
Close the work nobly up, that what is past,
And known to be good in the former five,
May in thy present care be kept alive:
Then is thy brotherhood for their love and cost
Requited amply, but thy own soul most.
Health and a happy peace fill all thy days!
When thy year ends, may then begin thy praise!
330For the fabric or structure of the whole Triumph,
in so short a time so gracefully performed, the commendation
of that the industry of master Garret
Crismas[369] may justly challenge; a man not only excellent
in his art, but faithful in his undertakings.
331
THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON
PARAPHRASED.
333The Wisdome of Solomon Paraphrased. Written by Thomas
Middleton. A Jove surgit opus. Printed at London by Valentine
Sems, dwelling on Adling hil at the signe of the white Swanne.
1597. 4to.
335To the Right Honourable and my very good Lord, Robert
Devereux, Earl of Essex and Ewe, Viscount of
Hereford, Lord Ferrers of Chartley, Bourchier, and
Louvaine, Master of Her Majesty’s Horse and
Ordnance, Knight of the Honourable Order of the
Garter, and one of Her Majesty’s Most Honourable
Privy Council.
The summer’s harvest, right honourable, is long
since reaped, and now it is sowing-time again:
behold, I have scattered a few seeds upon the
young ground of unskilfulness; if it bear fruit, my
labour is well bestowed; but if it be barren, I shall
have less joy to set more. The husbandman observes
the courses of the moon, I the forces of
your favour; he desireth sunshine, I cheerful
countenance, which once obtained, my harvest of
joy will soon be ripened. My seeds as yet lodge
in the bosom of the earth, like infants upon the lap
of a favourite, wanting the budding spring-time of
their growth, not knowing the east of their glory,
the west of their quietness, the south of their summer,
the north of their winter; but if the beams of
your aspects lighten the small moiety of a smaller
implanting, I shall have an every-day harvest, a
fruition of content, a branch of felicity.
Your Honour’s addicted in all observance,
Thomas Middleton.
336TO THE GENTLEMEN-READERS.
Gentlemen,—I give you the surveyance of my
new-bought ground, and will only stand unto your
verdicts. I fear me that the acres of my field pass
the ankers of my seed; if wanting seed, then I
hope it will not be too much seeded. This is my bare
excuse; but, trust me, had my wit been sufficient
to maintain the freedom of my will, then both should
have been answerable to your wishes; yet, nevertheless,
think of it as a willing, though not a fulfilling
moiety. But what mean I? While I thus argue,
Momus and Zoïlus, those two ravens, devour my
seed, because I lack a scarecrow; indeed, so I may
have less than I have, when such foul-gutted ravens
swallow up my portion: if you gape for stuffing,
hie you to dead carrion carcasses, and make them
your ordinaries. I beseech you, gentlemen, let me
have your aid; and as you have seen the first practice
of my husbandry in sowing, so let me have your
helping hands unto my reaping.
Yours, devoted in friendship,
Thomas Middleton.
337THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON
PARAPHRASED.
Chap. I.
Wisdom, elixir of the purest life, Ver. 1
Hath taught her lesson to judicial views,
To those that judge a cause and end a strife,
Which sit[370] in judgment’s seat and justice use;
A lesson worthy of divinest care,
Quintessence of a true divinest fear:
Unwilling that exordium should retain
Her life-infusing speech, doth thus begin:
You, quoth she, that give remedy or pain,
Love justice, for injustice is a sin;
Give unto God his due, his reverend style,
And rather use simplicity than guile.
For him that guides the radiant eye of day, 2
Sitting in his star-chamber of the sky,
The horizons and hemispheres obey,
And winds, the fillers of vacuity;
Much less should man tempt God, when all obey,
But rather be a guide, and lead the way.
For tempting argues but a sin’s attempt,
Temptation is to sin associate;
So doing, thou from God art clean exempt,
Whose love is never plac’d in his love’s hate:
He will be found not of a tempting mind,
But found of those which he doth faithful find.
338Temptation rather separates from God, 3
Converting goodness from the thing it was,
Heaping the indignation of his rod
To bruise our bodies like a brittle glass;
For wicked thoughts have still a wicked end,
In making God our foe, which was our friend.
They muster up revenge, encamp our hate,
Undoing what before they meant to do,
Stirring up anger and unlucky fate,
Making the earth their friend, the heaven their foe:
But when heaven’s guide makes manifest his power,
The earth their friends doth them like foes devour.
O foolish men, to war against your bliss! 4
O hateful hearts, where wisdom never reign’d!
O wicked thoughts, which ever thought amiss!
What have you reap’d? what pleasure have you gain’d?
A fruit in show, a pleasure to decay,
This have you got by keeping folly’s way.
For wisdom’s harvest is with folly nipt,
And with the winter of your vice’s frost,
Her fruit all scatter’d, her implanting ript,
Her name decayèd, her fruition lost:
Nor can she prosper in a plot of vice,
Gaining no summer’s warmth, but winter’s ice.
Thou barren earth, where virtues never bud; 5
The fruitless womb, where never fruits abide;
And thou dry-wither’d sap, which bears no good
But the dishonour of thy proud heart’s pride:
A seat of all deceit,—deceit deceiv’d,
Thy bliss a woe, thy woe of bliss bereav’d!
339This place of night hath left no place for day,
Yet those, though fiery flames, could not thaw cold,
Nor break the frosty glue of winter’s mould.
478Here nature slew herself, or, at the least, 21
Did tame the passage of her hot aspècts;
All things have nature to be worst or best,
And must incline to that which she affects;
But nature miss’d herself in this same part,
For she was weak, and had not nature’s heart.
’Twas God which made her weak and makes her strong,
Resisting vice, assisting righteousness,
Assisting and resisting right and wrong,
Making this epilogue in equalness;
’Twas God, his people’s aid, their wisdom’s friend,
In whom I did begin, with whom I end.
A Jove surgit opus; de Jove finit opus.
479
MICRO-CYNICON,
SIX SNARLING SATIRES.
481Micro-cynicon. Sixe Snarling Satyres.
{
Insatiat
Cron.
}
{
Prodigall
Zodon.
}
{
Insolent
Superbia.
}
{
Cheating
Droone.
}
{
Ingling
Pyander.
}
{
Wise
Innocent.
}
Adsis pulcher homo canis hic tibi pulcher emendo. Imprinted at
London by Thomas Creede, for Thomas Bushell, and are to be
sold at his shop at the North doore of Paules Church. 1599. 8vo.
“In 1599,” says Warton, “appeared ‘Micro-cynicon sixe
snarling satyres by T. M. Gentleman,’ perhaps Thomas Middleton.”
Hist. of English Poetry, vol. iv. p. 70, ed. 4to.
On account of the concluding couplet of the “Defiance to
Envy,”—
“I, but the author’s mouth, bid thee avaunt!
He more defies thy hate, thy hunt, thy haunt,”—
and because that “Defiance” is followed by what bears expressly
the title of “The Author’s Prologue,” Mr. J. P. Collier
suspects that T. M. was only the author’s friend: see The
Poetical Decameron, where these satires are noticed at considerable
length, vol. i. p. 282, sqq.
That T. M. and the author of Micro-cynicon were the same
person, I have very little doubt; but that he was Thomas
Middleton, I feel by no means confident.
Wit must have[569] his will, yet, parting of the fray,
Wit was enjoin’d to carry the fool away.
Qui color[570] albus erat, nunc est contrarius albo.
503On the death[571] of that great master in his art and
quality, painting and playing, R[ichard] Burbage.
Astronomers and star-gazers this year
Write but of four eclipses; five appear,
Death interposing Burbage; and their staying
Hath made a visible eclipse of playing.
Tho. Middleton.
504In the just worth[572] of that well-deserver, MasterJohn Webster, and upon this masterpiece of
tragedy.
In this thou imitat’st one rich and wise,
That sees his good deeds done before he dies;
As he by works, thou by this work of fame
Hast well provided for thy living name.
To trust to others’ honourings is worth’s crime;
Thy monument is rais’d in thy life-time;
And ’tis most just, for every worthy man
Is his own marble, and his merit can
Cut him to any figure, and express
More art than death’s cathedral palaces,
Where royal ashes keep their court. Thy note
Be ever plainness, ’tis the richest coat:
Thy epitaph only the title be,—
Write Duchess, that will fetch a tear for thee;
For who e’er saw this duchess live and die,
That could get off under a bleeding eye?
In Tragœdiam.
Ut lux ex tenebris ictu percussa tonantis,
Illa, ruina malis, claris fit vita poetis.
Thomas Middletonus,
Poeta et Chron. Londinensis.
505
THE BLACK BOOK.
507The Blacke Booke. London Printed by T. C. for Jeffrey
Chorlton. 1604. 4to.
508
THE EPISTLE TO THE READER;
OR, THE TRUE CHARACTER OF THIS BOOK.
To all those that are truly virtuous, and can touch
pitch and yet never defile themselves; read the
mischievous lives and pernicious practices of villains,
and yet be never the worse at the end of the
book, but rather confirmed the more in their honest
estates and the uprightness of their virtues;—to
such I dedicate myself, the wholesome intent of my
labours, the modesty of my phrases, that even blush
when they discover vices and unmask the world’s
shadowed villanies: and I account him as a traitor
to virtue, who, diving into the deep of this cunning
age, and finding there such monsters of nature,
such speckled lumps of poison as panders, harlots,
and ruffians do figure, if he rise up silent again,
and neither discover or publish them to the civil
rank of sober and continent livers, who thereby
may shun those two devouring gulfs, to wit, of
deceit and luxury,[573] which swallow up more mortals
than Scylla and Charybdis, those two cormorants
and Woolners[574] of the sea, one tearing, the other
509devouring. Wherefore I freely persuade myself, no
virtuous spirit or judicial worthy but will approve
my politic moral, where, under the shadow of the
devil’s legacies, or his bequeathing to villains, I
strip their villanies naked, and bare the infectious
bulks[575] of craft, cozenage, and panderism, the three
bloodhounds of a commonwealth. And thus far I
presume that none will or can except at this—which
I call the Black Book, because it doubly
damns the devil—but some tainted harlot, noseless
bawd, obscene ruffian, and such of the same black
nature and filthy condition, that poison the towardly
spring of gentility, and corrupt with the mud of
mischiefs the pure and clear streams of a kingdom.
And to spurgall such, who reads me shall know I
dare; for I fear neither the ratsbane of a harlot
nor the poniard of a villain.
512The black Knight of the Post[582] shortly returns
From hell, where many a tobacconist burns,
With news to smoky gallants, riotous heirs,
Strumpets that follow theatres and fairs,
Gilded-nos’d usurers, base-metall’d panders,
To copper-captains and Pict-hatch[583] commanders,
To all infectious catchpolls through the town,
The very speckled vermin of a crown:
To these and those and every damnèd one
I’ll bequeath legacies to thrive upon;
Amongst the which I’ll give for his redress
A standing pension to Pierce Pennyless.
513THE BLACK BOOK.
No sooner was Pierce Pennyless breathed forth,
but I, the light-burning sergeant, Lucifer, quenched
my fiery shape, and whipt into a constable’s night-gown,
the cunningest habit that could be, to search
tipsy taverns, roosting inns, and frothy alehouses;
when calling together my worshipful bench of bill-men,[584]
I proceeded toward Pict-hatch, intending to
begin there first, which (as I may fitly name it) is the
very skirts of all brothel-houses. The watchmen,
poor night-crows, followed, and thought still they
had had the constable by the hand, when they had
the devil by the gown-sleeve. At last, I looking
up to the casements of every suspected mansion,
and spying a light twinkling between hope and
desperation, guessed it to be some sleepy snuff, ever
and anon winking and nodding in the socket of a
candlestick, as if the flame had been a-departing
from the greasy body of Simon Snuff the stinkard.
Whereupon I, the black constable, commanded my
white guard not only to assist my office with their
brown bills, but to raise up the house extempory:
with that, the dreadful watchmen, having authority
514standing by them, thundered at the door, whilst the
candle lightened in the chamber; and so between
thundering and lightening, the bawd risse,[585] first
putting the snuff to an untimely death, a cruel and
a lamentable murder, and then, with her fat-sagg
chin[586] hanging down like a cow’s udder, lay reeking
out at the window, demanding the reason why they
did summon a parley. I told her in plain terms
that I had a warrant to search from the sheriff of
Limbo.[587] How? from the sheriff of Lime-street?
replied mistress wimble-chin (for so she understood
the word Limbo, as if Limbo had been Latin for
Lime-street); why then all the doors of my house
shall fly open and receive you, master constable.
With that, as being the watchword, two or three
vaulted out of their beds at once, one swearing,
stocks and stones, he could not find his stockings,
other that they could not hit upon their false
bodies, when to speak troth and shame myself,
they were then as close to their flesh as they could,
and never put them off since they were twelve year
old. At last they shuffled up, and were shut out
515at the back part, as I came in at the north part.
Up the stairs I went to examine the feather-beds,
and carry the sheets before the justice, for there
was none else then to carry; only the floor was
strewed with busk-points,[588] silk garters, and shoe-strings,
scattered here and there for haste to make
away from me, and the farther such run, the nearer
they come to me. Then another door opening
rearward, there came puffing out of the next room
a villanous lieutenant without a band, as if he had
been new cut down, like one at Wapping, with his
cruel garters[589] about his neck, which fitly resembled
two of Derrick’s necklaces.[590] He had a head of
hair like one of my devils in Doctor Faustus,[591] when
the old theatre cracked and frighted the audience:
his brow was made of coarse bran, as if all the
flour had been bolted out to make honester men,
so ruggedly moulded with chaps and crevices, that
I wonder how it held together, had it not been
pasted with villany: his eyebrows jetted out like
the round casement of an alderman’s dining-room,
which made his eyes look as if they had been both
dammed in his head; for if so be two souls had
been so far sunk into hell-pits, they would never
have walked abroad again: his nostrils were cousin-germans
to coral, though of a softer condition and
516of a more relenting humour: his crow-black muchatoes[592]
were almost half an ell from one end to
the other, as though they would whisper him in
the ear about a cheat or a murder; and his whole
face in general was more detestable ugly than the
visage of my grim porter Cerberus, which shewed
that all his body besides was made of filthy dust
and sea-coal ashes: a down countenance he had,
as if he would have looked thirty mile into hell,
and seen Sisyphus rolling, and Ixion spinning and
reeling. Thus in a pair of hoary slippers, his
stockings dangling about his wrists, and his red
buttons like foxes out of their holes, he began, like
the true champion of a vaulting-house,[593] first to
fray me with the bugbears of his rough-cast beard,
and then to sound base in mine ears like the bear-garden
drum; and this was the humour he put on,
and the very apparel of his phrases: Why, master
constable, dare you balk us in our own mansion,
ha? What! is not our house our Cole-harbour,[594]
our castle of come-down and lie-down? Must my
517honest wedded punk here, my glory-fat Audrey,[595]
be taken napping, and raised up by the thunder of
bill-men?[596] Are we disannulled of our first sleep,
and cheated of our dreams and fantasies? Is there
not law too for stealing away a man’s slumbers, as
well as for sheets off from hedges? Come you to
search an honest bawdy-house, this seven and
twenty years in fame and shame? Go to, then, you
shall search, nay, my very boots too; are you
well now? the least hole in my house[597] too; are you
pleased now? Can we not take our ease in our
inn,[598] but we must come out so quickly? Naud,[599]
go to bed, sweet Naud; thou wilt cool thy grease
anon, and make thy fat cake. This said, by the
virtue and vice of my office I commanded my bill-men
down stairs; when in a twinkling discovering
myself a little, as much as might serve to relish
me, and shew what stuff I was made of, I came
and kissed the bawd, hugged her excellent villanies
and cunning rare conveyances;[600] then turning
myself, I threw mine arms, like a scarf or bandileer,[601]
cross the lieutenant’s melancholy bosom, embraced
his resolute phrases and his dissolute
518humours, highly commending the damnable trade
and detestable course of their living, so excellent-filthy
and so admirable-villanous. Whereupon
this lieutenant of Pict-hatch[602] fell into deeper league
and farther acquaintance with the blackness of my
bosom, sometimes calling me master Lucifer the
head-borough, sometimes master Devillin the little
black constable. Then telling me he heard from
Limbo[603] the second of the last month, and that he had
the letter to shew, where they were all very merry;
marry, as he told me, there were some of his friends
in Phlegethon troubled with the heart-burning; yea,
and with the soul-burning too, thought I, though
thou little dreamest of the torment: then complaining
to me of their bad takings all the last
plaguy summer,[604] that there was no stirrings, and
therefore undone for want of doings: whereupon,
after many such inductions to bring the scene of
his poverty upon the stage, he desired, in cool
terms, to borrow some forty pence of me. I, stuft
with anger at that base and lazy petition, knowing
that a right true villain and an absolute practised
pander could not want silver damnation, but, living
upon the revenues of his wits, might purchase the
devil and all, half-conquered with rage, thus I replied
to his baseness: Why, for shame! a bawd
and poor? why, then, let usurers go a-begging, or,
like an old Greek, stand in Paul’s with a porringer;
let brokers become whole honest then, and remove
to heaven out of Houndsditch; lawyers turn feeless,
and take ten of a poor widow’s tears for ten shillings;
merchants never forswear themselves, whose
great perjured oaths a’ land turn to great winds
519and cast away their ships at sea, which false perfidious
tempest splits their ships abroad and their
souls at home, making the one take salt water and
the other salt fire; let mercers then have conscionable
thumbs when they measure out that smooth
glittering devil, satin, and that old reveller, velvet,
in the days of Monsieur,[605] both which have devoured
many an honest field of wheat and barley, that
hath been metamorphosed and changed into white
money. Pooh, these are but little wonders, and
may be easily possible in the working. A usurer to
cry bread and meat is not a thing impossible; for
indeed your greatest usurer is your greatest beggar,
wanting as well that which he hath as that which
he hath not; then who can be a greater beggar?
He will not have his house smell like a cook’s
shop, and therefore takes an order no meat shall
be dressed in it: and because there was an house
upon Fish-street-hill burnt to the ground once, he
can abide by no means to have a fire in his chimney
ever since. To the confirming of which I will insert
here a pretty conceit[606] of a nimble-witted gentlewoman,
that was worthy to be ladified for the jest;
who, entering into a usurer’s house in London to
take up money upon unmerciful interest for the
space of a twelvemonth, was conducted through
two or three hungry rooms into a fair dining-room
by a lenten-faced fellow, the usurer’s man, whose
nose shewed as if it had been made of hollow pasteboard,
and his cheeks like two thin pancakes clapt
together; a pitiful knave he was, and looked for
all the world as if meal had been at twenty shillings
a bushel. The gentlewoman being placed in this
fair room to await the usurer’s leisure, who was
casting up ditches of gold in his counting-house,
520and being almost frozen with standing—for it was
before Candlemas’ frost-bitten term—ever and
anon turning about to the chimney, where she saw
a pair of corpulent, gigantical andirons, that stood
like two burgomasters, at both corners, a hearth
briskly dressed up, and a great cluster of charcoal
piled up together like black puddings, which lay
for a dead fire, and in the dining-room too: the
gentlewoman, wondering it was so long a-kindling, at
last she caught the miserable conceit of it, and
calling her man to her, bade him seek out for a
piece of chalk, or some peeling of a white wall,
whilst in the meantime she conceited the device;
when, taking up the six former[607] coals, one after
another, she chalked upon each of them a satirical
letter; which six were these,
T. D. C. R. U. S.;
explained thus,
These dead coals
Resemble usurers’ souls.
Then placing them in the same order again, turning
the chalked sides inward to try conclusions,[608] which,
as it happened, made up the jest the better: by
that time the usurer had done amongst his golden
heaps, and entertaining the gentlewoman with a
cough a quarter of an hour long, at last, after a
rotten hawk and a hem, he began to spit and speak
to her. To conclude; she was furnished of the
money for a twelvemonth, but upon large security
and most tragical usury. When, keeping her day
the twelvemonth after, coming to repay both the
521money and the breed of it—for interest may well
be called the usurer’s bastard—she found the hearth
dressed up in the same order, with a dead fire of charcoal
again, and yet the Thames was half-frozen at
that time with the bitterness of the season: when
turning the foremost rank of coals, determining
again, as it seemed, to draw some pretty knavery
upon them too, she spied all those six letters which
she chalked upon them the twelvemonth before,
and never a one stirred or displaced; the strange
sight of which made her break into these words:—Is
it possible, quoth she, a usurer should burn so
little here, and so much in hell? or is it the cold
property of these coals to be above a twelvemonth
a-kindling? So much to shew the frozen charity
of a usurer’s chimney.
And then a broker to be an honest soul, that is,
to take but sixpence a-month, and threepence for
the bill-making; a devil of a very good conscience!
Possible too to have a lawyer bribeless and without
fee, if his clientess, or female client, please his eye
well: a merchant to wear a suit of perjury but
once a quarter or so,—mistake me not, I mean not
four times an hour; that shift were too short, he
could not put it on so soon, I think: and, lastly,
not impossible for a mercer to have a thumb in
folio, like one of the biggest of the guard, and so
give good and very bountiful measure. But, which
is most impossible, to be a right bawd and poor—it
strikes my spleen into dulness, and turns all my
blood into cool lead. Wherefore was vice ordained
but to be rich, shining, and wealthy, seeing virtue,
her opponent, is poor, ragged, and needy? Those
that are poor are timorous-honest and foolish-harmless;
as your carolling shepherds, whistling
ploughmen, and such of the same innocent rank,
522that never relish the black juice of villany, never
taste the red food of murder, or the damnable
suckets of luxury:[609] whereas a pander is the very
oil of villains and the syrup of rogues; of excellent
rogues, I mean, such as have purchased five hundreds
a-year by the talent of their villany. How
many such gallants do I know, that live only upon
the revenue of their wits! some whose brains are
above an hundred mile about; and those are your
geometrical thieves, which may fitly be called so,
because they measure the highways with false gallops,
and therefore are heirs of more acres than
five-and-fifty elder brothers: sometimes they are
clerks of Newmarket Heath, sometimes the sheriffs
of Salisbury Plain; and another time they commit
brothelry, when they make many a man stand at
Hockley-in-the-Hole. These are your great head
landlords indeed, which call the word robbing the
gathering in of their rents, and name all passengers
their tenants-at-will.
Another set of delicate knaves there are, that
dive into deeds and writings of lands left to young
gullfinches, poisoning the true sense and intent of
them with the merciless antimony of the Common
Law, [610] and so by some crafty clau[s]e or two shove
the true foolish owners quite beside the saddle of
their patrimonies, and then they hang only by the
stirrups, that is, by the cold alms and frozen charity
of the gentlemen-defeaters, who—if they take after
me, their great grandfather—will rather stamp them
523down in the deep mire of poverty than bolster up
their heads with a poor wisp of charity. Such as
these corrupt the true meanings of last wills and
testaments, and turn legacies the wrong way, wresting
them quite awry, like Grantham steeple.[611]
The third rank, quainter than the former, presents
us with the race of lusty vaulting gallants,
that, instead of a French horse, practise upon their
mistresses all the nimble tricks of vaulting, and are
worthy to be made dukes for doing the somerset
so lively. This nest of gallants, for the natural
parts that are in them, are maintained by their
drawn-work dames and their embroidered mistresses,
and can dispend their two thousand a-year
out of other men’s coffers; keep at every heel a man,
beside a French lacquey (a great boy with a beard),
and an English page, which fills up the place of an
ingle:[612] they have their city-horse, which I may
well term their stone-horse, or their horse upon
the stones; for indeed the city being the lusty
dame and mistress of the land, lays all her foundation
upon good stone-work, and somebody pays
well for’t where’er it lights, and might with less
cost keep London Bridge in reparations every fall
than mistress Bridget his wife; for women and
bridges always lack mending, and what the advantage
of one tide performs comes another tide
presently and washes away. Those are your gentlemen
gallants that seeth uppermost, and never
lin[613] gallopping till they run over into the fire; so
gloriously accoutred that they ravish the eyes of
524all wantons, and take them prisoners in their shops
with a brisk suit of apparel; they strangle and
choke more velvet in a deep-gathered hose[614] than
would serve to line through my lord What-call-ye-him’s
coach.
What need I infer[615] more of their prodigal glisterings
and their spangled damnations, when these
are arguments sufficient to shew the wealth of sin,
and how rich the sons and heirs of Tartary[616] are?
And are these so glorious, so flourishing, so brimful
of golden Lucifers or light angels[617] and thou
a pander and poor? a bawd and empty, apparelled
in villanous packthread, in a wicked suit of coarse
hop-bags, the wings[618] and skirts faced with the ruins
of dishclouts? Fie, I shame to see thee dressed up
so abominable scurvy! Complainest thou of bad
doings, when there are harlots of all trades; and
knaves of all languages? Knowest thou not that
sin may be committed either in French, Dutch,
Italian, or Spanish, and all after the English
fashion? But thou excusest the negligence of thy
practice by the last summer’s pestilence: alas, poor
shark-gull[619] that put-off is idle! for sergeant Carbuncle,
one of the plague’s chief officers, dares not
venture within three yards of an harlot, because
monsieur Drybone, the Frenchman, is a leiger[620]
before him. At which speech the slave burst into
a melancholy laugh, which shewed for all the world
525like a sad tragedy with a clown in’t; and thus
began to reply:—I know not whether it be [a]
cross or a curse, noble Philip of Phlegethon, or
whether both, that I am forced to pink four ells
of bag to make me a summer-suit; but I protest,
what with this long vacation, and the fidging of
gallants to Norfolk and up and down countries,
Pierce was never so pennyless as poor lieutenant
Prigbeard.
With those words he put me in mind of him for
whom I chiefly changed myself into an officious
constable, poor Pierce Pennyless: when presently
I demanded of this lieutenant the place of his
abode, and when he last heard of him (though I
knew well enough both where to hear of him and
find him); to which he made answer: Who, Pierce?
honest Pennyless? he that writ the madcap’s Supplication?
why, my very next neighbour, lying
within three lean houses of me, at old mistress
Silverpin’s, the only door-keeper[621] in Europe: why,
we meet one another every term-time, and shake
hands when the Exchequer opens; but when we
open our hands, the devil of penny we can see.
With that I cheered up the drooping slave with
the aqua-vitæ[622] of villany, and put him in excellent
comfort of my damnable legacy; saying I
would stuff him with so many wealthy instructions
that he should excel even Pandarus himself, and
go nine mile beyond him in pandarism, and from
thenceforward he should never know a true rascal
go under his red velvet slops,[623] and a gallant bawd
indeed below her loose-bodied[624] satin.
526This said, the slave hugged himself, and bussed
the bawd for joy: when presently I left them in the
midst of their wicked smack, and descended to my
bill-men[625] that waited in the pernicious alley for
me, their master constable. And marching forward
to the third garden-house, there we knocked up
the ghost of mistress Silverpin, who suddenly risse[626]
out of two white sheets, and acted out of her tiring-house[627]
window: but having understood who we
were, and the authority of our office, she presently,
even in her ghost’s apparel, unfolded the doors
and gave me my free entrance; when in policy I
charged the rest to stay and watch the house below,
whilst I stumbled up two pair of stairs in the dark,
but at last caught in mine eyes the sullen blaze of
a melancholy lamp that burnt very tragically upon
the narrow desk of a half bedstead, which descried[628]
all the pitiful ruins throughout the whole chamber.
The bare privities of the stone-walls were hid with
two pieces of painted cloth,[629] but so ragged and
tottered,[630] that one might have seen all nevertheless,
hanging for all the world like the two men in chains
between Mile-end and Hackney. The testern, or
the shadow over the bed, was made of four ells of
cobwebs, and a number of small spinner’s-ropes
hung down for curtains: the spindle-shank spiders,
which shew like great lechers with little legs, went
stalking over his head as if they had been conning
of Tamburlaine.[631] To conclude, there was many
527such sights to be seen, and all under a penny,
beside the lamentable prospect of his hose[632] and
doublet, which, being of old Kendal-green, fitly
resembled a pitched field, upon which trampled
many a lusty corporal. In this unfortunate tiring-house
lay poor Pierce upon a pillow stuffed with
horse-meat; the sheets smudged so dirtily, as if
they had been stolen by night out of Saint Pulcher’s[633]
churchyard when the sexton had left a
grave open, and so laid the dead bodies wool-ward:[634]
the coverlet was made of pieces a’ black cloth
clapt together, such as was snatched off the rails
in King’s-street at the queen’s funeral. Upon this
miserable bed’s-head lay the old copy of his Supplication,
in foul-written hand, which my black
Knight of the Post conveyed to hell; which no
sooner I entertained in my hand, but with the rattling
and blabbing of the papers poor Pierce began
to stretch and grate his nose against the hard pillow;
when after a rouse or two, he muttered these
reeling words between drunk and sober, that is,
between sleeping and waking:—I should laugh,
i’faith, if for all this I should prove a usurer before
I die, and have never a penny now to set up withal.
I would build a nunnery in Pict-hatch[635] here, and
528turn the walk in Paul’s[636] into a bowling alley: I
would have the Thames leaded over, that they
might play at cony-holes with the arches under
London Bridge. Well (and with that he waked),
the devil is mad knave still.
How now, Pierce? quoth I, dost thou call me
knave to my face? Whereat the poor slave started
up with his hair a-tiptoe; to whom by easy degrees
I gently discovered myself; who, trembling like the
treble of a lute under the heavy finger of a farmer’s
daughter, craved pardon of my damnable excellence,
and gave me my titles as freely as if he had
known where all my lordships lay, and how many
acres there were in Tartary.[637] But at the length,
having recovered to be bold again, he unfolded all
his bosom to me; told me that the Knight of Perjury
had lately brought him a singed letter sent
from a damned friend of his, which was thus
directed as followeth,
From Styx to Wood’s-close,
or
The Walk of Pict-hatch.
After I saw poor Pennyless grow so well acquainted
with me, and so familiar with the villany of my humour,
I unlocked my determinations, and laid open
my intents; in particular[638] the cause of my uprising,
being moved both with his penetrable petition and
his insufferable poverty, and therefore changed my
shape into a little wapper-eyed[639] constable, to wink
529and blink at small faults, and through the policy
of searching, to find him out the better in his cleanly
tabernacle; and therefore gave him encouragement
now to be frolic, for the time was at hand, like a
pickpurse, that Pierce should be called no more
Pennyless, like the Mayor’s bench at Oxford,[640] but
rather Pierce Pennyfist, because his palm shall be
pawed with pence. This said, I bade him be
resolved and get up to breakfast, whilst I went to
gather my noise[641] of villains together, and made his
lodging my convocation-house. With that, in a
resulting humour, he called his hose[642] and doublet
to him (which could almost go alone, borne like a
hearse upon the legs of vermin), whilst I thumped
down stairs with my cow-heel, embraced mistress
Silverpin, and betook me to my bill-men;[643] when,
in a twinkling, before them all, I leapt out of master
constable’s night-gown into an usurer’s fusty furred
jacket; whereat the watchmen staggered, and all
their bills fell down in a swoon; when I walked
close by them, laughing and coughing like a rotten-lunged
usurer, to see what Italian faces they all
made when they missed their constable, and saw
the black gown of his office lie full in a puddle.
Well, away I scudded in the musty moth-eaten
habit; and being upon Exchange-time, I crowded
530myself amongst merchants, poisoned all the Burse[644]
in a minute, and turned their faiths and troths into
curds and whey, making them swear that things
now which they forswore when the quarters struck
again; for I was present at the clapping up of
every bargain, which did ne’er hold, no longer than
they held hands together. There I heard news out
of all countries, in all languages; how many villains[645]
were in Spain, how many luxurs[646] in Italy,
how many perjurds in France, and how many reel-pots
in Germany. At last I met, at half-turn, one
whom I had spent mine eyes so long for, an hoary
money-master, that had been off and on some six-and-fifty
years damned in his counting-house, for
his only recreation was but to hop about the Burse
before twelve, to hear what news from the Bank,
and how many merchants were banqrout[647] the last
change of the moon. This rammish penny-father[648]
I rounded[649] in the left ear, winded in my intent, the
place and hour; which no sooner he sucked in, but
smiled upon me in French, and replied,—
O mounsieur Diabla,
I’ll be chief guest at your tabla!
With that we shook hands, and, as we parted, I
531bade him bring master Cog-bill the scrivener along
with him; and so I vanished out of that dressing.
And passing through Birchin-lane, amidst a camp-royal
of hose and doublets (master Snip’s backside
being turned where his face stood), I took excellent
occasion to slip into a captain’s suit, a valiant buff
doublet, stuffed with points[650] like a leg of mutton
with parsley, and a pair of velvet slops[651] scored
thick with lace, which ran round about the hose
like ringworms, able to make a man scratch where
it itched not. And thus accoutred, taking up my
weapons a’ trust in the same order at the next
cutler’s I came to, I marched to master Bezle’s
ordinary, where I found a whole dozen of my
damned crew, sweating as much at dice as many
poor labourers do with the casting of ditches; when
presently I set in a stake amongst them: round it
went; but the crafty dice having peeped upon me
once, knew who I was well enough, and would
never have their little black eyes off a’ me all the
while after. At last came my turn about, the dice
quaking in my fist before I threw them; but when
I yerked them forth, away they ran like Irish
lacqueys[652] as far as their bones would suffer them,
I sweeping up all the stakes that lay upon the
table; whereat some stamped, others swore, the
rest cursed, and all in general fretted to the gall
that a new-comer, as they termed me, should gather
in so many fifteens at the first vomit. Well, thus
it passed on, the dice running as false as the drabs
in Whitefriars; and when any one thought himself
surest, in came I with a lurching cast, and
made them all swear round again; but such
gunpowder oaths they were, that I wonder how
532the ceiling held together without spitting mortar
upon them. Zounds, captain, swore one to me,
I think the devil be thy good lord and master.
True, thought I, and thou his gentleman-usher.
In conclusion, it fatted me better than twenty
eighteenpence ordinaries,[653] to hear them rage, curse,
and swear, like so many emperors of darkness.
And all these twelve were of twelve several companies.
There was your gallant extraordinary thief
that keeps his college of good-fellows,[654] and will not
fear to rob a lord in his coach for all his ten
trencher-bearers on horseback; your deep-conceited
cutpurse, who by the dexterity of his knife
will draw out the money, and make a flame-coloured
purse shew like the bottomless pit, but with never
a soul in’t; your cheating bowler, that will bank
false of purpose, and lose a game of twelvepence to
purchase his partner twelve shillings in bets, and
so share it after the play; your cheveril-gutted
catchpoll, who like a horse-leech sucks gentlemen;
and, in all, your twelve tribes of villany; who no
sooner understood the quaint form of such an uncustomed
legacy, but they all pawned their vicious
golls[655] to meet there at the hour prefixed; and to
confirm their resolution the more, each slipped down
his stocking, baring his right knee, and so began
to drink a health half as deep as mother Hubburd’s
cellar,—she that was called in[656] for selling her working
bottle-ale to bookbinders, and spurting the
froth upon courtiers’ noses. To conclude, I was
their only captain (for so they pleased to title me);
533and so they all risse,[657]poculis manibusque applauding
my news; then the hour being more than once and
once reiterated, we were all at our hands again,
and so departed.[658]
I could tell now that I was in many a second
house in the city and suburbs afterward, where my
entertainment was not barren, nor my welcome
cheap or ordinary; and then how I walked in
Paul’s[659] to see fashions, to dive into villanous meetings,
pernicious plots, black humours, and a million
of mischiefs, which are bred in that cathedral womb
and born within less than forty weeks after. But
some may object and say, What, doth the devil
walk in Paul’s then? Why not, sir, as well as a
sergeant, or a ruffian, or a murderer? May not the
devil, I pray you, walk in Paul’s, as well as the
horse[660] go a’ top of Paul’s? for I am sure I was not
far from his keeper. Pooh, I doubt, where there is
no doubt; for there is no true critic indeed that
will carp at the devil.
Now the hour posted onward to accomplish the
effects of my desire, to gorge every vice full of
poison, that the soul might burst at the last, and
vomit out herself upon blue cakes of brimstone.
When returning home for the purpose, in my captain’s
534apparel of buff and velvet, I struck mine
hostess into admiration at my proper[661] appearance,
for my polt-foot[662] was helped out with bumbast; a
property which many worldlings use whose toes
are dead and rotten, and therefore so stuff out
their shoes like the corners of woolpacks.
Well, into my tiring-house[663] I went, where I had
scarce shifted myself into the apparel of my last
will and testament, which was the habit of a covetous
barn-cracking farmer, but all my striplings of
perdition, my nephews of damnation, my kindred
and alliance of villany and sharking, were ready
before the hour to receive my bottomless blessing.
When entering into a country night-gown, with a
cap of sickness about my brows, I was led in between
Pierce Pennyless and his hostess, like a feeble farmer
ready to depart England and sail to the kingdom of
Tartary;[664] who setting me down in a wicked chair,
all my pernicious kinsfolks round about me, and
the scrivener between my legs (for he loves always
to sit in the devil’s cot-house), thus with a whey-countenance,
short stops, and earthen dampish
voice, the true counterfeits of a dying cullion,[665] I
proceeded to the black order of my legacies.
The last will and testament of Lawrence Lucifer, the
I, Lawrence Lucifer, alias Dick Devil-barn, sick
535in soul, but not in body, being in perfect health to
wicked memory, do constitute and ordain this my
last will and testament irrevocable, as long as the
world shall be trampled on by villany.
Imprimis, I, Lawrence Lucifer, bequeath my soul
to hell, and my body to the earth: amongst you all
divide me, and share me equally, but with as much
wrangling as you can, I pray; and it will be the
better if you go to law for me.
As touching my worldly-wicked goods, I give
and bequeath them in most villanous order following:
First, I constitute and ordain Lieutenant Prigbeard,
archpander of England, my sole heir of all
such lands, closes, and gaps as lie within the bounds
of my gift; beside, I have certain houses, tenements,
and withdrawing-rooms in Shoreditch, Tunbold-street,[667]
Whitefriars, and Westminster, which
I freely give and bequeath to the aforesaid lieutenant
and the base heirs truly begot of his villanous body;
with this proviso, that he sell none of the land
when he lacks money, nor make away any of the
houses, to impair and weaken the stock, no, not
so much as to alter the property of any of them,
which is, to make them honest against their wills,
but to train and muster his wits upon the Mile-end
of his mazzard,[668] rather to fortify the territories of
Tunbold-street and enrich the county of Pict-hatch[669]
with all his vicious endeavours, golden enticements,
and damnable practices. And, lieutenant,
thou must dive, as thou usest to do, into landed
novices, who have only wit to be lickerish and no
536more, that so their tenants, trotting up to London
with their quartridges, they may pay them the rent,
but thou and thy college shall receive the money.
Let no young wriggle-eyed damosel, if her years
have struck twelve once, be left unassaulted, but
it must be thy office to lay hard siege to her honesty,
and to try if the walls of her maidenhead may be
scaled with a ladder of angels;[670] for one acre of
such wenches will bring in more at year’s end than
a hundred acres of the best harrowed land between
Deptford and Dover. And take this for a note by
the way,—you must never walk without your deuce
or deuce-ace of drabs after your boot-heels; for
when you are abroad, you know not what use you
may have for them. And, lastly, if you be well-feed
by some riotous gallant, you must practise, as
indeed you do, to wind out a wanton velvet-cap
and bodkin from the tangles of her shop, teaching
her—you know how—to cast a cuckold’s mist before
the eyes of her husband, which is, telling him
she must see her cousin new-come to town, or that
she goes to a woman’s labour,[671] when thou knowest
well enough she goes to none but her own. And
being set out of the shop, with her man afore her,
to quench the jealousy of her husband, she, by thy
instructions, shall turn the honest, simple fellow off
at the next turning, and give him leave to see The
Merry Devil of Edmonton,[672] or A Woman killed with
537Kindness,[673] when his mistress is going herself to the
same murder. Thousand of such inventions, practices,
and devices, I stuff thy trade withal, beside
the luxurious[674] meetings at taverns, ten-pound suppers,
and fifteen-pound reckonings, made up afterwards
with riotous eggs and muscadine. All these
female vomits and adulterous surfeits I give and
bequeath to thee, which I hope thou wilt put in
practice with all expedition after my decease; and
538to that end I ordain thee wholly and solely my only
absolute, excellent, villanous heir.
Item, I give and bequeath to you, Gregory Gauntlet,
high thief on horseback, all such sums of money
that are nothing due to you, and to receive them
in, whether the parties be willing to pay you or
no. You need not make many words with them,
but only these two, Stand and deliver! and therefore
a true thief cannot choose but be wise, because
he is a man of so very few words.
I need not instruct you, I think, Gregory, about
the politic searching of crafty carriers’ packs, or
ripping up the bowels of wide boots and cloak-bags;
I do not doubt but you have already exercised
them all. But one thing I especially charge
you of, the neglect of which makes many of your
religion tender their winepipes at Tyburn at least
three months before their day; that if you chance
to rob a virtuous townsman on horseback, with his
wife upon a pillion behind him, you presently speak
them fair to walk a turn or two at one side, where,
binding them both together, like man and wife, arm
in arm very lovingly, be sure you tie them hard
enough, for fear they break the bonds of matrimony,
which, if it should fall out so, the matter
would lie sore upon your necks the next sessions
after, because your negligent tying was the cause
of that breach between them.
Now, as for your Welsh hue and cry—the only
net to catch thieves in—I know you avoid well
enough, because you can shift both your beards
and your towns well; but for your better disguising
henceforward, I will fit you with a beard-maker
of mine own, one that makes all the false
hairs for my devils, and all the periwigs that are
worn by old courtiers, who take it for a pride in
539their bald days to wear yellow curls on their foreheads,
when one may almost see the sun go to bed
through the chinks of their faces.
Moreover, Gregory, because I know thee toward
enough, and thy arms full of feats, I make thee
keeper of Combe Park,[675] sergeant of Salisbury Plain,
warden of the standing-places, and lastly, constable
of all heaths, holes, highways, and cony-groves,
hoping that thou wilt execute these places and
offices as truly as Derrick[676] will execute his place
and office at Tyburn.
Item, I give and bequeath to thee, Dick Dogman,
grand catchpoll—over and above thy barebone fees,
that will scarce hang wicked flesh on thy back—all
such lurches, gripes, and squeezes as may be wrung
out by the fist of extortion.
And because I take pity on thee, waiting so long
as thou usest to do, ere thou canst land one fare at
the Counter, watching sometimes ten hours together
in an ale-house, ever and anon peeping forth and
sampling thy nose with the red lattice;[677] let him
whosoever that falls into thy clutches at night pay
well for thy standing all day: and, cousin Richard,
when thou hast caught him in the mousetrap of thy
liberty with the cheese of thy office, the wire of
thy hard fist being clapt down upon his shoulders,
and the back of his estate almost broken to pieces,
then call thy cluster of fellow-vermins together,
and sit in triumph with thy prisoner at the upper
end of a tavern-table, where, under the colour of
shewing him favour (as you term it) in waiting
for bail, thou and thy counter-leech may swallow
540down six gallons of Charnico,[678] and then begin to
chafe that he makes you stay so long before Peter
Bail[679] comes. And here it will not be amiss if you
call in more wine-suckers, and damn as many gallons
again, for you know your prisoner’s ransom
will pay for all; this is, if the party be flush now,
and would not have his credit coppered with a
scurvy counter.[680]
Another kind of rest you have, which is called
shoepenny—that is, when you will be paid for
every stride you take; and if the channel be dangerous
and rough, you will not step over under a
noble:[681] a very excellent lurch to get up the price
of your legs between Paul’s-chain and Ludgate.
But that which likes[682] me beyond measure is the
villanous nature of that arrest which I may fitly
term by the name of cog-shoulder, when you clap
a’ both sides like old Rowse[683] in Cornwall, and
receive double fee both from the creditor and the
debtor, swearing by the post of your office to
shoulder-clap the party the first time he lights upon
the lime-twigs of your liberty; when for a little
usurer’s oil you allow him day by day free passage
to walk by the wicked precinct of your noses, and
yet you will pimple your souls with oaths, till you
make them as well-favoured as your faces, and
swear he never came within the verge of your eyelids.
541Nay, more, if the creditor were present to
see him arrested on the one side, and the party
you wot on over the way at the other side, you
have such quaint shifts, pretty hinderances, and
most lawyer-like delays, ere you will set forward,
that in the meantime he may make himself away
in some by-alley, or rush into the bowels of some
tavern or drinking-school; or if neither, you will
find talk with some shark-shift by the way, and
give him the marks of the party, who will presently
start before you, give the debtor intelligence, and so
a rotten fig for the catchpoll! A most witty, smooth,
and damnable conveyance![684] Many such cunning
devices breed in the reins of your offices beside. I
leave to speak of your unmerciful dragging a gentleman
through Fleet-street, to the utter confusion
of his white feather, and the lamentable spattering
of his pearl-colour silk stockings, especially when
some six of your black dogs of Newgate[685] are upon
542him at once. Therefore, sweet cousin Richard (for
you are the nearest kinsman I have), I give and
bequeath to you no more than you have already;
for you are so well gorged and stuffed with that,
that one spoonful of villany more would overlay
your stomach quite, and, I fear me, make you kick
up all the rest.
Item, I give and bequeath to you, Benedick Bottomless,
most deep cutpurse, all the benefit of
pageant-days, great market-days, ballat-places,[686]
but especially the sixpenny rooms in play-houses,
to cut, dive, or nim, with as much speed, art, and
dexterity, as may be handled by honest rogues of
thy quality. Nay, you shall not stick, Benedick,
to give a shave of your office at Paul’s-cross in the
sermon-time: but thou holdest it a thing thou
mayest do by law, to cut a purse in Westminster
Hall; true, Benedick, if thou be sure the law be
on that side thou cuttest it on.
Item, I give and bequeath to you, old Bias, alias
Humfrey Hollowbank, true cheating bowler and
lurcher, the one half of all false bets, cunning
hooks, subtle ties, and cross-lays,[687] that are ventured
upon the landing of your bowl, and the safe
arriving at the haven of the mistress,[688] if it chance
to pass all the dangerous rocks and rubs of the
543alley, and be not choked in the sand, like a merchant’s
ship before it comes half-way home, which
is none of your fault (you’ll say and swear), although
in your own turned conscience you know that you
threw it above three yards short out of hand, upon
very set purpose.
Moreover, Humfrey, I give you the lurching of
all young novices, citizens’ sons, and country gentlemen,
that are hooked in by the winning of one
twelvepenny game at first, lost upon policy, to be
cheated of twelve pounds’ worth a’ bets afterward.
And, old Bias, because thou art now and then smelt
out for a cozener, I would have thee sometimes go
disguised (in honest apparel), and so drawing in
amongst bunglers and ketlers[689] under the plain frieze
of simplicity, thou mayest finely couch the wrought-velvet
of knavery.
Item, I give and bequeath to your cousin-german
here, Francis Fingerfalse, deputy of dicing-houses,
all cunning lifts, shifts, and couches, that ever were,
are, and shall be invented from this hour of eleven-clock
upon black Monday, until it smite twelve a’
clock at doomsday. And this I know, Francis,
if you do endeavour to excel, as I know you do,
and will truly practise falsely, you may live more
gallanter far upon three dice, than many of your
foolish heirs about London upon thrice three hundred
acres.
But turning my legacy to you-ward, Barnaby
Burning-glass, arch-tobacco-taker of England, in
544ordinaries, upon stages[690] both common and private,
and lastly, in the lodging of your drab and mistress;
I am not a little proud, I can tell you, Barnaby,
that you dance after my pipe so long, and
for all counterblasts[691] and tobacco-Nashes[692] (which
some call railers), you are not blown away, nor
your fiery thirst quenched with the small penny-ale
of their contradictions, but still suck that dug
of damnation with a long nipple, still burning that
rare Phœnix of Phlegethon, tobacco, that from her
ashes, burned and knocked out, may arise another
pipeful. Therefore I give and bequeath unto thee
a breath of all religions save the true one, and
tasting of all countries save his[693] own; a brain well
sooted, where the Muses hang up in the smoke like
red herrings; and look how the narrow alley of
thy pipe shews in the inside, so shall all the pipes
through thy body. Besides, I give and bequeath to
thee[694] lungs as smooth as jet, and just of the same
colour, that when thou art closed in thy grave, the
worms may be consumed with them, and take them
for black puddings.
Lastly, not least, I give and bequeath to thee,
Pierce Pennyless, exceeding poor scholar, that hath
made clean shoes in both universities, and been a
pitiful battler[695] all thy lifetime, full often heard
545with this lamentable cry at the buttery-hatch, Ho,
Launcelot, a cue[696] of bread, and a cue of beer!
never passing beyond the confines of a farthing,
nor once munching commons but only upon gaudy-days;[697]
to thee, most miserable Pierce, or pierced
through and through with misery, I bequeath the
tithe of all vaulting-houses,[698] the tenth denier of
each heigh, pass, come aloft! beside the playing in
and out of all wenches at thy pleasure, which I
know, as thou mayest use it, will be such a fluent
pension, that thou shalt never have need to write
Supplication again.
Now, for the especial trust and confidence I have
in both you, Mihell[699] Moneygod, usurer, and Leonard
Lavender, broker or pawn-lender, I make you
two my full executors to the true disposing of all
these my hellish intents, wealthy villanies, and most
pernicious damnable legacies.
And now, kinsmen and friends, wind about me;
my breath begins to cool, and all my powers to
freeze; and I can say no more to you, nephews,
than I have said,—only this, I leave you all, like
ratsbane, to poison the realm. And, I pray, be all
of you as arrant villains as you can be; and so
farewell: be all hanged, and come down to me as
soon as you can.
This said, he departed to his molten kingdom:
546the wind risse,[700] the bottom of the chair flew out,
the scrivener fell flat upon his nose; and here is
the end of a harmless moral.
Now, sir, what is your censure[701] now? you have
read me, I am sure; am I black enough, think you,
dressed up in a lasting suit of ink? do I deserve
my dark and pitchy title? stick I close enough
to a villain’s ribs? is not Lucifer liberal to his
nephews in this his last will and testament? Methinks
I hear you say nothing; and therefore I
know you are pleased and agree to all, for qui tacet,
consentire videtur; and I allow you wise and truly
judicious, because you keep your censure to yourself.
547
FATHER HUBBURD’S TALES;
OR,
THE ANT AND THE NIGHTINGALE.
549Father Hubburds Tales: or The Ant, and the Nightingale.
London Printed by T. C. for William Cotton, and are to be solde
at his Shop neare adioyning to Ludgate. 1604. 4to.
The first edition of this tract, in which several verses and
the whole of “The Ant’s Tale when he was a scholar” are
omitted, made its appearance during the same year in 4to,
entitled The Ant and the Nightingale: or Father Hubburds
Tales. London Printed by T. C. for Tho: Bushell, and are to be
solde by Jeffrey Chorlton, at his Shop at the North doore of Paules.
Mr. J. P. Collier (Bridgewater-House Catalogue, p. 199) mentions
it as the second edition; but a careful examination of
both the impressions has convinced me that it is the first.
Taylor, the water-poet, in a “Preamble” to The Praise of
Hempseed (first printed in 1620), thus alludes to the present
piece;
“One wrote the Nightingale and lab’ring Ant.”
P. 62—Workes, 1630.
551To the true general patron of all Muses, Musicians,
Poets, and Picture-drawers, Sir Christopher
Clutchfist, knighted at a very hard pennyworth,
neither for eating musk-melons, anchovies, or caviare,
but for a costlier exploit and a hundred-pound
feat of arms, Oliver Hubburd, brother to the nine
waiting-gentlewomen the Muses, wisheth the decrease
of his lands and the increase of his legs, that his calves
may hang down like gamashoes.[702]
Most guerdonless sir, pinching patron, and the
Muses’ bad paymaster, thou that owest for all the
pamphlets, histories, and translations that ever have[703]
been dedicated to thee since thou wert one and
twenty, and couldst make water upon thine own
lands: but beware, sir, you cannot carry it away so,
I can tell you, for all your copper-gilt spurs and
your brood of feathers; for there are certain line-sharkers
that have coursed the countries to seek
you out already, and they nothing doubt but to find
you here this Candlemas-term; which, if it should
fall out so—as I hope your worship is wiser than
to venture up so soon to the chambers of London—they
have plotted together with the best common
play-plotter in England to arrest you at the Muses’
suit—though they shoot short of them—and to set
one of the sergeants of poetry, or rather the Poultry,[704]
to claw you by the back, who, with one clap on
your shoulder, will bruise all the taffeta to pieces.
552Now what the matter is between you, you know
best yourself, sir; only I hear that they rail against
you in booksellers’ shops very dreadfully, that you
have used them most unknightly, in offering to take
their books, and would never return so much as
would pay for the covers, beside the gilding too,
which stands them in somewhat, you know, and a
yard and a quarter of broad sixpenny ribband; the
price of that you are not ignorant of yourself, because
you wear broad shoe-string; and they cannot
be persuaded but that you pull the strings off from
their books, and so maintain your shoes all the
year long; and think, verily, if the book be in folio,
that you take off the parchment, and give it to your
tailor, but save all the gilding together, which may
amount in time to gild you a pair of spurs withal.
Such are the miserable conceits they gather of you,
because you never give the poor Muse-suckers a
penny: wherefore, if I might counsel you, sir, the
next time they came with their gilded dedications,
you should take the books, make your men break
their pates, then give them ten groats a-piece, and
so drive them away.
Your worship’s,
If you embrace my counsel,
Oliver Hubburd.
553
TO THE READER.
Shall I tell you what, reader?—but first I should
call you gentle, courteous, and wise; but ’tis no
matter, they’re but foolish words of course, and
better left out than printed; for if you be so, you
need not be called so; and if you be not so, there
were law against me for calling you out of your
names:—by John of Paul’s-churchyard,[705] I swear,
and that oath will be taken at any haberdasher’s,
I never wished this book better fortune than to
fall into the hands of a true-spelling printer, and
an honest-minded[706] bookseller; and if honesty could
be sold by the bushel like oysters, I had rather have
one Bushel[707] of honesty than three of money.
Why I call these Father Hubburd’s Tales, is not
to have them called in again, as the Tale of Mother
Hubburd:[708] the world would shew little judgment
554in that, i’faith; and I should say then, plena stultorum
omnia; for I entreat[709] here neither of rugged[710]
bears or apes, no, nor the lamentable downfal of
the old wife’s platters,—I deal with no such metal:
what is mirth in me, is as harmless as the quarter-jacks
in Paul’s, that are up with their elbows[711] four
times an hour, and yet misuse no creature living;
the very bitterest in me is but like a physical frost,
that nips the wicked blood a little, and so makes
the whole body the wholesomer: and none can justly
except at me but some riotous vomiting Kit,[712] or
some gentleman-swallowing malkin. Then, to condemn
these Tales following because Father Hubburd
tells them in the small size of an ant, is even
as much as if these two words, God and Devil, were
printed both in one line, to skip it over and say that
line were naught, because the devil were in it.
Sat sapienti; and I hope[713] there be many wise men
in all the twelve Companies.[714]
Yours,
If you read without spelling or hacking,
T. M.
555THE ANT AND THE NIGHTINGALE.
The west-sea’s goddess in a crimson robe,
Her temples circled with a coral wreath,
Waited her love, the lightener of earth’s globe:
The wanton wind did on her bosom breathe;
The nymphs of springs did hallow’d[715] water pour;
Whate’er was cold help’d to make cool her bower.
And now the fiery horses of the Sun
Were from their golden-flaming car untrac’d,
And all the glory of the day was done,
Save here and there some light moon-clouds enchas’d,
A parti-colour’d canopy did spread
Over the Sun and Thetis’ amorous bed.
Now had the shepherds folded in their flocks,
The sweating teams uncoupled from their yokes:
The wolf sought prey, and the sly-murdering fox
Attempts to steal; fearless of rural strokes,
All beasts took rest that liv’d by labouring toil;
Only such rang’d as had delight in spoil.
Now in the pathless region of the air
The wingèd passengers had left to soar,
Except the bat and owl, who bode sad care,
And Philomel, that nightly doth deplore,
In soul-contenting tunes, her change of shape,
Wrought first by perfidy and lustful rape.
556This poor musician, sitting all alone
On a green hawthorn from the thunder blest,
Carols in varied notes her antique moan,
Keeping a sharpen’d briar against her breast:
Her innocence this watchful pain doth take,
To shun the adder and the speckled snake.
These two, like her old foe the lord of Thrace,
Regardless of her dulcet-changing song,
To serve their own lust have her life in chase;
Virtue by vice is offer’d endless wrong:
Beasts are not all to blame, for now and then
We see the like attempted amongst men.
Under the tree whereon the poor bird sat,
There was a bed of busy-toiling ants,
That in their summer winter’s comfort gat,
Teaching poor men how to shun after-wants;
Whose rules if sluggards could be learn’d to keep,
Thou hurt’dst not them till they had injur’d thee.
Thou wast indeed too slothful to thyself,
Hiding thy better talent in thy spleen;
True spirits are not covetous in pelf;
Youth’s wit is ever ready, quick, and keen:
Thou didst not live thy ripen’d autumn-day,
But wert cut off in thy best blooming May:
Else hadst thou left, as thou indeed hast left,
Sufficient test, though now in others’ chests,
T’ improve[727] the baseness of that humorous theft,[728]
Which seems to flow from self-conceiving breasts:
562Thy name they bury, having buried thee;
Drones eat thy honey—thou wert the true bee.
Peace keep thy soul! And now to you, sir ant:
On with your prose, be neither rude nor nice;
In your discourse let no decorum want,
See that you be sententious and concise;
And, as I like the matter, I will sing
A canzonet, to close up every thing.
With this, the whole nest of ants hearing their
fellow was free from danger, like comforters when
care is over, came with great thanks to harmless
Philomel, and made a ring about her and their
restored friend, serving instead of a dull audience
of stinkards sitting in the penny-galleries of a
theatre, and yawning upon the players; whilst the
ant began to stalk like a three-quarter sharer,[729] and
was not afraid to tell tales out of the villanous
school of the world, where the devil is the schoolmaster
and the usurer the under-usher, the scholars
young dicing landlords, that pass away three hundred
acres with three dice in a hand, and after the
decease of so much land in money become sons
and heirs of bawdy-houses; for it is an easy labour
to find heirs without land, but a hard thing indeed
to find land without heirs. But for fear I interrupt
this small actor in less than decimo sexto,[730] I leave,
and give the ant leave to tell his tale.
563The Ant’s Tale when he was a ploughman.
I was sometimes, most chaste lady Nightingale,
or rather, queen Philomel the ravished, a brow-melting
husbandman: to be man and husband is
to be a poor master of many rich cares, which, if he
cannot subject and keep under, he must look for
ever to undergo as many miseries as the hours of
his years contain minutes: such a man I was, and
such a husband, for I was linked in marriage: my
havings were[731] small and my means less, yet charge
came on me ere I knew how to keep it; yet did I
all my endeavours, had a plough and land to employ
it, fertile enough if it were manured, and for
tillage I was never held a truant.
But my destruction, and the ruin of all painful
husbandmen about me, began by the prodigal downfal
of my young landlord, whose father, grandfather,
and great-grandfather, for many generations had
been lords of the town wherein I dwelt, and many
other towns near adjoining: to all which belonged
fair commons for the comfort of the poor, liberty
of fishing, help of fuel by brush and underwood
never denied, till the old devourer of virtue, honesty,
and good neighbourhood, death, had made
our landlord dance after his pipe,—which is so
common, that every one knows the way, though
they make small account of it. Well, die he did;
and as soon as he was laid in his grave, the bell
might well have tolled for hospitality and good
housekeeping; for whether they fell sick with him
and died, and so were buried, I know not; but I
am sure in our town they were never seen since,
nor, that I can hear of, in any other part; especially
564about us they are impossible to be found.
Well, our landlord being dead, we had his heir,
gentle enough and fair-conditioned,[732] rather promising
at first his father’s virtues than the world’s
villanies; but he was so accustomed to wild and
unfruitful company about the court and London
(whither he was sent by his sober father to practise
civility and manners), that in the country he
would scarce keep till his father’s body was laid
in the cold earth; but as soon as the hasty funeral
was solemnised, from us he posted, discharging all
his old father’s servants (whose beards were even
frost-bitten with age), and was attended only by a
monkey and a marmoset;[733] the one being an ill-faced
fellow, as variable as New-fangle[734] for fashions;
the other an imitator of any thing, however villanous,
but utterly destitute of all goodness. With
this French page and Italianate serving-man was
our young landlord only waited on, and all to save
charges in servingmen, to pay it out in harlots:
and we poor men had news of a far greater expense
within less than a quarter. For we were sent for to
London, and found our great landlord in a little
room about the Strand; who told us, that whereas
we had lived tenants at will, and might in his forefathers’
days [have] been hourly turned out, he,
putting on a better conscience to usward, intended
to make us leases for years; and for advice ’twixt
him and us he had made choice of a lawyer, a
mercer, and a merchant, to whom he was much beholding,[735]565who that morning were appointed to meet
in the Temple-church. Temple and church, both
one in name, made us hope of a holy meeting; but
there is an old proverb, The nearer the church, the
farther from God: to approve[736] which saying, we
met the mercer and the merchant, that, loving our
landlord or his land well, held him a great man
in both their books. Some little conference they
had; what the conclusion was, we poor men were
not yet acquainted with; but being called at their
leisure, and when they pleased to think upon us,
told us they were to dine together at the Horn in
Fleet-street, being a house where their lawyer resorted;
and if we would there attend them, we
should understand matter much for our good: and
in the meantime, they appointed us near the old
Temple-Garden to attend their counsellor, whose
name was master Prospero, not the great rider of
horse[737]—for I heard there was once such a one,—but
a more cunning rider, who had rid many men
till they were more miserable than beasts, and our
ill hap it was to prove his hackneys. Well, though
the issue were ill, on we went to await his worship,
whose chamber we found that morning fuller of
clients than I could ever see suppliants to heaven in
our poor parish-church, and yet we had in it three
hundred households: and I may tell it with reverence,
I never saw more submission done to God
than to that great lawyer; every suitor there offered
gold to this gowned idol, standing bareheaded
566in a sharp-set morning, for it was in booted[738]
Michaelmas-term, and not a word spoke to him but
it was with the[739] bowing of the body and the submissive
flexure of the knee. Short tale to make,
he was informed of us what we were, and of our
coming up; when with an iron look and shrill voice,
he began to speak to the richest of our number,
ever and anon yerking out the word fines, which
served instead of a full-point to every sentence.
But that word fines was no fine word, methought,
to please poor labouring husbandmen, that can
scarce sweat out so much in a twelvemonth as he
would demand in a twinkling. At last, to close up
the lamentable tragedy of us ploughmen, enters our
young landlord, so metamorphosed into the shape
of a French puppet, that at the first we started, and
thought one of the baboons had marched in in man’s
apparel. His head was dressed up in white feathers
like a shuttlecock, which agreed so well with his
brain, being nothing but cork, that two of the
biggest of the guard might very easily have tossed
him with battledores, and made good sport with
him in his majesty’s great hall. His doublet was
of a strange cut; and to shew the fury of his
humour, the collar of it rose up so high and sharp
as if it would have cut his throat by daylight. His
wings,[740] according to the fashion now, were[741] as little
and diminutive as a puritan’s ruff, which shewed
he ne’er meant to fly out of England, nor do any
exploit beyond sea, but live and die about London,
though he begged in Finsbury. His breeches, a
567wonder to see, were full as deep as the middle of
winter, or the roadway between London and Winchester,
and so large and wide withal, that I think
within a twelvemonth he might very well put all
his lands in them; and then you may imagine they
were big enough, when they would outreach a thousand
acres: moreover, they differed so far from
our fashioned hose[742] in the country, and from his
father’s old gascoynes,[743] that his back-part seemed
to us like a monster; the roll of the breeches standing
so low, that we conjectured his house of office,
sir-reverence,[744] stood in his hams. All this while
his French monkey bore his cloak of three pounds
a-yard, lined clean through with purple velvet,
which did so dazzle our coarse eyes, that we
thought we should have been purblind ever after,
what with the prodigal aspect of that and his glorious
rapier and hangers[745] all bost[746] with pillars
of gold, fairer in show than the pillars in Paul’s
or the tombs at Westminster; beside, it drunk up
the price of all my plough-land in very pearl,
which stuck as thick upon those hangers as the
white measles upon hog’s flesh. When I had well
viewed that gay gaudy cloak and those unthrifty
wasteful hangers, I muttered thus to myself: That
is no cloak for the rain, sure; nor those no hangers
for Derrick;[747] when of a sudden, casting mine eyes
lower, I beheld a curious pair of boots of king
Philip’s[748] leather, in such artificial wrinkles, sets,
568and plaits, as if they had been starched lately and
came new from the laundress’s, such was my ignorance
and simple acquaintance with the fashion,
and I dare swear my fellows and neighbours here
are all as ignorant as myself. But that which struck
us most into admiration, upon those fantastical boots
stood such huge and wide tops, which so swallowed
up his thighs, that had he sworn, as other gallants
did, this common oath, Would I might sink as I
stand! all his body might very well have sunk
down and been damned in his boots. Lastly, he
walked the chamber with such a pestilent gingle,[749]
that his spurs over-squeaked the lawyer, and made
him reach his voice three notes above his fee; but
after we had spied the rowels of his spurs, how we
blest ourselves! they did so much and so far exceed
the compass of our fashion, that they looked more
like the forerunners of wheelbarrows. Thus was
our young landlord accoutred in such a strange and
prodigal shape,[750] that it amounted to above two
years’ rent in apparel. At last approached[751] the
mercer and the merchant, two notable arch-tradesmen,
who had fitted my young master in clothes,
whilst they had clothed themselves in his acres, and
measured him out velvet by the thumb, whilst they
received his revenues by handfuls; for he had not
so many yards in his suit as they had yards and
houses bound for the payment, which now he was
forced to pass over to them, or else all his lands
should be put to[752] their book and to their forfeiting
569neck-verse;[753] so my youngster was now at his pension,
not like a gentleman-pensioner, but like a
gentleman-spender. Whereupon entered master
Bursebell, the royal scrivener, with deeds and
writings hanged, drawn, and quartered, for the purpose:
he was a valiant scribe, I remember; his pen
lay mounted between his ear like a Tower-gun, but
not charged yet till our young master’s patrimony
shot off, which was some third part of an hour
after. By this time, the lawyer, the mercer, and
the merchant, were whispering and consulting together
about the writings and passage of the land
in very deep and sober conference; but our wiseacres
all the while, as one regardless of either land or
money, not hearkening or inquisitive after their
subtle and politic devices, held himself very busy
about the burning of his tobacco-pipe (as there is
no gallant but hath a pipe to burn about London),
though we poor simple men never heard of the
name till that time; and he might very fitly take
tobacco there, for the lawyer and the rest made
him smoke already. But to have noted the apish
humour of him, and the fantastical faces he coined
in the receiving of the smoke, it would have made
your ladyship have sung nothing but merry jigs[754]
for a twelvemonth after,—one time winding the
pipe like a horn at the Pie-corner of his mouth,
which must needs make him look like a sow-gelder,[755]
and another time screwing his face like
one of our country players, which must needs make
him look like a fool; nay, he had at least his dozen
570of faces, but never a good one amongst them all;
neither his father’s face, nor the face of his grandfather,
but yet more wicked and riotous faces than
all the generation of him. Now their privy whisperings
and villanous plots began to be drawn to
a conclusion, when presently they called our smoky
landlord in the midst of his draught, who in a valiant
humour dashed his tobacco-pipe into the chimney-corner:
whereat I started, and beckoning his marmoset[756]
to me, asked him if those long white things
did cost no money? to which the slave replied very
proudly, Money! yes, sirrah; but I tell thee, my
master scorns to have a thing come twice to his
mouth. Then, quoth I, I think thy master is more
choice in his mouth than in any member else: it were
good if he used that all his body over, he would never
have need, as many gallants have, of any sweating
physic. Sweating physic! replied the marmoset;
what may thy meaning be? why, do not you ploughmen
sweat too? Yes, quoth I, most of any men
living; but yet there is a difference between the
sweat of a ploughman and the sweat of a gentleman,
as much as between your master’s apparel
and mine, for when we sweat, the land prospers,
and the harvest comes in; but when a gentleman
sweats, I wot how the gear[757] goes then. No sooner
were these words spoken but the marmoset had
drawn out his poniard half-way to make a show of
revenge, but at the smart voice of the lawyer he
suddenly whipt it in again. Now was our young
master with one penful of ink doing a far greater
exploit than all his forefathers; for what they were
a-purchasing all their lifetime, he was now passing
571away in the fourth part of a minute; and that
which many thousand drops of his grandfather’s
brows did painfully strive for, one drop now of a
scrivener’s inkhorn did easily pass over: a dash of a
pen stood for a thousand acres: how quickly they
were dashed in the mouth by our young landlord’s
prodigal fist! it seemed he made no more account
of acres than of acorns. Then were we called to
set our hands for witnesses of his folly, which we
poor men did witness too much already; and because
we were found ignorant in writing, and never
practised in that black art—which I might very
fitly term so, because it conjured our young master
out of all—we were commanded, as it were, to draw
any mark with a pen, which should signify as much
as the best hand that ever old Peter Bales[758] hung
out in the Old Bailey. To conclude, I took the
pen first of the lawyer, and turning it arsy-versy,
like no instrument for a ploughman, our youngster
and the rest of the faction burst into laughter at
the simplicity of my fingering; but I, not so simple
as they laughed me for, drew the picture of a
knavish emblem, which was a plough with the
heels upward, signifying thereby that the world
was turned upside down since the decease of my
old landlord, all hospitality and good housekeeping
kicked out of doors, all thriftiness and good husbandry
tossed into the air, ploughs turned into
572trunks,[759] and corn into apparel. Then came another
of our husbandmen to set his mark by mine: he
holding the pen clean at the one side towards the
merchant and the mercer, shewing that all went
on their sides, drew the form of an unbridled colt,
so wild and unruly, that he seemed with one foot
to kick up the earth and spoil the labours of many
toiling beasts, which was fitly alluded to our wild
and unbridled landlord, which, like the colt, could
stand upon no ground till he had no ground to
stand upon.
These marks, set down under the shape of simplicity,
were the less marked with the eyes of
knavery; for they little dreamed that we ploughmen
could have so much satire in us as to bite our
young landlord by the elbow. Well, this ended,
master Bursebell, the calves’-skin scrivener, was
royally handled, that is, he had a royal[760] put in his
hand by the merchant. And now I talk of calves’-skin,
’tis great pity, lady Nightingale, that the skins
of harmless and innocent beasts should be as instruments
to work villany upon, entangling young
novices and foolish elder brothers, which are caught
like woodcocks in the net of the law; for[761] ’tis easier
for one of the greatest fowls to slide through the
least hole of a net, than one of the least fools to
get from the lappet of a bond. By this time the
squeaking lawyer began to re-iterate that cold word
fines, which struck so chill to our hearts, that it
made them as cold as our heels, which were almost
frozen to the floor with standing. Yea, quoth the
merchant and the mercer, you are now tenants of
573ours; all the right, title, and interest of this young
gentleman, your late landlord, we are firmly possessed
of, as you yourselves are witnesses: wherefore
this is the conclusion of our meeting; such
fines as master Prospero here, by the valuation of
the land, shall, out of his proper judgment, allot to
us, such are we to demand at your hands; therefore
we refer you to him, to wait his answer at the
gentleman’s best time and leisure. With that, they
stiffled two or three angels[762] in the lawyer’s right
hand:—right hand, said I? which hand was that,
trow ye? for it is impossible to know which is the
right hand of a lawyer, because there are but few
lawyers that have right hands, and those few make
much of them. So, taking their leaves of my young
landlord that was, and that never shall be again,
away they marched, heavier by a thousand acres at
their parting than they were before at their meeting.
The lawyer then, turning his Irish face to usward,
willed us to attend his worship the next term, when
we should further understand his pleasure. We,
poor souls, thanked his worship, and paid him his
fee out in legs;[763] when, in sight of us, he embraced
our young gentleman (I think, for a fool), and gave
him many riotous instructions how to carry himself,
which he was prompter to take than the other
to put into him; told him he must acquaint himself
with many gallants of the Inns-of-Court, and keep
rank with those that spend most, always wearing a
bountiful disposition about him, lofty and liberal;
his lodging must be about the Strand in any case,
being remote from the handicraft scent of the city;
his eating must be in some famous tavern, as the
574Horn, the Mitre, or the Mermaid;[764] and then after
dinner he must venture beyond sea, that is, in a
choice pair of noblemen’s oars, to the Bankside,[765]
where he must sit out the breaking-up[766] of a comedy,
or the first cut of a tragedy; or rather, if his humour
so serve him, to call in at the Blackfriars,[767]
where he should see a nest of boys able to ravish
a man. This said, our young goose-cap, who was
ready to embrace such counsel, thanked him for his
fatherly admonitions, as he termed them, and told
him again that he should not find him with the
breach of any of them, swearing and protesting he
would keep all those better than the ten commandments:
at which word he buckled on his rapier and
hangers,[768] his monkey-face casting on his cloak by
the book; after an apish congee or two, passed
down stairs, without either word or nod to us his
old father’s tenants. Nevertheless we followed
him, like so many russet servingmen, to see the
event of all, and what the issue would come to;
when, of a sudden, he was encountered by a most
glorious-spangled gallant, which we took at first to
have been some upstart tailor, because he measured
all his body with a salutation, from the flow of the
575doublet to the fall of the breeches; but at last we
found him to be a very fantastical sponge, that
licked up all humours, the very ape of fashions,
gesture, and compliment,—one of those indeed, as
we learned afterward, that fed upon young landlords,
riotous sons and heirs, till either he or the
Counter in Wood-street had swallowed them up;
and would not stick to be a bawd or pander to such
young gallants as our young gentleman, either to
acquaint them with harlots, or harlots with them;
to bring them a whole dozen of taffeta punks at a
supper, and they should be none of these common
Molls neither, but discontented and unfortunate
gentlewomen, whose parents being lately deceased,
the brother ran away with all the land, and they,[769]
poor squalls,[770] with a little money, which cannot hold
out long without some comings in; but they will
rather venture a maidenhead than want a head-tire;
such shuttlecocks as these, which, though they are
tossed and played withal, go still[771] like maids, all
white on the top: or else, decayed gentlemen’s
wives, whose husbands, poor souls, lying for debt
in the King’s Bench, they go about to make monsters
in the King’s-Head tavern; for this is a general
576axiom, all your luxurious[772] plots are always begun
in taverns, to be ended in vau[l]ting-houses;[773] and
after supper, when fruit comes in, there is small
fruit of honesty to be looked for,—for you know
that the eating of the apple always betokens the
fall of Eve. Our prodigal child, accompanied
with this soaking swaggerer and admirable cheater,
who had supt up most of our heirs about London
like poached eggs, slips into White-Friars’ nunnery,[774]
whereas[775] the report went he kept his most delicate
drab of three hundred a-year, some unthrifty
gentleman’s daughter, who had mortgaged his land
to scriveners, sure enough from redeeming again;
for so much she seemed by her bringing up, though
less by her casting down. Endued she was, as we
heard, with some good qualities, though all were
converted then but to flattering villanies: she could
run upon the lute very well, which in others would
have appeared virtuous, but in her lascivious, for
her running was rather jested at, because she was
a light runner besides: she had likewise the gift of
singing very deliciously, able to charm the hearer;
which so bewitched away our young master’s money,
that he might have kept seven noise[776] of musicians
for less charges, and yet they would have stood for
577servingmen too, having blue coats[777] of their own.
She had a humour to lisp often, like a flattering
wanton, and talk childish, like a parson’s daughter;
which so pleased and rapt our old landlord’s lickerish
son, that he would swear she spake nothing but
sweetmeats, and her breath then sent forth such
a delicious odour, that it perfumed his white-satin
doublet better than sixteen milliners. Well, there
we left him, with his devouring cheater and his
glorious cockatrice;[778] and being almost upon dinner-time,
we hied us and took our repast at thrifty
mother Walker’s, where we found a whole nest of
pinching bachelors, crowded together upon forms
and benches, in that most worshipful three-halfpenny
ordinary,[779] where presently they were boarded[780]
with hot monsieur Mutton-and-porridge (a Frenchman
by his blowing); and next to them we were
served in order, every one taking their degree:
and I tell you true, lady, I have known the time
when our young landlord’s father hath been a
three-halfpenny eater there,—nay more, was the
first that acquainted us with that sparing and
thrifty ordinary, when his riotous son hath since
spent his five pound at a sitting. Well, having discharged
our small shot (which was like hail-shot in
respect of our young master’s cannon-reckonings
in taverns), we plodded home to our ploughs, carrying
these heavy news to our wives both of the
prodigality of our old landlord’s son, as also of our
oppressions to come by the burden of uncharitable
fines. And, most musical madam Nightingale, do
but imagine now what a sad Christmas we all kept
578in the country, without either carols, wassail-bowls,[781]
dancing of Sellenger’s round[782] in moonshine nights
about May-poles, shoeing the mare, hoodman-blind,
hot-cockles, or any of our old Christmas gambols;
no, not so much as choosing king and queen on
twelfth night: such was the dulness of our pleasures,—for
that one word fines robbed us of all
our fine pastimes.
This sour-faced Christmas thus unpleasantly past
over, up again we trotted to London, in a great frost,
I remember, for the ground was as hard as the lawyer’s
conscience; and arriving at the luxurious Strand
some three days before the term, we inquired for
our bountiful landlord, or the fool in the full, at
his neat and curious lodging; but answer was
made us by an old chamber-maid, that our gentleman
slept not there all the Christmas time, but
had been at court, and at least in five masques;
marry, now, as she thought, we might find him at
master Poops his ordinary, with half-a-dozen of
gallants more at dice. At dice? at the devil! quoth
I, for that is a dicer’s last throw. Here I began to
rail, like Thomas Nash[783] against Gabriel Harvey,
if you call that railing; yet I think it was but the
running a tilt of wits in booksellers’ shops on both
sides of John of Paul’s[784] churchyard; and I wonder
how John scaped unhorsing. But when we were
579entered the door of the ordinary, we might hear
our lusty gentleman shoot off a volley of oaths some
three rooms over us, cursing the dice, and wishing
the pox were in their bones, crying out for a new
pair of square ones, for the other belike had cogged[785]
with him and made a gull of him. When the host
of the ordinary coming down stairs met us with
this report, after we had named him, Troth, good
fellows, you have named now the most unfortunatest
gentleman living, at passage[786] I mean; for I
protest I have stood by myself as a heavy eye-witness,
and seen the beheading of five hundred crowns,
and what pitiful end they all made. With that he
shewed us his embost girdle and hangers[787] new-pawned
for more money, and told us beside, not
without tears, his glorious cloak was cast away
three hours before overboard, which was, off the table.
At which lamentable hearing, we stood still in the
lower room, and durst not venture up stairs, for
fear he would have laid all us ploughmen to pawn
too; and yet I think all we could scarce have made
up one throw. But to draw to an end, as his patrimony
did, we had not lingered the better part of
an hour, but down came fencing[788] his glittering
rapier and dagger, as if he had been newly shoulder-clapt
by a pewter-buttoned sergeant and his weapons
seized upon. At last, after a great peal of
oaths on all sides, the court broke up, and the worshipful
580bench of dicers came thundering down stairs,
some singing, with such a confusion of humours,
that had we not[789] known before what rank of gallants
they were, we should have thought the devils
had been at dice in an ordinary. The first that
appeared to us was our most lamentable landlord,
dressed up in his monkey’s livery-cloak, that he
seemed now rather to wait upon his monkey than
his monkey upon him, which did set forth his satin
suit so excellent scurvily, that he looked for all
the world like a French lord in dirty boots. When
casting his eye upon us, being desirous, as it
seemed, to remember us now if we had any money,
brake into these fantastical speeches: What, my
whole warren of tenants?—thinking indeed to make
conies[790] of us,—my honest nest of ploughmen, the
only kings of Kent! More dice, ho! i’faith,[791] let’s
have another career, and vomit three dice in a
hand again. With that I plucked his humour at
one side, and told him we were indeed his father’s
tenants, but his we were sorry we were not; and
as for money to maintain his dice, we had not sufficient
to stuff out the lawyer. Then replied our
gallant in a rage, tossing out two or three new-minted
oaths, These ploughmen are politicians, I
think; they have wit, the whorsons; they will be
tenants, I perceive, longer than we shall be landlords.
And fain he would have swaggered with us,
but that his weapons were at pawn: so, marching
out like a turned gentleman, the rest of the gallants
seemed to cashier him, and throw him out of their
company like a blank die—the one having no black
581peeps[792], nor he no white pieces. Now was our
gallant the true picture of the prodigal; and having
no rents to gather now, he gathered his wits about
him, making his brain pay him revenues in villany;
for it is a general observation, that your sons and
heirs prove seldom wise men till they have no more
land than the compass of their noddles. To conclude,
within few days’ practice he was grown as[793]
absolute in cheating, and as exquisite in pandarism,
that he outstripped all Greene’s books[794]Of the Art
of Cony-catching; and where[795] before he maintained
his drab, he made his drab now maintain him;
proved the only true captain of vaulting-houses,[796]
and the valiant champion against constables and
searchers; feeding upon the sin of White-Friars,
Pict-hatch, and Turnboll Street.[797] Nay, there was
no landed novice now but he could melt him away
into nothing, and in one twelvemonth make him hold
all his land between his legs, and yet but straddle
easily neither; no wealthy son of the city but within
less than a quarter he could make all his stock not
worth a Jersey stocking: he was all that might be
in dissolute villany, and nothing that should be in
his forefathers’ honesty. To speak troth, we did
so much blush at his life, and were so ashamed of
his base courses, that ever after we loathed to look
after them. But returning to our stubble-haired
lawyer, who reaped his beard every term-time (the
lawyer’s harvest), we found the mercer and the
582merchant crowdd in his study amongst a company
of law-books, which they justled so often with their
coxcombs, that they were almost together by the
ears with them; when at the sight of us they took
an habeas corpus, and removed their bodies into a
bigger room. But there we lingered not long for
our torments; for the mercer and the merchant
gave fire to the lawyer’s tongue with a rope of
angels,[798] and the word fines went off with such a
powder, that the force of it blew us all into the
country, quite changed our ploughmen’s shapes,
and so we became little ants again.
This, madam Nightingale, is the true discourse
of our rural fortunes, which, how miserable,
wretched, and full of oppression they were, all
husbandmen’s brows can witness, that are fined
with more sweat still year by year; and I hope a
canzonet of your sweet singing will set them forth
to the world in satirical harmony.
The remorseful[799] nightingale, delighted with the
ant’s quaint discourse, began to tune the instrument
of her voice, breathing forth these lines in sweet
and delicious airs.
The Nightingale’s Canzonet.
Poor little ant,
Thou shalt not want
The ravish’d music of my voice!
Thy shape is best,
Now thou art least,
For great ones fall with greater noise:
583And this shall be the marriage of my song,
Small bodies can have but a little wrong.
Now thou art securer,
And thy days far surer;
Thou pay’st no rent upon the rack,
To daub a prodigal landlord’s back,
Or to maintain the subtle running
Of dice and drabs, both one in cunning;
Both pass from hand to hand to many,
Flattering all, yet false to any;
Both are well link’d, for, throw dice how you can,
A happy state, because thou fought’st ’gainst men.
Prithee, discourse thy fortunes, state, and harms;
Thou wast, no doubt, a mighty man-at-arms.
The Ant’s Tale when he was a soldier.
Then thus, most musical and prickle-singing[805]
madam (for, if I err not, your ladyship was the first
585that brought up prick-song,[806] being nothing else but
the fatal notes of your pitiful ravishment), I, not
contented long, a vice cleaving to all worldlings,
with this little estate of an ant, but stuffed with
envy and ambition, as small as I was, desired to
venture into the world again, which I may rather
term the upper hell or frigida gehenna, the cold-charitable
hell, wherein are all kind of devils too;
as your gentle devil, your ordinary devil, and your
gallant devil; and all these can change their shapes
too, as to-day in cowardly white, to-morrow in politic
black, a third day in jealous yellow; for believe
it, sweet lady, there are devils of all colours. Nevertheless,
I, covetous of more change, leapt out of
this little skin of an ant, and hung my skin on the
hedge, taking upon me the grisly shape of a dusty
soldier. Well made I was, and my limbs valiantly
hewn out for the purpose: I had a mazzard,[807] I
remember, so well lined in the inside with my
brain, it stood me in better stead than a double
headpiece; for the brain of a soldier, differing from
all other sciences, converts itself to no other[808] use
but to line, fur, and even quilt the coxcomb, and so
makes a pate of proof: my face was well leavened,
which made my looks taste sour, the true relish of
a man of war; my cheeks dough-baked, pale, wan,
and therefore argued valour and resolution; but
my nose somewhat hard-baked, and a little burnt
in the oven, a property not amiss in a soldier’s
visage, who should scorn to blush but in his nose;
my chin was well thatched with a beard, which was a
necessary shelter in winter, and a fly-flap in summer,
586so brushy and spreading, that my lips could
scarce be seen to walk abroad, but played at all-hid,
and durst not peep forth for starting a hair. To
conclude, my arms, thighs, and legs, were so sound,
stout, and weighty, as if they had come all out of
the timber-yard, that my very presence only was
able to still the bawlingest infant in Europe. And
I think, madam, this was no unlikely shape for a
soldier to prove well; here was mettle enough for
four shillings a-week to do valiant service till it
was bored as full of holes as a skimmer. Well, to
the wars I betook me, ranked myself amongst desperate
hot shots,—only my carriage put on more
civility, for I seemed more like a spy than a follower,
an observer rather than a committer of villany.
And little thought I, madam, that the camp
had been supplied with harlots too as well as the
Curtain,[809] and the guarded tents as wicked as garden
tenements;[810] trulls passing to and fro in the
washed shape of laundresses, as your bawds about
London in the manner of starchwomen, which is
the most unsuspected habit that can be to train out
a mistress. And if your ladyship will not think me
much out of the way though I take a running leap
from the camp to the Strand again, I will discover
a pretty knavery of the same breeding between
such a starchwoman and a kind wanton mistress;
as there are few of those balassed vessels now-a-days
but will have a love and a husband.
The woman crying her ware by the door (a most
pitiful cry, and a[811] lamentable hearing that such a
stiff thing as starch should want customers), passing
587cunningly and slily by the stall,[812] not once taking
notice of the party you wot on, but being by this
some three or four shops off, Mass, quoth my young
mistress to the weathercock her husband, such a
thing I want, you know: then she named how many
puffs and purls[813] lay in a miserable case for want
of stiffening. The honest plain-dealing jewel her
husband sent out a boy to call her (not bawd by
her right name, but starchwoman): into the shop
she came, making a low counterfeit curtsey, of
whom the mistress demanded if the starch were
pure gear,[814] and would be stiff in her ruff, saying
she had often been deceived before, when the things
about her have stood as limber as eelskins. The
woman replied as subtilely, Mistress, quoth she,
take this paper of starch of my hand; and if it
prove not to your mind, never bestow penny with
me,—which paper, indeed, was a letter sent to her
from the gentleman her exceeding favourite. Say
you so? quoth the young dame, and I’ll try it, i’faith.
With that she ran up stairs like a spinner upon
small cobweb ropes, not to try or arraign the starch,
but to conster[815] and parse the letter (whilst her
husband sat below by the counter, like one of these
brow-bitten catchpolls that wait for one man all
day, when his wife can put five in the counter
before him), wherein she found many words that
pleased her. Withal the gentleman writ unto her
for a certain sum of money, which no sooner was
read, but was ready to be sent: wherefore, laying
up the starch and that, and taking another sheet
588of clean paper in her hand, wanting time and opportunity
to write at large, with a penful of ink, in
the very middle of the sheet, writ these few quaint
monosyllables, Coin, Cares, and Cures, and all C’s
else are yours. Then rolling up the white money
like the starch in that paper very subtilely and artificially,
came tripping down stairs with these colourable
words, Here’s goodly starch indeed! fie, fie!—trust
me, husband, as yellow as the jaundice; I
would not have betrayed my puffs with it for a
million:—here, here, here (giving her the paper of
money). With that the subtle starchwoman, seeming
sorry that it pleased her not, told her, within
few days she would fit her turn with that which
should like[816] her; meaning indeed more such sweet
news from her lover. These and such like, madam,
are the cunning conveyances[817] of secret, privy, and
therefore unnoted harlots, that so avoid the common
finger of the world, when less committers than
they are publicly pointed at.
So likewise in the camp, whither now I return,
borne on the swift wings of apprehension, the habit
of a laundress shadows the abomination of a strumpet;
and our soldiers are like glovers, for the one
cannot work well, nor the other fight well, without
their wenches. This was the first mark of villany
that I found sticking upon the brow of war; but
after the hot and fiery copulation of a skirmish or
two, the ordnance playing like so many Tamburlaines,[818]
the muskets and calivers answering like
drawers, Anon, anon, sir,[819] I cannot be here and
there too,—that is, in the soldier’s hand and in the
589enemy’s belly, I grew more acquainted, and, as it
were, entered into the entrails of black-livered policy.
Methought, indeed, at first, those great pieces
of ordnance should speak English, though now by
transportation turned rebels: and what a miserable
and pitiful plight it was, lady, to have so many
thousands of our men slain by their own countrymen
the cannons,—I mean not the harmless canons
of Paul’s, but those cannons that have a great singing
in their heads! Well, in this onset I remember I
was well smoke-dried, but neither arm nor leg
perished, not so much as the loss of a petty finger;
for when I counted them all over, I missed not one
of them; and yet sometimes the bullets came within
a hair of my coxcomb, even like a barber scratching
my pate, and perhaps took away the left limb of a
vermin, and so departed; another time shouldering
me like a bailiff against Michaelmas-term, and then
shaking me by the sleeve as familiarly as if we had
been acquainted seven years together. To conclude,
they used me very courteously and gentlemanlike
awhile; like an old cunning bowler to fetch
in a young ketling[820] gamester, who will suffer him
to win one sixpenny-game at the first, and then
lurch him in six pounds afterward: and so they
played with me, still training me, with their fair
promises, into far deeper and deadlier battles,
where, like villanous cheating bowlers, they lurched
me of two of my best limbs, viz. my right arm and
right leg, that so, of a man of war, I became in shew
a monster of war; yet comforted in this, because I
knew war begot many such monsters as myself in
less than a twelvemonth. Now I could discharge
no more, having paid the shot dear enough, I think,
590but rather desired to be discharged, to have pay
and begone: whereupon I appeared to my captain
and other commanders, kissing my left hand, which
then stood for both (like one actor that plays two
parts), who seemed to pity my unjointed fortunes
and plaster my wounds up with words, told me I
had done valiant service in their knowledge; marry,
as for pay, they must go on the score with me, for
all their money was thumped out in powder: and
this was no pleasing salve for a green sore, madam;
’twas too much for me, lady, to trust calivers with
my limbs, and then cavaliers with my money.
Nevertheless, for all my lamentable action of one
arm, like old Titus Andronicus,[821] I could purchase
no more than one month’s pay for a ten months’
pain and peril, nor that neither, but to convey
away my miserable clamours, that lay roaring
against the arches of their ears, marry, their bountiful
favours were extended thus far,—I had a
passport to beg in all countries.
Well, away I was packed; and after a few miseries
by the way, at last I set one foot into England
again (for I had no more then to set), being my
native though unnatural country, for whose dear
good I pawned my limbs to bullets, those merciless
brokers, that will take the vantage of a minute;
and so they were quite forfeited, lost, and unrecoverable.
When I was on shore, the people gathered,—which
word gathering put me in hope of
591good comfort, that afterward I failed of; for I
thought at first they had gathered something for
me, but I found at last they did only but gather
about me; some wondering at me, as if I had been
some sea-monster cast ashore, some jesting at my
deformity, whilst others laughed at the jests: one
amongst them, I remember, likened me to a sea-crab,
because I went all of one side; another fellow
vied it,[822] and said I looked like a rabbit cut up and
half-eaten, because my wing and leg, as they termed
it, were departed. Some began to pity me, but
those were few in number, or at least their pity
was as pennyless as Pierce,[823] who writ to the devil
for maintenance. Thus passing from place to place,
like the motion[824] of Julius Cæsar or the City Nineveh,
though not altogether in so good clothes, I
overtook the city from whence I borrowed my first
breath, and in whose defence I spent and laid out
my limbs by whole sums to purchase her peace
and happiness, nothing doubting but to be well
entreated[825] there, my grievous maims tenderly regarded,
my poor broken estate carefully repaired,
the ruins of my blood built up again with redress
and comfort: but woe the while, madam! I was
not only unpitied, succourless, and rejected, but
threatened with the public stocks, loathsome jails,
and common whipping-posts, there to receive my
592pay—a goodly reward for my[826] bleeding service—if
I were once found in the city again.
Wherefore I was forced to retire towards the
Spital and Shoreditch, which, as it appeared, was
the only Cole-harbor[827] and sanctuary for wenches
and soldiers; where I took up a poor lodging a’
trust till the Sunday, hoping that then master Alms
and mistress Charity would walk abroad and take
the air in Finsbury. At which time I came hopping
out from my lodging, like old lame Giles of Cripplegate;
but when I came there, the wind blew so
bleak and cold, that I began to be quite out of hope
of charity; yet, like a torn map of misery, I waited
my single halfpenny fortunes; when, of a sudden,
turning myself about, and looking down the Windmill-hill,
I might espy afar off a fine-fashioned dame
of the city, with her man bound by indenture before
her; whom no sooner I caught in mine eyelids, but
I made to with all possible speed, and with a premeditated
speech for the nonce,[828] thus, most soldier-like,
I accosted her: Sweet lady, I beseech your
beauty to weigh the estate of a poor unjointed soldier,
that hath consumed the moiety, or the one-half
of his limbs, in the dismembering and devouring
wars, that have[829] cheated me of my flesh so
notoriously, I protest I am not worth at this instant
the small revenue of three farthings, beside my
lodging unpleased[830] and my diet unsatisfied; and
had I ten thousand limbs, I would venture them all
in your sweet quarrel, rather than such a beauty as
yourself should want the least limb of your desire.
593With that, as one being rather moved by my last
words of promise than my first words of pity, she
drew her white bountiful hand out of her marry-muff,[831]
and quoited a single halfpenny; whereby I
knew her then to be cold mistress Charity, both by
her chill appearance and the hard, frozen pension
she gave me. She was warm[832] lapt, I remember,
from the sharp injury of the biting air; her visage
was benighted with a taffeta-mask, to fray away
the naughty wind from her face, and yet her very
nose seemed so sharp with cold, that it almost
bored a hole quite through: this was frost-bitten
Charity; her teeth chattered in her head, and leaped
up and down like virginal-jacks[833] which betrayed
likewise who she was: and you would have broke
into infinite laughter, madam (though misery made
me leaden and pensive), had you been present, to
have seen how quickly the muff swallowed her hand
again; for no sooner was it drawn forth to drop
down her pitiful alms, but, for fear the sun and air
should have ravished it, it was extempore whipt up
again. This is the true picture of Charity, madam,
which is as cold as ice in the middle of July.
Well, still I waited for another fare; but then I
bethought myself again, that all the fares went by
water a’ Sundays to the bear-baiting,[834] and a’ Mondays
to Westminster-hall; and therefore little to be
looked for in Moorfields all the week long: wherefore
I sat down by the rails there, and fell into
these passionate,[835] but not railing speeches: Is this
the farthest reward for a soldier? are[836] valour and
594resolution, the two champions of the soul, so slightly
esteemed and so basely undervalued? doth reeling
Fortune not only rob us of our limbs, but of our
living? are soldiers, then, both food for cannon and
for misery? But then, in the midst of my passion,
calling to memory the peevish turns[837] of many
famous popular gallants, whose names were writ
even upon the heart of the world—it could not so
much as think without them, nor speak but in the
discourse of them—I began to outdare the very
worst of cruel and disaster chances, and determined
to be constant in calamity, and valiant against the
battering siege of misery. But note the cross star
that always dogged my fortunes: I had not long
rested there, but I saw the tweering[838] constable of
Finsbury, with his bench of brown-bill-men,[839] making
towards me, meaning indeed to stop some prison-hole
with me, as your soldiers, when the wars have
done with them, are good for nothing else but to
stop holes withal; at which sight, I scrambled up
of[840] all two, took my skin off the hedge, cozened
the constable, and slipt[841] into an ant again.
There had been hope t’ have swept up all agen;[844]
But a lank scholar! study how you can,
No academe makes a rich alderman.
Well, with this comfort yet thou may’st discourse,
When fates are worst, then they can be no worse.
The Ant’s Tale when he was a scholar.
You speak oracle, madam; and now suppose,
sweet lady, you see me set forth, like a poor
scholar, to the university, not on horseback, but
in Hobson’s waggon,[845] and all my pack contained
in less than a little hood-box, my books not above
four in number, and those four were very needful
ones too, or else they had never been bought; and
yet I was the valiant captain of a grammar-school
before I went, endured the assault and battery of
many unclean lashes, and all the battles I was in
stood upon points[846] much, which, once let down,
the enemy the schoolmaster would come rearward,
and do such an exploit ’tis a shame to be talked
597of. By this time, madam, imagine me slightly entertained
to be a poor scholar and servitor to some
Londoner’s son, a pure cockney, that must hear
twice a-week from his mother, or else he will be
sick ere the Sunday of a university-mulligrub.
Such a one, I remember, was my first puling
master, by whose peevish service I crept into an
old battler’s[847] gown, and so began to be a jolly
fellow. There was the first point of wit I shewed
in learning to keep myself warm; to the confirming
of which, you shall never take your true philosophers
without two nightcaps at once and better,
a gown of rug with the like appurtenances; and
who be your wise men, I pray, but they? Now,
as for study and books, I had the use of my young
master’s; for he was all day a courtier in the tennis-court,
tossing of balls instead of books, and only
holding disputation with the court-keeper how
many dozen he was in; and when any friend of
his would remember him to his book with this old
moth-eaten sentence, nulla dies sine linea, True, he
would say, I observe it well, for I am no day from
the line of the racket-court. Well, in the meantime,
I kept his study warm, and sucked the honey
of wit from the flowers of Aristotle—steeped my
brain in the smart juice of logic, that subtle virtue,—and
yet, for all my weighty and substantial arguments,
being able indeed to prove any thing by
logic, I could prove myself never the richer, make
the best syllogism I could: no, although I daily
rose before the sun, talked and conversed with
midnight, killing many a poor farthing candle, that
sometimes was ungently put to death when it might
have lived longer, but most times living out the
598full course and hour, and the snuff dying naturally
in his bed. Nevertheless, I had entered as yet
but the suburbs of a scholar, and sat but upon the
skirts of learning: full often I have sighed when
others have snorted; and when baser trades have
securely rested in their linens, I have forced mine
eyes open, and even gagged them with capital letters,
stretching them upon the tenters of a broad
text-line when night and sleep have hung pound
weights of lead upon my eyelids.
How many such black and ghastly seasons have
I passed over, accompanied only with a demure
watching-candle, that blinked upon Aristotle’s
works, and gave even sufficient glimmering to read
by, but none to spare! Hitherto my hopes grew
comfortable upon the spreading branches of art
and learning, rather promising future advancement
than empty days and penurious scarcity. But shall
I tell you, lady? O, here let me sigh out a full
point, and take my leave of all plenteous hours
and wealthy hopes! for in the spring of all my
perfections, in the very pride and glory of all my
labours, I was unfruitfully led to the lickerish study
of poetry, that sweet honey-poison, that swells a
supple scholar with unprofitable sweetness and delicious
false conceits, until he burst into extremities
and become a poetical almsman, or at the most, one
of the Poor Knights of Poetry, worse by odds than
one of the Poor Knights of Windsor. Marry, there
was an age once, but, alas, long since dead and
rotten, whose dust lies now in lawyers’ sand-boxes!
in those golden days, a virtuous writer might have
lived, maintained himself better upon poems than
many upon ploughs, and might have expended more
by the year by the revenue of his verse than any riotous
elder brother upon the wealthy quartridges of
599three times three hundred acres, according to the
excellent report of these lines:
There was a golden age—who murder’d it?
How died that age, or what became of it?
Then poets, by divinest alchemy,
Did turn their ink to gold; kings in that time
Hung jewels at the ear of every rhyme.
But O, those days are wasted! and behold
The golden age that was is coin’d to gold:
And why Time now is call’d an iron man,
Or this an iron-age, ’tis thus exprest,—
The golden age lies in an iron chest:
Or,
Gold lies now as prisoner in an usurer’s great
iron-barred chest, where the prison-grates are the
locks and the key-holes, but so closely mewed, or
rather dammed up, that it never looks to walk
abroad again, unless there chance to come a speedy
rot among usurers,—for I fear me the piddling gout
will never make them away soon enough; for your
rank money-masters live their threescore and ten
years as orderly as many honester men: and it is
great pity, lady Philomel, that the gout should be
such a long courtier in a usurer’s great toe, revelling
and domineering above thirty years together
in his rammish blood and his fusty flesh; and I
wonder much, madam, that gold, being the spirit
of the Indies, can couch so basely under wood
and iron, two dull slaves, and not muster up his
legion of angels,[848] burst through the wide bulk of
a coffer, and so march into bountiful and liberal
600bosoms, shake hands with virtuous gentlemen, industrious
spirits, and true-deserving worthies, detesting
the covetous clutches and loathsome fangs
of a goat-bearded usurer, a sable-soul[ed] broker,
and an infectious law-fogger.
O, but I chide in vain! for gold wants eyes,
And, like a whore, cares not with whom it lies.
Yet that which makes me most admire his baseness
are these verses following, wherein he proudly
sets forth his own glory, which he vaunts so much
of, that I shame to think any ignoble spirit or
copper disposition should fetter his smooth golden
limbs in boisterous and sullen iron, but rather be
let free to every virtuous, and therefore poor
scholar (for poverty is niece to virtue); so should
each elegant poem be truly valued, and divine
Poesy sit crowned in gold, as she ought, where[849]
now she only sits with a paper on her head, as if
she had committed some notorious trespass, either
for railing against some brawling lawyer, or calling
some justice of peace a wise man; and how magnificently
Gold sings of his own fame and glory,
these his own verses shall stand for witnesses:—
Know, I am Gold,
The richest spirit that breathes in earth or hell,
The soul of kingdoms, and the stamp of souls;
Bright angels[850] wear my livery, sovereign kings
With liberal[853] tongues and desperate-fighting spirits,
That wrestle with the arms of voice and air;
And lest they should be out, or faint, or cold,
Their innocent clients hist them on with gold:
What holy churchman’s not accounted even,
That prays three times to me ere once to heaven?
Then to let shine the radiance of my birth,
I am th’ enchantment both in hell and earth.
Here’s golden majesty enough, I trow! and, Gold,
art thou so powerful, so mighty, and yet snaffled
with a poor padlock? O base drudge, and too
unworthy of such an angel-like form! much like
a fair sleek-faced courtier, without either wit or
virtue; thou that throwest the earthen bowl of
the world, with the bias the wrong way, to peasantry,
baseness, ingentility, and never givest desert
his due, or shakest thy yellow wings in a
scholar’s study! But why do I lose myself in
seeking thee, when thou art found of few but illiterate
hinds, rude boors, and hoary penny-fathers,[854]
that keep thee in perpetual durance, in vaults under
false boards, subtle-contrived walls, and in horrible
dark dungeons bury thee most unchristian-like,
without amen, or the least noise of a priest or
clerk, and make thee rise again at their pleasures
many a thousand time before doomsday; and yet
602will not all this move thee once to forsake them,
and keep company with a scholar that truly knows
how to use thee?
By this time I had framed an elaborate poetical
building—a neat, choice, and curious poem,—the
first-fruits of my musical-rhyming study, which
was dispersed into a quaint volume fairly bound
up in principal vellum, double-filleted with leaf-gold,
strung most gentlemanlike with carnation silk
riband; which book, industriously heaped with
weighty conceits, precious phrases, and wealthy
numbers, I, Oliver Hubburd, in the best fashion
I might, presented to Sir Christopher Clutchfist,
whose bountiful virtue I blaze in my first epistle.[855]
The book he entertained but, I think, for the cover’s
sake, because it made such a goodly show on the
backside: and some two days after, returning for
my remuneration, I might espy—O lamentable
sight, madam!—my book dismembered very tragically;
the cover ript off, I know not for what
purpose, and the carnation silk strings pulled out
and placed in his Spanish-leather shoes; at which
ruthful prospect I fell down and sounded;[856] and
when I came to myself again, I was an ant, and so
ever since I have kept me.
Nightingale.
There keep thee still;
Since all are ill,
Venture no more;
’Tis better be a little ant
Than a great man and live in want,
And still deplore:
603So rest thee now
From sword, book, or plough.
By this the day began to spring,
And seize upon her watchful eyes,
When more tree-quiristers did sing,
And every bird did wake and rise:
Which was no sooner seen and heard,
But all their pretty chat was marr’d;
And then she said,
We are betray’d,
The day is up, and all the birds
And they abroad will blab our words.
With that she bade the ants farewell,
And all they likewise Philomel:
Away she flew,
Crying Tereu!
And all the industrious ants in throngs
Fell to their work and held their tongues.
605
APPENDIX.
THE TRIUMPHS
OF
HONOUR AND INDUSTRY.
607The Tryumphs of Honor and Industry. A Solemnity performed
through the City, at Confirmation and establishment of the
Right Honorable, George Bowles, In the Office of his Maiesties
Lieuetenant, the Lord Mayor of the famous Citty of London.
Taking beginning at his Lordships going, and proceeding after
his Returne from receiuing the Oath of Maioralty at Westminster,
on the morrow next after Simon and Judes day October 29. 1617.
London, Printed by Nicholas Okes. 1617. 4to.
It was not until the earlier portion of the present volume
had been printed, that I was able to procure the (unique)
4to of this pageant.
In the Account of Middleton and his Works, p. xxi., I have
given some extracts from the Grocers’ Company’s accounts
relating to this piece, in which mention is made of “The
Pageant of Nations, the Iland, the Indian chariot, the Castle
of Fame, trymming the Shipp, with all the several beastes which
drew them:” and I may now add from the same document;
“Payde for 50 sugar loaves, 36 lb. of nutmeggs, 24 lb. of dates, and 114 lb. of ginger, which were throwen about the streetes by those which sate on the griffyns and camells
£.
s.
d.
5
7
8.”
Heath’s Acc. of the Worship. Comp. of Grocers, p. 331.
but Middleton makes no mention either of the ship or the
animals.
609To the worthy deserver of all the costs and triumphs
which the noble Society of Grocers in bounteous
measure bestow on him, the Right HonourableGeorge Bowles,[857]Lord Mayor of the famous City
of London.
Right Honourable,
Out of the slightest labours and employments
there may that virtue sometimes arise that
may enlighten the best part of man. Nor have these
kind of triumphs an idle relish, especially if they be
artfully accomplished: under such an esteemed slightness
may often lurk that fire that may shame the
best perfection. For instance, what greater means
for the imitation of virtue and nobleness can any
where present itself with more alacrity to the beholder,
than the memorable fames of those worthies
in the Castle, manifested by their escutcheons of
arms, the only symbols of honour and antiquity?
The honourable seat that is reserved, all men have
hope that your justice and goodness will exactly
merit; to the honour of which I commend your
lordship’s virtues, remaining,
At your Honour’s service,
T. M.
611THE TRIUMPHS
OF
HONOUR AND INDUSTRY.
It hath been twice my fortune in short time to have
employment for this noble Society, where I have
always met with men of much understanding, and
no less bounty; to whom cost appears but as a
shadow, so there be fulness of content in the performance
of the solemnity; which that the world
may judge of, for whose pleasure and satisfaction
custom hath yearly framed it, but chiefly for the
honour of the City, it begins to present itself, not
without form and order, which is required in the
meanest employment.
The first invention.
A company of Indians, attired according to the
true nature of their country, seeming for the most
part naked, are set at work in an Island of growing
spices; some planting nutmeg-trees, some other spice-trees
of all kinds; some gathering the fruits, some
making up bags of pepper; every one severally employed.
These Indians are all active youths, who,
ceasing in their labours, dance about the trees, both
to give content to themselves and the spectators.
After this show of dancing Indians in the Island,
follows triumphantly a rich personage presenting India,
612the seat of merchandise. This India sits on the top
of an illustrious chariot; on the one side of her sits
Traffic or Merchandise, on the other side Industry,
both fitted and adorned according to the property
of their natures; Industry holding a golden ball in
her hand, upon which stands a Cupid, signifying that
industry gets both wealth and love, and, with her
associate Traffic or Merchandise, who holds a globe
in her hand, knits love and peace amongst all nations:
to the better expressing of which, if you give
attention to Industry that now sets forward to speak,
it will be yours more exactly.
The speech ofIndustryin the Chariot.
I was jealous of the shadowing of my grace,
But that I know this is my time and place.
Where has not Industry a noble friend?
In this assembly even the best extend
Their grace and love to me, joy’d or amaz’d:
Who of true fame possess’d, but I have rais’d,
And after added honours to his days?
For Industry is the life-blood of praise:
To rise without me, is to steal to glory;
And who so abject to leave such a story?
It is as clear as light, as bright as truth,
Fame waits their age whom Industry their youth.
Behold this ball of gold, upon which stands
A golden Cupid, wrought with curious hands;
The mighty power of Industry it shews,
That gets both wealth and love, which overflows
With such a stream of amity and peace,
Not only to itself adding increase,
But several nations where commerce abounds
Taste the harmonious peace so sweetly sounds;
For instance, let your gracious eye be fix’d
Upon a joy true though so strangely mix’d.
613And that you may take the better note of their
adornments,—India, whose seat is the most eminent,
for her expression holds in her hand a wedge of gold;
Traffic, her associate, a globe; Industry, a fair golden
ball in her hand, upon which stands a golden Cupid;
Fortune expressed with a silver wheel; Success
holding a painted ship in a haven; Wealth, a golden
key where her heart lies; Virtue bearing for her
manifestation a silver shield; Grace holding in her
hand a book; Perfection a crown of gold.
At which words, the Pageant of Several Nations,
which is purposely planted near the sound of the
words, moves with a kind of affectionate joy both at
the honour of the day’s triumph and the prosperity
of Love, which by the virtue of Traffic is likely ever
to continue; and for a good omen of the everlasting
continuance of it, on the top of this curious and
triumphant pageant shoots up a laurel-tree, the
leaves spotted with gold, about which sit six celestial
figures, presenting Peace, Prosperity, Love, Unity,
Plenty, and Fidelity: Peace holding a branch of
palm; Prosperity, a laurel; Love, two joined hands;
Unity, two turtles; Plenty holding fruits; Fidelity,
a silver anchor. But before I entered so far, I should
have shewed you the zeal and love of the Frenchman
and Spaniard, which now I hope will not appear
unseasonably; who, not content with a silent joy,
like the rest of the nations, have a thirst to utter
their gladness, though understood of a small number;
which is this:
The short speech delivered by the Frenchman in
French.
La multitude m’ayant monté sur ce haut lieu pour
contempler le glorieux triomphe de cette journée, je
614vois qu’en quelque sorte la noble dignité de la très
honorable Société des Grociers y est representée, dont
me jouissant par-dessous tous, je leur souhaite et à
Monseigneur le Maire le comble de toutes nobles et
heureuses fortunes.
The same in English.
It is my joy chiefly (and I stand for thousands),
to see the glory of this triumphant day, which in
some measure requites the noble worthiness of the
honourable Society of Grocers, to whom and to my
Lord Mayor I wish all good successes.
This Frenchman no sooner sets a period to his
speech, but the Spaniard, in zeal as virtuous as he,
utters himself to the purpose of these words:
The Spaniard’s speech in Spanish.
Ninguna de todas estas naciones concibe maior y
verdadera alegria en este triumfante y glorioso dia
que yo, no, ninguna de todas ellas, porque agora
que me parece, que son tan ricas, es senal que los de
my nacion en tratando con ellas receberan mayor
provecho dellas, al my senior Don Maior todas
buenas y dichosas fortunas, y a los de la honrada
Compania de Especieros dichosos desseos, y assi dios
guarde a my senior Don Maior, y rogo a dios que
todo el anno siguiente, puede ser tan dichoso como
esta entrada suya, a la dignidad de su senoria, guarde
dios a su senoria.
The same in English.
None of all these nations conceive more true joy
at this triumphant day than myself: to my Lord
Mayor all fair and noble fortunes, and to the worthy
Society of Grocers all happy wishes; and I pray
615heaven that all the year following may be as happy
and successful as this first entrance to your dignity.
This expression of their joy and love having spent
itself, I know you cannot part contented without
their several inscriptions: now the favour and help
must be in you to conceive our breadth and limits,
and not to think we can in these customary bounds
comprehend all the nations, but so many as shall
serve to give content to the understander; which
thus produce themselves:
An Englishman.
A Frenchman.
An Irishman.
A Spaniard.
A Turk.
A Jew.
A Dane.
A Polander.
A Barbarian.
A Russian or Muscovian.
This fully expressed, I arrive now at that part
of triumph which my desire ever hastened to come
to, this Castle of Fame or Honour, which Industry
brings her sons unto in their reverend ages.
In the front of this Castle, Reward and Industry,
decked in bright robes, keep a seat between them
for him to whom the day’s honour is dedicated,
shewing how many worthy sons of the City and of
the same Society have, by their truth, desert, and
industry, come to the like honour before him; where
on a sudden is shewn divers of the same right worshipful
Society of Grocers, manifested both by their
good government in their times, as also by their
escutcheons of arms, as an example and encouragement
616to all virtuous and industrious deservers in
time to come. And in honour of antiquity is shewn
that ancient and memorable worthy of the Grocers’
Company, Andrew Bockrill, who was mayor of
London the sixteenth year of Henry the Third, 1231,
and continued so mayor seven years together: likewise,
for the greater honour of the Company, is also
shewn in this Castle of Fame the noble Allen de la
Zouche, grocer, who was mayor of London the two-and-fiftieth
year of the same Henry the Third, which
Allen de la Zouche, for his good government in the
time of his mayoralty, was by the said King Henry
the Third made both a baron of this realm and lord
chief-justice of England: also that famous worthy,
sir Thomas Knolles, grocer, twice mayor of this honourable
city, which sir Thomas begun at his own
charge that famous building of Guildhall in London,
and other memorable works both in this city and in
his own Company; so much worthiness being the
lustre of this Castle, and ought indeed to be the
imitation of the beholder.
My lord no sooner approaches, but Reward, a
partner with Justice in keeping that seat of honour,
as overjoyed at the sight of him, appears too free
and forward in the resignation.
Reward.
Welcome to Fame’s bright Castle! take thy place;
This seat’s reserv’d to do thy virtues grace.
Justice.
True, but not yet to be possess’d. Hear me:
Justice must flow through him before that be;
Great works of grace must be requir’d and done
Before the honour of this seat be won.
617A whole year’s reverend care in righting wrongs,
And guarding innocence from malicious tongues,
Must be employ’d in virtue’s sacred right
Before this place be fill’d: ’tis no mean fight
That wins this palm; truth, and a virtuous care
Of the oppressèd, those the loadstones are
That will ’gainst envy’s power draw him forth
To take this merit in this seat of worth,
Where all the memorable worthies shine
In works of brightness able to refine
All the beholders’ minds, and strike new fire,
To kindle an industrious desire
To imitate their actions and their fame,
Which to this Castle adds that glorious name.
Wherefore, Reward, free as the air or light,
There must be merit, or our work’s not right.
Reward.
If there were any error, ’twas my love;
And if it be a fault to be too free,
Reward commits but once such heresy.
Howe’er, I know your worth will so extend,
Your fame will fill this seat at twelve months’ end.
About this Castle of Fame are placed many honourable
figures, as Truth, Antiquity, Harmony, Fame,
Desert, Good Works; on the top of the Castle,
Honour, Religion, Piety, Commiseration, the works
of those whose memories shine in this Castle.
If you look upon Truth first, you shall find her
properly expressed, holding in her right hand a sun,
in the other a fan of stars; Antiquity with a scroll
in her hand, as keeper of Honour’s records; Harmony
holding a golden lute, and Fame not without
her silver trumpet; for Desert, ’tis glorious through
618her own brightness, but holds nothing; Good Works
expressed with a college, or hospital.
On the top of the Castle, Honour manifested by
a fair star in his hand; Religion with a temple on
her head; Piety with an altar; Commiseration with
a melting or burning heart.
And, not to have our speakers forgotten, Reward
and Justice, with whom we entered this part of
Triumph, Reward holding a wreath of gold ready for
a deserver, and Justice furnished with her sword
and balance.
All this service is performed before the feast,
some in Paul’s Churchyard, some in Cheapside; at
which place the whole Triumph meets, both Castle
and Island, that gave delight upon the water. And
now, as duty binds me, I commend my lord and his
right honourable guess[858] to the solemn pleasure of
the feast, from whence, I presume, all epicurism is
banished; for where Honour is master of the feast,
Moderation and Gravity are always attendants.
The feast being ended at Guildhall, my lord, as
yearly custom invites him, goes, accompanied with
the Triumph, towards St. Paul’s, to perform the
noble and reverend ceremonies which divine antiquity
virtuously ordained, and is no less than faithfully
observed, which is no mean lustre to the City.
Holy service and ceremonies accomplished, he returns
by torchlight to his own house, the whole
Triumph placed in comely order before him; and
at the entrance of his gate, Honour, a glorious person,
from the top of the Castle, gives life to these
following words:
619The speech ofHonourfrom the top of the Castle, at the entrance of my Lord Mayor’s gate.
Honour.
There is no human glory or renown,
But have their evening and their sure sun-setting;
Which shews that we should upward seek our crown,
And make but use of time for our hope’s bettering:
So, to be truly mindful of our own,
Is to perform all parts of good in one.
The close of this triumphant day is come,
And Honour stays to bid you welcome home:
All I desire for my grace and good
Is but to be remember’d in your blood,
With honour to accomplish the fair time
Which power hath put into your hands. A crime
As great as ever came into sin’s band
I do entitle a too-sparing hand:
Nothing deads honour more than to behold
Plenty coop’d up, and bounty faint and cold,
Which ought to be the free life of the year;
For bounty ’twas ordain’d to make that clear,
Which is the light of goodness and of fame,
And puts by honour from the cloud of shame.
Great cost and love hath nobly been bestow’d
Upon thy triumph, which this day hath shew’d;
Embrace ’em in thy heart, till times afford
Fuller expression. In one absolute word,
All the content that ever made man blest,
This Triumph done, make a triumphant breast!
No sooner the speech is ended but the Triumph
is dissolved, and not possible to scape the hands of
the defacer; things that, for their quaintness (I dare
so far commend them), have not been usually seen
620through the City; the credit of which workmanship
I must justly lay upon the deserts of master Rowland
Bucket, chief master of the work; yet not forgetting
the faithful care and industry of my well-approved
friend, master Henry Wilde, and master Jacob
Challoner,[859] partners in the business.
The season cuts me off; and after this day’s
trouble I am as willing to take my rest.
3. Before Sir Oliver Twilight’s house] There is nothing in this
scene to assist us in determining where it takes place. Perhaps
I have not marked it rightly; but the location now given
to it seems, on the whole, to be that which is least objectionable.
4. his affected mistress] i.e. the mistress whom he affects.
6. See where he comes] I possess a copy of this play, which
seems to have been used by the prompter towards the end of
the 17th century, several passages being altered, and many
marked for omission. As a specimen of the former, the
present speech will suffice:
“See where he comes, as melancholly and angry as a looseing
Bully of Marribone.”
14. May-butter] “If during the moneth of May before you
salt your butter you saue a lumpe thereof, and put it into a
vessell, and so set it into the Sun the space of that moneth,
you shall finde it exceeding soueraigne and medicinable for
wounds, straines, aches, and such like grievances.” G. Markham’s
English Housewife, p. 199, ed. 1637.
16. Thanks, good, &c.] Makes in old ed. a portion of Jane’s
speech.
17. Dowland’s Lacrymæ] “Lachrimæ or seaven Teares figured
in seaven passionate Pauans, with divers other Pauans, Galiards,
and Almands, set forth for the Lute, Viols, or Violons,
in five Parts,” was a very popular musical work, composed by
John Dowland, a celebrated lutanist.
35. Philip] After this word old ed. gives a stage-direction
“Enter Philip,” though it has previously marked his entrance
at the commencement of the scene.
36. Pist] i. e. Hist: compare vol. ii. p. 460.—Old ed. “Pish.”
37. ye] Old ed. “you”—but this line was meant to rhyme
with the next.
51. squat] Jamieson (Sup. to Et. Dict. of Scot. Lang.) gives
“Squat, to strike with the open hand, particularly on the
breech,” in which sense the word seems to be used above.
52. Beholding] i. e. Beholden—a form of the word frequent
in old writers.
62. banquet] Equivalent (as I have already observed, see note,
vol. iii. p. 252,) to what we now call a dessert. G. Markham,
in his English Housewife, has the following passage. “I will
now proceed to the ordering or setting forth of a Banquet,
wherein you shall observe, that Marchpanes have the first
place, the middle place and last place; your preserved fruits
shall be dish’d up first, your pastes next, your wet Suckets
after them, then your dryed Suckets, then your Marmalades,
and Goodiniakes, then your Comfets of all kindes; Next your
Peares, Apples, Wardens back’d, raw or rosted, and your
Orenges and Lemons sliced; and lastly, your Wafer-cakes.
Thus you shall order them in the closet: but when they goe
to the Table, you shall first send forth a dish made for shew
only, as Beast, Bird, Fish, Fowle, according to the invention:
then your Marchpane, then preserved fruite, then a Paste,
then a wet Sucket, then a dry Sucket, Marmalade, Comfets,
Apples, Peares, Wardens, Orenges and Lemons, sliced; and
then Wafers, and another dish of preserved fruites, and so
consequently all the rest before, no two dishes of one kinde
going or standing together, and this will not onely appeare
delicate to the eye, but invite the appetite with the much
variety thereof.” P. 136, ed. 1637.
63. Take no care for me, widow] I may just observe, that this
speech of Weatherwise, and his next speech but one, “By the
mass,” &c., seem to have been intended for blank verse; and
probably are somewhat corrupted.
108. Make clear the weather] The words of mistress Low-water
to Beveril: see above.
109. Act III.] I am not responsible (as in some other of Middleton’s
dramas) for the division of this play into acts; which
I notice on account of the comparative shortness of the present
act.
116. Pond’s Almanac] The following is the title of the earliest
Pond’s Almanac I have met with,—“Ponde. 1607. A President
for Prognosticators. A new Almanacke for this present
yeare of our Lord God M.DCVII. Being the third after Leape
yeare. Calculated for the Latitude and Meridian of the Auncient
shire towne of Essex called Chelmesford: And generally for all
great Britaine, amplyfied with new additions, By Edward Pond:
practicioner in the Mathematickes & Phisick. Imprinted at London
for the Company of Stationers.”
117. Fifth day, &c.] Compare vol. iii. p. 537, and p. 18 of this
volume.
148. branched] Has been explained—embroidered, flowered
(see Todd’s Johnson’s Dict. and Cotgrave’s in v.); but if
Gifford be right (note on Ford’s Works, vol. ii. p. 510), it
means “with tufts, or tassels, dependent from the shoulders.”
167. rule] Used, perhaps, as a dissyllable; but qy. “yet rule”?
168. the Bear at the Bridge-foot in heaven] If Steevens had recollected
this passage, he would not have proposed to alter
the following one in The Puritan by reading “in the even” for
“in heaven,”—“Ay, by yon Bear at Bridge-foot in heaven,
shalt thou.” Malone’s Supp. to Shakespeare, vol. ii. p. 559.—The
Bear was a well-known tavern—according to Steevens
(ibid.), “at the foot of London bridge.” Gifford says, in a note
on Shirley’s Lady of Pleasure, where this expression occurs
(Works, vol. iv. p. 72), that “the bridge meant was in Shirley’s
time called the Strand-bridge.”
169. Hoyday! there’s ... revenge to thee] Here, perhaps, the
text is corrupted, as the metre is faulty.
172. the act, &c.] “An Acte to restrayne all persons from
Marriage untill theire former Wyves and former Husbandes
be deade.”
173. neck-verse] i. e. the verse (generally the beginning of the
51st Psalm, Miserere mei, &c.) read by a criminal to entitle
him to benefit of clergy.
189. Choosing King and Queen] See much concerning the Choosing
of King and Queen on Twelfth Day, in Brand’s Pop. Antiq.
vol. i. p. 19, ed. 1813.
190. In-and-in] A game at dice,—“very much used in an ordinary,”
says Cotton: see Compleat Gamester, p. 164, ed. 1674.
191. the basket] In which the broken meat and bread from the
sheriffs’ table was carried to the Counters, for the use of the
poorer prisoners.
192. Gleek and Primavista] Games at cards: concerning the
former, see The Compleat Gamester, p. 90; and for an account
of the latter, which is the same as Primero, vide Singer’s Researches
into Hist. of Playing Cards, p. 248, and Nares’s Gloss.
in v.
193. Noddy] A game at cards, which seems to have been
played in more ways than one: see Nares’s Gloss. in v.
194. Tickle-me-quickly ... My-lady’s-hole ... My-sow-has-pigged]
Games at cards.
195. my nephew Gambols] In The Masque of Christmas, 1616,
Ben Jonson introduces Christmas and his ten children, among
whom is “Gambol, like a tumbler, with a hoop and bells; his
torch-bearer armed with a colt-staff and a binding-cloth.” Works
(by Gifford), vol. vii. p. 274.
197. Wassail-bowl] Filled with spiced wine or ale, &c., and used
on New-year’s eve, &c.: see Brand’s Pop. Antiq. vol. i. p. 1, sqq.
ed. 1813. In the Masque by Jonson just mentioned, one of the
children of Christmas is “Wassel, like a neat sempster, and
songster; her page bearing a brown bowl, drest with ribands and
rosemary, before her.”
200. the long porter] “Walter Parsons born in this County was
first Apprentice to a Smith, when he grew so tall in stature,
that a hole was made for him in the Ground to stand therein
up to the knees, so to make him adequate with his Fellow-work-men.
He afterwards was Porter to King James; seeing
as Gates generally are higher than the rest of the Building,
so it was sightly that the Porter should be taller than other
Persons. He was proportionable in all parts, and had strength
equal to height, Valour to his strength, Temper to his valour,
so that he disdained to do an injury to any single person. He
would make nothing to take two of the tallest Yeomen of the
Guard (like the Gizard and Liver) under his Arms at once,
and order them as he pleased. Yet were his Parents (for
ought I do understand to the contrary) but of an ordinary
stature.... This Parsons died Anno Dom. 162-.” Fuller’s
Worthies (p. 48, Stafford-shire), ed. 1662.
201. The guard ... bombards] i. e. large cans: compare The
Martyred Souldier, 1638, by H. Shirley;
“the black Jacks
Or Bombards tost by the King’s Guard.” Sig. D 4.
202. that he was, sir] Should, perhaps, be given to Doctor
Almanac.
204. Antimasque] “An Antimasque, or, as Jonson elsewhere
calls it, ‘a foil, or false masque,’ is something directly opposed
to the principal masque. If this was lofty and serious, that
was light and ridiculous. It admitted of the wildest extravagancies;
and it is only by Jonson that attempts are sometimes
made to connect it, in any degree, with the main story.” Gifford’s
note on B. Jonson’s Works, vol. vii. p. 251. The praise which
Gifford would confine to Jonson may certainly be extended to
Middleton.
205. in cone] Qy. incontinent (i. e. immediately)?—the MS.
having had, perhaps, “incon.” A friend suggests that there
might have been some abbreviation of contra, or contraries:
see what follows; doctor Almanac charges them to do the reverse
of what they ought to do, for “to bid ’em sin’s the way
to make ’em mend.”
206. pull down bawdy-houses, &c. ... ruin the Cockpit] The
apprentices used (as already observed, note, vol. iii. p. 217)
to pull down brothels on Shrove-Tuesday: concerning Turnbull
Street, see note, vol. iv. p. 34. The rest of the present
passage, where there is a pun on the word “leak,” is explained
by the following extract from Dekker’s Owles Almanacke,
1618: “Shroue-tuesday falles on that day, on which
the prentices plucked downe the cocke-pit, and on which they
did alwayes vse to rifle Madame Leakes house at the vpper
end of Shorditch.” Sig. C.
208. maundering] i. e. muttering, grumbling: (and in cant
language, begging.)
209. collogue] “To Collogue. To wheedle or coax.” Grose’s
Class. Dict. of Vul. Tongue, in which sense it is probably used
here: it means also—to talk closely with, to plot.
211. Enter, for the second Antimasque, &c.] This stage-direction
(not in old ed.) is sufficient here, as the persons who compose
the second Antimasque are minutely described in a subsequent
stage-direction.
212. Bretnor ... word] See notes, vol. iii. p. 537.
213. city-wedlock] i. e. wife: see note, vol. ii. p. 481.
214. the gear cottens] i. e. the matter goes on prosperously:
see note, vol. ii. p. 150.
215. In dock out nettle] Compare vol. iii. p. 611, and note.
The expression occurs in J. Heywood’s Dialogue, &c.;
“But wauering as the winde, in docke, out nettle.”
Sig. F 2, Workes, ed. 1598.
and in Taylor’s Farewell to the Tower Bottles, p. 125—Workes,
ed. 1630.
“In larger bounds, in Parke, sports, delights, and grounds.”
In altering this corrupted line I have preferred retaining the
word “grounds” rather than “bounds,” because the latter
presently occurs.
219. Yet a third season] Old ed. “A third season yet.”
220. talenter] i. e. hawk. Our early poets repeatedly use
talent for talon:
“His talents red with blood of murthered foules.”
Drayton’s Owle, 1604, sig. D 2.
See, too, the quibble in Shakespeare’s Love’s Labour’s Lost,
act iv. sc. 2. “If a talent be a claw,” &c.
221. prick] i. e. the point or mark in the centre of the butts.
222. royal’st guest] May mean Queen Anne; but more probably,
I think, her brother, the king of Denmark, who visited
England twice, in 1606 and in 1614. “In the reign of King
James I. the house before us [Somerset-house] became, ipso
facto, a royal residence on the part of the Queen, and even
changed its name; and it appears that her Majesty repaired
it, at her own charge, for the reception of her brother Christian
IV., king of Denmark, who visited England A.D. 1606,
from which time it is said that the Queen affected to call it
Denmark-House.” Curialia, P. IV. p. 63, by Pegge; who, after
more on this subject, chooses to rely on the statement of the
continuators of Stow’s Survey of London—that on Shrove-Tuesday,
1616, Queen Anne having feasted King James at
Somerset-House, he then changed its name, and appointed it
to be thenceforth called Denmark-House, p. 65: see also
Nichols’s Prog. of K. James, vol. iii. p. 253.
When this Masque was originally produced as a royal
entertainment, I know not. The noble pair to whom it is
dedicated were not married till 1620: see Collins’s Peerage
(by Brydges), vol. iv. p. 277. Towards the end of it there is
an evident allusion to the wars in the Palatinate.
223. maunding] i. e. begging: see note, vol. ii. p. 536.
248. The Nine Worthies dance, &c.] Qy. did the authors intend
them to dance with the Muses? but in the preceding stage-direction
(which I have given as it stands in old ed.) the
entrance of the latter is not marked.
249. affected colours] i. e. the colours which they affect: compare
p. 7, and note.
254. state] Gifford observes, that “the state sometimes means
the raised platform and canopy under which the ornamented
chair was placed, and sometimes the chair itself.” Note on
B. Jonson’s Works, vol. ii. p. 334. Here, perhaps, it means
the machine in which Jupiter had descended: see p. 175.
266. civilly] i.e. soberly, plainly drest: compare vol. iv. p. 505,
and note.
267. poniarded] Poniards, or, as they were generally called,
knives, were formerly, says Gifford, “worn at all times by
every woman in England:” see note on B. Jonson’s Works,
vol. V. p. 221.
268. needle-bearded gallants] Taylor, the water-poet, in a passage
concerning the “strange and variable cut” of beards,
mentions “Some sharpe Steletto fashion, dagger like.” Superbiæ
Flagellum, p. 34—Workes, 1630.
269. stammel] i.e. a kind of red, coarser and cheaper than
scarlet.
271. I’ll over yonder, &c.] He means to the Palatinate: great
enthusiasm was felt in the cause of the unfortunate Queen of
Bohemia. Some passages, perhaps, were inserted here subsequently
to the original production of the Masque: see note,
p. 167.
272. deckt with laurel] James was accustomed to receive such
incense.
“There he beholds a high and glorious Throne,
Where sits a King by Laurell Garlands knowne,
Like bright Apollo in the Muses quires.”
Sir J. Beaumont’s Bosworth-field, p. 5, ed. 1629.
See also B. Jonson’s Works, vol. viii. p. 154, and Gifford’s
note.
273. properties] i. e. ensigns proper to her character—a theatrical
term: see note, vol. ii. p. 308.
278. penciled] i. e. (not—having pensils, small flags, but)
painted; so in an earlier passage of this pageant: “They
helde in their handes pensild Shieldes; vpon the first was
drawne a Rose,” &c.
279. shapes] i. e. dresses—a theatrical use of the word.
Black Monday] “Middleton here alludes to Anthony
Munday, his rival City Poet, who had composed the Pageants
of 1605 and 1611, and perhaps others of which no copies are
known to exist. Though he this year (and the last, when
Dekker was employed) lost the office of author, he did not
lose that of supplying the apparell, &c., which was his business
as a draper, and to which office only Middleton seems to have
considered him competent [see p. 245]. This virulent attack,
however, appears to have experienced no greater attention
than such violence deserved, since Munday was employed in
the three following years.” Nichols.—The inscription on
Anthony’s tomb declares that he was a “citizen and draper:”
but I am not sure that he furnished “the apparell and porters”
for The Triumphs of Truth in the latter capacity; rather,
perhaps, in consequence of being keeper of the properties of
the pageants. In the remarks prefixed to Munday’s Downfall
of the Earl of Huntington (Suppl. vol. to Dodsley’s Old Plays),
I am surprised to find Mr. Collier doubting if Middleton
alludes to him here; and I can only suppose that when Mr. C.
wrote those remarks, his recollection of the present passage
was somewhat imperfect.
The play just mentioned is evidence that Munday’s powers
were far from contemptible. The ill will which the dramatists
appear to have borne towards him was, perhaps, called forth
by the extravagant encomium of Meres, who, in the Palladis
Tamia, 1598, had chosen to term him “our best plotter,”
fol. 283. With respect to the comedy called The Case is
altered, in which he is ridiculed under the name of Antonio
Balladino, there has been a question among critics, whether
it is the work of Ben Jonson. Gifford pronounced it to be
an early production of that poet; and he, I am confident,
would not have changed his opinion even if he had lived
to see the copy, without any author’s name on the title-page,
which some years ago was added to the collection of the Duke
of Devonshire.
... his honour’s confirmation] This second stanza is
not reprinted by Nichols. The old ed. omits it in this place,
but gives it afterwards with the musical notes of the song.
289. Spots, &c.] We have had this couplet before, p. 199.
290. the river, &c.] “Sir Thomas Middleton, grocer, and mayor
in 1613,” says Herbert, in his History of the Twelve Great
Livery Companies of London, “was nearly the first who attempted
an emblematical and scenic representation of his
company, in a water spectacle, consisting (in imitation of the
pageant mentioned to have been exhibited by Sir John Wells
to Henry VI.[290A]) of ‘five islands, artfully garnished with all
manner of Indian fruit trees, drugges, spiceries, and the like;
the middle island having a faire castle especially beautified:’
the latter probably allusive to the newly-established East
India Company’s forts, and whose adventures had contributed
so much to enlarge the sphere of the grocers’ trade.” vol. i.
p. 200.
296. the Five Senses] “The Senses were personated at the
King’s Entry into London in 1603, and are represented in
the engraving of the Arch erected at Soper-Lane end, in
Harrison’s Arches. Jordan introduced them again in the
Lord Mayor’s Pageant of 1681 (see Gent. Mag. vol. xcv. i.
131), at the same time assuring the Grocers’ Company in his
prefatory address, ’that in these Triumphs there is nothing
designed, written, said, or sung, that ever was presented in
any show till this present day!’” Nichols.
304. The Speech] “Anthony Munday, who in his edition of
Stow’s Survey, published in 1618, has given another version
of the present story, and printed ‘the Speech according as it
was delivered to mee,’ says it was spoken by ‘one man in behalf
of all the rest;’ who, of course, was either some hired actor,
or, very probably, [?] Thomas Middleton himself.” Nichols.
311. Tho. Middleton] The occurrence of this signature here
seems to indicate that the following portion of the tract was
not the composition of Middleton.
312. The Prince, &c.] “Camden’s MS. volume, in Harl. MSS.
5176, whence other extracts are given between crotchets in
the following pages.” Nichols.
314. sewer] Whose office was to set on and remove the dishes,
taste them, &c.: see Steevens’s note on Shakespeare’s Macbeth,
act i. sc. 7, and Richardson’s Dict. in v.
315. Inns of Court] “At the Middle Temple the charges incurred
on this occasion were defrayed by a contribution of
thirty shillings from each Bencher; every Student of seven
years’ standing fifteen shillings; and all other Gentlemen in
Commons ten shillings apiece. Dugdale’s Origines Juridiciales,
p. 150.” Nichols.
316. Brocke] Properly Brooke, according to Nichols.
318. Master Littleton] “The great Sir Edward Littleton.”
Nichols.
319. on Psalm, &c.] “The Discourse is in the Bishop’s ‘xcvi.
Sermons,’ the eighth on the occasion.” Nichols,—who inserted
the above bracketed passage.
320. running at the ring] See note, vol. i. p. 390.
321. say] Is commonly explained—“a thin sort of silk,”—“a
species of silk, or rather satin.”—Malone (note on Shakespeare’s
Henry Sixth, Part Second, act iv. sc. 7,) remarks, “it
appears from Minsheu’s Dict., 1617, that say was a kind of
serge.” Cotgrave has “Seyette, serge, or sey.”
322. their oath] “Of ‘this ancient exhortation or well-wishing,
which,’ says Camden, ‘is commonly called, but improperly,
an oathe,’ see some curious particulars in vol. ii. p. 337 [of
Prog. of King James]. It was read, continues Camden, first
to the Lord Maltravers, by the Earl of Arundel his father, in
the character of Earl Marshal, and then to the other Knights
either by the Earl or by the Lord Chamberlain, who then
went with the Dean to read the same to the Lord Percy, who
had been forced to withdraw himself from indisposition.”
Nichols.
329. these being created, &c.] This concluding sentence is
omitted by Nichols, who, instead of it, gives the following
from Camden’s MS. volume in Harl. MSS. 5176:
“On the 7th of November about five of the clock in the
afternoon, they mett in the Counsell-chamber, where they and
the Lords appoynted to carry their ornaments and the assistants
putt on their roabes, the Earles and Viscounts their surcotes
of crimson velvett with close sleeves, having short flappes
hanging upon their shoulders, then their hoods and afterward
their mantles and roabes, fastned upon the shoulder
and pucking out the capuchio to hang over behinde, with their
cappes of estate and coronetts, or rather circuletts for the Viscounts.
They passed from thence over the Tarras [Terrace]
into the Privie Gallery, the Heralds, Kings of Armes, Garter
carying the Patent, the Lord Compton in his Parliament
roabes, carying the Mantle, the Lord Wentworth the Capp
of estate and Circulet, the Lord Chancellour Lord Ellesmere
in his surcote and hood with his sword by his syde in a usuall
hatt, assisted by the Earle of Montgomery and Viscount Villers,
with their cappes of estat on. At the Gallory-dore, the
Lord Chamberlaine mett them, and placing himself after the
Kings of Armes, presented them to the King, who satt there
with the Queen and the Prince. Garter presented the Patent
to the Lord Chamberlaine, he to the King; the King delivered
the same to Sir Ralph Winwood the Secretary, who [read the
same]; at the words fecimus et creavimus the Roabes were delivered
to the King, who delivered the same to the Assistants,
who invested him therwith, and the like with the Capp of
estate and the Circulett theruppon, and then the Earles Assistants
putt on their cappes of estate. When the Patent was
fully read, and he thus created Viscount Brackley, the trumpetts
and drummes standing without sounded.
“Then was brought in the Lord Knolles, the Lord Carew
carying the Mantle, the Lord Davers the Capp of Estate,
assisted by the Earle of Suffolk Lord Treasurer and Viscount
Lisle, and in like manner created Viscount Wallingford.
“Afterward Sir Philipp Stanhop was brought in his surcote
of scarlett, the Lord Denny carying his Roabe, the Lord
Compton and the Lord Norris assisting him, and was created
Lord Stanhop of Shelford. Then they retourned that way
they came to the Counsell-chamber, first, Viscount Brackley,
then Viscount Wallingford and the Lord Stanhop, in such
order as they went, the trumpetts and drummes sounding.”
330. wherein Art, &c.] Alluding to the pageants of Munday:
see note, p. 219.
339. luzerns] Generally said to be Russian animals valued for
their fur; but, I apprehend, Middleton used the word in the
sense of lynxes. “A Luzarne. Loup cervier,” says Cotgrave,
who explains the French term, “a kind of white Wolfe,” or
“the spotted Linx, or Ounce, or a kind therof.” See, too,
Minsheu in vv. Luzarne and Furre.
341. Crismas] Or Christmas.—“At the end of this [pageant,—Heywood’s
Londini Artium et Scientiarum Scaturigo, &c. 1632]
is a panegyric on Maister Gerard Christmas, for bringing the
pageants and figures to such great perfection both in symmetry
and substance, being before but unshapen monsters,
made only of slight wicker and paper. This man designed
Aldersgate, and carved the equestrian statue of James I.
there, and the old piece of Northumberland house.” Biog.
Dram., vol. iii. p. 118.
346. To raise, &c.] “The rhymster[!] here seems to allude to
a repair the New Standard had undergone, and perhaps also
to the repair of St. Paul’s Cathedral.” Nichols. Compare
vol. iv. p. 421.
464. team] Old ed. “teene”—a word of common occurrence
in our earliest poetry, but doubtless a misprint here: compare
p. 369, l. 4, and p. 430, l. 19; and be it observed, that in the
passage last referred to the old ed. has “teeme.”
477. Alastor’s] In chapter xvii. of this interminable poem, we
find
“Troubled with visions from Alastor’s park;”
and
“A night more ugly than Alastor’s pack,
Mounting all nights upon his night-made back.” P. 457.
Alastor meant frequently an evil genius, an avenging fury; it
is also the name of one of Pluto’s horses (see Claudian, De
Rap. Pros. i. 284): our author seems to have confounded these
two significations.
513. her] Is frequently used for their by our early writers; but
most probably in the present passage the author changed the
number through carelessness.
516. His defiance, &c.] In imitation of Hall, who had ushered
in his Satires with A Defiance to Envy.
517. smazky] i. e., perhaps, smitchy or smeechy (reechy,
black.)
518. satire-days] “Does he intend to pun upon the last day
of the week—Saturday? It may be a misprint for Satyr-dogs,
in allusion to his title, ‘Sixe Snarling Satyres.’” Collier’s
Poet. Decam. vol. i. p. 286.
524. Burse] i. e. the Royal Exchange,—for the New Exchange
in the Strand (which our early writers generally mean when
they mention “the Burse”) was not yet built.
571. On the death, &c.] These lines (the meaning of which is
sufficiently obscure) were first printed in Collier’s New Facts
regarding the Life of Shakespeare, p. 26, from a MS. miscellany
of poetry belonging to the late Mr. Heber. The celebrated
actor, Burbage (who also handled the pencil, and is supposed
to have painted the Chandos portrait of Shakespeare), died
in March 1618-19.
572. In the just worth, &c.] Prefixed to Webster’s Duchess of
Malfi, 1623.
574. Woolners] Our old writers occasionally mention a person
named Woolner, or Wolner, as a notorious gormandiser:
Dekker calls him “that cannon of gluttony,” The Owles Almanacke,
1618, p. 53; and in The Life of Long Meg of Westminster,
1635, the seventh chapter relates “how she used
Woolner the singing man of Windsor, that was the great
eater, and how she made him pay for his breakefast.”
580. the Supplication, &c.] i. e. Pierce Pennilesse his Supplication
to the Diuell, one of the most celebrated and popular productions
of that admirable prose-satirist, Thomas Nash. It first
appeared in 1592, during which year (see Collier’s Bridgewater-House
Catalogue, p. 209) it reached a third edition.
581. Gave me my titles freely] “To the high and mightie Prince
of darknesse, Donsell dell Lucifer, King of Acheron, Stix and
Phlegeton, Duke of Tartary, Marquesse of Cocytus, and Lord
high Regent of Lymbo,” &c. Pierce Pennilesse, &c., sig. B 2.
ed. 1595.
582. Knight of the Post]—Or, as the term is afterwards varied in
the present piece, “Knight of Perjury”—means a hireling evidence,
&c.: see note, vol. i. p. 308. Nash makes Pierce commit
his Supplication to the care of a knight of the post, who describes
himself to be “a fellow that wil sweare you any thing
for twelue pence, but indeed I am a spirit in nature and
essence, that take vpon me this humane shape, onely to set
men together by the eares, and send soules by millions to
hell.” Pierce Pennilesse, &c., sig. B. ed. 1595.
In “A priuate Epistle to the Printer,” originally prefixed
to the second ed. of the tract just quoted, the author tells him
that “if my leysure were such as I could wish, I might haps
(halfe a yeare hence) write the returne of the Knight of the
Post from hell, with the Diuels answere to the Supplication.”
Sig. A 2. ed. 1595. What Nash wanted time or inclination to
do, was attempted by others after his decease: a writer, who
professes to have been his “intimate and near companion,”
put forth The Returne of the Knight of the Post from Hell, 1606;
and Dekker published a pamphlet, of the same date, called
Newes from Hell, Brought by the Diuells Carrier, the running
title of which is The Diuels Answere to Pierce Pennylesse.
583. Pict-hatch] Was a notorious haunt of prostitutes and the
worst characters of both sexes,—“the very skirts of all brothel-houses,”
as it is presently termed by our author. It is
said to have been in Turnmill, commonly called Turnbull,
Street, near Clerkenwell.
584. bill-men] i. e. watchmen,—who carried bills (a kind of
pikes with hooked points), which in more ancient times were
the weapons of the English foot-soldiers.
When it is recollected that The Black Book and Father Hubburd’s
Tales were published without the writer’s name, having
merely the initials T. M. subscribed to a prefatory address,
my object in citing parallel passages from Middleton’s dramas
will be sufficiently apparent.
587. Limbo] i. e. hell,—properly, the borders of hell. Compare
quotation from Nash, note, p. 512.
588. busk-points] i. e. the tagged laces by which the busks
(pieces of wood or whalebone worn down the front of the
stays) were fastened.
589. cruel garters] We have the same pun in Shakespeare’s
King Lear, act ii. sc. 4, in Ben Jonson’s Alchemist, act i. sc. 1,
and elsewhere. Crewel means a finer kind of yarn.
590. Derrick’s necklaces] i. e. the hangman’s ropes: Derrick,
who is often mentioned by our old writers, was the common
hangman.
591. Doctor Faustus] The well-known drama by Marlowe.
These pide-wing’d Butterflyes had knowne me then.”
The Noble Spanish Soldier, 1634, sig. C.
The lines just quoted seem to shew, that, when Ursula says
to Knockem, “never tusk nor twirl your dibble” (B. Jonson’s
Bartholomew Fair—Works, vol. iv. p. 414), she means mustachio,
and not (as Gifford conjectured) beard. Mustachios,
by being starched or gummed, were made to project from the
corners of the mouth.
594. Cole-harbour] i. e. sanctuary: see note, vol. ii. p. 58.
595. glory-fat Audrey] “Heres fine Backon Sister its glore
Fat.” Yorkshire Dialogue, p. 44 (appended to The Praise of
Yorkshire Ale, 1697), the Clavis to which has “Glore fat is very
fat.”—The compiler of the Fourth Part of Bibliotheca Heberiana,
in some remarks on The Black Book, says (p. 181), with reference
to the present passage, that “nobody has noticed the
allusion to Shakespeare’s As you like it, and the marriage of
Touchstone and Audrey”!!!
607. former] “But force against force, skill against skill, so
enterchangeably encountered, that it was not easy to determine,
whether enterprising or preventing came former.” Sir
P. Sidney’s Arcadia, lib. iii. p. 292. ed. 1633.
611. Grantham steeple] “A little fall will make a salt [salt-cellar]
looke like Grantham Steeple with his cap to the Ale-house.”
Dekker’s Owles Almanacke, 1618, p. 39.
631. as if they had been conning of Tamburlaine] From this passage
Malone conjectured that the play of Tamburlaine, generally
ascribed to Marlowe, was written either wholly or in
part by Nash,—Shakespeare (by Boswell), vol. iii. p. 357: but
Mr. J. P. Collier has most satisfactorily shewn that it was the
work of the former; see Hist. of Engl. Dram. Poetry, vol. iii.
p. 113, sqq.—The present tract, and the one which follows it
(Father Hubburd’s Tales), both published in 1604, prove that
Nash died during that year: he is here described (I fear too
truly) as living in a state of squalid poverty; in the next
piece he is spoken of as deceased.
633. Saint Pulcher’s] A corruption of Saint Sepulchre’s.
634. wool-ward] i. e. in wool,—without linen (a word generally
applied to persons who went so clothed for penance or humiliation:
see notes of the commentators on Shakespeare’s
Love’s Labour’s Lost, act. v. sc. 2, and Nares’s Gloss, in v.)
639. wapper-eyed] “Wapper-eyed, sore-eyed.” Grose’s Class.
Dict. of Vulg. Tongue.—“Wapper-eyed, goggle-eyed, having
full rolling eyes; or looking like one scared; or squinting
like a person overtaken with liquor.” Vocab. to An Exmoor
Scolding, ed. 1839.
640. the Mayor’s bench at Oxford] There was a public seat at
Oxford “adjoining to the east end of Carfax Church” (Warton’s
Companion to the Guide, p. 15, sec. ed.), which bore the
name of Pennyless-Bench.
641. noise] i. e. band, company—properly, of musicians: see
note, vol. ii. p. 498.
660. the horse, &c.] To the wonderful horse, called Morocco,
are many allusions in our old writers; nor is this the only
mention of his having gone up to the top of St. Paul’s church,—a
feat which, according to Dekker, took place in 1600:
“Since the dancing horse stood on the top of Powles, whilst
a number of Asses stood braying below,—17 [years].” A memorial
&c. untill this yeare, 1617—The Owles Almanacke, 1618,
p. 7.—Both the horse and his master, whose name was Banks,
are said to have been burned at Rome as magicians. See
more on this subject in the notes of the commentators on
Shakespeare’s Love’s Labour’s Lost, act i. sc. 2, and in Douce’s
Illust. of Shakespeare, vol. i. p. 212.
672. The Merry Devil of Edmonton] This comedy, which was,
and deserved to be, extremely popular, may be found in
Dodsley’s Old Plays, vol. v. last ed. Mr. J. P. Collier (Hist.
of Engl. Dram. Poet.) ascribes it unhesitatingly to Drayton,
probably on some authority (besides that of Oldys) which I
do not recollect.
The following passage of The Merry Devil of Edmonton has
puzzled the editors (who, by the by, choose to print it as
verse): “How now, my old Jenerts bank, my horse, my castle;
lie in Waltham all night, and not under the canopy of your
host Blague’s house?” Steevens (Dodsley’s Old Plays, vol. v.
p. 267, last ed.) says, “I once suspected this passage of corruption,
but have found reason to change my opinion. The
merry Host seems willing to assemble ideas expressive of trust
and confidence. The old quartos begin the word jenert with a
capital letter; and, therefore, we may suppose ‘Jenert’s bank’
to have been the shop of some banker, in whose possession
money could be deposited with security. The Irish still say—as
sure as Burton’s Bank; and our countrymen—as safe as
the Bank of England. We might read ‘my house’ instead of
‘my horse,’ as the former agrees better with ‘castle.’ The
services of a horse are of all things the most uncertain.”
Nares (Gloss. in v. Jenert’s Bank) observes, “It has been
conjectured that there was a bank called Jenert’s, so famous
as to be proverbial for security; but it remains to be shewn
that any country-bank existed in the seventeenth century,
much more that they were so common as for one to be famous
above the rest.... Can it be a misprint for ‘Ermen’s bank,’
or the old Roman road passing through Edmonton, which
might have been written ‘Irmint’s?’”—I believe we ought
to read; “How now, my old jennets [i. e. cavaliers, for so the
word is sometimes used], bauk [i. e. balk] my house, my castle!
lie in Waltham,” &c.
673. A Woman killed with Kindness] The masterpiece of Heywood;
reprinted in Dodsley’s Old Plays, vol. vii. last ed.
679. Peter Bail] In using the name “Peter” the author seems
to have attempted a sort of jest, perhaps alluding to the celebrated
penman, Peter Bales, who is mentioned in the next
piece.
680. counter] A play on the meanings of the word,—a false
piece of money used for reckoning, and a prison.
685. black dogs of Newgate] A tract, partly verse and partly prose,
called The Blacke Dogge of Newgate: both pithie and profitable for
all Readers. London. 4to. n. d. (reprinted with some additions
and alterations in 1638), was written, or at least professes to
be written, by Luke Hutton, who, for robberies and trespasses,
was hanged at York in 1598. Under the title of The Black
Dog of Newgate, it was the author’s design to “shadow the
knauerie, villanie, robberie, and Cunnicatching, committed
daily by diuers, who in the name of seruice and office, were
as it were, attendants at Newgate.” Sig. D 2. “They will
vndertake if a man be robd by the way, they will helpe the
party offended to his money againe, or to the theeues at the
least. Likewise, if a Purse be cut, a House broken, a peece
of Plate stole, they will promise the like: mary, to further
this good peece of seruice, they must haue a Warrant procured
from some Justice at the least, that by the sayd general
Warrant, they may take vp all suspected persons: which
being obteined, then marke how notably therewith they play
the knaues, how shamefully they abuse the Justices who
graunted the Warrant, and how notoriouslie they abuse a
great sort of poore men, who neither the Warrant mentioneth,
nor the partye agreeued in any wise thought to molest or
trouble.” Sig. D 3. He then proceeds to give several instances
of their various knaveries.
686. ballat-places] i. e., I suppose, places where ballads are
sung.
689. ketlers] Compare Father Hubburd’s Tales, which follows
the present tract; “like an old cunning bowler to fetch in a
young ketling gamester:” but I do not understand this cant
term, nor the words “couch” and “couches” which presently
occur above.
690. upon stages] Tobacco was often taken by the gallants who
(as already mentioned, note, vol. ii. p. 412) used to sit on
hired stools upon the stage, during the performance.
691. counterblasts] An allusion to the celebrated work of King
James, A Counterblast to Tobacco.
695. a pitiful battler] “Though in the meanest condition of
those that were wholly maintained [in the University of Oxford]
by their parents, a battler or semi-commoner,” &c. Life
of Bp. Kennett, p. 4—cited by Todd (Johnson’s Dict.) in v.
696. cue] i. e. small portion. “Cue, halfe a farthing, so called
because they set down in the Battling or Butterie Books in
Oxford and Cambridge the letter q. for halfe a farthing,” &c.:
see Minsheu’s Guide into Tongues, in v.
704. Poultry] i. e. the Counter prison in the Poultry.
705. John of Paul’s Churchyard] Was, it appears from this
passage, a haberdasher: he is again mentioned in the present
tract. That he sold hats, we are informed by more than one
old writer: so Dekker; “John in Paul’s churchyard shall fit
his head for an excellent block [i. e. hat].” The Gull’s Hornbook,
1609, p. 94, reprint.
706. honest-minded] First ed. “honest-stitching,”—perhaps
the better reading.
707. Bushel] An allusion to Thomas Bushell, for whom the
first ed. of this tract was printed, see p. 549, and title-page of
Micro-cynicon, p. 481.
708. Tale of Mother Hubburd, &c.] In the Bridgewater-House
Catalogue this passage is quoted by Mr. J. P. Collier, who
observes, “If it do not shew that Spenser’s ‘Mother Hubberd’s
Tale’ was ‘called in again,’ it proves that obstruction
was offered by public authorities to some subsequent production
under the same name,” p. 200.—Assuredly the allusion
is not to Spenser’s poem: in it the “ape” indeed figures
conspicuously, but there is no mention of “rugged bears,” or
“the lamentable downfal of the old wife’s platters.”
711. the quarter-jacks in Paul’s, that are up with their elbows] Compare
Dekker’s Gull’s Hornbook, 1609, “If Paul’s jacks be once
up with their elbows, and quarrelling to strike eleven,” p. 96,
reprint. The figures which in old public clocks struck the
bell on the outside were called Jacks of the clock or clockhouse:
many readers will recollect those which a few years
ago were to be seen at St. Dunstan’s Church, Fleet-street.
712. Kit] A friend queries if there be not here an allusion to
Kit Marlowe?
713. Sat sapienti; and I hope, &c.] So our author (see note,
p. 514) in the Induction to Michaelmas Term; “Sat sapienti:
I hope there’s no fools i’ th’ house,” vol. i. p. 418.
721. They that forget a queen soothe with a king] By “a queen”
is meant, I presume, Elizabeth; by “a king,” James, who
had recently ascended the throne: and see the fourth stanza
after this.
725. Euphuize, which once was rare] i. e. use the unnatural
affected style, which was once accounted excellent. It was
rendered fashionable by the two famous productions of Lyly,
Euphues, the Anatomy of Wit, and Euphues and his England.
726. Trigemini] i. e. Gabriel Harvey and his two less distinguished
brothers, Richard and John. For various particulars
concerning this memorable “strife” (which was terminated in
1599 by an order of the Archbishop of Canterbury), see my
Memoir of R. Greene, prefixed to his Dramatic Works, D’Israeli’s
Calamities of Authors, vol. ii., Sir E. Brydges’s Archaica,
vol. ii., and Collier’s Bridgewater-House Catalogue.
728. humorous theft] At p. 317 of a copy of Ritson’s Bibliographia
Poetica, Malone has appended the following MS. note to
the title of Samuel Rowlands’s Letting of humours blood in the
head-vaine, &c.; “Stolen from Nash’s papers after his death
in 1600. So says T. Middleton.”—What the “humorous theft”
was, I know not; but the expression certainly has not the
meaning which Malone chose to make it bear: Nash did not
die till 1604 (see note, p. 527), and The Letting of humours
blood in the head-vaine, &c. was first printed in 1600.
729. three-quarter sharer] See note, vol. ii. p. 406.
730. decimo sexto] An expression frequently applied by our
old writers to diminutive personages: see Massinger’s Works,
vol. i. p. 176, ed. 1813, and B. Jonson’s Works, vol. ii. p. 232
(by Gifford).
737. the great rider of horse] “But if like a restie Jade thou
wilt take the bitt in thy mouth, and then runne over hedge
and ditch, thou shalt be broken as Prosper broke his horses,
with a muzzoule,” &c. Lyly’s Pappe with an hatchet, n. d.
sig. D 4.
738. booted] In allusion to the dress of the various persons
who rode up to London on law-business during that term.
755. like a sow-gelder] “Hark, how my merry horn doth blow,”
is part of Higgen’s song, when he enters “like a sow-gelder:”
see Beaumont and Fletcher’s Beggars’ Bush, act iii. sc. 1.
758. Peter Bales] A particular account of this person may be
found in Wood’s Athenæ Oxon. vol. i. p. 655, ed. Bliss, and in
Chalmers’s Biog. Dict. I need only state that he was unrivalled,
during his day, in the various branches of the art of
penmanship, (occasionally producing specimens of extraordinary
minuteness); that in 1590, when he published his
Writing Scholmaster, he kept a school situated at the upper
end of the Old Bailey; and that he is supposed to have died
about 1610.
759. trunks] i. e., I suppose, trunk-hose,—round swelling
breeches.
760. royal] A gold piece current for fifteen shillings.
764. the Horn, the Mitre, or the Mermaid] The first of these
has been already mentioned in this tract, see p. 565; the
Mitre was in Bread-street, Cheapside; the Mermaid in Cornhill:
see notes, vol. ii. p. 240.
765. the Bankside] In Southwark, where the Globe and other
theatres were situated.
767. the Blackfriars] The theatre so named, which stood near
the present Apothecaries’ Hall, and which was occasionally
occupied by the Children of the Revels (a nest of boys): see
Collier’s Hist. of Engl. Dram. Poetry, vol. iii. p. 275.
770. squalls] Equivalent here, it would seem, to—wenches:
vide note, vol. iii. p. 55. Taylor, the water-poet, uses the word
as a term of endearment;
“The rich Gull Gallant calls her Deare and Loue,
Ducke, Lambe, Squall, Sweet-heart, Cony, and his Doue.”
A Whore, p. 112—Workes, 1630.
and Kempe as a term of reproach; “Swearing it did him
good to haue ill words of a hoddy doddy, a habber de hoy, a
chicken, a squib, a squall.” Humble Request, &c., appended
to his Nine daies Wonder, 1600.
781. wassail-bowls ... shoeing the mare] Compare The Inner
Temple Masque, p. 143 of this vol.
782. Sellenger’s round] “i. e. St. Leger’s round ... was an
old country-dance, and was not quite out of knowledge at the
beginning of the present century, there being persons now
living who remember it.” Sir J. Hawkins’s Hist. of Music,
vol. iii. p. 288, where the notes of it are given from a collection
of country-dances published by Playford in 1679.
785. cogged] The same pun occurs in Shakespeare’s Love’s
Labour’s lost, “Since you can cog, I’ll play no more with
you,” act v. sc. 2; where Johnson remarks, “To cog signifies
to falsify the dice, and to falsify a narrative or to lie [or to
cheat].”
821. action of one arm, like old Titus Andronicus] See the tragedy
so called, which, though now printed among the works of
Shakespeare, was assuredly written by some other dramatist,—probably,
by Marlowe. In act iii. sc. 1, Aaron cuts off the
hand of Titus; and in act v. sc. 2, the latter says,
824. the motion, &c.] i. e. the puppet-show: that of Nineveh,
which was very celebrated, has been mentioned before, vol. i.
p. 229, and vol. iv. p. 166. In Euerie Woman in her Humour,
1609, Getica observes, that she had seen “the Cittie of new
Niniuie and Iulius Cæsar acted by the Mammets, [i. e. puppets],”
sig. H.; and Dekker somewhere calls the latter exhibition
a villanous motion.
838. tweering] Or twiring—equivalent here, it seems, to—prying,
peeping: on the word twire, see Gifford’s note, B. Jonson’s
Works, vol. vi. p. 280, and Richardson’s Dict. in v.
845. Hobson’s waggon] See note, vol. iv. p. 7. I ought to have
said there, that Milton composed two copies of verses on
Hobson; and I may add here, that they are printed (one of
them very imperfectly) in Wit Restored (p. 185, ed. 1817),
where they are preceded by an enlarged copy of what forms
the third epitaph on Hobson in Wit’s Recreations.
846. points] i. e. tagged laces by which the breeches were
attached to the doublet.
858. guess] i. e. guests: see note, vol. i. p. 326.
859. Jacob Challoner] In the document before cited are various
payments “to Jacob Challoner, painter,” for ornamenting
banners, &c. Heath, &c., p. 333.
Transcriber’s Note
Stage directions, except for entrances, can be:
in-line
in the middle of a line and delimited with ‘[ ]’,
end of line
right-justified on the same line (where there is room), with only the leading ‘[’,
next line
right-justified on the following line, where there is insufficent room, with a hanging
indent, if necessary.
The same convention is followed here. Since this version is wider than the
original, most directions are on the same line as the speech.
Entrances were centered and separated slightly from lines above and below. This
is rendered here as a full blank line.
The footnote scheme used lettered references, repeating a-z. On numerous
of occasions, letters were repeated, and sometimes skipped. The numeric
resequencing of notes here resolves those lapses. Footnotes are sometimes
referred to directly in a footnote by its letter designation. The few
direct references to a lettered note use the new numeric value.
The volume ends with an Index of Notes which directs the reader
to all five volumes. The following anomolies have been detected:
The entry for the ‘game of cat’ in the Index to the Notes incorrectly
references a note on p. 427. The note occurs on p. 527.
The entry for ‘ken’ refers to p. 129 of volumn 2. While the word
is used there, there is no note provided. The intent may have been
meant to refer to note 1167 on p. 549 of that volume.
The entry for ‘Peter-sameen’ refers to p. 214. The note appears on
p. 142, and the reference has been corrected.
The entry for ‘skeldering’ refers to p. 535 of volume 3. The note appears on
that page in volume 2. The entry has been corrected.
The entry for ‘sound’, referring to p. 206 of volume 1, is almost
certainly in error. A note on that page glosses the word ‘swound’
(swoon). A note in the current volume for ‘sounded’
also defines the entry as ‘swooned’, which perhaps caused the
confusion. The entry has been corrected. However, this should
move that entry alphabetically, but it remains in place and is
noted below.
Other errors deemed most likely to be the printer’s have been corrected, and
are noted here. The references are to the page and line in the original.
I from the baker’s ditch] So in Brome’s Sparagus Garden,
1640, “Sheart, Coulter, we be vallen into the Bakers ditch.”
Sig. K 3. The ancient way of punishing bakers, who did not
give full weight, was by the cucking-stool (see Grey’s note on
Hudibras, P. iii. C. iii. v. 609); qy. is that punishment alluded
to in the above passages?
Ill May-Day] i. e. Evil May-day—so called from the rising
of the London apprentices against the foreigners, on the first
of May, 1517: see The Story of Ill May-Day, &c., and the
editor’s illustrations, in Evans’s Old Ballads, vol. iii. p. 76,
ed. 1810.
Midsummer-Eve, that watches warmest] Perhaps this is an
allusion to the setting out of the Midsummer watch: see Herbert’s
Hist. of the Twelve Great Livery Companies of London,
vol. i. p. 196, sqq.
ketlers] This word occurs in Kemp’s Nine daies wonder,
1600; “Those that haue shewne themselues honest men, I
wil set before them this Caracter, H. for honesty; before the
other Bench-whistlers shal stand K. for ketlers and keistrels,
that wil driue a good companion without need in them to contend
for his owne.”
WIT
LIKE A WOMAN’S.
A pox on’t!
Tho: Middleton
Gent.