The Project Gutenberg eBook of Ventures into Verse, by Henry Louis Mencken
Project Gutenberg's Ventures Into Verse, by H. L. (Henry Louis) Mencken
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
Title: Ventures Into Verse
Being various ballads, ballades, rondeaux, triolets, songs,
quatrains, odes and roundels, all rescued from the potters'
field of old files and her given decent burial
Author: H. L. (Henry Louis) Mencken
Release Date: August 27, 2016 [EBook #52904]
Language: English
Character set encoding: UTF-8
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK VENTURES INTO VERSE ***
Produced by Richard Tonsing and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive)
Transcriber's Note:
The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.
Ventures into Verse Being Various Ballads, Ballades, Rondeaux, Triolets, Songs, Quatrains, OdesandRoundels All rescued from thePotters' Fieldof Old Files and here Given Decent Burial [Peace to Their Ashes]
Most of the verses that follow have been
printed before and the author wishes to acknowledge
his thanks for permission to reproduce
them, to the editors and publishers of The
Bookman, Life, The New England Magazine, The
National Magazine and the Baltimore Morning Herald.
Some are imitations—necessarily weak—of the
verse of several men in whose writings he has found a
good deal of innocent pleasure. The others, he fears,
are more or less original.
The small gunboats captured from the Spaniards and facetiously
called “tin-clads” by the men of the land forces, are of great value
in the offensive operations against the insurgents along the coast.—[Manilla
Dispatch]
Their draft is a foot and a half,
And a knot and a half is their speed,
Their bows are as blunt as the stern of a punt
And their boilers are wonders of greed;
Their rudders are always on strike,
Their displacement is thirty-two tons,
They are armored with tin—to the dishpan they're kin—
But their Maxims are A number ones,
(Ask Aggie!)
Their Maxims are murderous guns!
When from out the towns and villages, and out the jungle, too,
We have chased the Filipinos on the run,
Toward the river swamps they foot it—towards the swamps we can't go through—
And we're doubtful if we've lost the fight or won;
Then when all are safe in hiding in the slimy mud and reeds,
From the river 'cross the swamp we hear a sound;
It's the sputter and the rattle of the automatic feeds
On the tin-protected cruisers—how they pound—
(Sweet sound!)
They that save us being losers—Rah! the tin-protected cruisers!
Hear their rattling Maxims pound, pound, pound!
19When the guns have done their work, and the Tagals come our way,
(I admit they much prefer us to the guns,)
Why, we finish up what's left—ten in every dozen lay
Dead as Noah, in the swampy pools and runs;
Then the Maxims stop their rattle and we know that midst the reeds,
Half a hundred Filipinos on the ground
Are a-looking at the sky, with a glassy, sightless eye,
And the other half—or most of them—are drowned.
'Twas the tin-protected cruisers—How they pound!
(Sweet sound!)
They that saved us being losers—Rah! the tin-protected cruisers!
How their rattling Maxims pound, pound, pound!
Their draft is a foot and a half
And a knot and a half is their speed,
Their bows are as blunt as the stern of a punt,
And their engines are wonders, indeed.
Their rudders are always on strike,
Their bunkers hold two or three tons,
They are armored with tin—to the meat-can they're kin—
And the white of your brows is the white of the snows,
And the gold of your hair is the splendor that glows
When the sun gilds the east at morn.
And the blue of your eyes
Is the blue of the skies
Of an orient day new-born;
And your smile has a charm that is balm to the soul,
And your pa has a bar'l and a many-plunk roll,
So how can I choose but love you, love you,
Love you, love you, love you?
41
A BALLAD OF LOOKING
He looked into her eyes, and there he saw
No trace of that bright gleam which poets say
Comes from the faery orb of love's sweet day,
No blushing coyness causes her to withdraw
Her gaze from his. He looked and yet he knew
No joy, no whirling numbness of the brain,
No quickening heart-beat. Then he looked again,
And once again, unblushing, she looked too.
He looked into her eyes—with interest he
Stared at them through a magnifying prism.
For he was but an oculist, and she
Was being treated for astigmatism.
WHEN THE PIPE GOES OUT
A maiden's heart,
And sighs profuse,
A father's foot,
And—what's the use?
42
A PARADOX
Dan Cupyd drewe hys lyttle bowe,
And strayght ye arrowe from it flewe,
Although its course was rather lowe,
I thought 'twould pass above my heade—
In stature I am shorte, you knowe.
But soone upon my breast a stayne
Of blood appeared, and showed ye marke
Whereat ye boy god tooke hys aime;
I staggered, groaned and then—I smyled!
Egad! it was a pleasante payne!
43
THE SONG OF THE SLAPSTICK
Why is a hen? (Kerflop!) Haw, haw!
Toot, goes the slide trombone;
Why is a hen? (And a swat in the jaw!)
And the ushers laugh alone.
Why is a—(Bang!)—is a—(Biff!) Ho, ho!
Boom! goes the sad French horn;
Why is a hen? (Kerflop!) Do you know?—
And the paid admissions mourn!
Vhy iss a hen? Yes? No? (Kerflop?)
Bang! goes the man at the drum;
Vhy iss a hen? (And a knock at the top!)
And the press agent's stricken dumb;
Vhy iss a—(Thud!)—iss a—(Flop!)—iss a hen?
Hark! how the supers laugh!
Vhy iss a—(Bing! Bang! Boom!)—and then
The slapstick's bust in half!
(Curtain)
44
IL PENSEROSO
Love's song is sung in ragtime now
And kisses sweet are syncopated joys,
The tender sign, the melancholy moan,
The soft reproach and yearning up-turned gaze
Have passed into the caves without the gates
And in their place, to serve love's purposes,
Bold profanations from the music halls
Are working overtime.
In days of old the amorous swain would sigh
And say unto his lady love the while
He pressed her to his heaving low-cut vest,
“Dost love me, sweet?” And she, with many a blush,
Would softly answer, “Yes, my cavalier!”
Now to his girl the ragtime lover says,
The while he strums his marked-down mandolin
“Is you ma lady love?” and she, his girl,
Makes answer thus: “Ah is!”
Gadzooks! it makes me sad! I see the doom
Of Cupid, and upon the battered air
I hear a rumor floating. It is this:
That when the boy god shuffles to the grave
'Tis Syncopated Sambo that will get
His job!
* * * * *
Ah, me! What sadness resteth on my soul!
45
FINIS
There was a man that delved in the earth
For glittering gems and gold,
And whatever lay hidden that seemed of worth
He carefully seized and sold;
So his days were long and his store was great,
And ever for more he sighed,
'Till kings bowed down and he ruled in state—
And after awhile he died.
Oh, blithesome and shrill the wails resound!
Oh, gaily his children moan!
And the end of it all was a hole in the ground
And a scratch on a crumbling stone.
There was a man that fought for the right,
And never a friend had he,
'Till after the dark there dawned the light
And the world could know and see;
Oh, long was the fight and comfortless,
But great was the fighter's pride,
And a victor he rose from the storm and stress—
And after awhile he died.
Oh, great was the fame but newly found
Of the man that fought alone!
And the end of it all was a hole in the ground
And a scratch on a crumbling stone.
46There was a man that dreamed a dream,
And his pen it served his brain;
And great was his art and great his theme
And long was his laurelled reign;
But after awhile the world forgot
And his work was pushed aside,
(For to serve and wait is the mortal lot)
And then, in the end, he died.
Oh! brown on his brow were the bays that bound
And far was his glory flown!
And the end of it all was a hole in the ground
And a scratch on a crumbling stone.
47DONE INTO TYPE AND PRINTED BY MARSHALL, BEEK &
GORDON IN THE CITY OF BALTIMORE AND ON THE
THIRD FLOOR OF THE TELEGRAM BUILDING, NORTH AND
BALTIMORE STREET CROSSING ANNO DOMINI MCMIII
Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed.
End of Project Gutenberg's Ventures Into Verse, by H. L. (Henry Louis) Mencken
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK VENTURES INTO VERSE ***
***** This file should be named 52904-h.htm or 52904-h.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/9/0/52904/
Produced by Richard Tonsing and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive)
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will
be renamed.
Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright
law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works,
so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United
States without permission and without paying copyright
royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part
of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm
concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark,
and may not be used if you charge for the eBooks, unless you receive
specific permission. If you do not charge anything for copies of this
eBook, complying with the rules is very easy. You may use this eBook
for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports,
performances and research. They may be modified and printed and given
away--you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks
not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the
trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.
START: FULL LICENSE
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full
Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at
www.gutenberg.org/license.
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or
destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your
possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a
Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound
by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the
person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph
1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this
agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the
Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection
of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual
works in the collection are in the public domain in the United
States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the
United States and you are located in the United States, we do not
claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing,
displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as
all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope
that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting
free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm
works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the
Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily
comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the
same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when
you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are
in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States,
check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this
agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing,
distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any
other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no
representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any
country outside the United States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other
immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear
prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work
on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed,
performed, viewed, copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the
United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you
are located before using this ebook.
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is
derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not
contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the
copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in
the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are
redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply
either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or
obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm
trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any
additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms
will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works
posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the
beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including
any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access
to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format
other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official
version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site
(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense
to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means
of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain
Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the
full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
provided that
* You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed
to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he has
agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid
within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are
legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty
payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in
Section 4, "Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation."
* You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all
copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue
all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg-tm
works.
* You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of
any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of
receipt of the work.
* You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than
are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing
from both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and The
Project Gutenberg Trademark LLC, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm
trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project
Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may
contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate
or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or
other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or
cannot be read by your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium
with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you
with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in
lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person
or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second
opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If
the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing
without further opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO
OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of
damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement
violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the
agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or
limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or
unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the
remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in
accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the
production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses,
including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of
the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this
or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or
additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any
Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of
computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It
exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations
from people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future
generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see
Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at
www.gutenberg.org
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by
U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is in Fairbanks, Alaska, with the
mailing address: PO Box 750175, Fairbanks, AK 99775, but its
volunteers and employees are scattered throughout numerous
locations. Its business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt
Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to
date contact information can be found at the Foundation's web site and
official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
gbnewby@pglaf.org
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND
DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular
state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To
donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works.
Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project
Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be
freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and
distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of
volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in
the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not
necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper
edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search
facility: www.gutenberg.org
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
All rescued from the Potters' Field of Old Files and here Given Decent Burial 
ANNO DOMINI MCMIII